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Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind [Kindle Edition]

Kristin Neff
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (142 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $26.99
Kindle Price: $11.89
You Save: $15.10 (56%)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers

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Book Description

Kristin Neff, Ph.D., says that it’s time to “stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind.” Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life.

More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.  



Editorial Reviews

Review

“This is an important book. Following its advice can free readers from the chains of self-criticism and replace them with the wings of self-encouragement.”

From the Back Cover

From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life

The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion—and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a Ping-Pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.

This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff—the world's foremost expert on self-compassion—explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly readable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.


Product Details

  • File Size: 459 KB
  • Print Length: 325 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0061733512
  • Publisher: HarperCollins e-books; 1 edition (April 19, 2011)
  • Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004JN1DBO
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #18,766 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
186 of 190 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Nothing less than exceptional ! June 1, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I usually doubt when someone says that a book, or a concept, is life-changing.

Trust me: THIS ONE IS. At least if you find yourself stuck in some struggle in your life that you feel is possible to be solved but you don't know how. If you feel fear of the consequences of doing something in your life you'll also find here what may be the origin and to heal this fear. This book is about being stronger, emotionally stronger, in a way that I didn't see any other author talk about. The subject of this book, I think, is the root for all the other strenghts we can have as human beings. I think that, without this, we can't be sucessful getting to the other strengths.

I've been lost in a depression for the last 6 years and I had read lots of books from the top authors on psychology, self-motivation, personal efectiveness and on and on. All I found was some strength to keep searching, but nothing EVER touched so exactly on what could be the reason and the cure for the bad emotions I had for all these years.

I'm sure that , for me , this book is one more piece of the puzzle I've been working on since my depression came into my life. But I can assert that it's the most meaningful piece so far. No doubt. Sometimes while reading I found myself avoiding the book because the transformation was being too intense in my point of view, but I noticed my pattern and kept on reading. It really was worth!

I could keep writing here for hours about how now I can see a path, a light, that I couldn't see before on some of the most difficults aspects of my life. Past and present aspects.

I strongly recommend this book to you, to anyone.
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65 of 67 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Seriously Excellent Book for Seriously Insecure People August 26, 2011
Format:Hardcover
This book is, in a word, awesome. I'm a young woman who's been having very difficult issues as a result of insecurities, rock bottom self-esteem, and perfectionism since around age 9 (that I can remember) and this is one of the most helpful things I've found on my journey to healing. Instead of recommending an endless barrage of positive self-talk to candy coat our problems, Kristin Neff really digs down to reveal the definition of self-compassion and it's components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Her writing style is very down to earth and she speaks from experience. With the exercises scattered throughout the book she allows you to take a good, honest look at yourself without judgement so you can understand your issues and their roots in a compassionate and loving way, recognizing that we are all products of millions of factors that are out of our control, that we are all imperfect and thus human. Her own stories show that she herself has experienced lack of self-compassion and that her research is not just some dissertation concerning others, but is a real path to self-discovery for her and in turn, for the reader. Perhaps because she is a woman drawing from her own experiences, this book seems especially tailored to the issues faced by women in our day and age, though the exercises and methods are universally applicable.

If you often think you're not good enough, if you judge others or yourself harshly, if you deal with persistent fear or shame, or if you have some issues that just won't go away, give this book a shot. It just might change your life.
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81 of 85 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Well Written Account of a Powerful Technique April 26, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I felt this book is excellent. It combines research information on the clinical use of self-compassion with personal stories of its success in helping people that the author had known and worked with, as well as examples of its successful use in her personal life. Although the whole book has a warm, readable style, the author's personal stories in particular are written with a heartfelt honesty and vulnerability which I greatly admired (and also illustrated the power of self-compassion very well). The book does a great job of balancing useful background information with techniques that anyone can use to incorporate self-compassion into his or her own life. It would serve as a fantastic introduction and primer to the subject of self-compassion (which I agree is an incredibly powerful approach for self-healing and growth) as well as a valuable resource of additional information for those already familiar with the concept from other sources.
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35 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The healing power of self-compassion December 10, 2011
Format:Hardcover
Leading psychologist Kristin Neff's groundbreaking book, "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind" shows us how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and learn to be kind to ourselves. Using personal stories, empirical research and practical exercises she explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns to become healthier, happier, and more effective.
Our ultracompetitive culture, the relentless pursuit of high self-esteem and the need to be above average to feel good about ourselves makes our sense of self-worth rise and fall in lockstep with our latest success or failure. She says many experts now see self-compassion as a more powerful and effective alternative to self-esteem. Their research shows that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable and kick in precisely when self-esteem falls down.
Current research shows there are holes in over emphasizing high self-esteem as an indicator of healthy behavior. Neff says high self-esteem is a consequence rather than a cause of healthy behavior. Narcissists and sociopaths generally have extremely high self-esteem (inflated, unrealistic perceptions of themselves) and tend to blame others for negative consequences. Jean Twenge's book, "Generation Me, the Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement" speaks eloquently about the problem.
Neff says thoughts and emotions have an effect on our bodies: self-compassion triggers oxcytocin the hormone of "love and bonding" and "tend and befriend" whereas self-criticism elicits an increase in blood pressure, adrenalin and the hormone cortisol.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars The best book I've read in years
The best book I've read in years. So insightful. So good if you are hard on yourself and avoid feeling your emotions. It seriously changed my life.
Published 1 day ago by Tracy Plane
4.0 out of 5 stars Learning to practice self-compassion
I enjoyed the activity/reflection at the end of each chapter. It gave me the opportunity to reflect and practice self-compassion.
Published 2 days ago by San Diego Shoe Girl
5.0 out of 5 stars Great exercises and perhaps life-changing information that hits home...
This is a must-read for almost everyone I know! Great exercises and perhaps life-changing information that hits home in the deepest parts.
Published 12 days ago by L. D. Mitran
5.0 out of 5 stars Immediate results
Practical tools that you can use immediately to gain benefits.
Published 25 days ago by Sue White
5.0 out of 5 stars A Helpful Way to see yourself with more compassion
I am sick of self-help books even though I've read many and a friend suggested I buy this and I am glad I did. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Be Well
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
A wonderful and wise book, that helps you get grounded and cultivates a loving kindness attitude.
Published 1 month ago by Ditte Soenderskov
5.0 out of 5 stars This is an excellent book for anyone who wants to learn how to ...
This is an excellent book for anyone who wants to learn how to love themselves. It is easy to read and she gives you ideas of exactly what you can do to comfort yourself and... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Gail M. Newman
5.0 out of 5 stars a gift of love to myself
I am SO glad I found this book (recommended by Brene Brown)! Just what I needed to read at this time in my life. Read more
Published 1 month ago by R. A. Yeager
3.0 out of 5 stars Doesn't really stand out much ...
Dr. Neff has written a rather run of the mill book on self compassion. That's not to say it's a bad book. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Martin Firestein
5.0 out of 5 stars My absolute favorite
I admit to being a bit of a self-help literature enthusiast. Hey, being a human (especially one living in this crazy 21st century) is hard! Read more
Published 1 month ago by Lisa Barksdale
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More About the Author

Read more at www.self-compassion.org

Kristin got her Ph.D. in 1997 at UC Berkeley, studying moral development. She is currently an Associate Professor in Human Development at the University of Texas at Austin.

During Kristin's last year of graduate school she became interested in Buddhism, and has been practicing meditation in the Insight tradition ever since. While doing her post-doctoral work she decided to conduct research on self-compassion - a central construct in Buddhist psychology and one that had not yet been examined empirically. In addition to her pioneering research into self-compassion, she has developed an 8-week program to teach self-compassion skills. The program, co-created with her colleague Chris Germer, is called Mindful Self-Compassion.

Kristin lives in Elgin, Texas with her husband Rupert Isaacson - an author and human rights activist - and with her young son Rowan. She and her family were recently featured in the documentary and book called The Horse Boy - www.horseboymovie.com


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