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Secrets Of A Gay Marine Porn Star [Paperback]

Rich Merritt
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (49 customer reviews)


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Book Description

May 31, 2005
Yes, It All Really Happened Just Like This... Here's the story of Rich Merritt-the good son, teacher's pet, Southern gentleman, model Christian student at Bob Jones University, Marine officer, and the not-so-anonymous poster boy for a New York Times Magazine article on gays in the military-whose complicated sexual past caused an international scandal when The Advocate "outed" him as "The Marine Who Did Gay Porn," putting his life in a tailspin. It's the compelling, poignant story of how a boy who never listened to pop music, never cursed, and didn't have his first drink until he was eighteen exploded into a life of drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, prostitution, and pornography. And above all, it's a triumphant story of self-forgiveness and identity, of a man who refused to allow himself to be defined by the standards of anyone else-gay or straight. Along the way, Rich Merritt writes with humor, compassion, insight and naked truth about: What it's really like growing up behind the "Fortress of Fundamentalism" and how he ultimately came to despise their views The harsh realities of military life under the "Don't ask, don't tell" Clinton policy A real insider's experience of working in the male porn industry-the good, the bad, and the extremely hot Why he chose not to reveal his porn past to the New York Times journalist What it felt like to be the most notorious marine in the world and what it took to come through the fire By turns harrowing and heartbreaking, angry and affirming, Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star is that rarest of memoirs-a fascinating slice of life that reads like the most absorbing fiction, but is all true. Rich Merritt has written an Op-Ed column for the Navy Times. He has been profiled for The New York Times Magazine, The Los Angeles Times, and The Advocate. Stories about him have appeared in the London Times, The Washington Post and many other publications. He is now an attorney living in Atlanta. Readers can contact Rich via his Web site: www.richmerritt.com.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

During the height of Clinton's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, Merritt led two secret lives. Marines serving under him didn't realize their captain was a closeted gay man, and his small group of gay friends didn't know he made gay porn films while enlisted. In this hefty if meandering tell-all, Merritt charts his struggle to repress his sexuality while living amongst the members of his ultra-conservative family and attending "the Fortress of Fundamentalism": Bob Jones University. He'd never even masturbated prior to his first sexual experience in his mid-20s. That first encounter-with another man-ends with a knife being held to the throat of a woman who saw the two together. Being a Marine seems to appeal both to Merritt's narcissism and to his extreme low self-esteem. A self-avowed "adrenaline junkie" and drama queen with (undiagnosed) depression, he tries to feed his ego by becoming a stripper, a male escort (briefly) and, finally, a porn star. Just when the book seems headed for a happy ending with Merritt in a stable relationship and attending law school, he discovers circuit parties and starts mixing alcohol, recreational drugs and antidepressants, which sends him spiraling downward toward a suicide attempt. Merritt's tale is compelling, titillating and even moving. But at nearly 500 pages, many of which are padded with superfluous detail, it often lags, making it far less compelling than it might have been with some judicious editing.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 480 pages
  • Publisher: Kensington; First Edition edition (May 31, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0758209681
  • ISBN-13: 978-0758209689
  • Product Dimensions: 1.4 x 5.4 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (49 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #476,306 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rich Merritt was born in Greenville, South Carolina and attended the Bob Jones family of schools from first grade through the second year of college. He graduated from Clemson University.

After 13 years in the Marine Corps (attaining the rank of Captain) he graduated from the University of Southern California Law School. He practices law in New York.

Rich's first brush with international attention was in 1998 when he was featured on the cover of the NY Times Magazine in an article titled "Uniforms in the Closet" by Pulitzer prize-winning author, Jennifer Egan ("A Visit From The Goon Squad"). In the years since, numerous newspapers and magazines in the USA, England, France and Australia have covered Rich and his writing.

In 2005, Kensington published Rich's memoir which is currently in its fourth printing and its first foreign language translation.

Rich's writing experience before that included a column he wrote while serving in the Marines, in the Navy Times under the penname "Buster Pittman." In 2005 he also wrote the article, 'Bye-Bye Doctor Bob,' published by numerous alternative papers around the nation.

In 2008 his first novel, "Code of Conduct" was published, also by Kensington and in 2012, he published "Spiritual Probation." All are available here on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
41 of 44 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A fascinating memoir of life at the extremes September 29, 2005
Format:Paperback
I imagine that "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star," by Rich Merritt, will either titillate or repulse potential readers with its sensationalistic title and cover design. I found the book to be a fascinating, illuminating, well-written, and surprisingly sober account of a most remarkable life journey. Merritt describes how he came from a fundamentalist Christian background, served in the United States Marine Corps, came to grips with his identity as a gay man, appeared in gay pornographic films, and descended into a nightmare of sexual promiscuity and illegal drug use.

Merritt offers windows into a variety of communities and subcultures. Particularly interesting is Merritt's account of his attendance at Bob Jones Elementary School, Bob Jones Academy, and Bob Jones University--all bastions of extreme Christian fundamentalism. The author's account of his journey through the gay porn industry gives an interesting view of some of the personalities and practical issues involved in the business. Also noteworthy is his account of his time at law school and the beginning of his post-Marine Corps legal career.

But it is Merritt's often gripping account of life as a closeted gay Marine that I found to be the most impactful aspect of this memoir. Merritt's USMC career spans from the mid-1980s to the latter 1990s, a time of significant challenge and change for America's military forces. Merritt gives insight into the realities of gay Marine life before and after codification of the controversial "don't ask, don't tell" policy. He writes about gay Marines' paranoia and survival tactics, as well as the presence of an underground gay military network. Merritt's career includes shipboard service in the Persian Gulf, command time, and a tour as a Marine general's aide; particularly interesting is his colorful portrait of the general for whom he worked. His account of his efforts to challenge the military's policy on gays through the media is also worthy of note.

Supplementing the text are numerous photographs covering the author's time at the Bob Jones schools, in the Marine Corps, in the gay porn business, and after leaving military service. Merritt's Bob Jones background and connections are persistent presences throughout the memoir. Overall, I found the book to be a consistently interesting account of bouncing back and forth between cultural extremes. It's also a story about the universal experiences of searching for love, happiness, belonging, and a sense of identity. Merritt's story raises interesting questions about the media's role in the gays-in-the-military issue, and about the search for gay military role models and icons. Overall, this is a compelling Marine memoir and, in particular, a serious addition to the growing body of books dealing with the gays-in-the-military issue.
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34 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Every Marine's Story... June 1, 2005
Format:Paperback
While reading this book, I was surprised to find so many similiarities between myself and the author. They are far too numerous to list, but our common experiences were stunning. Later, I realized what was even more amazing. This Marine's story, like mine, is not unusual at all. (Granted, there are extremes in Capt Merritt's story.) But the loneliness, isolation, depression, fear, paranoia, and emotional highs and lows are truly common for gay Marines.

What Rich Merritt has done in this book is capture the experience of serving in the shadows while walking on the skyline. I, for one, am indebted to him for helping me find the words to explain to so many just what I have gone through. Friends and family will be receiving this book from me, with personal notes that will help explain how his experiences mirrored many of mine.

Thank you, Capt. Merritt. Semper Fi.
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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Much Better Than You'd Expect November 15, 2005
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I'd heard bits and pieces about a "marine porn star" for so many years it became almost an urban legend in the gay community, like our own version of the Loch Ness Monster-- meaning something you'd never really see, but one you'd like to sleep with on the off chance that it's true. As a New Yorker in late 1998, I recall reading the infamous New York Times Magazine cover story about gay Marines and feeling the pressure they described when talking about how they had to hide a huge portion of their beings from everyone they worked with, every day, or risk dishonorable discharge.

That was as far as I was able to connect the dots until the release of "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star" this summer. Still, reading the reviews gave me a vague impression of just what I was in for when I first cracked open the book. I expected a sex-filled mea culpa from some porno actor who decided to join the Marines as a last resort after his career faded. I'm pleased to tell you I was horribly off-base in this assumption.

Rich Merritt was the perfect gay man to enter the Marine Corps. He was obedient to a fault, smart, a proven leader, and, although his sexual urges were repressed, he craved validation and the admiration of men. His background as a mom-pleasing Bob Jones Academy, Bob Jones High School and Bob Jones University student provided the Corps with an ideal template from which to begin molding Merritt into one of the few and the proud, to which Merritt eagerly submitted.

Do not categorize Rich as a porno actor. He credits the Orange County Gay Men's Chorus in the acknowledgements, which was my first indication that there was more to Rich than buff stuff. One reads his story, sees his earlier photos, and wonders how in heck he ever thought he should do porn in the first place. His high school yearbook photos show the slightly doughy, slightly smug look of, say, the Band President, which he was. You can feel his sense of validation increase as the story continues, with Merritt successfully completing all the rigorous (and I mean RIGOROUS) training and lifestyle required of serving in the Marines.

One by one, his inhibitions fall to the ground. Merritt, now having proven himself to be a cute, hearty, spark-plug of a guy, is the quintessential corn-fed innocent let loose in the world. He takes up swearing, smoking, drinking and dancing in short order. Soon he's even popping women. Only occasionally does he recognize his attraction to other men might be more than ideological, and, thank the lord, the man finally has his first gay sexual experience. Needless to say, it's pretty explosive. Sadly, he doesn't have another one for a year, so you've got to give him credit for making the most of his time.

Rich becomes very successful in the Marines, earning the title of Captain. (He's very adept at explaining the ironclad, unspoken rules of rank in the Military, which makes you appreciate his ascent even more.) Around this same time, Rich began the coming out process, macking around with men in every port whenever he got the chance. On a lark, having already showcased his fabulous new body as a stripper (to audiences of chicks) and a brief foray into the high-money world of male prostitution, he decides to answer an ad for porn "models." Needless to say, he wows the producer and his parallel career is born.

It was Rich's relationship with an organization that defended gay military personnel against "charges" of homosexuality that led him to carefully agree to be interviewed for a cover story in the New York Times Magazine. He had already had success as a writer himself--I dare anyone to read his pivotal, pseudonymous, gay-positive editorial in the Navy Times and not be impressed with the then 29-year-old's deftness with words--so Rich was able to quickly understand what the author needed to make the story whole. Unfortunately, this created some news around the batallion, almost tarnishing Rich's 14-year career only weeks before his retirement.

The Advocate followed-up the Times piece with a supportive story, identifying Rich by name. A reader of the magazine recognized the cute Marine with the tatoo as a former porn star. It is at that moment in Merritt's affecting, well-documented memoir that hell really, really, really breaks loose.

I found myself crying at certain passages of this book, laughing out loud at others. Rich totally connects with his readers--my firm retort to those who say the book is "too wordy." It's not. I wanted to know every bit of detail I could get in plowing through the book and I'm glad Rich had the cojones to share it all with us. And, boy, does he share! NO ONE will come away from "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star" thinking negatively about Rich, not because he paints a complimentary portrait of himself, but because he takes pains to let us know about every one of his screw ups and bad decisions. Imagine telling the world every embarrassing story about yourself and you can get a sense of how difficult this process must've been for Rich.

By now steeped in the circuit party culture of the "A List" among the gay community, Rich dunks his entire being into a morass of drugs, sex, drugs, sex and drugs, drugs, drugs. He's fortunate enough to have a bevy of loyal pals along for this harrowing ride, including a boyfriend (Rich uses the pseudonym "Brandon" in the book) who is described more than once with the well-earned moniker of "saint." You'll scream as Rich betrays this boyfriend numerous times, then feel the depths of pity as he describes his horrific attempt at suicide. This episode provides another turning point in the book, and sets the stage for the long road home to self-actualization.

I wish Rich spent a little time discussing his recovery from substance abuse. One moment he's an addict, and the next thing we know he's kicked cigarettes, booze, dope and just about everything else, including California. He emerges scarred but loved, hurt yet happy, destroyed yet triumphant, alone yet partnered. I could go on about how this book may have changed my life, but I'm not yet sure how, although I literally feel different after reading it. You will, too. "Secrets" packs a wallop no ordinary man could create. We should be thankful for the gift of Rich Merritt--from his incredible musical skill, his writing, his leadership, his defense of our country, and now, his being one of us. Yet, he'll never be just an Average Joe. Not with a mind like his, and a will to live that outsmarts and outpunches any negative source that refuses to give him a place at the table.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars This book could be called "Gay Life 101"
I like to pick up a few varying titles each month to read on my tablet, and the catchy title and slutty cover grabbed my attention. Read more
Published 6 months ago by thebigburton
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Interesting
I could hardly put this book down once I got reading it. It is very interesting & Rich tells everything as it happened to him, all the good & bad experiences, some of them would... Read more
Published 7 months ago by stu
5.0 out of 5 stars Review
Secrets of a gay marine porn star is an excellent portrayal of a man willing to die for our country. To me, that's a HERO. Read more
Published 11 months ago by Tim
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Story -- Somewhat Tedious Writing -- Worth the Read
The story itself is compelling if you can wade through the tedious manner in which it is told. Captain Merritt reveals himself, flaws and all and for this he deserves high praise. Read more
Published 16 months ago by W. Martins
5.0 out of 5 stars Review of Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star
Great Memoir and great insight into what it means to be recovering from a childhood of "Southern Christianity" and that it does "GET BETTER! Read more
Published 18 months ago by Gerry Kelly
1.0 out of 5 stars I got it because of the title
I won't deny that--the title itself is very intriguing (and funny). Unfortunately that's the best thing about the entire book. Read more
Published on December 23, 2010 by Wayne M. Malin
5.0 out of 5 stars It took more than the Marine Corps to make a man out of Rich Merritt
I want to start by saying that this is the way every autobiography should be written. At the end, you not only feel like you understand Rich Merritt. Read more
Published on June 13, 2010 by Giancarlo Croce
5.0 out of 5 stars Shameless story of a private life
Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star delved deeply into the heart, soul and mind of a young man who was a student at Bob Jones University, which rejected anything remotely known to... Read more
Published on April 21, 2008 by animatedlisa
3.0 out of 5 stars Confessional
This is the book that psycho stalker "jonahcruise" wishes he had the talent to write. Except that his porn star aspirations went limp & according to the men he "served" with, he... Read more
Published on February 29, 2008 by Snoopy
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome debut!
I was spell-bound. To be from the same city, with much of the same background, it was like looking in the mirror. The first 125 pages or so are my story too. Read more
Published on January 13, 2008 by J. Kallen
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