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The Secret Language of Relationships Paperback – October 31, 2013

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The Secret Language of Relationships adopts the format of its bestselling predecessor, The Secret Language of Birthdays, and the compendious collection of combinations that follows proves the book's assertion that "A relationship is a rather mysterious and amazing third entity, one that can come to lead an existence independent of the will or desire of its two partners.... in certain cases a relationship can prove far stronger than either individual, leading us to believe that a certain kind of synergy is at work."

Well-organized, packed with fascinating "personality" information, and replete with snapshots (on every page) of famous couples--whether colleagues, spouses, or lovers--The Secret Language of Relationships is also simple to use. A glance at the two-page chart at the beginning of the book determines your birthday "period." Next, find the period of the person who interests you--friend, parent, child, lover, or mate. The ensuing relationship dynamics are named colorfully and aptly: "Peas in a Pod," "Uncommon Intimacy," "Flexible Structures," "Few Dull Moments," and "Few Antipathies."

Describing 1,176 possibilities, The Secret Language of Relationships sheds light on the classic questions--the hows and whys of chemistry in relationships. Is there a prime ingredient for love at first sight, a Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers of it all? An entertaining exploration of the very thing we cannot do without--each other--this wonderful volume explains why we feel the way we do about the people in our lives, and how--if necessary--to make it better. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Gary Goldschneider began his study of human personality with an interest in biographies and psychoanalytic theory. Before deciding against a career in medicine, for three years he attended Yale Medical School, where he studied psychiatry. During this time he discovered his deep and abiding interest in astrology and its symbolic relationship to personality.

Joost Elffers was born in Amsterdam. He created and produced numerous books over the past twenty years, including Play With Your Food and The 48 Laws of Power. He lives in New York.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 832 pages
  • Publisher: Studio; Reprint edition (October 31, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0525426876
  • ISBN-13: 978-0525426875
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 1.5 x 10.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 3.8 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (186 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #14,634 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

64 of 67 people found the following review helpful By Regina McMenamin on July 19, 2006
Format: Hardcover
THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF RELATIONSHIPS is a follow up to author Gary Goldschneider's earlier book about the study of people based upon the day they were born, rather than their astrological sign.

Wildly entertaining and surprisingly accurate, this book is used by cross-referencing two birthdays on the charts provided on the inside covers. At the point where these two birthdays meet, you are given a page number where you will find a profile about the relationship between the two people, regardless of whether that relationship is based on friendship, romance, family or business.

These profiles are a half of a page long; include a brief synopsis of the relationship, advice and nutshell facts about strengths and weaknesses.

Despite the fact that I am skeptical by nature and put little if any stock in astrology, I found this book fun. What's more, I was very surprised to cross reference couples I know, colleagues I've worked with, etc and found that these relationships are perfectly described in this book.

I am surprised to read some of the reviews here that reveal customer dissatisfaction with this book. I never expected to learn anything spiritual or mystical here. And though I am not exactly surprised that some are saddened to learn that there are potential challenges in their own relationships, I suspect that these reviewers cross referenced themselves with their spouses and were horrified to read they'd be better off friends or business associates.

Still I recommend THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF BIRTHDAYS for those looking exclusively for mindless entertainment for themselves or for their friends who visit and find it in a bookshelf.

- Regina McMenamin
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28 of 28 people found the following review helpful By Maya León on October 11, 2001
Format: Hardcover
I must give this book an absolutely wonderful review. It has helped me to understand things about myself and my relationships with other people that has really helped me to change myself and therefore my to change my relationships for all the better. This particular book by Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers gives insight on all relationship combinations throughout the year, giving the weaknesses, strenghts and everything in between in the realtionship. The only reason this or any other astrology/personology book would ever not make sense to anyone, is because of the failure to recognize qualities within yourself, others, or your relationships. So, if something you read in this book or any other for that matter, doesn't seem at all like what you percieve in your reality, take a step back from the situation and look at it with a broader perspective. There were many things that I realized to be true about myself and my relationships after reading this book. It's truly incredible. I love it! I reffer back to it all the time and I can't wait to buy the other books by Goldschneider and Elffers about Destiny and Birthdays. I hope that all of you out there will give these books a chance! They are simply wonderful!
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29 of 30 people found the following review helpful By Steven Menzer on February 22, 2005
Format: Hardcover
The genius of this book is its balance between the specific and the general. The authors take the days of the year and group them together into periods of between 6 to 9 days. Though this would seem arbitrary, it merely takes the same logic of the 12 traditional sun signs of astrology, and resolves them to a higher resolution from which more complex meanings can be gleaned. So rather than merely describe the twelve sun sign interactions with each each other (144 relationships), this book decribes 48 specific periods each of which has a relationship with all the other periods (1,176 relationships). In each of the 1,176 half-page vignettes, the authors have a startling ability to evoke the flavors and forces at play between any two of the 48 periods.

Despite this immense specificity, the book is still general enough that any person can understand the 48 relationships - relative to their own period, at an intuitive level so that upon learning another person's birthday, they can immediately triangulate the psychic territory that is formed by the perspective at which their two personalities will view and interact with each other. Without needing to know the time or place of birth, let alone the year - which many people are reluctant to reveal, the month and date alone will allow you to ascertain the tensions and blind spots, as well as the harmonies and affinities that are likely to shape the dynamic of your interactions with the other person.

Aside from the phrase used to name each relationship, the book also provides keywords to describe three strengths and three weaknesses. These are useful for summing up very briefly the essence of the relationship.
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31 of 34 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 9, 2000
Format: Hardcover
Before reading this book I was highly skeptical of anything mystical. During a desperate search to understand the 'why' of a failed relationship, I discovered the hard truth in this book. The more I study this book, cross-referencing all the various relationships in my life, the more I realize how incredible (and accurate) it is. I began to study the other two books by the same authors, The Secret Language of Birthdays, and The Secret Language of Destiny. Both amazing! It has opened my eyes to a whole new level of spiritual awareness. Be sure to study it thoughtfully! I've noticed that cursory glances do not reveal the true accuracy of this work! If you think it's wrong...LOOK AGAIN...you may be surprised! It is a wonderful compassion tool and it will help us all to understand each other better. Needless to say, my whole spiritual outlook has changed!
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