Customer Reviews

Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men

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I found Second Wives by Susan Shapiro Barash a disappointing read. The individual case studies were simplistic to a degree that prevented them from being interesting. Perhaps as a result of this the author's analysis of the data was also too simplistic to be useful. It is hard to imagine how anyone could profit from reading this book.

Every marriage requires adjustments from each partner. Women who become the second wives of previously married men find themselves facing special problems and adjustments. In Second Wives: The Pitfalls and Rewards of Marrying Widowers and Divorced Men, Susan Shapiro Barash explores the dilemmas and successes of these wives.
Barash speaks from experience--she's been a second wife twice and this is her fourth book involving personal relationships.
She interviewed hundreds of women from a variety of socio-economic and age groups. Although each woman's story is unique, Barash was able to divide them into twelve general categories, such as women dealing with a vengeful first wife, women coping with stepchildren, and women with less life experience than their husbands.
She devotes a chapter to each of the categories. The chapters are filled with stories from women describing the particular problems they faced and how they dealt with them. Some women forged successful marriages, and some did not. Many are still struggling. Each chapter also includes helpful advice and commentary from numerous experts.
Women contemplating marrying a man who has been divorced or widowed will find that Second Wives will help prepare them for the challenges ahead. Those who are already second wives will appreciate learning how others have handled the unique problems they must resolve to make their own marriages happy and healthy.

This book is organized in a very odd fashion. It's like a long, long, 237-page list of bullet points. It's divided into chapters, but while Barash is good at setting up lots of horrendous possible situations, she never provides suggestions, advice or solutions. That is, there are suggestions, but they're just one-liners that don't really make sense.

In addition, there's a completely weird paragraph at the beginning of Chapter 3 that just turned me off to the whole book. I won't type out the whole thing, I'll just paraphrase: A woman is jealous of her husband's ex-wife. She starts following him around, and sure enough, he's meeting her at a hotel. Then she said "My uncertainty was the demise of our marriage." Whuh? Nooo. She caught her husband cheating, and HER UNCERTAINTY was the problem? This author must listen to a lot of Dr. Laura if that's how she thinks it works!

I wish I could return this book. I hate it.

The Second Wives book recounted one horror story after another, making people's lives seem more like bad editorials or soap opera dramas. I purchased the book with the intent it would shed new light on an issue faced by many women throughout time, being the "second wife" and "stepmother". Unfortunately it deepened my worries and anxieties! My suggestion, talk to your husband, seek out the advice of a well trained therapist and create the life you want. Yes, there will be challenges, but doesn't every relationship in life. There are no promises and no guarantees, we all know that, it is your choice and choices that will determine YOUR happiness.

It doesn't look like there are any other reviewers who really have dealt with the problems of being a second wife. I thought Susan covered all the bases pretty well. I have been a second wife for five years, to a man still dealing with the hang-ups of that failed relationship. I came to our relationship fresh and ready to make a life with this man, but found myself in a triangle instead - the other woman simply (still) refuses to move on - and feeling helpless. Ms. Barash's book gave me the insights I needed to save my relationship. She helped me focus on US, get my mind out of the rut it had fallen into, by simply validating the many fears and problems, but more - by helping me focus on the REWARDS. She made me see I was actually feeding the problems with my unrealistic expectations, rather than dealing with reality. Thank you, Ms. Barash - your book empowered me. You helped me get that nasty thorn out of my side.

Marriage is a tough haul when neither party's been married before, but when one party brings lots of other issues to the table, it's even tougher. Susan Shapiro Barash explores all the ups and downs that come with marrying someone who has an ex -- and gives you much food for thought. She's a gutsy lady -- having been a second wife twice. If all goes the way I'd like it to, I too may have the "second wife" moniker attached to me one day. At least, with Barash's book, I know exactly what I'm getting into, for better or worse. Thank you Susan Shapiro Barash for always dealing with women's issues that are close to our hearts, even if we don't always know it at the time.

Second Wives: The Pitfalls And Reward Of Marrying Widowers And Divorced Men guides women through the problematic issues of a second marriage. A second wife herself, author Susan Barash shares her own experiences, as well as that of over a hundred other second wives, and the expertise of psychologists and counselors in exploring the emotional and practical problems that second marriages can face. Like first wives, second wives will inevitably encounter relationship problems, financial realities, and child-rearing frustrations. But unlike first wives, second wives must deal with the baggage of the earlier marriage and often must compete with the demands of wife number one with respect to finances, children, and relatives. Second Wives is informative and valued reading for anyone woman anticipating marriage to a widower or divorcee, as well as second wives who have already taken the plunge and seeking ways to cope with their own particular circumstances and frustrations.

Second Wives guides women through the problematic issues of a second marriage. A second wife herself, author Susan Barash shares her own experiences, as well as that of over a hundred other second wives, and the expertise of psychologists and counselors in exploring the emotional and practical problems that second marriages can face. Like first wives, second wives will inevitably encounter relationship problems, financial realities, and child-rearing frustrations. But unlike first wives, second wives must deal with the baggage of the earlier marriage and often must compete with the demands of wife number one with respect to finances, children, and relatives. Second Wives is informative and valued reading for anyone woman anticipating marriage to a widower or divorcee, as well as second wives who have already taken the plunge and seeking ways to cope with their own particular circumstances and frustrations.

This book was tedious and difficult to get through. It did not provide much in the way of solutions to problems except 'have a baby'.