The Secret Currency of Love: The Unabashed Truth About Women, Money, and Relationships (Hardcover)

~ Hilary Black (Author)
Key Phrases: secret economy, privileged poor, New York, Los Angeles, Vincent's House (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. While women have made enormous strides in their earning power and financial self-sufficiency in the past century, research shows that many would still be very willing to marry for money, underscoring the complicated nature of women's feelings about social roles, independence and finances. This collection of revealing essays examines women's complex money relationships with partners, parents, children and other loved ones. Contributors, including Kathryn Harrison (The Kiss), Amy Sohn (Run Catch Kiss), Julia Glass (Three Junes) and former Simon & Schuster president Joni Evans, offer intimate glimpses into the shame, fear, insecurities, power struggles and psychological evolutions surrounding earning, spending, sharing, coordinating and managing finances inside and outside of romantic relationships. Unstintingly—even shockingly—candid, the writers describe how their feelings about finances shaped or contributed to good and bad marriages, abuse, divorces, breakups, crushes or even avoidance of relationships. This exceptionally honest and poignant collection deserves a place on the bookshelves of women of all ages, backgrounds, income, net worth levels and walks of life. (Jan.)
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Review

“A compelling new anthology that offers a fascinating look at how women view money that is, by turns witty, scandalous, poignant and heart-rending.” (San Antonio Express-News )

“A compelling new anthology, The Secret Currency of Love: The Unabashed Truth about Women, Money, and Relationships. In it, a number of prominent female writers (including Julia Glass, Lauri Abraham and Joni Evans) spill the beans about money in their own lives.” (Time magazine )

“Deeply honest and scandalously revealing, THE SECRET CURRENCY OF LOVE offers a mirror into our own complicated feelings about money and relationships—and every woman who reads it will see herself in its pages. You won’t be able to put it down!” (Liz Lange, Founder, Liz Lange Maternity )

“Everyone wants to know their worth, in both love and money — but the lessons lie in the tension between the two. The women who authored this incredible collection of essays dare to get inside that conflict and unpeel the complicated truths that make up our life stories.” (Stacy Morrison, Editor-in-Chief, Redbook Magazine )

“Funny, insightful and brutally honest, this book is Sex & The City meets The Wall Street Journal, with a sprinkle of Dostoevsky. Hilary Black has inspired stellar writers to wax poetic (and at times, hilariously pathetic) on the last taboo: money. Juicy, smart, dramatic and insightful—an addictive read.” (Beth Kobliner, author of Get a Financial Life: Personal Finance in Your Twenties and Thirties )

“Introducing the 27 emotionally invested and powerfully introspective essays in THE SECRET CURRENCY OF LOVE. All the bases are covered here, from the hard lessons women learn (and impart) to the inextricability of romance and cold hard cash.” (Elle )

“Multiple themes are explored in personal and heartfelt ways: money is success, failure, control, submission, love and hate. Money can mean the chance at motherhood or the ruin of a marriage. In the end, money is everything and nothing.” (Forbes )

“The most interesting anthology I’ve seen in years. I read it with fascination, to the very last page.” (Cathi Hanauer, novelist and editor of The Bitch in the House )

“This exceptionally honest and poignant collection deserves a place on the bookshelves of women of all ages, backgrounds, income, net worth levels and walks of life.” (Publishers Weekly (starred review and Pick of the Week) )

“Well-written first-person accounts result in an engrossing read throughout. It’s easy to be affected by their experiences, with emotions running the gamut of happy to dismay to sadness at some outcomes.” (New Straits Times (Malaysia) )

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (January 6, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061560960
• ISBN-13: 978-0061560965
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #526,512 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Strikes several chords with me..., January 19, 2009

By	BooksJJS "BooksJJS" (Lakewood, CO USA) - See all my reviews

I just finished this book and would recommend it with the caveat that it is a collection of essays, rather than any kind of empirical study of women, relationships, and money. It is a fine collection that I enjoyed a great deal.
It was very interesting to see several essays wherein women much younger than my generation (I am 45 soon) are managing money so incredibly poorly. They have options at much earlier ages than we did, and have for the most part been raised in a culture here in America where they can pursue just about any career they like. But still the myth of the prince lives on... and the myth of rescue. Also distressing was the lack of knowledge about basic money skills so many of them had, and on top of that, a total lack of concern about it... or a paralyzing fear that has kept them from getting a grip on financial realities. Especially in these trying financial times, women of all ages need to set aside the rescue fantasy. Far better to build your own succeses and savings and THEN meet Mr. Wonderful... even Mr. Wonderful can get hit by a bus, after all, and then where are you?
This book is a way to look in the mirror and see yourself. I'm betting you will find something of yourself in at least one of the essays, or a you from the past that maybe you're grown beyond. And for getting real about money, read Suze Orman, the financial pages, and your bills and bank statements!! REGULARLY AND ON TIME!! The prince is not coming. Earn and manage the gold yourselves. Share if you are able and want to... but not because you feel you have to.

11 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Good Idea, poor execution, March 8, 2009

By	Timothy Mckian - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

What started out as a great idea was ruined by poor execution. This book could easily be titled, "Successful New York Women Whining About Money and a couple other good authors".

It is easier to talk about what is missing rather than what is included. First, with the exception of two writers, all contributors are either from the West Coast or New York City region. My assumption here is that there are no women in the north, south or middle of our great country who have anything to contribute to this topic. Another scenario that makes far more sense is that the editor found it easier to tap her stable of "writer friends" for this book. "Hey, Amy, this is Hilary. I have an idea for a book. You will?! Great! Send it to me".

What's also distressing is the cultural mix. With the exception of Elizabeth Williams and Veronica Chambers, there seems to be a severe lack of ethnic representation, unless you're Jewish. I guess it never occured to the Editor that there are Vietnamese women along the Gulf Coast, Middle Eastern Women in Pennsylvania, American Indian women in our heartland, and Hispanic women in the Rocky Mountains who have an incredible insight on this topic. It simply got BOORRRINGGGG reading about the stress each writer was under deciding how to send their child to another high end Bar Mitzvah, trying to afford a higher end New York private school versus a "regular" private school, whether or not to take $30,000 out of a savings account for invitro fertilization or being able to pay over $100,000 to adopt a baby from a very poor family. Also, most of these women admittedly came from economically comfortable backgrounds. It is very hard to take them seriously about money concerns when the worse that could have happened to them is considerably better than what would have happened to the majority of American women under the same conditions.

I was left longing for what this book should have been about. Why does Elizabeth Williams' mother enable her baby brother to skirt the fringes of civilized society by continually giving him money and denying his criminal behavior? What moral currency did Kelli put on the sale of her baby? How do the babysitters view their place in life after taking $100 per night plus tips from our "struggling" authors?

It's also a shame that most contributors treated this assignment like another freelance magazine article. Or maybe that's just the way they were trained during their Ivy League education (paid for by their parents). The ONE person who saved this project for me is Kim Barnes. Her short story, "The Wages of Sin", was emotionally riveting and in the most dynamic way, showed the real cost to one's soul for the financial decisions they make.

Tim

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Smart, funny, poignant -, April 6, 2009

By	Amy Wallace "Book lover" (Los Angeles, California) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Some anthologies are like the CDs we used to buy before iTunes took over. Think: one or two great cuts, and then a bunch of filler that sound as if the artist dug them out of a drawer because the record company insisted on another album, Pronto! Many have argued such buyer-beware experiences have led the music industry into the death spiral it's in now.

Given that, I approach anthologies with caution. Are they flogging one big-name writer? Is the one great essay going to appear in the NYTimes Sunday Styles' Modern Love column anyway? Why buy it?

But this one is different. It's good, through and through. Revealing. Honest. Yes, to address some of the other reviewers' nitpicks, several of the women are women of privilege (But come on: When an editor goes looking for essays about love and money, can it be any surprise that writers with money are among her contributors?). But the best essays don't whine. They admit the tangles we all face when it comes to class and romance. I couldn't believe how open some of these writers were -- Laurie Abraham's essay about her willful financial ignorance comes to mind. Jennifer Wolff Perrine's essay "Severance," about adopting a baby from a lower middle class couple that just couldn't afford a third child, is truly breathtaking.

This anthology renewed my belief in the form. It hits its topics from many angles, some of them surprising. I'd recommend it highly.