Customer Reviews

The Secret of the Shadow: The Power of Owning Your Whole Story

5 star:		(31)
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3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book deserves more than five stars! Ms. Ford provides a superb way to help you see past your ego and grasp the Divine meaning of the trials, failures, and successes you have experienced. I found the experience of reading, thinking about the book's contemplation quotes, and employing the action steps took me well beyond what I had learned from any previous book I had read or self-help course I had taken for establishing the right life mission. I am very grateful for this book, and have already given my copy to another person to help share the benefit I received.

The key points in this book are nicely summarized by the author as follows:

"First, we create our life stories in our attempt to become someone or something." These stories are usually built upon setbacks. "Our real fear is the disapproval of others, their harsh judgments, or the withdrawal of their love."

"Second, our stories hold the key to our unique purpose in life and its fulfillment." "It is safe for me to contribute my specialty."

"And third, hidden in the shadow of our story is a very special secret . . . [which will cause us to] stand in awe of the magnificence of our own humanity." When the personal story is removed, the Divine intention becomes apparent.

One's personal story can be found in the themes behind the internal dialogue that runs through our minds all of the time, either putting ourselves down or saying that all is well. The book contains many excellent examples from the author's own life and those of people who have attended her courses or have been coached by her. I found the examples helped me to locate key events that helped form my perspective. Unlike some other teachers in this area, you are encouraged to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Without espousing a particular religion, Ms. Ford advances the idea that everything that has happened to us is Divinely purposeful preparation for our unique role. The stories she shares show how people have created enormous positive results in helping others, often by assisting others to overcome the same issues that were so overwhelming in the helper's own life.

The chapters will take you through quite a lot of good thinking. I especially liked the sixth chapter that uses many different ways to help the reader connect new meaning to the events that have created so much emotional turmoil. "Our shadow beliefs establish our limits." Ms. Ford also understands that thinking can only take you so far. "Our minds cannot take us where our hearts long to go."

There is a good check point near the end to help you test whether you have left the limits of your personal story behind.

If you, like me, have read a lot of self-help books and attended many courses in various self-help subjects, you may be astonished by the number of examples in the book of people, like us, who have been unsuccessfully seeking the inner solution to their lives outside of their lives.

When I finished the book and its action steps, I experienced one of the most important epiphanies of my life. Afterwards, I felt totally at peace. May you, like me, find your daily spiritual purpose!

I am familiar with Debbie Ford's other works, however, this book truly feels like her most important message yet.

While reading this book I discovered that everything I had previously thought myself to be -- my past, my beliefs, my feelings, my limitations -- is just part of a story that I created about myself. A story that has kept me small. A story that has prevented me from spreading my wings and flying as high as I am capable. This realization has opened a door in my consciousness that can never again be closed. It has awakened a deep inner knowing of who I am and what my life is about.

What I loved most about this book is Debbie's generous accounts for her own evolution, from living inside her limiting "story" to choosing a life outside of it. The book is filled with practical exercises and meditations that helped me to find the wisdom of my life's experiences, and to see myself as the magnificent spiritual being that I am.

Thank you, Debbie Ford, once again, for taking the light of God out of the shadow. I am deeply touched and forever changed.

Debbie Ford drew a standing-room only crowd during her recent visit to Boulder promoting this book. She is a workshop facilitator at the Choprak Center for Well Being with a background in transpersonal psychology. Ford is an amazing speaker, whose words left me on an emotional high for days.

Perhaps easier said than done, the premise of Ford's new book may be summarized as follows. "Healing the wounds of our past is a sacred process," she observes. "It's a holy event, a moment when we decide to step out of our dramas, the smallness of our individual selves, and see the sacredness of our existence. By gaining wisdom from our emotional wounds, we break free from our past and are able to grasp something truly amazing--our Divine purpose in this life" (p. 122). We create "stories" for ourselves that not only define who we are, but that ultimately separate us from ourselves, others and the world, leaving us begging to belong and and fit in, while draining our energy (p. 9). "When we're living inside our stories," Ford says, "we engage in repetitive habits, abusive behaviors, and abusive inner dialogues" (p. 10). Our stories tell us, for example, that we're not good enough, we're not loved, we're not special, we're undeserving, we're nobodies, we're flawed, and we can't trust. Ford's book demonstrates through example that these stories do not truly define who we are, and serve only to limit our potentials for love, inner peace, success and the lives we dream of living. Through many exercises, she encourages us to step outside our stories, and walk through the dramas of our lives, making peace with ourselves by embracing all that we are and all that we are not (p. 102).

"Close your eyes," Ford said during her recent Boulder appearance, "and imagine the life you'd rather be living. Now open your eyes and start living that life now." Ford's book shows that it's just that easy. Well, almost that easy. Written by someone who has been there, done that, it points the way towards personal growth and how to live a more authentic life. A little twelve-step, a little Buddhist dharma, while the exercises in Ford's inspiring book may not make you feel good at first, they might just leave you feeling real in the end.

G. Merritt

Reading " The Secret of the Shadow" inspired me to view what I perceived as roadblocks, trials, and tragedies in my life with new eyes. It encouraged me to take those experiences that felt like a curse and hold them up to the light of compassion and understanding in order to recognize and extract their value. This transformed what was once senseless in my life into a powerful gift. There is gold in the dark. The message is simple- the journey is anything but. We can all use the insights from Debbie; someone who has come out on other side and is willing to give us on this challenging and ultimately rewarding path. There can never be enough written about the kind of paradigm shift that needs to take place in our awareness if we are to appreciate and utilize what was once our deepest wounds. It takes courage, know how, and perseverance.
The countless examples Debbie Ford gives from her own life, and from the participants in her programs, helped my mind to stretch and open up to new possibilities for myself. I saw how deeply attached I was to 'my story' of suffering and struggle. I actually viewed it as some kind of noble virtue. I was able to see how much easier it is to blame circumstances and other people than to take responsibility for my life; especially when my blame was "unquestionably justifiable." How liberating it is to know that our "stories" can serve as guides to our higher purpose in life. They can actually reveal our Divine calling. To know that we can take EVERYTHING that has happened in our lives and make good use of it through extracting the wisdom is powerful beyond measure.
Nowhere in the book does Debbie imply that this paradigm shift is easy or quick. She knows there is no value in dwelling on how hard it can feel. Throughout the book, she does show us that how we respond to life is always a choice. There is nothing in this book that sages, saints, and masters throughout time have not already shared with us. The gift in this book is how to use that knowledge and turn it into powerful wisdom for ourselves. There can never be enough examples of this kind of teaching from ones that have traveled this long and dedicated path. "The Secret of the Shadow" opens a way for us to honor and bless our entire lives - the good, the bad, and the ugly. And isn't that the ultimate act of appreciation anyone can give to the Creator? I obviously love this book and recommend it highly for anyone seeking their purpose in life or trying to find the sense in the senselessness of their life or life in general.

Each one of us has our own unique personal story to tell, our own past trials and tribulations, and goals and dreams for the future. This book is written is such a straight-forward, compelling manner that it is like taking a walk through the woods on a summer day, feeling the warmth of the sun on your back, a gentle breeze rippling through your hair, and peace within your heart. By the end of the book, the reader may feel that a tremendous burden has been lifted from within.

Often we are our own worst enemy. Many of the clients who sit before me are overburdened with guilt and low self-esteem, lack self-confidence, excel in arrogance (a product of insecurity) and self-pity. Ford helps us deal with the self-defeating habits of our past in order to open the door to a more positive, constructive and joyful future. Only by discovering and analyzing who we really are and where we have come from, can we begin the healing process. That can be a painful experience but one that begins healing. Ford explains the process in a constructive and encouraging manner. By understanding what is preventing us from achieveing our true potential, we can rebuild our lives and find the true happiness and peace of mind each of us deserves. Our time on Earth is relatvely short in the overall plan. Why not find the path to fulfillment and make the most of every minute?

Ford has written an excellent book regarding the road to self-discovery. I have found some of her teachings to be based in part on Buddhist Philosophies, although they are so subtle they do not always emerge as such. Regardless of one's religious beliefs, this book has the potential to benefit every reader and is highly recommended. Other material which is also highly recommmended is Eckhart Tolle's "The Realization of Being", "The Power of Now", and "Practicing the Power of Now". These are all excellent books on self-discovery.

I was given this book by my therapist, as she felt that I still needed to work through a lot of issues from my past and that this book may help me bring the experiences forward. I can honestly say that it did.

Ford tells you stories from her life and also of those that she has worked with. She tells us of people that have tried every type of therapy to improve themselves but because they never work with their whole story they can't find the improvement they are looking for. She offers action steps at the end of every chapter some of which I found very helpful. The usefulness of the action steps depends on how much time you have to devote to them.

One of the actions is to write down your life story. Although, I agree that this would be a very helpful process it's not one that most of us have the time or patience for! Even though I didn't perform all the actions I still took a lot of way from this book and it opened me up for deeper discussions with my therapist.

Ford also gives us contemplation at the end of every chapter. I found some of these so thought provoking that I taped them to my bathroom mirror so that I wouldn't forget to contemplate them every day! All in all, a very helpful book!

I think what I like most about this book is how succinct it is. If you're having a dark night of the soul, and dealing with the shock of realizing who you really are, as opposed to who you have robotically been in life, this is a definitive book on the subject.

While reading it voraciously, I had many lightbulb moments which touched me in crucial places. I suggest you read the whole book, cover-to-cover, as written. It is valuable even if you might not be ready for all of it, such as putting an end to blaming, or even if you're not currently in a place where you are able to objectively see that whatever happened to you ("your story"), no matter how traumatic or painful, served a purpose in your life; it took you along a path you NEEDED in order to get you from there to here. Even if you cannot see those gifts at this time, even if you are still deeply steeped in that pain, read the book, for it offers hope; you can and will eventually reach "the end."

My only complaint is that the book's themes seem illustrated using oddly weak scenarios. For instance, the traumatic experience that one person could not seem to get over was that her mother forgot to pick her up from school one day. Now, far be it for me to seem unfeeling, but I'm thinking there are much more substantial traumas in life, and if you're drawn to this book, your traumas probably go much deeper than such example. In addition, said victim wrote her mother a letter describing the incident, and the mother supposedly wrote back with a sincere, heartfelt apology. How many of us who have been deeply disturbed at the soul level by our parents/family/loved ones/friends, would actually receive such a response? If you're in a dark place in life, with disturbing memories and traumas to relive, chances are your perpetrators will, rather than apologize and "let the healing begin," defend their actions and make excuses for them. My point is, this poorly-chosen, offensive and unsatisfying illustration sets up an unrealistic expectation for the reader, especially for anyone newish to soul work.

Other suggestions for shadow-themed books are Mandala of Being by Moss and Why Good People Do Bad Things by Hollis.

Henry David Thoreau once said that "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desparation," and this book sheds light on the fact that his insightful comment applies to most of our lives.

Debbie Ford provides the way out of this desparation with her insightful book. Once we are confronted with and accept the truth that we all have a story, that we are shackled to this story, but that we have a choice to be free, real freedom is to be experienced.

How will I know? You will love other people, you'll see that "it ain't all about me," and there won't be a petty bone in your body. You'll be one great big bundle of love!

Reading this book was like having a spiritual cataract operation. I was blind (blinded by my story), but now I see (the real me, the me that G-d knew in His mind from before the foundation of the world.

Read...experience...then live!

I have read and listen to this book 5 times now, and each time I am in a different place in my life and get a different focus each time. I highly recommend this book to everyone interested in uncovering their unconscious decision making and to improve their daily outlook tremendously. Currently, I have having several teenagers read the book and rate it to see if it would be as beneficial to those with less life experience (say under 26). It's easy to read, with great examples, and very useful steps for those of us interested in living authentic lives.

This book is much like those diet pills that promise to make you thin over night. What I mean is, this book likes to "dangle carrots" in front of you. Instead of strating with, "How would you like to be rich? How you like to have the perfect body?" It dangles a different carrot- "How would you like to know your true self, be extremely happy, life the life of your dreams, and be special?" Probably anyone would say yes. But that is as much as this book offers- hope to cling to and keep on wishing. The idea of the book is that every single person has a "story" that sets limitations on themselves. THe stories usually have a theme, something like "I'm not good enough, I'm undeserving, I don't matter, No one wants me, There's something wrong with me, etc". Debbie Ford tells us that although we need our stories and they are a part of us, they are not the WHOLE us, and in order to find our true selves we must transcend our stories by healing the wounds from our past, taking back our projections and resentments, extracting the lessons and wisdom our stories teach us,offering our unique contribution to the world, and of course, finding the secret of our shadow (usually the opposite of what our theme is). Although it has some good exercises at the end of each chapter, it seems like the exercises are more for your head than your heart. You have to meditate and sometimes people are numb and can't bring up emotions from the past right away. Sometimes you just can't make yourself feel something instantly. If you're in a different mood or dont' care, the exercises won't work. People can be go from being sad one minute and then happy the next and sometimes it's hard to get into the past mood you were in at 5 hours ago in order to heal it.

Some of the things that I don't like about the book are that Debbie Ford criticizes people who are stuck in ruts as if she's much better than them and can't have her time wasted by talking to them. And when she talks about unique specialties that each of our "stories" have given to us, everyone else's always pales in comparison to hers.

It's an ok read, and Debbie gives many "dangling carrots" but the exercises don't work well. If you're going to buy it, at least get it for less than the 25 dollars she's charging for it. It's not worth it.