Customer Reviews

The Self-Calmed Baby

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(10)

 

 

This book desperately needs to be updated. The out-of-date information on breastfeeding alone was enough to put me off (eg, that breast feeding has not been proven to be useful immunologically, etc). I did learn some new techniques my baby uses to self-soothe (sucking fists, etc) and I am relying on the pacifier a lot less, but overall the book was a big disappointment. I can't believe T Berry Brazelton has his name on this! Really just another person in the cry it out camp.

As a first-time mother, I bought this book thinking it may provide some advice on how to "teach" my 6 week old infant ways to calm himself. My son refused a pacifier and often cried inconsolably. I tried several of the techniques that were rather vaguely outlined in the book, and the bottom line was that they didn't work. As my son got older, as with most babies, the crying significantly decreased. I think it's unrealistic to expect an infant under 2-months old to self-calm. Infants need the love of their parents to feel secure. As they get older all babies learn, in some way, to self-calm WITHOUT parental intervention. I was also deeply offended by the negativity and UNTRUE information the author included on the subject of breastfeeding. I decided to breastfeed my son because I felt that it was the best thing for him (also very economical). I didn't have some alterior motive or "romantic fantasy" about doing so. The most ridiculous claim from Dr. Sammons is that some women are using breastfeeding as an "orgasmic outlet." I had a good laugh over that one!! After reading this book, I immediately threw it in the trash. Don't waste your money on this one!!

This book is poorly organized, vague, and counteracts all of my natural instincts as a parent. I don't understand how Brazelton could have written a foreword for it. None of my experiences with my child are reflected in here. In my opinion, the reason why Sammons' patients began to sleep better in the few weeks before they came back to see him is precisely because they waited a few weeks before they came back to see him. In other words, the infants got older, and their abilities naturally improved. Yes, babies can learn to self-calm, but it is not a reliable method of getting a very young infant, say, younger than two months, to sleep.

Sammons never clearly answers the key question in this dilemma: While trying to teach your child to put himself/herself to sleep, what do you do when your child starts to scream? Not fuss, but actually scream. How long should you let your child cry at one month, at two months, at three months? These very basic and important questions are not really addressed by the author.

The author doesn't want you to schedule your child's day time sleeping, but says that if you are "communicating" with your baby, you will naturally fall into a schedule. I don't agree that this is necessarily true for all parents.

Also, his writings indicate that putting your child in a swing, or rocking him/her to sleep is somehow cheating the baby out of the opportunity to learn to self-calm. This goes against every instinct in my body, and all of my experience with my (7-week old) child.

I hope the author responds and tries to address these issues, and I hope that he realizes how vague his book is on these topics.

The problem of learning to sleep is an important one, and it deserves a clear, comprehensive answer, preferably one that does not guilt the parents into thinking that if their baby is awake it is necessarily because they did something wrong.

How do you say thank you to someone who teaches you to learn about YOUR baby. How to notice the little things that matter so much to them at the time, and everyone in the end. I just wish every doctor knew of this and shared it with ALL their patients. The other methods that tell you to let your baby cry (for however long it may be) just don't address the part of "WHY" your baby may be crying. He teaches you how to find out why your baby is crying. And gives you some choices on how to deal with things like sleeplessness, fussiness, overstimulation, and seemingly endless nursing. My son was getting "colicky" around 3wks of age and nursing every hour, and only sleeping 2 hrs at a time at night. Within two days of getting this book, th colic was gone, and were on a solid 3hr schedule round the clock. 2 weeks later, when I finished the book, he gave up his 2am feeding the very next night after we tried it. and a week after that the 5am feeding stretched to 6am and now is 7am. And going to bed has gone from 11pm to 9:30 pm. My son rarely cries, and I never have to walk the floors, sleep with the vaccuum cleaner on or rock till I drop. I tried thos things prior to the book and things only got worse not better. You will never regret buying this book. I've bought it for all my friends as baby shower gifts and tell every woman I meet on the street with a baby about it. And also the hospital where I gave birth. Dr. Sammons is worth his weight in GOLD. Michelle

This book made me wonder whether the author had ever actually lived with any babies for more than half an hour. I want to warn parents to stay away from this book! I can't think of anything I have read recently that made me this angry. How could Brazelton endorse this crap!

I think that the practical advice in this book that works can be narrowed down to two items...1) let your baby learn to suck his hand or his thumb; and 2) try to make nighttime feedings dark and boring, without stimulus. Well gee, thanks, I already knew that.

None of things the author writes about agree with my own baby experiences. Most of the time, I don't understand what he is advocating, leave a baby under two months alone to learn to self-calm? Well fine, if it works, but what if your child is crying hysterically, what if he doesn't naturally "fuss" and then settle down? There is no advice for this very common situation. It seems that if your baby cries, it is probably your fault. You're overstimulating your baby, or, conversely, you're understimulating your baby. You intervened too quickly, you didn't intervene fast enough. If you let your baby cry too much, he'll work himself into hysterics, and that will be your fault. If you don't let your baby cry, he won't learn to "calm himself" and that will be your fault. The doctor also doesn't explain the correct way too intervene, when your baby is really crying, or wailing.

His advice goes completely against what my senses and practical instincts tell me. For example, If a parent says his/her baby likes the sound of the vacuum cleaner, or a tape recording of the parent's heartbeat. Oh no, according to Dr. Salmmons.., you are being fooled, he thinks your baby is not being soothed, but instead is shutting down, and is dangerously overstimulated, leading to sleeping disabilities later on.

He seems to have no experiences with breast feeding mothers, and particularly, those who are having a relatively easy time feeding their babies. Examples: He advises parents to let their baby sleep as long as they want to during the day and never wake them. Well, if you breastfeed, you know that you have to keep your breasts on a fairly regular schedule or you will endure massive pain and potentially mastitis, so, unless you want to pump, you have to wake the baby. (You'd think a doctor might know this). Furthermore, he seems to feel that a baby who is upset, or overstimulated will have trouble eating (mine never had trouble eating in his life, at least not from the breast), so it was very difficult for me to learn to "read my baby" as the doctor suggests all good parents will.

In summary, this doctor does a lot of theorizing about baby's ability to self calm, but is disturbingly short on practical advice for real situations. I found his book did nothing but make me feel by turns, guilty, helpless, and angry.

I was recommended this book by our pediatrician when our son was born. Having already read many books to prepare myself for motherhood, I was skeptical at first by the content. I applied the methods that were outlined in the book and was amazed to see that I could still be an excellent mother and give the baby his space to calm himself down. He has consistenly slept through the night since he was 7 weeks old (now 6 months)and I am daily reminded by strangers who come in contact with him how well-adjusted and comfortable he is.

Since every parent has their individual belief about what is right for their child, I usually wait until I see my friends in a frenzy over "trying everything to get their baby to calm down" and then I quietly pass along the book.

I believe this book reminds parents that sometimes they need to be less controlling while still attending to the vital needs of their baby (feeding, comforting, nurturing). I am thankful this book was given to me very early in my child's life. I think it has made our family all self-calm a bit!

Amazon.com's listing of this book is a bit misleading. Brazelton is not an author of this book; he just wrote the Introduction. I would not have purchased it if I had known this in advance, as I had never heard of Sammons (the real author) before.

I just recently read all of the reviews of this book and I hopeall of those who are considering buying this book, take a look at thelives of those who bought it and thought it was "against their parental instincts" and those who wanted to teach their children how to calm themselves and get a good night's sleep. Basically, it's against my parental instincts that my daughter should have to suffer through another night of exhaustion. Compare that to those who did applied the steps that Dr. Sammons outlines in his book At the age of eight weeks old, my daughter has slept everynight for at least 10 - 12 hours (except for illness or teething), taken two-two hour naps until just recently as she gave up her morning nap prior to turning one. Some people tell me that I am just lucky to have a daughter who sleeps so well. Well, let me tell you, I wasn't for the first eight weeks. Nothing would get her to sleep except sheer exhaustion. Not even a car ride could always get her to sleep. Finally, after desperation, I asked my pediatrician what I could do and immediately, she told me to buy this book. I read it in a day and started at it. Some days were good, some days were bad, but within one week, my daughter was going to sleep on her own. It was the first time she had ever snored! She was so sound asleep and getting quality sleep. She never got that with a pacifier. A month later my daughter was diagnosed with pyloric stenosis and had to have stomach surgery but even in the hospital, she did not forget how to go to sleep on her own. I could have screamed at the nurses who wanted to rock her and I told them just to put her down! They couldn't believe that she would just go to sleep. Several asked me what I had done. I told them about this book. The night my daughter went to sleep on her own, I gave away my rocking chair and swing and I have never needed them since. Adults give children bad habits such as pacifiers, swings, bouncing a child up and down, etc., It does work..but it takes your patience and determination.

The problem with the idea of a "self-calmed" infant is that human infants aren't biologically designed to calm themselves. Like all higher primates and many mammals, our babies grow and thrive best with an abundance of hands on parenting and "in arms" care during infancy. Baby sleep patterns are different from adults' for a good reason: growth and safety. Babies need to nurse at night and their infantile sleep-wake cycles appear to be protective against SIDS. This idea that we should "teach" our babies independence is a recent western cultural construct. It opposes all previous human history and most other world cultural care-giving patterns.

Also, as a mother of three young children, I encourage mothers of infants to *enjoy* and treasure the fun of rocking, snuggling, nursing, and sleeping with that sweet-smelling baby. Infancy paases very quickly.

Katie Allison Granju Author, "ATTACHMENT PARENTING: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child"

I bought this book because I was told that it prevented you from needing to buy Ferber's book later on. And at the same time I bought the book Attachment Parenting by Katie Allison Granju & Betsy Kennedy . I decided to read Sammons book first . The biggest problem was that I never felt good while reading it and it didn't feel right to implement on an innocent newborn . Plus all the other reviewers were right about the book giving incorrect info about breastfeeding. Luckily for me I had the other book . My baby was actually crying (I was trying to follow Sammons advice) while I scanned quickly through the Attachment Parenting book for any advice that would settle my confusion and make me feel better , I happened to read a paragraph that made me pick up my child right there and then , comfort and soothe her till she was calm , Mommy-Calmed that is . I was convinced not to try this or other cry it out methods till my instincts told me I should, if ever, not some book. It really makes me feel guilty that for a brief period I let this book convince me that ignoring my child's helpless cries was a good parenting style.