Chapter One: General Measuring Concepts
"So what ingredients do we need for your antidote?" Tennessee asks Punfucius.
"I bet you'd like to know!" Punfucius barks at the startled explorer.
"Don't mind Punfucius," Queen Far soothes. "He is very secretive about his potions."
"The shrinking antidote is a secret Punfucius family recipe, handed down from one generation to the next," King Lung explains.
"But the reader is going to need to know what to measure and how to measure it," Tennessee tries to reason with the wise man.
"The reader will be provided the information that he or she needs when he or she needs it, and not a second before," Punfucius bristles. "My queen, are you practicing your throat scales again?"
"No, why?"
"Because the ceiling is shaking and dirt is falling on my -- "
All of a sudden an angry ant falls through the ceiling and onto Punfucius, its huge mandibles snapping for his neck! Queen Far moves quickly and bonks it on the nose with her tuning fork. It retreats down a separate passage.
"These ants are starting to bug me," Punfucius says, then passes out from fear.
"There's no time to lose!" yells Tennessee. "Let's get measuring!"
Please help Tennessee and the Flungs find the secret antidote they need to grow out of their shrunken state.
TOOLS AND UNITS
King Lung revives Punfucius with a twisting arm pinch.
"Sorry about that," Punfucius says. "Now how exactly does your little machine there work?"
"You tell me what you need measured, I type it in my PalmSpring 7000, and the reader answers your question," Tennessee explains.
"The reader is going to need to use a bunch of different tools to measure the things that I need measured," Punfucius warns.
"Like what?" Tennessee prods.
"Is this a trick?" Punfucius asks. "Are you working for the Mungs?"
"There's something fishy about you," King Lung chimes in.
"I think he's a Mung spy," Queen Far adds.
"If you are, we'll turn you into an ant sandwich," Punfucius threatens. "Hold the onions."
TO: Dearest Reader
FROM: Tennessee Toledo
SUBJECT: Measuring real things
Hi. It's getting a little nasty down here. I need to prove to Punfucius and the Flungs that you and I can work together. I need you to do two things.
1) Write down which measuring tool is the best one to measure the following things.
2) Write down which unit of measure is the best one to use when you are measuring the following things.
Pick from the list of measuring tools and units I have provided for you and please write down the answer next to the thing being measured.
MEASURABLE ATTRIBUTES
"Are you guys satisfied?" Tennessee asks.
"Completely," Queen Far assents.
"Undoubtedly," King Lung states.
"Then it's unanimous," Punfucius concludes. "We know what tools we can use to measure all kinds of things. Now let's discuss the particulars of our shrinkage problem."
"Yes. Not only did our height and weight shrink," Queen Far explains. "All the clothes we had on and everything we were carrying at the time shrank, too."
"For my antidote, I am going to need to make calculations involving all of the different ways that we shrunk and our stuff shrunk," Punfucius declares. "Tell your normal-size readers it would be mighty big of them if they could help."
TO: Dearest Reader
FROM: Tennessee Toledo
SUBJECT: More measuring
Howdy. I need you to do two things for me.
1) List THREE of the measurable attributes of the Flungs and some of their possessions.
2) List what tools you would use to measure them.
Pick from the list of physical attributes and measuring tools I have provided for you and write down the answer next to the thing being measured. I filled in a couple so you can see what I mean.
Later.
ENGLISH AND METRIC SYSTEMS
"This is working out great!" Punfucius exclaims. "Your readers and I are definitely on the same page."
"Do the puns ever stop, Punfucius?" Tennessee complains.
"No. Now I need the reader to find the weight of my book, The Analects of Punfucius, in gibs."
"Gibs?"
"Yes gibs, the Punfucian unit of weight. It is still used, I assume?"
"Um, no," Tennessee says gently. "These days, things are usually measured in one of two ways: using the metric system or the English Imperial system."
"This is terrible!" Punfucius cries. "My antidote ingredients are all measured in Punfucian units!"
"Then we had better work on converting Punfucian units into metric and English equivalents," Tennessee explains.
TO: Dearest Reader
FROM: Tennessee Toledo
SUBJECT: Punfucian gibs?
Me again. We're in a bit of a bind here. Punfucius has described several Punfucian measurements to me. I have done my best to convert them into English Imperial units. Now I need you to turn my English units into metric units, using the conversions listed in the Common Conversions appendix of this book on page 98.
Cool?
APPROXIMATING
So the distance from my house to the Flung palace, one mumper, is the same as four miles, which is the same as about six-and-a-half kilometers?" Punfucius clarifies.
"Yes," Tennessee agrees.
"How many inches is that?" Punfucius asks.
"Well, I don't know off the top of my head," Tennessee admits. "But it probably doesn't matter. See, it's better to use larger units for larger things. In this case -- the distance to the palace."
"I see, so I wouldn't use the Punfucian syxto to describe long distances, I would use mumpers. Syxto are for relatively short things, like the length of my foot."
"Right," Tennessee agrees. "All units are approximations, but some are better for approximating certain things than others. We should probably practice this a little so we don't mess up the antidote."
TO: Dearest Reader
FROM: Tennessee Toledo
SUBJECT: Precision collision
Greetings. Punfucius needs me to tell him which unit is best to measure the following things from the Flung Dynasty palace. Please:
1) Pick which unit is usually used to measure the following items.
2) Choose the object that matches up best with a measuring unit.
Peace out.
USING MEASUREMENTS
"I am confident that you are on the up-and-up, Tennessee, and that you are not an agent of the evil Mungs," Punfucius announces. "I can now reveal the first ingredient to my antidote."
Tennessee, King Lung, and Queen Far draw near.
"The first ingredient must have, approximately, the weight of two paper clips (2 grams), the length of a stamp (1 inch), and it must dissolve in your mouth in the span of a short conversation (1 minute)."
"Do we have anything that matches this description?" Tennessee asks.
"No," Queen Far says too quickly.
"Your cough drops match the description!" King Lung corrects.
"But I only have one left," Queen Far complains. "Isn't there something else you can use?"
TO: Dearest Reader
FROM: Tennessee Toledo
SUBJECT: Cough drop substitutes
Hi. We're getting close to the first ingredient in Punfucius' antidote. Queen Far Flung has offered three things as possible substitutes for her cough drop. I need you to estimate their measurable attributes in grams, inches, and minutes or seconds. Then, write a short paragraph about which one is most like a cough drop and why.
Much obliged.
Copyright © 2003 by Chris Kensler and Heather Kern
