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The Secret Lives of Married Men: Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight
 
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The Secret Lives of Married Men: Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight [Paperback]

David Leddick (Author)
2.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)


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Book Description

October 1, 2003

Why would a man, aware of his attraction to other men, choose to marry a woman and live as a heterosexual? We can understand men from the pre-Stonewall generation deciding to live in accordance with mores of an earlier time, though in today's world, where many gay men live openly and honestly, this choice seems needless. But as author David Leddick points out, our understanding is clouded by our perception of gay men as being either in the closet or out of the closet. "Preconceived notions of why gay men marry must be thrown out the window when you read this book," Leddick reports after having interviewed forty men ranging in age from twenty-nine to eighty-eight. "Each story provides very different and individual insights into why gay men marry and whether they eventually extricate themselves from that arrangement or choose to remain married.

While it is clear that fear, cultural isolation, religion, or family expectations can play a large part in a man's decision to repress his sexuality, many of the men Leddick interviewed express a strong and sincere desire to cultivate and maintain relationships with women-and the reasons underlying their choices are far more heartfelt than society has ever appreciated. The Secret Lives of Married Men is an invaluable addition to the growing body of literature that explores the vast and varied landscape of today's family.

David Leddick is the author of three novels (Never Eat In, The Sex Squad, and My Worst Date) and many art photography books, including Naked Men, Naked Men Too, George Platt Lynes, Male Nude Now, and The Homoerotic Art of Pavel Tchelitchev. A native of Detroit, Leddick also served as the worldwide creative director for Revlon. He now lives in Miami.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Interviews with gay men presently or formerly married to women form the backbone of this lackluster compilation. Leddick's previous book on New York City Ballet co-founder Lincoln Kirstein and his circle (Intimate Companions, 2001) covered some of the same ground, but with more focus and point. Forty men speak out here, with the vapid frankness of pseudoanonymity, of their experience of wedlock in and out of the closet. (At least one man, the photographer David Armstrong, appears under his own name; he's the longtime lover of the horror novelist Clive Barker and, incidentally, the only black man Leddick uncovered.) These men's lives follow predictable patterns-a youth of secret attraction to other males, followed by social pressures that lead to the altar, followed by years of guilt, and, most often, divorce, though some of the subjects prefer to stay married for personal reasons. Proceeding by generation, Leddick surveys older men first; the bulk of the book is devoted to men over 40, for whom the above cycle has completed itself. His case-study approach to homosexuality was campily popular during the closeted 1960s, a scientific demeanor cloaking purportedly true tales of twilight lives. Veteran author Leddick updates the formula with references to AIDS and the Internet, but the effect is the same, and so are many of the soft-porn passages: "The guide reached out and touched the front of Katzen's brief trunks. Katzen says, 'It was like a current of electricity hit me. I woke up. Suddenly I knew what I really wanted.'" "Many of the men I interviewed," writes the author, "knew very little about other men who'd had experiences similar to theirs. Nor, surprisingly, did they seem very interested to find out more." Such a level of apathy raises the bar for readers, who will need a scorecard to remember the players in this disappointing and repetitive book.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 264 pages
  • Publisher: Alyson Books; 1 edition (October 1, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1555837743
  • ISBN-13: 978-1555837747
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 2.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,335,104 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

 

Customer Reviews

7 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
2.6 out of 5 stars (7 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Terrible Writing, February 25, 2004
By 
"tripguy24" (Stanford University, CA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Secret Lives of Married Men: Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight (Paperback)
This book is a nightmare to read - the writing was so bad that I had to read multiple pages two or three times to even understand what the author was trying to say. The publisher obviously did not employ an editor.

Not only is the writing terrible, the stories are shallow and unenlightening. Leddick seems more interested in how the people he interviewed looked than what they had to say. Here are just a couple quotes showing how little depth this book has:

"He has quite a story. But the first thing you should know about him is that he is very cute."

"Brad Appel is a dashing guy. With his powerfully muscled body and wrestler's stance, he attracts quite a few admirers at the gym he frequents."

Anyone with a bit of education will have trouble understanding his child-like writing from the poorly written introduction to the disappointing end. There is no logical link between much of what happens in this book. The interviews are reminiscent of how a Kindergartener would tell a story - "he did this then he did this then he did this then he did this" - however, it does not attempt to analyze in depth the psychological processes going on in these married men's heads. It does more to perpetuate sterotypes of gay men (including the author) than allow the reader to draw any insightful conclusions about what should be a very interesting issue. I am quite disappointed in the book and would NOT recommend it to anyone. I am shocked it was published in this form.

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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars Hot Topic, Not-So-Hot Book, January 5, 2004
By 
"devilchef" (Las Vegas, NV USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Secret Lives of Married Men: Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight (Paperback)
Because I, like many gay men, have an interest in and attraction to married men, I purchased this "true stories" book. While the interviews are interesting, most are not very enlightening. Also, the author apparently interviewed only good looking, younger-than-their-age looking men. I guess men who look their age (or, horrors, older) and/or are only average looking aren't gay and don't get married. Perpetuating self-hating stereotypes contradicts the advancement this book strives to achieve. The writing is amateurish at best, and the publisher apparently does not employ an editor. The book is a nightmare from a writing perspective. I applaud the men presented in the book for telling their stories. I'm sure that, if presented properly, they would be very helpful and educational to all men. The author's conclusion does not belong in this book. It is more suited for a text about non-traditional families. If you must read this book, borrow it or buy it used. At full price, it's disappointing.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars Dull Dull Dull, August 19, 2004
By 
Ozbriefs "ozbriefs" (Eastmalvern, Victoria Australia) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Secret Lives of Married Men: Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight (Paperback)
I think my title says it all really. Not insight very repetitive and not well written. What should have been an interesting topic poorly handled. The only interest was the changes of attitudes over the decades. Borrow this from the Library or but second hand
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