Customer Reviews

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

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My first impression of this book was that it was like welcoming a sweet English Aunt into your home for a chat about babycare. Her ideas sounded gentle, yet common sense at first.

I do agree with her flexible routine (EASY). I've used this with my daughter who is now 18 months, and my son who is 2 months, though I got it from a different source. Both are great sleepers, so I agree that the daytime routine can affect the nighttime sleep. :)

Beyond that - I found very little of the information in this book to be helpful. Her categories for classifying babies was oversimplified. I don't agree with her opinions of baby bouncers or swings (she's against them completely). And worst of all is her opinions on breastfeeding! Her advice is inaccurate. She tells mothers to supplement with formula before their milk comes in if the baby is less than 6 lbs at birth! She says nipple confusion is a myth. She says that droopy breasts are a result of breastfeeding, though other sources say it's the pregnancy that causes any breast changes - not the breastfeeding. You get the distinct impression that she is very anti-breastfeeding the more you read. As a breastfeeding mother, I was offended by her lack of knowledge of the subject and suprised that she is a lactation consultant (it doesnt show).

Overall, there are some good ideas here if you haven't gotten them from other sources already, but I would really caution a new Mom from taking much of this book too seriously - especially the feeding chapter.

There is a lot to like about this book (even though constantly being called "luv" did get old by about page 3)... in many parts there *is* very good advice. Tracy Hogg claims a middle-of-the-road approach to parenting a newborn and I agree with many of her ideas. She does not advocate letting babies cry and communicates overall the belief that parents should respect their babies as the tiny people they are. Overall, there is a lot of comforting stuff in here.

But I have issues with some of her specific advice. First, I find that she's judgmental about attachment parenting in general. I'm no die-hard attachment parent, but I'm no rigid-scheduler either and I totally disagree with her belief that demand feeding, cosleeping and the like teaches a baby bad habits or does not effectively meet their needs. She presumes that if AP doesn't work for some, then it will not work for all and is therefore not even worth trying because you'll end up with a baby with bad habits to break down the road. My experiences with flexibility vs. scheduled routine have been quite different. Gentle transitions from three completely attached newborns to independent individuals without parent-imposed schedules (it's been much more symbiotic than the method Hogg proposes) have worked quite well in our household. While my style may not be right for everyone, it certainly *can* work, something that Hogg fails to recognize. (She believes the "family bed gives parents short-shrift" without acknowledging that it actually *works* for many.)

Then there is the breastfeeding advice. I am disappointed to see someone who calls herself a lactation consultant try to make such a strong case for formula feeding over breastfeeding. As a mom who has both bottlefed and breastfed (and is still breastfeeding), I agree with Hogg that guilt or judgment has NO place in this decision, but I also feel that she has done a great disservice to moms and babies by understating some very important advantages and benefits of breastfeeding. She explains that "one can make a good case for either formula-feeding or breastfeeding." Unfortunately, she never does get around to making the case for breastfeeding.

In this same section, entitled "Making the Choice," Hogg has a sidebar on Feeding Fashions. In this small box, where I presume she's trying to show that while breastfeeding is currently "all the rage," the tide may turn out of its favor in later years as has happened in the past. (It's not clear here whether she's saying therefore don't choose breastfeeding just because it's a modern day "fad" or that if you decide to formula feed against popular opinion, know that 25 years from now it will probably be "the thing to do" just like it was 25 years ago? I don't get it.) She also says here, "As this book is being written, scientists are experimenting with the notion of genetically altering cows to produce human breast milk [yuk]. If that happens, perhaps in the future everyone will tout cow's milk. In fact, a 1999 article in the Journal of Nutrition suggests 'that it may ultimately be possible to design formulas better able to meet the needs of individual infants than the milk available from the mother's breast.'"

Okay, that is fascinating information, but how should it impact any mother's decision *today*? Feed your baby formula now because in the future it might actually be the best choice!? (A statement in itself which is worthy of an opposing dissertation - there are more advantages to breastfeeding than the mere composition of the fluid.)

Later, in the breastfeeding section, she specifically discourages demand feeding - advice which is direct opposition to breastfeeding recommendations endorsed by the majority of professional lactation consultants and the American Academy of Pediatrics. Hogg has a schedule all charted out for new parents, beginning with day one, which becomes increasing less flexible over a three day period, until you're stuck on that infamous three hour schedule by day FOUR and beyond. She promotes pacifier use (she believes in fostering independence from the very beginning), and "dispels the myth" of nipple confusion. And she seems to favor weaning within the first year, which is again not the recommendation of the AAP. Let me say that I actually agreed with some of her breastfeeding advice (don't watch the clock, don't switch sides, find a mentor), but you need to have a pretty discerning eye to know what is the good stuff and what is er, codswallop. Not good for first-time parents or those learning to breastfeed for the first time.

I'm a little surprised that Hogg is an LC at all, because she really doesn't come across as much of a breastfeeding advocate. In the feeding chapter, she puts LLLI and the US Public Health Service (neither seeking profit) in the same category as formula companies, accusing them all of "huge propaganda campaigns." Then she assures moms that SHE, on the other hand, is going to "help you become clearer about your choice, [providing] empowering information - without the rocket science or statistical numwhack that conventional breastfeeding books tend to bombard you with." Ugh.

As first time parents, my wife and I were both frustrated and overwhelmed by the conflicting advice that we received even before our daughter was released from the hospital.

In between the feedings and diaper changes during the first few days at home, I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, which was given to us by a family friend. Finally, there was a sane voice of experience that helped us to find our own way.

Some of the important points of this book:

1. It is normal to feel overwhelmed.

2. Every baby has a unique personality. While Tracy Hogg's categories may be somewhat oversimplified, she does offer a means of identifying your baby's personality so that you may better handle certain situations. No single approach will work with every baby, because they are all different.

3. You are not evil if you choose not to breast feed. This seems to be the subject of most of the negative reviews on this site, which is unfortunate. However, the author does not advocate either breast or formula feeding, she merely presents the pros and cons of each in a balanced manner, and provides reassurance that whatever method you choose, it is your choice to make, and there is no wrong decision.

4. One of the best pieces of advice: follow a structured routine. "EASY": Eat, Activity, Sleep, time for Yourself. This is another area that seems to have drawn criticism from fellow ... reviewers. "EASY" is presented as an alternative to feeding on demand and scheduled feeding. Actually, it is not as much an alternative as it is a combination of the two.
--> Following a set schedule is often impractical, as we found out ourselves while our daughter was still in the hospital. There, feeding took place every three hours, and at the same times. Most of the feedings went well, but at times, it seemed as though we were were force-feeding the poor kid, and it was implied that we were somehow bad parents if she did not finish the prescribed amount. Once we got home, we were able to be more flexible with the feeding times, which is exactly what EASY suggests.
--> What EASY suggests is following a prescribed routine. Eating is followed by activity, and the activity is followed by sleep. And while the baby sleeps, you have time for yourself. The structure is etched in stone, but the times are not. Who will not agree that flexibility is good? And having the structure will help you interpret your baby's cries and decrease the miscues (for example, trying to feed the baby when the baby is actually overstimulated, or over-tired).

5. The author provides guidelines for interpreting your baby's crying.

6. The author also explains how bad habits start and suggests methods for undoing bad habits. For example: allowing the baby to fall asleep on your chest may lead to the baby needing your chest to fall asleep....

7. Babies need to become independent. This means not rushing to the crib everytime they start to fuss. Babies need to learn to self-soothe and often will go back to sleep.

As with any book of this type, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is not perfect, and there is some content that I do not necessarily agree with. But that's okay. The author is writing from personal experience, of which she has a lot. You will not find a whole lot of her advice to be in the vein of "studies have shown..." but rather "what I have learned...."

The style in which the book is written is also refreshingly down-to-earth. She speaks to the reader in a friendly voice that is neither condescending nor inaccessible.

Is this book worthy of addition to your bookshelf? Absolutely. I highly recommend it. Read it once, and you'll refer to it again and again.

The best advice that I can personally give anyone who is a new parent is this: TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS. You will hear and read a lot of conflicting advice, none of which is perfect. You will have to find out what works best for you and your baby. No book can do that for you. Where Secrets of the Baby Whisperer succeeded the most for me was giving me the level of confidence to trust my own instincts, while providing some useful guidelines and advice.

I am a new father and I thought this book would be helpful with our first child. The only part of the book I found useful was interpreting a baby's needs by observing what he does. The rest of the book I found frustrating and sometimes condescending. That's right, "Ducky". It got to the point that I could not even finish it, I was so angry.

Tracy's book states "A baby needs to be shown his/her place within the family, and thus should not be the one to dictate when s/he eats, sleeps or plays." She also states that babies should not be fed on demand, but on a schedule, as part of her "EASY" plan. It's a great theory, but try getting that to work with breastfeeding, where you never know exactly how much milk the baby has consumed. Tracy states that we should learn to read our baby's needs, then respond to them (like when he's hungry). However, that's the essence of feeding on demand, which Tracy is against, isn't it? That's a contradiction. We learn to read our baby's needs, and when he's hungry, we shouldn't feed him, but deny our baby food until the next scheduled feeding. This is cruel, and just added more chaos and crying to the household rather than reducing it.

And what's wrong with rocking a baby to sleep in your arms? It's one of the great pleasures of my day. It's not something you should do, according to Tracy. What you should do is place him in his crib when his eyes are heavy. He invariably wakes up when you do this, so you repeat the process until he falls asleep on his own. This can take an eternity and is equally frustrating.

Skip this book.

This is one of the better books I've read, which offers advice to new parents. Certainly helped us much more than "Happiest Baby on the Block"! Although, when reading, like one reviewer said, take it with a grain of salt!

I read this book cover to cover in 3 days and quite enjoyed it, which is rare for a sort of self-help type book. A lot of the information I found interesting, a lot I found thought-provoking, some I found helpful, some I found made no sense to me and I ignored those parts.

Basically this book goes over "EASY"- Tracy's guide to newborns. E is for eating, A for activity, S for sleep and Y for you. She goes over each area in much detail, as the book is 300+ pages. Ideally, if you could have the perfect baby who would always follow your lead, this book might work like a charm. However, babies are all different and I know from my own that setting a strict routine just wouldn't work (I've tried). But, I have managed a slight routine for us, as he's only 2 months, although I had that going before I read the book.

Here's what I liked and disliked about the book: It reminds us that babies are "people" too, although I dont' think we need to take it as far as explaining every little thing to them, like asking for their permission to be picked up. I liked that it reminded me to not get the baby in a routine that we don't want to keep- ie sleeping in our bed every night. I liked that it gave examples of how to figure out what the baby is asking for- ie if he's tired, hungry, needs to be burped etc. There's actually a long list of signs- like if his head is nodding from side to side he's sleepy or if his tongue is curling up he has gas or pain. However, this part you can't trust 100%. My baby- would exhibit 3 signs, all pointing to different causes!!! I was confused more than ever!! There was also a list that described cries to tell what the baby needs, but I didn't find this helpful either. But believe me, I wish I did- I wish my baby was the perfect "textbook" according to her and her lists were right on- how simple and wonderful that would be!

There were a lot of important things pointed out though, pit-falls that parents can fall into without realizing. For instance, I know even myself as a new mom, first you get used to the fact that when he cries he wants to eat, but as he gets older, I needed to remember that perhaps it isn't always hunger. I also found the sleeping chapter helpful, and am currently using it to help get my little one into a better sleep pattern. It's not working miracles, like the book claims, but it is helpful and I'm hoping that soon it will be smooth sailing.

Overall, I'd recommend this book, but I'd caution people that it's just not the be-all, end-all answer. I do like the tone of the book though, it makes me want to invite Tracy into my home and help with my little one because I do think a lot of what she says makes sense and is worthwhile.

As a curious new mom of a now 7 month-old, I have read through my share of books on infant care. This is the only one I ended up throwing away because I didn't want anybody else to have to read it. The author has some very bizarre ideas on caring for an infant, most of which are based on her own strong personal opinions instead of medical knowledge. The tone is a little pushy and high-handed - and don't be fooled by her claims that this method "respects" your baby. The theories in this book are adult-centered, go against your instincts, and basically put an emphasis on gently breaking your baby's will from as young an age as possible. If your infant doesn't fall into the routine, the book makes you feel like you just don't know what you're doing. I also think the author is dangerously unclear about the age to begin implementing her practices of denying feedings, etc. This sort of advice can hurt young infants who really do need to eat almost all the time in order to thrive!

Another important note is that this author is not very positive about breastfeeding and offers some stange points of view about it that counteract the advice of the AAP and breastfeeding experts. Yet at the same time, she tries to tell you how to do it. Her advice is not very accurate/helpful for maintaining a good milk supply, gaining breastfeeding confidence, and working with your baby. This book probably left me more concerned and confused about the breastfeeding than about anything else.

I definitely do NOT recommend this book to anyone, especially in the early weeks. You can certainly have a workable routine and structure to your day when baby is older, but not like this and not so young!

We bought this book because we saw Tracy Hogg on Dateline NBC and I really fell for it. Of course every parent wants their baby to be happy, understand them better and meet their needs. I thought this book would provide some "Secret" but I was sorely disappointed. I don't think that most parents will be able to "fix" their child in 3 days as she claims.

This book makes you feel if you have not followed her advice from day 1, you've already ingrained bad habits in your child through "Accidental Parenting" and that now you have to undo all your negative reinforcements. Reading this book was not exactly great for my self-esteem because according to Tracy we have been doing everything wrong for 6 weeks, like demand feeding and rocking our baby to calm her. We bought all the things she said were "bad" for your child, like the bouncy seat and swing. I feel that some of these "props," as she calls them, do work for many parents and shouldn't be completely banned.

I think you need to really think about her advice and whether it can apply to your child. It's not a bad book, but I think you need to take it in context with other parenting books and take just the bits that work for you.

Just a note -- the audio tape is murder. We bought both the book and the tape, and if you think "luv" gets old in the book, just listen to her say it numerous times in the tape! I actually had to turn the tape off because her voice and accent were getting too annoying.

As a mom who read MANY different baby books (including those recommended by my OB, my OB friends, other mothers, pediatricians, etc), this one was the most helpful to me. The chapter on interpreting cries was very helpful as was the gentle feeding guidance. As a mom who had a GREAT deal of difficulty with breastfeeding, despite extensive effort, Tracy was a voice of sanity that I needed. Breastfeeding IS best, but she also helps those of us who had trouble. Easy to pick up and read at any stage in the first year, but especially helpful in the first few months.

The problem that I seem to find in reading others' reviews is that they disagreed with one or two points in the book and discarded the whole thing. I got a great deal out of this book, and also got advice that I utilized from other books. I am not an advocate of "cry it out" and found that sticking to a basic routine (that was flexible when needed!) made my house a whole lot more sane. Did I follow EVERY bit of advice? No - because it didn't work for me. Use your head and take what you can in the way of advice - trying to be a perfectionist and doing everything that ANYONE tells you is crazy. There is such a thing as moderation, which is what I appreciated about this book.

Tracy Hogg claims this is a middle of the road approach. It isn't. As a parent and as a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have read most of the parenting books on the market. This book isn't much different from all of the other sleep training books out there.

It is obvious it is written from the perspective of a babysitter rather than a medical doctor, psychologist, or experienced parent. Her change a "bad" habit in three days is ridiculous and oversimplified. Yes, you can change a behavior if you are ruthless enough about it, but that doesn't mean you should. Picking up the baby and putting them back down repeatedly as she recommends might make you feel like you are doing something rather than just leaving them there to cry, but you aren't meeting the babies need for closeness. In one example she explains that in one night she picked up and put a baby down 172 times (when he cried, she picked him up and as soon as he stopped she put him down), how frustrating for this poor baby who was trying to communicate a need that went unmet. After several days, the baby gave up and didn't cry in his crib anymore. She cites this as an example of how great her training program is. Babies are people with needs.

I met a family recently who used this approach and their baby responded to this program like a trained pup. She was complacent and passive. She slept through the night without a peep and from 8:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. Her daily routines involved videos, bottles, and crib-time with a bunch of pacifiers. No rocking, no lullabyes, definitely no nursing. It definitely was easy as her "E.A.S.Y." program implies. But, this kind of approach has negative long term effects. The mother said that the approach is great because her child doesn't have to "waste energy communicating her needs" because they tell her what she needs. This is a big premise of this book. I found this very sad.

Children need to learn to identify their needs, communicate their needs, and have those needs met. In this process they learn to communicate and have healthy trusting relationships with others. These sleep training programs are based on behavioral psychological theories. The problem with this is that these approaches are more appropriate for animals, which is how these theories developed. But it is completely developmentally inappropriate to use these behavior modification approaches with human infants. The first 12 to 18 months of life the primary task of a human infant is to learn to trust.

This author really does not understand child development at all, one of her main points is "start as you mean to go on" and she explains how you shouldn't start doing something that you don't want to continue. It doesn't work like this. Young children are needy and as those needs are met, they become less needy. There is a classic study by Ainsworth that showed that young infants whose cries were responded to promptly cried less as older infants, whereas young infants whose cries were ignored or responded to inappropriately or wiht delay cried more when they were older. Books like this make the routine more important than the relationship. This causes significant long term relationship problems that the child will struggle with in the years to come. I see this every day in my practice-problems with intimacy and materialism, attaching and finding comfort in objects continuing later in life- the bottle, pacifier, and blankie become the cigarette, the alcoholic drink, the compulsive shopping, the compulsive eating, etc tomorrow. Of course the occasional use of a pacifier or bottle when mom isn't available is handy, but overrelying on mother substitutes as Tracy recommends is not good for your child.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is teach your child to love people and use things, and not the other way around. This book promotes loving things and using people. The approach is very manipulative. If you want to learn more about child development, go right to the source and study Winnicott, Kohut and Bowlby. Or if you want to read a book marketed to parents read "The Baby Book" or "No Cry Sleep Solution" or "Good Nights".

I was given this book before the birth of my daughter, and dutifully read her descriptions of personality types, etc. Ms. Hogg attempts to present herself as the reasonable "medium" in a sea of extremes in baby care advice books. However, don't be fooled. Her descriptions and techniques are just as rigid as any out there; she just disguises them well by applying them differently to her subgroups of children and throwing in what she must think are charming 'British-isms,' which I frankly found irritating and distracting.
So, at best, it's not worth your money. At worst, however, it can be very detrimental to the honest efforts of those mothers who want to give their babies the best nutrition possible: Breastmilk. The schedules she describes, and her appeasing of those moms who want to give up breastfeeding because they don't want flabby breasts and "shouldn't be ashamed of it," do nothing but undermine the efforts of these moms in what is a beautiful but sometimes difficult process. Though she says that formula is "chock full of good things," here's the reality and the science: it is NOT as good as breastmilk. The epidemic of childhood, obesity, asthma, allergies, ear infections, etc., should be obvious enough to someone who calls herself a lactation consultant. The scheduling she describes can and does cause women to decrease their milk supply, thereby creating reliance on formula.

And finally, seasoned mothers will know that, despite what "her nan" says, carrying a 2 month old baby who you soothe to sleep does not mean you're going to be carrying a 25 pound old toddler around.

I too once believed that children should be encouraged to be independent at a very early age, often heralded by their ability to sleep alone on a parent's schedule. Then I got 13 years of experience working with babies and their families, and quickly learned that 1) babies are not built to be independent and it's ludicrous and harmful to your relationship to think they should be, and 2) the most independent and courageous children, who can be alone and happy later, are those who had parents who Ms Hogg would find too nurturing, too placating, etc.

The research is out there: babies who are responded to when they need it have improved brain development in the first 6 months, compared to children who are not. Rocking a newborn to sleep doesn't cause needy toddlers. Feeding on demand is the best, most consistently effective way to ensure adequate nutrition in babies, because they are hardwired to get the amount of breastmilk they need. That's how humans are built, and it's a beautiful thing. Too bad Ms. Hogg didn't do her own research before doling out unhelpful, and frankly harmful, advice to parents obviously in need of help.