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Secrets from the Sofa: A Psychologist's Guide to Achieving Personal Peace

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Psychology, Change, Coping, Improvement, Self-Helf

'Secrets from the Sofa' is an attempt by a board certified clinical psychologist to share the lessons that he learned from nearly 50 years of practice. In his long career, Dr. Kenneth Herman had the opportunity to listen to the problems of many people and thus gained a deep understanding of human nature and he shares with us the readers, that understanding.

Change is difficult but is not impossible. That is the message that this book gives. The blurb on the back cover says, "With motivation and determination, you will find that your personal peace plan can make a change for the better completely possible. Secrets from a Sofa can lead you to a happier, more fulfilling life. And if you really put your mind to it, it will." I agree with that statement.

The book has eighteen chapters spread over five parts. Part One is titled, "Understanding Why", Part two is titled, "Gearing Up", Part three is called, "Your Personal Peace Process", Part four deals with "Your Emotions and Feelings" and the final part is "Emerging Stronger"

Chapter six has detailed checklists to help you understand yourself better.

The book has a number of case studies and the style is easy and interesting. Names have been suitably changed to protect the privacy of the individuals. It is easy to relate to many of the problems (lack of confidence, indecisiveness, anger etc.) faced by the people in the book.

Additional resources are listed at the end of the book to help you explore specific topics in more detail.

The book is edited and printed well.

The book makes an useful addition to the many self-help books in the field and is recommended.

"Secrets from the Sofa" is an opportunity to sit down with an experienced psychologist and learn his game plan for becoming stronger, more confident and emotionally balanced. Folks, it doesn't get any better than this! "Secrets from the Sofa" is entertaining, eye-opening, and so compelling that it is hard to put down. Don't read this book in bed; you'll get so fired up and excited that you won't be able to sleep!

Dr Herman writes in a warm, understanding, and empathetic manner. He writes from firsthand experience, having spent over 100,000 hours counseling people from all walks of life. What I liked best is Dr. Herman's optimistic and upbeat perspective-- you can't help but smile as you read the doctor's case studies, real life illustrations and personal reflections. Dr Herman always inspires us to believe in ourselves (in spite of our shortcomings and challenges) as we set our sights on what we wish to accomplish.

The book also includes exercises and checklists, which spark creativity and inspire us to make steps towards personal growth and change.

"Secrets from the Sofa" includes:

* Identify & overcome your dissatisfaction in life
* How to shut off the tapes playing in your mind (negative self-talk)
* Identify defense mechanisms & negative coping styles
* Identify and acknowledge your problems
* Making a plan for personal transformation
* Pitfalls & roadblocks: How to get back on track
* Dealing with your feelings: depression, anxiety, guilt, anger
* Self-control & monitoring techniques that really work (and much, much more)

Isn't the title of this book irresistable? It's a throwback to the old practice of lying on a couch and divulging your deepest and darkest secrets to a shrink. Of course, it's no longer standard practice. Perhaps, the title is Dr Herman's way of laughing at himself, and encouraging the reader to loosen up and not take ourselves too seriously. Yes, we can have fun analyzing ourselves. Plus, we should never underestimate our ability to cope with problems and come up with workable solutions.

"Secrets from the Sofa" is the best book I've read all year. If you want to know Dr. Herman's secrets, get yourself a copy of this book! With most psychologists charging $60 (or more) per hourly office visit, "Secrets from the Sofa" is a real bargain at $20. I highly recommend this book to anyone who seeking personal balance and harmony in their life.

Secrets From the Sofa offers a do-it-yourself psychoanalysis complete with exercises that make you think about and analyze your past, your thoughts, your personal issues.

It's a great way to recharge your batteries by being reminded of how negative childhood experiences can affect you, how destructive your own thoughts can be, how minor and temporary your problems often are when put into perspective, how much time you waste on negative thoughts and feelings.

Dr. Herman's emphasis is on cognitive therapy, which promotes the identification of the negative "tapes" that one plays in one's head and re-scripting them with positive messages. This method, now so much favored in the psychologist community, is so simple and yet so immensely helpful.

The author is wise and insightful, having been enriched and informed by his experiences as a young man in post-war Europe dealing with Jews rescued from concentration camps and German prisoners of war. His war/prisoner stories are very moving. And he offers a workable plan for at least making a good start on identifying and dealing with one's psychological issues.

Reviewed by IR Staff

Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (11/07)


"Secrets from the Sofa" is a step-by-step guide that provides you with the tools for achieving peace. Dr. Herman, a clinical psychologist, uses the cognitive-behavioral approach because he sees it as being effective for making long-term changes. This approach teaches you to overcome negative self-talk. In his book, he provides you with the steps to develop a plan to help you overcome your difficulties and obstacles at achieving happiness. He helps you to identify the connection between past issues and current problems.

Often we become dissatisfied with our lives because we are too busy focusing on the future and what we don't know, and we are stuck in the conditioning of our past. Unhappy people tend to repeatedly put themselves in the same negative environments that they had as children. These people suffer from repetition compulsion. Dr. Herman writes, "We can never change what happened to us in the past. However, we can change how our past affects us today." Throughout the book he offers a variety of exercises to help us. These include thought-provoking questions. He also offers interesting case histories as examples to illustrate his points.

"Secrets from the Sofa" is concisely written and easy-to-follow. The difficulties that will arise are more likely to come from resistance and fear to confronting the issues that we have been allowing ourselves to hold us back from really being happy. Dr. Herman tells us, "Don't let anger and frustration rule your life. Do not let an unhealthy situation go on and on, day after day..." This is so true. When doing the exercises I did discover how a great deal of my thoughts, actions and self-perceptions were based upon incidents from my childhood. I really don't want to continue to be stuck back there. Addressing my need to overcome my fear of change, allowed me to fill the void left behind with hope for a great, healthy future. Dr. Herman writes, "As you make the changes you desire, you will undoubtedly also experience joy, relief, laughter, excitement, elation, satisfaction, contentment, and, finally peace." So what are you waiting for?

Book received free of charge

Quoting from the back cover:

"If what everyone really wants from life is happiness, success, and peace of mind, then why do people stay at unrewarding jobs or in destructive relationships? Why are people neglecting their physical and mental health? Why do we sometimes have so much trouble just getting through the day?

"Unfortunately, people feel safe and secure with familiar emotions. Even misery is preferable to the anticipated anxiety associated with change. Intellectually, we would like to change; emotionally, we question if change is necessary - or even possible.

"As a practicing clinical psychologist for over 45 years, Dr. Kenneth Herman shares his 'Secrets from the Sofa' - his proven step by step approach to helping people change and achieve a greater sense of purpose, happiness and peace. He offers readers the chance to be their own psychologist; to look at their problems, to address were they are coming from, to make a plan to overcome the issues, and then to execute that plan.

"With motivation and determination, you will find that your personal peace plan can make a change for the better completely possible. Secrets from the Sofa can lead you to a happier, more fulfilling life. And if you really put your mind to it, it will."

The heart of this book and Dr. Herman's therapy is a form of psychotherapy called cognitive therapy which was developed by Dr. Aaron Beck. The basic premise of cognitive therapy is that negative thoughts and attitudes affect our moods. Negative thinking causes depression. Cognitive therapy attempts to help people change their thought patterns.

Secrets of the Sofa is organized into five parts: 1) Understanding Why; 2) Gearing Up; 3) Your Personal Peace Process: 4) Your Emotions and Feelings: and 5) Emerging Stronger. In addition, there are nine exercises: 1) Childhood Log; 2) Childhood Misfortune Checklist; 3) Coping Styles; 4) Defense Mechanisms; 5) Hopefulness Gauge; 6) Life Areas; 7) Self Image; 8) Problem List; 9) Goal Worksheet. His Principle of Change are: 1) Treat yourself with respect and care; 2) Face problems and conflicts directly; and 3) Identify, understand, and let go of resistances. He states . . . "These principles are simply incompatible with unhealthy thinking. Each time you act according to these principles, you are redefining yourself and becoming a stronger person."

I love books like this from experienced psychologists . . . always hoping for something innovative. However, I didn't find anything particularly new (having worked a twelve-step program in the past), but this little book did remind me that the quality of our lives is largely the result of our thoughts. And, I think Abraham Lincoln said it most succinctly: "People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." I also appreciated being reminded that ... "Anger is a healthy emotion. If someone violates our boundaries or threatens to take advantage of us, anger can mobilize us to protect ourselves."

As far as helpful therapy goes, Dr. Herman did not address: 1) making amends to those we've hurt in the past, when possible (a twelve-step chore), which helps us to rid ourselves of guilt feelings and 2) finding a support group, not just a friend, where we can verbalize our feelings, which has the affect of minimizing the intensity of our problems. Other than these two thoughts, Secrets from the Sofa is a well-written, well-edited, self-help workbook you may want to consider if you are thinking about making changes in your life.

Kaye Trout
Reviewer

Dr. Herman's goal is to share his methods and conclusions from his forty-five years as a therapist. I would call it a light bulb or an awareness book. He's openly candid about what works and what does not and includes his own personal foibles. At one time he was flunking three out of four high school classes. This candid approach keeps the book interesting and makes it something of a memoir of his professional life.

A devotee of Aaron Beck and cognitive therapy, he says that many of our behavior patterns come from our youth. We are guilty of what Dale Carnegie called "Stinking Thinking" based on learned messages. Many of us carry unprocessed childhood pain that includes guilt, negative thinking, poor, self-concept, lack of initiative, anger, and depression. Children have no choice but to internalize what parents tell them, and it isn't always good. I dislike approaches that blame mother, but he at least includes both parents.

He works with the reader through various aspects of problem areas and includes worksheets to record our individual efforts at self-understanding. Change is tough. Physical complaints are common. Early messages play back and frustrate us whenever we attempt change. He suggests breaking aspects into chunks and smaller tasks and uses the example of how we get used to swimming in a cold ocean. Most of us will get our feet wet, then gradually wade in until we no longer feel cold. Correcting issues is a similar process on a higher level. Goals are important with easier changes coming first, so we feel at least some success. He recommends visualizing ourselves as successful.

I see this as a get-your-feet-wet book for someone who has had problems accepting therapy. It's also a readable tutorial for would-be therapists. I'm not at all sure that most people would be able to master his methods on their own, however. He wouldn't have spent 45 years as a therapist if we could.

Secrets from the Sofa by Dr. Kenneth Herman, a board-certified psychologist, is a book that will benefit adults of all ages. Why? Although there are many reasons, allow me to emphasize five very important ones:

1. Parents, in the process of rearing their children, will better understand the impact that their spoken words and display of emotions have on their sons and daughters. They are creating parental tapes that will replay in the minds of their children for the rest of their lives--whether the tapes are positive or negative. Dr. Herman offers sound advice in regard to parenting skills, providing examples on how to handle specific situations.

2. Adults who are suffering from childhood wounds are given information and exercises to complete that are emotionally challenging but necessary for healing. There are core effects that must be identified and addressed; however, the author reassures readers that what has happened to them in the past need not be a reflection of their future. What was learned can be unlearned!

3. Dr. Herman enables readers to identify their coping styles which are normally the result of false perceptions due to poor self-images. Some need to be eliminated in order for individuals to reach their full potential in life. Through the completion of written exercises, readers will identify coping styles as well as defense mechanisms.

4. Once problem areas are identified, individuals are reassured that they have the power and courage to change. An exercise in which they check words to describe their positive and negative characteristics helps with such changes and enables these individuals to comprehend the importance of the cognitive behavioral approach.

5. The main purpose of this book, in my opinion, is to help readers establish a peace plan--a plan of action that will help change their thinking so they can lead fuller, happier lives. Using a goal worksheet, readers are asked to rank their problems and set a time-frame for bringing about what they believe are necessary changes and solutions. The author cautions them to be realistic and offers advice on putting their individual plans into action while avoiding common deviations. In order to bring about permanent changes, Dr. Herman's reading audience of self-help patients will have to confront many emotions; therefore, he devotes an entire section to help readers deal with their feelings of depression, anxiety, etc. He offers self-control techniques that I personally found helpful.

Although the author modified names and facts, he used actual case histories throughout the book, enabling readers to see themselves in other people. This provides great insight into therapy and offers interesting reading. Dr. Herman has successfully written and designed a book to assist people who truly want to help themselves; however, he wisely points out that there are times when professional help may be required, citing some questions to enable individuals to make such determinations.

As a book reviewer who has some background in psychology and someone who has successfully written a self-help book, I do not hesitate to recommend Secrets from the Sofa as a "must read." If you want to become all you can be--to achieve personal peace--buy this book, read it, do the exercises and change your life.

Bettie Corbin Tucker
An Independent Professional Reviewer

Dr. Herman has written a book to bring happiness and peace to each and everyone of us. I will be recommending this book to many of my own clients because it is down to earth and makes you look at the simple things in life in a different way. An example of this is a situation where a woman didn't receive a birthday card from her husband, but he did take her out to dinner. She was hurt and when Dr. Herman asked a few simple questions, she realized how she had not evaluated the situation correctly. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this myself and I am working on correcting my "quick judgements" of a situation when really they were not meant to hurt anyone. Everyone will be able to identify with this book and learn from it.