Secure Daughters, Confident Sons: How Parents Guide Their Children into Authentic Masculinity and Femininity [Paperback]

Glenn T. Stanton (Author)

Book Description

Release date: January 18, 2011

Raise secure, confident kids in a gender-confused world

In this eye-opening book, family researcher Glenn T. Stanton offers a clear vision for why gender matters in how we raise our children. His thought-provoking insights expose the problems with stifling stereotypes and damaging cultural assumptions, then highlight a practical pathway for guiding children into healthy manhood and womanhood.
 
You’ll discover…
   ·  what gender-appropriate behavior looks like at various ages—and why you shouldn’t panic if your toddler boy plays with his sister’s dolls. 
   ·  how to help your daughter become secure in her sense of significance—whether she prefers chasing butterflies or shooting hoops.
   ·  how to inspire your son to compete and take healthy risks—in ways that fit his unique personality.
   ·  how moms and dads complement one another as they discipline differently, comfort differently, and influence differently.
   ·  what you can do on a daily basis to nurture your children’s God-given design and help them resist the pressure to conform to arbitrary cultural rules.
 
With practical tools, well-researched insights, and real-life scenarios, this book equips parents to launch daughters who are secure in the power of their femininity and sons who are confident in their strength to make a difference in the world.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Praise for Secure Daughters, Confident Sons

"Excellent! Timeless wisdom is dispensed with clarity and refreshing lightness. If you are serious about raising great kids, you must read this book."
-Meg Meeker, MD, pediatrician and author of the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

"Secure Daughters, Confident Sons provides a powerful vision of raising girls and boys in an ever-changing world. Combining brain science with a Christian perspective, Glenn Stanton inspires parents and teachers to be at once visionary and practical. This book is inspiring and far reaching."
-Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls

"In this delightful book, Glenn Stanton lovingly reveals the secrets of raising healthy sons and daughters."
-Louann Brizendine, MD, author of The Female Brain and The Male Brain

"Secure Daughters, Confident Sons will help you become a secure, confident parent in raising gender-healthy children. It offers rich insight and highly practical applications for empowering your children to be all God intended when He made them male or female."
-Robert Lewis, founder of Men's Fraternity and author of Raising a Modern-Day Knight

"The culture tells us that the lines separating male and female are meaningless, but Glenn Stanton has tapped into the critical importance of recognizing and cultivating the distinct qualities of boys and girls. His book gives parents practical tools to help them appreciate and develop the femininity of their dauthers and the masculinity of their sons. Glenn's work demonstrates that each gender is uniquely gifted by God for a purpose, and by celebrating these gender-specific behaviors and attitudes, we strengthen families and help men and women find purpose and fulfillment."
-Jim Daly, president and CEO of Focus on the Famliy

"Every parent is raising a boy or girl into manhood or womanhood. There is no third option. Glenn Stanton has done parents and grandparents a noble service in helping us understand-based on insights of emerging science and the ancient wisdom of Christianity-how mothers and fathers both guide their children into healthy, balanced, and authentic masculinity and femininity. I know moms and dads-as well as those who want to understand how and why gender matters-will be helped by this important book."
-John Rosemond, family psychologist and author of The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline That Really Works!

"Glenn Stanton has courageously addressed one of the most challenging and rarely discussed aspects of parenting: what is the essence of your child's gender? His observations are not only insightful, but also practical. In a world steeped in gender confusion, this resource is invaluable."
-Dr. Juli Slattery, author and psychologist, Focus on the Family

"We live in a time of almost breathtaking confusion over things that should be basic, like the difference between boys and girls. Parents need good guidance in the midst of such confusion, and Glenn Stanton offers this kind of advice in Secure Daughters, Confident Sons. The secular world tells us that masculinity and femininity are merely social constructs that we must learn to leave behind, but Stanton believes that a proper understanding of manhood and womanhood is essential to Christian faithfulness and human happiness. I am thankful for his conviction and his courage."
-Dr. R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theology Seminary

About the Author

GLENN T. STANTON is the director for family formation studies at Focus on the Family. He debates and lectures extensively around the country on issues related to gender, sexuality, marriage, and parenting. Often sought out by national media to speak to these issues, Glenn is the author of several books and numerous articles. Glenn and his wife have five children.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books (January 18, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1601422946
• ISBN-13: 978-1601422941
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (79 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #796,567 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Glenn is the Director for Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family and a research fellow at the Institute of Marriage and Family in Ottawa. He debates and lectures extensively on gender, sexuality, marriage and parenting at universities and churches around the country. He served the George W. Bush administration for many years as a consultant on increasing fatherhood involvement in the Head Start program.

He and his wife Jacqueline have five endlessly growing kids and they all live relatively happily in the shadow of Pikes Peak in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Gender Distinct Work January 19, 2011

By John A. Bird

Format:Paperback

Glenn T. Stanton unapologetically believes that males and females are different, and that the difference isn't just a result of social conditioning. Little boys are different from little girls just like their daddies are different from their mothers. Their interests are different, their needs are different, even their brains are different. Stanton's book itself is evidence. If we were to remove his name along with all of the references to his being male, there wouldn't be a doubt that a man wrote the book. What lady would write a section on the benefits of throwing and catching babies, after all?

Stanton makes it clear that "different doesn't mean inferior":

"Different means different--think unique if that helps--and many of these female and male differences show us how important, vital, and necessary both male and female are for society and the family. Each has essential qualities, strengths as well as weaknesses, that the other doesn't have."

And to back that up, he gives equal space in his book to raising boys and raising girls; they even get their own chapters. Why wouldn't they? The goal of raising little boys is to make good men, he says, and the goal of raising little girls is to make good women. While "goodness" is the same regardless of gender, what makes a good man is quite different from what makes a good woman, and so there are aspects of their upbringing that should be different. "Raising secure daughters and confident sons is, by definition, gender distinct work."

Stanton also makes a big fuss about the difference in parenting styles between mother and dad, and he says that both are important. Kids benefit from the balance.... His examples of these differences were on the mark for my family, and I was happy to show my wife that I'm not so weird after all; that's just my being male. While mother sees that children are nurtured and safe, dad makes other contributions. For instance, by throwing baby in the air, dad builds confidence and, ironically, comfort. In a bit of an understatement, Stanton says that "Moms build comfort in their children in other ways."

Sure, we read a little about discipline, but very little. And to this reader, that's refreshing. I can only read so many books with multiple chapters on multiple spankings, but Stanton doesn't mention the rod at all. Instead, we get to read about hugging our kids, working with them, listening to them, and being involved in their lives. There's even a whole chapter on "the serious business of play." But even in play, there are lessons to be learned: "Dad needs to show his son how to destroy the right things safely."

Stanton, who is the director for family formation studies at Focus on the Family, draws from several sources. There is a sprinkling of Scripture and, for the most part, his arguments are biblical. He also leans heavily on psychology, science, and experience. Some will find these worldly influences too heavy. When he says that men should teach their sons to stand up to bullies, to even fight them when necessary, I find myself agreeing. But then I suspect that that's the Texan, rather than the Christian, in me. Overall, Stanton finds a good balance in this well-written, well-edited, often funny and very helpful book.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my review. Read more ›

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Some good Christian points March 28, 2011

By Baby Brainstorm

Format:Paperback

I loved that the author talked about our divine natures, and that each of us, male or female, was created by God on purpose to be the gender that we are! Boys and Girls are not the same, and that is a good thing!

One of the main points I took away from this book is that we as parents should look at our children as future men and women. And then we should imagine what type of men and women we want them to be and strive to teach them those qualities. If we want them to be responsible, we need to give them responsibilities when they are growing up. I appreciated the authors breakdown of specific gender needs and tendencies for both boys and girls. I can already tell that my son and daughter have different propensities, some of which are tied to their genders.

I wished the book would have given more example or parenting ideas for young children; I felt that most of the practical advice was for teenagers. I suppose that is because young children are less aware of their gender compared to a teenager!

Overall, I would at least recommend skimming through this book if you don't have time to read it all.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Not Impressed April 27, 2011

By MercyMomma

Format:Paperback

Secure Daughters Confident Sons: How Parents Guide Their Children into Authentic Masculinity and Femininity interested me. I mean, who doesn't want to raise secure daughters and confident sons? However, I didn't really find the book to be as "eye-opening" as the back cover claims.

Part 1 discusses "A Clear Vision For Authentic Manhood and Womanhood". Although the book is written from a Christian perspective, I found it to contain many generalizations like "men think this way" and "women usually do this" rather than looking at what the Bible says men and women should be like. I do think that it is valuable to think about what qualities I hope to instill in my children by the time they are grown, to think about what I am aiming for in a sense. I just did not really care for the way the book went about it.

Part 2 is titled "Why Boys and Girls Need Mothers and Fathers". Again, not very eye-opening. The information in this section is pretty basic and did not really keep my interest. Sorry, but I was just not impressed with this book.

I received a copy of this book for review from Waterbrook Multnomah Publishers. They obviously did not pay me to write this. ;)

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Refreshing! January 25, 2012

By Jennifer C. Mcilwain

Format:Paperback

If you are a parent, you can quickly get overwhelmed with the plethora of parenting books on the market. Few are anything more than your typical guide in how to have well-behaved, nice, neat little children. It was refreshing to read Glenn T. Stanton's Secure Daughters, Confident Sons: How Parents Guide Their Children Into Authentic Masculinity And Femininity.
Glenn T. Stanton is the director for Family Formation Studies at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs and a research fellow at the Institute of Marriage and Family in Ottawa. He debates and lectures extensively on the issues of gender, sexuality, marriage and parenting at universities and churches around the country. He served the George W. Bush administration for many years as a consultant on increasing fatherhood involvement in the Head Start program.
Stanton is the author of five books and a contributor to nine others, including Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Postmodern Society (1997), My Crazy, Imperfect Christian Family (NavPress, 2004) and Marriage on Trial: The Case Against Same-Sex Marriage and Parenting (InterVarsity Press, 2004), which was featured on C-SPAN BookTV.
His latest book, The Ring Makes All the Difference (Moody Publishers, September 2011), explains the latest research findings, as well as biblical wisdom, on why cohabitation is not a smart idea for couples and their children. Stanton and his wife have five endlessly growing and amazing children, and they live in Colorado Springs, Colo.
Stanton's response to some opinions that his definition of gender in the book is too narrow can be found HERE at her.meneutics the Christianity Today blog for women....
My desire is to help you teach your child to navigate between the two extreme views of gender identity that are present in our culture today. One group firmly believes that the way you nurture or socialize a child trumps the work of nature; the other demands that no amount of nurture should change the inborn wild-at-heart or captivating nature of boys and girls. Our definition of gender has to involve both nature and nurture to truly explain the essential difference and how we authentically live in our humanity throughout distinct cultures of the world. Our natures are real, but so are our nurturing environments. If not, parenting would simply be about providing food, clothing, and shelter." (Stanton from the introduction - The Importance of Difference)

The book is divided into two parts:

A Clear Vision for Authentic Manhood and Womanhood
Why Boys and Girls Need Mothers and Fathers

The two parts cover the following:

What makes a good man?
What makes a good woman?
What a boy needs most.
What a girl needs most.
Making Healthy Men out of Healthy Boys
Making Healthy Women out of Healthy Girls
Why it's Good When Mom and Dad Disagree
The Serious Business of Play
How Moms and Dads Together Influence Language Development
Balancing Grace and Discipline
Preparation Versus Protection: Why Both Dad and Mom Are Right
Your Child is a Sexual Being
How Mom and Dad Raise Kids Who Care
Gender Differences: The Basis for a Healthy Family

Stanton's writing style is engaging and funny. You'll be blessed and encouraged by his offering in Secure Daughters, Confident Sons.

A copy of the book was sent to me by WaterBrook Multnomah as part of their Blogging For Books program. Read more ›