Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men [Paperback]

Susan Shapiro Barash (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 2000

With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, the number of women faced with the prospect of becoming second wives is at a record high.  This compassionate and timely guide to remarriage mixes insights and advice from experts with interviewes with more than one hundred second wives. Barash tackles such issues as competition with the first wife, in-laws, stepchildren, and the financial strain of supporting two families.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Barash, a second wife in both her marriages and author of A Passion for More: First Wives Reveal the Affairs That Make or Break Their Marriages, has interviewed hundreds of second wives from all walks of life as well as experts in divorce law and counseling. Her topics include competing with first wives, revenge of first wives, inheriting children, domestic violence, widowers' second wives, power and trophy wives, in-laws past and present, and having children as a new couple. Life stories (with the names of interviewees changed) are interspersed with commentary from attorneys and counselors, but following them is difficult because Barash leaps from one story to another. Lists and boldfaced paragraphs aid in summarizing the discussions, but Barash's convoluted sentence structure makes reading slow; statistics are cited but without any footnotes. Still, women who are thinking of marrying a man who is saying I do again will find Barash's voice comforting.DSusan E. Burdick, Lower Merion Sch. Dist., Ardmore, PA
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

Barash bases her work on extensive personal interviews of second wives as well as experts in the field of matrimonial law, finances, psychology and even private investigation. The result is not a book that simply says "don't do it," but rather a thoughtful account of the pleasures and pains of being a second wife. Barash, twice a second wife, does a commendable job of presenting an objective view of the situation. Citing eye-opening statistics--such as 50 percent of second wives younger than 46 have a baby within the first 24 months of marriage--the book affords women the ability to understand their role as a second wife. Readers learn to anticipate and prevent problems, and are given the tools to make the marrage successful and rewarding. -- Today's Librarian, April, 2000

Twice a second wife, Susan Shapiro Barash writes with wisdom and grace about the blessings and burdens of marrying divorced and widowed men.

Women marrying divorcees suffer from what Barash, drawing on the Daphne Du Maurier novel, calls the Rebecca syndrome--the new wife believes she is "competing with an invisible enemy." And Wife Number Two's fears are not always irrational. Occasionally, a first wife cannot let go of her husband, and tries to insinuate her way into the second marriage. The problems go beyond the triangle of hubby and his two wives. Adjusting to a new step-parent can be tough for kids, who may fear that Dad will devote all of his attention to his new wife. In-laws may remain loyal to the first wife, and ex-in-laws may meddle in the new marriage. Despite all the hurdles second wives face, second marriages can prevail. If the husband and second wife are "soulmate[s]...the second marriage exists as the only marriage." Still, even soulmates can use some practical guidance--the most blissful couples will find "Second Wives" a useful guide to second marriages. (Beliefnet, June 2000) -- From Beliefnet

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: New Horizon Press (May 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0882821822
• ISBN-13: 978-0882821825
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 6.7 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,043,157 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Second Wives, April 27, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men (Paperback)

I found Second Wives by Susan Shapiro Barash a disappointing read. The individual case studies were simplistic to a degree that prevented them from being interesting. Perhaps as a result of this the author's analysis of the data was also too simplistic to be useful. It is hard to imagine how anyone could profit from reading this book.

8 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards, December 14, 2002

By 

Cassandra Barnes "Cassandra" (California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men (Paperback)

Every marriage requires adjustments from each partner. Women who become the second wives of previously married men find themselves facing special problems and adjustments. In Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men, Susan Shapiro Barash explores the dilemmas and successes of these wives.
Barash speaks from experience--she's been a second wife twice and this is her fourth book involving personal relationships.
She interviewed hundreds of women from a variety of socio-economic and age groups. Although each woman's story is unique, Barash was able to divide them into twelve general categories, such as women dealing with a vengeful first wife, women coping with stepchildren, and women with less life experience than their husbands.
She devotes a chapter to each of the categories. The chapters are filled with stories from women describing the particular problems they faced and how they dealt with them. Some women forged successful marriages, and some did not. Many are still struggling. Each chapter also includes helpful advice and commentary from numerous experts.
Women contemplating marrying a man who has been divorced or widowed will find that Second Wives will help prepare them for the challenges ahead. Those who are already second wives will appreciate learning how others have handled the unique problems they must resolve to make their own marriages happy and healthy.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars This book is just bizarre, September 8, 2007

By 

Madfoot "madfoot" (San Francisco, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men (Paperback)

This book is organized in a very odd fashion. It's like a long, long, 237-page list of bullet points. It's divided into chapters, but while Barash is good at setting up lots of horrendous possible situations, she never provides suggestions, advice or solutions. That is, there are suggestions, but they're just one-liners that don't really make sense.

In addition, there's a completely weird paragraph at the beginning of Chapter 3 that just turned me off to the whole book. I won't type out the whole thing, I'll just paraphrase: A woman is jealous of her husband's ex-wife. She starts following him around, and sure enough, he's meeting her at a hotel. Then she said "My uncertainty was the demise of our marriage." Whuh? Nooo. She caught her husband cheating, and HER UNCERTAINTY was the problem? This author must listen to a lot of Dr. Laura if that's how she thinks it works!

I wish I could return this book. I hate it.