The Secret Love of Sons [Hardcover]

Nicholas Weinstock (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 14, 1997

An introspective, witty study of the relationship between mothers and sons explores the changing connections between parent and child, from childhood to adulthood, explaining how men separate from their mothers, how they deal with their feelings, and the impact on their lives.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Based on interviews with more than 100 men, journalist Nicholas Weinstock has written the answer to the question mothers and adult sons often ponder: "Whatever happened to the easy love and eager intimacy between us?" Behind the detached and whiskered faces of manhood are the stories of how mothers still profoundly shape the lives of their sons. We hear the heartbreaking tales of boys who felt forced to wrench themselves from the comforting love of mothers in order to become men. And we hear of sons who were booted out of the warm nest of their mother's affections before they felt ready. Beneath these riveting stories of tenderness, tough love, and loyalty are the feelings of guilt, remorse, and longing that tug at the souls of men. Here lies a distillation of compassion and forgiveness for mothers and sons of all ages.

From Booklist

Boys love their mothers, but even those who proclaim it on biceps sporting "Mother" tattoos don't talk much about Mom. A few do, though, and while Weinstock quotes dozens of men in the tried-and-true confessional mode of popular psychology books, the primary interviewees are himself, his brothers, and his mother. The still-young Weinstock (age 27) puts mother-son relations into one category (the taboo realm of romance and sex) and three periods (ages infancy^-10, 10^-18, 18 and up). Despite the personal emphasis, Weinstock's anecdotes about his feelings of those periods can provoke individual readers' memories of their own mothers, from cosseting childhood, when everyone's a mama's boy, through the distancing processes of maturation. Most resonant are Weinstock's observations about girlfriends and mothers, whom men keep separate, Weinstock opines, for a variety of reasons: the Oedipus complex and the fear they might be marrying a mother substitute. A worthwhile generalizing of men's attitudes toward their mothers. Gilbert Taylor

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 229 pages
• Publisher: Riverhead Hardcover (April 14, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1573220507
• ISBN-13: 978-1573220507
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,258,533 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars MUST READ FOR SONS AND MOTHERS, September 27, 2001

By 

"calicored" (Ventura, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Secret Love of Sons (Paperback)

This is one of the best books I have read in the last 10 years. Although it is written mostly from a son's point of view, as a mother of a 32 year old male, the feelings described in the book helped me so much to better understand my own experience with my son. Nicholas Weinstock's mother deserves serious accolades for raising a son with the SPIRITUAL AUTONOMY to write such a book. It is filled with heart and a loving humanity. A beautiful book and one of maybe 5 or 6 in my collection that I will own 2 copies of: one to refer back to and one to loan to my friends who also have sons and want to understand more about this singularly unique and profound relationship.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What a beautiful book!, August 22, 2001

By 

Cathleen M. Walker "geminiwalker" (Massachusetts) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Secret Love of Sons (Paperback)

You could have knocked me over with a feather at the intensity of my feelings when my son was born. The oldest of seven siblings, I had never had such feelings for my brothers. I had been much closer to my sisters. My own firstborn was a daughter, and I love her dearly. But there was something about the way my son seemed to adore me that creeped into my heart and made him so very, very special, in spite of my "feminism" and my need to rage, rage against the Patriarchy. In fact, it was the Patriarchy itself that put him most at risk, and one I did not want him to become a part of, if I could help it.

Nor did I want to become the kind of mother who emasculated her son. His father was out of the picture, for our own safety. I did not want him to grow up like so many of the men I saw around me. I wanted him to discover and unfold whoever he really was, and I wanted him to be happy with that.

Now, he is 24 years old, and we are so close it scares us sometimes. I wonder if I was wrong, and he assures me that though it was difficult, he's sure that I was right. He can make me laugh with his magnificent insight into my soul, he sees things about me that no one else can see ... and sometimes, I swear he doesn't see me at all, even though he's sure he does. And then there is that terrible awkwardness when we push each other away because neither one of us wants to suffocate the other...

Such is the beauty of this book. Written from the point of view of a loving and devoted son, I now have a much clearer sense of the cautious territory in which I am privileged to tread. Written like the true love story that it is, Weinstock puts words together so beautifully (with the help of his mom ;-) that I no longer feel like I am walking blindly into a mine field. I understand the rhyme and reason of this madness that pulls us together while it keeps us apart, and I have a clearer sense of what to expect. I may not agree with everything the man says about the inevitable definition of what it means to be a man, but I can respect it, because if I cannot respect the man's point of view, I have no business mothering a son at all. It's been a tightrope walk from the beginning. Thanks to the awesome gift of this author, I am no longer walking on eggs.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book opens up a entirely new perspective., February 12, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Secret Love of Sons (Hardcover)

Nicholas Weinstock's book plainly delivered. It made me see the relationship my son and I have now that he is 'grown up', married, and out of my home, in a whole new light. The feelings expressed from sons of all ages were illuminating. Mothers, read this book and learn that out of sight is not out of mind.