Secrets of the Wholly Grill: A Comic Novel about Software, Barbecue, and Cravings [Hardcover]

Lawrence G. Townsend (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 9, 2002

Freezer-wrapped sirloin tips, secret sauce, and info-tech giant ThinkSoft combine in this satirical novel, rife with tones of Vonnegut and Huxley. Lenny Milton, loyal user of ThinkSoft products, opens his mailbox one day to find a package marked “Perishable.” Inside are flash-frozen sirloin tips. Instantly famished, and thrilled to receive another gift from ThinkSoft, Lenny can’t wait to fire up his grill. But there’s a warning on the package: By breaking the seal and accessing the Wholly Grill marinated meat, you agree that the aforesaid meat will be promptly cooked on the Wholly Grill Outdoor Cooking Information System (“The System”) and only on the System. Lenny bites the bait, but then he can’t log on to ThinkSoft’s overloaded network to start the grill. When he gives up and cooks the meat on his trusty old Weber, he breaks the user agreement, thereby unleashing the fury of the tech gods. The results, ranging from exploding flavor crystals that blind Lenny’s dog, to a class action suit against ThinkSoft with riotously funny courtroom scenes, to a dangerous investigation into ThinkSoft founder Art Newman by plucky reporter Persi Valentino, will have readers laughing out loud and thinking twice about software purchases and end user agreements, not to mention barbecues.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Subtitled "A Satire About Software, Barbecue & Cravings," Townsend's first novel is a provocative if cartoonlike comedy about the potentially evil uses of technology. In a mythical Silicon Valley, the Thinksoft Corporation attempts to addict and enslave its clients with a modem-operated laser grill that comes complete with a secret recipe barbecue sauce, ready-to-cook meat and a seemingly airtight licensing agreement. In short order, a dog is blinded by unlicensed use of Thinksoft barbecue products on an ordinary grill; dog owner Lenny Milton, who represents the average American grossly overweight, gullible and financially irresponsible develops a chemical dependency on the barbecue sauce; and a class action suit is brought against Thinksoft. In a world that runs on lawsuits, with judges, lawyers and expert witnesses all using the artificial intelligence of Thinksoft's Reasonware to weigh their decisions, young and untried lawyer Will Swanson seeks to protect the barbecue-addicted public and redeem himself in his father's eyes. Meanwhile, his former college friend, technology reporter Persi Maria Valentino, infiltrates Thinksoft as weekend cleaning help. At the 11th hour, when the lawsuit seems doomed before the onslaught of Thinksoft's huge legal team, Persi enlists the aid of Joon Newman, the brilliant computer-game-designer son of the corporation's owner and inventor of Reasonware, himself a Wholly Grill addict, and the line between what is real and what is virtual starts to blur. Joon, Will and Persi steal the evidence they need to expose Thinksoft's unscrupulous tactics, and there follows a chase scene reminiscent of computer games. Clich‚d but likable characters abound in this classic David and Goliath battle between good and evil, but its over-the-top and frequently out-of-control plot fails to fully engage the reader.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Review

A huge and bullying software vendor branches into food technology. . . . The perfect gift for everyone who has . . . cursed Windows. -- Kirkus Reviews, November 15, 2001

Imagine Florida satirist Carl Hiaasen let loose in Silicon Valley and you have . . . SECRETS OF THE WHOLLY GRILL . -- San Jose Mercury News, February 24, 2002

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Carroll & Graf; First Edition edition (February 9, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786709650
• ISBN-13: 978-0786709656
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,872,092 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Redmond Calling?, April 23, 2002

By 

L. Brown (Portland, ME) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Secrets of the Wholly Grill: A Comic Novel about Software, Barbecue, and Cravings (Hardcover)

The cover alone forced me to buy this, and I was not at all disappointed. This is a book for conspiracy theorists and haters of monopolistic software vendors everywhere! Not only is this "laugh out loud" funny the whole (wholly?) way through, but it is scarily close to the "wholly truth".
Written by an intellectual property attorney from Silicon Valley who has obviously seen it all happen in reality: from absurd "shrink wrap licenses" to the increasing power of lawyers over the technological lanscape. What does a software company do when it runs out of new revenue sources for it's software? Why turn to the "consumer" marketplace, of course. But the catch is you still do business like a software company, with a draconian "shrink-wrap" license.
I won't spoil the ending, but suffice it to say that when the "wholly e-truth" comes out in the end, your sides should hurt from laughing! Don't miss it!!!!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Nervous laughter!, January 29, 2002

By 

Carla J. Eisley (Lisle, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Secrets of the Wholly Grill: A Comic Novel about Software, Barbecue, and Cravings (Hardcover)

JUST when you assure yourself you're being paranoid...that technology REALLY doesn't control you...you open SECRETS OF THE WHOLLY GRILL. You laugh a little, adore the author's clever use of language and puns, and know that you might have been on the right track after all.

Clever, yes. Absurd, maybe. A little too close to the truth? DEFINITELY! Lawrence Townsend has written a truly original novel, as they say, "ripped from today's headlines."

If computers, software, food and cigarettes form the core pleasures and meaning of YOUR life, read on, my friends. You will enjoy the ride!

I received this book as a gift, and what a gift it was!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great legal satire, September 15, 2002

By 

Narayan Radhakrishnan (Trivandrum, Kerala, India) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Secrets of the Wholly Grill: A Comic Novel about Software, Barbecue, and Cravings (Hardcover)

As a lawyer and as a self-proclaimed "numero uno legal thriller lover", I usually read about 50 legal thrillers a year - of the likes of John Grisham, Scott Turow, Lisa Scottoline, Richard North Patterson etc., etc. Suspense, courtroom drama, intrigue - are most probably the words that come to mind while describing legal thrillers.

However, words like amusing, hilarious & funny cross my mind after reading Secrets of the Wholly Grill - a novel the like of which I have never ever read in this realm of mystery writing.

Intellectual Property Lawyer Lawrence G. Townsend-s foray into fiction writing - Secrets of the Wholly Grill - is a superb satire, one that will be enjoyed by any person with a sense of humour.

Thinksoft, a software company introduces an innovative "laser-powered cooking device connected by modem to a proprietary information network, designed to provide the ultimate outdoor dining experience for millions of barbecue loving Americans - the Wholly Grill." A special sauce is shipped free by Thinksoft to many a customer, but the can can only be used on the Wholly Grill. Using the sauce in any other grill results in freakish accidents & dangerous explosions.

One such victim is Lenny Milton whose dog has lost his eyesight by consuming a barbecue product using this sauce in an ordinary grill. He approaches Will Swanson - a novice young attorney (a superb caricature of a lawyer usually seen in Grisham novels) & together, with the help of reporter Persi Valentino & lawyer Edwin G. Ostermyer, they take on Thinksoft. What follows is a rip-roaring humorous ride with David/Goliath style action that will enthrall & amuse.

Secrets of the Wholly Grill is a satire on our litigation-obsessed society, the unscrupulous monopolistic nature of modern day companies, on legal thrillers & finally on Consumerism.

We seldom associate legal thrillers with humour, (or for that matter lawyers with humour) - save for John Mortimer-s wonderful Rumpole works, I have never read a "funny" novel featuring legal-themed stories. The book reminded me a lot of MASH - a novel about doctors & medical service, unlike any other - & in that sense - Secrets of the Wholly Grill - is a unique look into the legal system, unlike any other.

Secrets of the Wholly Grill is a wholly satisfying read. Highly, highly recommended.