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Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness
 
 
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Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness [Hardcover]

Dan Neuharth (Author)
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)


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Book Description

March 25, 2004
This insightful guide is an exploration of how and why people undermine their happiness and lose touch with their "best" selves. Counterproductive self-deception, a universal behavior, is a habit that can be broken. People keep themselves from having what they want, a phenomenon known as "self-handicapping."

Offering poignant examples, innovative tools, and a compassionate perspective, Dan Neuharth reveals how to vanquish self-imposed roadblocks and avoid unnecessary losses in order to embrace and share the best in oneself.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Neuharth, a marriage and family therapist, brings the same mixture of practical suggestions and sympathetic understanding in this new guide to avoiding self-defeating actions as he did to his If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World. (The earlier book resulted in Oprah, Good Morning America and CNN Talkback Live! appearances.) In order to change behavior that has undermined personal happiness, Neuharth argues that it is essential to recognize that one is one's own source of this unhealthy conduct, that one has the power to alter it and that denial usually prevents one from taking productive action. Denial,Neuharth finds, frequently stems from inappropriate fear that taking any action may have too great an emotional cost. In an especially useful chapter, he shows how most fears reflect concerns about self-worth or worries about a dreaded experience such as publics peaking. He offers a number of self-tests and sensible techniques for becoming more self-aware and overcoming fears, illustrated by numerous case studies. In addition, Neuharth helps readers identify their deepest hopes and desires along with the means for achievement. A clear, apostrophic style ("You've done this thousands of times in your life") and user-friendly organization further add to this above-average manual for maximizing personal happiness.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Dan Neuharth, Ph.D. is the author of the national bestseller, If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World. He has appeared on national broadcast media, including Oprah, Good Morning America, and CNN's Talkback Live. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco Bay area.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 320 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press (March 25, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312312474
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312312473
  • Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.4 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #672,693 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

11 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.6 out of 5 stars (11 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

55 of 55 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Offers far more than it advertises, April 4, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Hardcover)
What's that adage that you can't judge a book by its cover? Although I compliment the publisher for the cover's clean, contemporary design in sea-foam green and backlit-blue, this understated cover actually undersells this gem of a book. In fact, this is like three books in one. The first third of the book is a thorough investigation into how denial and self-defeating behavior really work, along with numerous ways to nip self-sabotage in the bud. For me, that in itself was worth the price of admission. The book's middle section is an inspiring and affirming motivational text that includes several excellent exercises which helped me clarify values, yearnings, and goals that matter most to me. This section showed numerous ways to live your highest dreams rather than settling for your limitations. The final part of the book is primarily a practical, nuts-and-bolts primer on effective problem-solving, offering a half-dozen no-nonsense methods to solve any personal problem. Any one of these sections could stand on its own as an entire book, yet the three "books" work together seamlessly. I found this book full of insights, though never dense or obscure. Quite a bargain for the buck.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely Worth Reading, April 2, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Hardcover)
This book has the most insightful and freeing explanation of how to overcome fear and anxiety I have ever read. After reading this I feel that, for the first time, I have a handle on how fear tends to run my life. More importantly, I feel I can take back control of my life in crucial situations where I would have felt lost before. I also loved the metaphor about "Inner Characters," especially the Indulger, Persuader, Moviemaker, and Dramateer, which particularly spoke to me. This Inner Character metaphor has helped me spot even the most subtle ways I personally tend to drift into self-sabotage, and to spot it early enough so that I can change course. Using this metaphor has already kept me on several occasions from doing things that I would almost certainly have later looked back on with chagrin in one of those "What was I thinking?" moments. The book does a great job of showing how everybody gets in their own way at times and that self-sabotage is nothing to be ashamed of. This knowledge takes away the guilt-and-shame factor I sometimes feel when I "step in it." That frees me to move on and learn from my mistakes instead of risking repeating them cluelessly. Definitely worth reading.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Clear and thought-provoking, March 21, 2004
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This review is from: Secrets You Keep from Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness (Hardcover)
This is an amazing book. Denial and self-sabotage would seem to be difficult topics to approach and define. How can one talk about what one may not be consciously aware of, after all? But this book tackles this subject in masterful fashion. By using both a light touch and reassuring manner, the author encouraged me to approach my own foibles (of which I am sometimes quite critical) with an open mind and heart, enabling me to learn about and accept myself in new ways and on a deeper level than most self-help books I have read. At the same time, the book takes complex phenomena such as defense mechanisms, the ego and self, and personality traits and, without sacrificing accuracy or psychological sophistication, shows in clear, precise, and plain-spoken ways how our innate human complexity can trip us up or work against us without our knowledge. Moreover, the book addresses these potentially-uncomfortable topics in a supportive, positive manner. Through features like identifying your "usual suspects" and the four "litmus test" signs of self-sabotage, this book stimulates powerful introspection into one's own self-sabotaging patterns, which is the necessary first step to positive change. I especially liked the book's chapter on the nine "Inner Characters" like the Moviemaker, Dr. No, and Mini-Me. These ingenious "character" portraits gave me entirely new ways to recognize and avoid my everyday ways of drifting into potentially troublesome habits.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
We want to know and be known for our very best. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
underlying core fears, survival rules, core desires, conflict that makes, fuzzy math, basic worth, counterproductive behavior, inner characters
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King Kong, Subterranean Accountant, Defense Department, Size Solution, Perhaps Angelica, Robert Karen
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