Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love [Hardcover]

Jill Zarin (Author), Lisa Wexler (Author), Gloria Kamen (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The latest of TV's Real Housewives of New York City to enter the publishing arena, Zarin wisely recruits her sister, radio host Wexler, and their mother, online columnist Kamen, to produce an opinionated guide to life from the point of view of three Jewish moms-the kind whose "stereotypical traits" ("domineering, interfering, tactless and loud") have resulted in strong families and successful careers. Insisting that "if a lesson is worth teaching once, it is worth teaching at least two thousand times," the trio use a conversational, collaborative approach to make each themed chapter (including dating, health and beauty, education, career, and, of course, parenting) stick, trading off charismatic group narration with first-person interjections and personal stories that expand upon traditional, time-tested advice: "We come from a long line of long marriages. ...We were taught it is normal to go through bad times in a marriage, even bad year." They also provide "ask yourself" questions to motivate further exploration, and a short chapter on "Superstitions and the Clichés that Matter." Honest, self-aware, and frequently funny, these women deliver a triple-strength dose of universal advice.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Honest, self-aware, and frequently funny, these women deliver a triple-strength dose of universal advice."
-Publisher's Weekly

"A great book this Mother's Day"
-MSNBC's Morning Joe

"Filled with candid, humorous and loving advice and personal glimpses into their lives, this trio offers up some tips we should all heed and live by...This is a thoroughly enjoyable read and should be passed around to mothers, daughters, sister, nieces, aunts, girlfriends and all ladies who might enjoy reading and discovering that in the end we are all basically the same - with the same hopes and desires - and remember an old adage redefined here: 'Hell hath no fury like a [Jewish] mother scorned!' Bravo! to Kamen, Wexler and Zarin (and I don't mean the TV channel)."
-Hamptons.com

"Reading Secrets of a Jewish Mother is like a sitting around the kitchen table with a pot of coffee and a chocolate bobka, listening to advice from old friends."
-Barbara Bietz, author of Like a Maccabee.

"[Jill Zarin's] sharing little pearls of wisdom, along with her mom, Gloria Kamen, and sis, Lisa Wexler, in the book Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love. (Just in time for Mother's Day!) Their prescription for successful parenting (friendships, dating, etc.) has a universal quality to it, so it's not only for Jewish moms."
-UrbanBaby.com

"I felt this book was incredibly smart. It shows the ups and downs of these three women's lives. Like the book title says "Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love." Nothing is sugarcoated and artificial. I really like how each chapter of the book has stories from each person's life. How Jill dealt with divorce, Gloria's struggle with her friendships at certain points in her life, and Lisa's view on money...In conclusion, I really feel this book is a wonderful read. It makes you think differently about life in certain ways that you normally don't."
-Sammi's Blog of Life

"...an astonishing cornucopia of heartfelt insights from three savvy, headstrong women who share tried- and-true strategies for dealing with universal issues relating to friendship, dating, marriage, parenting, and family, and you don't have to be Jewish to appreciate it."
-Elise Pearlman, Huntington Patch

"All-in-All, I love everything that the three mothers had written. I did learn quite a bit of things from each and every one of them. I liked the fact they each gave their own advice and stories in each chapter. From friendship, dating, beauty, marriage, parenting, money and more, this is a great book and a keeper! Another part I liked was in the chapters there was a section called 'Ask Yourself', because I do find myself answering the questions... So I would like to say Mazel Tov to Jill, Lisa and Gloria. Toda. Thank you for letting me read this wonderfully written book."
-Momsword.org

"It's not just a Jewish mother that has these secrets, it's a lovely book."
-Kathy Lee Gifford, Today

"It's a good book, check it out."
-Steve Doocy, Fox & Friends

"From friendships to love, marriage and children, the book covers many aspects of life with laugh-out-loud stories and pointed advice the [authors] have learned as Jewish mothers and Jewish daughters."
-SavvyAuntie.com

"No-nonsense advice."
-Daily Beast

"Practical advice. A mother's wisdom: Know how to laugh at yourself apologize when you're wrong and always carry pepper spray!"
-Star

"Aside from advice on raising kids and stories from Kamen and her daughters, Secrets of a Jewish Mother deals with marriage, friendship, dating, money, and more, and includes practical quizzes and self- assessment action steps."
-Shalom Life

"You don't have to be Jewish to read this book, but after reading this book everyone will want to be Jewish. The best practical advice a girl could need from three extraordinary Jewish mothers....Jill's, Lisa's, and Gloria's advice will save you a lifetime of aggravation."
-Patti Stanger, Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker

"Gloria epitomizes the Jewish Mother! She has a heart of gold and earrings to match!"
-Fran Drescher

"You don't have to be Jewish to need a good Jewish mother. Gloria has sooooooo much good advice....Chicken soup has got nothing on this lady."
-Molly Shannon

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 300 pages
• Publisher: Dutton Adult (April 15, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0525951792
• ISBN-13: 978-0525951797
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.3 x 1.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 2.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (186 customer reviews)
• Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #127,419 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1,221 of 1,331 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars What I expected to be warm and fuzzy was cold and calculating, April 15, 2010

By	A. Chandler "ArtistAlana" (Austin, TX) - See all my reviews (#1 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love (Hardcover)

6-11-10 Jills Blog update: She said "J.Samples is not me on Amazon." No, we never said J.Samples was, though some speculated. "SUSAN SAUNDERS", most now know, was the pseudonym you'll read about below that was found, via website investigators, to come from Jill Zarin's Amazon account & was used to threaten negative reviewers and post positive reviews. No denial there.

Former update: The website Zap2it just published a great article about Jill Zarin, the author threatening honest reviewers (including me, both here and in a private email threatening me and my cat as insane as that sounds), as well as the websites who busted her writing her own 5 star reviews. If you go to that website just search for "Jill Zarin Amazon-gate" and it should come up. I can't post links here.

Original update: much has happened after I wrote this review. As you will see in my comments section under my review, someone going by the name of Susan Saunders threatened to have my pet taken because of the bad review and also in a threatening email. Since then, it was uncovered by others that this reviewer was actually Jill Shapiro Zarin herself and she then, coincidentally, removed the 5 star review(s) she wrote for the book (all 15 of them, uncovered as family and friends). Someone took screen shots prior to deletion of her threat and five star review and it can be found on the website called RealityTea as well as many others. How the websites found out? She changed her profile name but forgot to change her personal information in her wish list from 1999 and beyond mentioning that she is the very Jill Shapiro (name when account was created in her maiden name before 99) with birthday November 30th (she just changed her birthday today on her Facebook) in NY NY mom of Ally Shapiro, wife to Bobby Zarin with many gifts for them added through the years and added family member David Zarin. (There's more damaging info in my next update, below.) So I now know I was threatened by the author. After this, someone else (and later, me) researched any full name of the five star reviewers and you can see in their comments sections most were determined to be relatives and close personal friends via family pictures on the internet etc, (update: many were deleted after I wrote that sentence.) In all of my years of reviewing, I have never seen this happen or been threatened, much less by an author.

Fortunately, although we are now up to 15 five star reviews erased to try to cover this, there is still proof of this on several websites such as gawker and reality tea. Look in my "comments" section under this review and you will find the comments by Susan Saunders. This was the account she used, created on or before 1999 when the first wish list items were added by Jill under her maiden name. The two items she reviewed (one 3 years ago) coincidentally, is the Real Housewives dvd set which she reviewed back in 2008 (this profile is not something new just created by a "crazy fan", unless they knew in 1999 when she added the first gift for Bobby Zarin on her wish list, that she was writing a book in 2010) In her review of the Real Housewives DVD she said Jill Zarin was the only reason she watched the show and they'd better keep her on it, and you can also see where she reviewed this book the day of its release then erased the review after all this came out and she was busted. Interestingly, the only 2 things she ever reviewed. Trying to erase the evidence, did not erase this, fortunately.

Now then, back to the original review:
I assure you I went into this with an unbiased review. I did my research and read cover to cover.

First, the relationships chapter basically relates that one should settle...IF he has money. Seriously??? That is a strong premise of the book in many areas...you should marry someone not who you love equally but who "loves you more than you love him", you "should be in charge of the purse strings or you will never be happy", etc.

Ironically, on friendship in the book the author suggests that if something happens to hurt your friendship, you should ask for forgiveness 3 times. If that doesn't work, you need to move on because the sin is on the person who wouldn't accept your apology and you've done all you can. I agree with that. Yet it's not hard to read about the main author (according to font billing size, Jill Zarin) being down right dirty to a friend who tried to apologize/discuss a predicament and was refuted coldly and rudely by Jill 3 times on camera. Interesting. The sin is on Jill. However, now that the book is out and there are book sales to be made, Jill said she now wants forgiveness for not forgiving (yes, confusing, I know). She is saying she can't believe this friend will not accept her happily now that it's convenient for Jill to befriend her again and Ms. Zarin mentions her "hurt" over that...Your book advice says someone in her shoes should move on, Jill. (she asked 3 times and now the sin is on you because you refused her outright tearful begging.) You said "We're done" 3 times. Plus you called her a "moron" in an interview last week for asking why she was on speaker phone. That doesn't show that you really want forgiveness, especially because you also said today in an interview that next year will be better without Bethenny on the show because she sucks the oxygen out of the air when she is in a room. Probably two reasons why she doesn't think you are sincere. Just sayin. How can I follow this advice you write if you yourself think it's bogus and won't follow it or openly treat people not in a way a loving "mom figure" exudes to others?

Also, she said in an interview that her daughter is only allowed to fall in love with/or date a certain category of person. I had a hard time with that one too. I don't think that's a loving Jewish mother who should, instead, just want her daughter to be happy and find someone who adores her, works hard, doesn't cheat, doesn't have addictions, and is a great dad and her daughter adores too? What happened to wanting that for your kid instead? But she isn't even allowed to DATE someone like that if he doesn't fit YOUR main goal on what you say will make her life "easier"? For shame.

The book on bulldozing what your child wants in a mate in order to get what you want in a son-in-law, for example, from Lisa: "Of course, my kids would never let me fix them up -- they're still too young to be desperate enough to have their mother set them up on a blind date. But not to worry ... I'm out there looking any­way. Who said I needed their permission?"

I hate giving undeserved one star reviews so I had to see for myself if all I read about their "do as I say, not as I do" approach was true as everyone seems to note....because if they actually put together some advice that's untried or they themselves don't even believe in, it knocked the book down a notch. So I did research this.

Now back to advice: Her dieting overview just isn't healthy, nor does it really address the underlying issues of weight gain since she suggests pouring your drink on the food you don't want to overeat. Not only would most in this economy not see the beauty of that (you COULD also ask the waiter to just box up half in a to go box before it's served), but I can imagine this one when eating out. Don't want to be tempted by the rest of your fries on that big order? Pour your glass of wine on it...money is no matter on what that costs...and let the waiter wipe it up, y'all! Wipe away before it gets on your dress! Zarin lovingly dubs the "empty your glass onto your plate or bowl in a restaurant diet" in the book as "Killing your food to stay thin". I am guessing there won't be a popular diet book to follow this one or waiters across the US will retaliate, as will all the 5 star restaurants who have to clean all those white tablecloths after Zarin's food-killing-eating-out suggestion. Bad manners, unkind to waitstaff, disgusting for fellow tablemates to observe, unhealthy eating advice.

How to attract and nab a man? Zarin says it's not gonna happen unless you wear bright colors. I kid you not. Give the readers some credit here that they are a notch above peacocks or fish because:

1. Ms. Zarin, I respectfully beg to differ. Inner beauty should be worked on first since a mean, negative, dirty and spiteful person dressed in hot pink isn't gonna fool anyone. If all you had to do to woo someone was to distract them with bright colors then women should wear glitter and all men would be hypnotized. Silly.
2. Angelina Jolie wears mostly black. Enough said.

They are so adament about color that the book says you should NEVER wear black, ever, to anything. Yet everytime they come on tv to talk about the book, one of the authors is in solid black. I don't get it. Do THEY buy into anything here?

Some of this stuff simply makes no sense to an educated reader.

The book is actually very negative though as well. The authors fight amongst each other and use personal stories to illustrate points...all which seem to be laced with martyrdom. Because of this, I don't feel it an appropriate motherly pleasure to read or gift..

I wanted to find this warm and loving but it seemed more like a doctrine in many cases that isn't loving and could be detrimental on several levels. Not to mention it's been widely reported that it's for show rather than actual advice the authors themselves believe. Too, the one who worked on getting it published billed her name in larger font size on the book than her mom's name which was kind of supposed to be advice mainly from her mom, Gloria. Although the book denotes advice from all 3 authors, Zarin notes that it is garnered from all her mom taught her and her sister and then all the writing... Read more ›

191 of 207 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Worthless and Hypocritical, April 15, 2010

By	J.M. "Jilly in Idaho" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love (Hardcover)

I read this book and am ashamed and sorry I did. It was a total waste of my time and the advice is worthless. Marry rich so life will be easier? That's been said for centuries and doesn't make for a happy life. It's also shallow, deceitful and insincere. If taking Jill's advice is supposed to be some profound revelation - it's not. Common sense will serve you better than to listen to someone that acts in such a mean and hateful manner. It's written to take advantage of her quasi-celebrity and to make a fast buck. Save your time and money.

272 of 299 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Not happy! Not happy!, April 15, 2010

By	scott89119 "scott89119" (Whittier, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love (Hardcover)

Secrets of a Jewish Mother is ostensibly a collection of warm fuzzies about life, love, and friendship from two generations of a Jewish family. The entire reason for its having been written in the first place, however, is to satisfy the ego of Jill Zarin, currently on the cast of the Real Housewives of New York City. Every week we see our beloved author constantly degrade and demean former friends, turn up her nose at the lower classes, and in general act like an entitled snit. Yet we are supposed to listen to what she says, even though it comes from quite a disingenuous source.

Fortunately the book never tries to be anything but what it is, a trite hodgepodge of anecdotes that anyone over 13 should have learned simply by being a member of society. There is nothing new here, no deep psychoanalysis, no revelatory theories about what makes people tick, nothing that you couldn't glean from a few hours watching Lifetime. Then again, with Jill Zarin on the cover did you expect anything more than banal, uninspiring melodrama? Get a hobby.