The Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You [Paperback]

Adam Wasson (Author), Jessica Stamen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 25, 2004

REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

Let’s face it, there are thousands of books out there to help you avoid self-destructive behavior—but what fun is that? Welcome to the first book designed to help you not help yourself. Here you’ll find unsound advice on everything from engineering a revenge affair to picking the gateway drug that’s best for you.

Chapters include:

• 12 Steps to a Drinking “Problem”
• Condoms Are for Suckers
• How to Lose Way Too Much Weight in 90 Days
• And more!

As you travel down the road to self-destruction, let this hedonistic handbook be your guide. It may steer you wrong—in fact, it’s sure to do so—but when being wrong is this much fun, who wants to be right?

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

ADAM WASSON is a Scotch-swilling, Marlboro-smoking, relationship-sabotaging MWM. He enjoys walks on the beach, sodomitical literature, and good food. He is looking for: a small but vehement cult following.

JESSICA STAMEN is an SWF with a kind heart, questionable morals, and a history of Oprah-esque weight fluctuation. She is looking for: a man.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Introduction

CONGRATULATIONS! In picking up this book you have already accomplished more than you may realize. For one thing, you've made a statement about yourself—you are not someone who simply follows the crowd. Let's face it, there are thousands of books on how to avoid self-destructive behavior. As far as we know, however, this is the world's first book on how to embrace self-destruction, enjoy it, and pursue it to its fullest extent. Take a moment just to congratulate yourself on being unique enough to recognize this fact, and brave enough to investigate it.

The self-hurt goal
Our goal here is simple: We want to help you not help yourself To that end, we offer advice on everything from how to stalk an ex to how to smoke with emphysema. Wondering which gateway drug is right for you? This book will help you decide. Not sure how much degradation you can take? Probably more than you think: We'll help you push your limits.

No matter what self-destructive behavior you're interested in pursuing, chances are we've got some valuable advice and encouragement for you.

Destruction Isn't Death
Self-destruction is not suicide. In fact, they are very different. Suicidal people want to end life altogether, whereas self-destructives enjoy debasing themselves, degrading others, and generally wreaking physical and emotional havoc on the world around them. There is nothing more life-affirming than total destruction, whereas death, in our opinion, is zero fun.

If you are suicidal, then you have probably lost all sense of irony and should look elsewhere for help.

If, on the other hand, you hope to mastermind and botch multiple suicide attempts in order to frighten and manipulate people who care about you, we've got some real gems for you in chapter 8.

Your self-hurt journey
We're not going to lie to you. Self-destruction can be a difficult and sometimes lonely road. That is why, if you remember only one thing as you read this book, we want you to remember this: The whole point of self-destruction is that it's fun. If you're not having fun, then you might as well be taking vitamins, "working" on your relationships, and reading self-help books.

Your goal here should be to develop and pursue your destructive tendencies to their fullest potential, and to have a good time doing it. Before you read further, we'd like you to reflect for a moment on the most self-destructive thing you've ever done. Gratifying, wasn't it?

Okay, let's get to it!

Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (May 25, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1400050332
• ISBN-13: 978-1400050338
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.4 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,034,389 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Instructions for Your Future, August 4, 2005

By 

James N Simpson (Gold Coast, QLD Australia) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: The Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You (Paperback)

A lot of people can achieve success on their own but many people just need that little bit of guidance. The Self-Destruction Handbook is definitely not that guidance. What it is a humorous parody of those millions of annoying self help books and an extremely entertaining read. This book will teach you the 12 steps to a drinking problem, and all the techniques to a successful smoking habit. You'll be convinced why you should do drugs as well as learn all the inside secrets on dating and obtaining or becoming a mistress. You'll get helpful bedroom advice, learn how to release your inner child body and you'll be convinced why you should go out and get that tattoo, body piercing or other self mutilating accessory. A great read that will have you laughing out loud, so read it in a public place!

15 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Stamen and Wasson's Excellent Adventure?, June 17, 2004

By 

eetempleton "professional reader" (somewhere south of the mason-dixon, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You (Paperback)

I laughed, I cried, I laughed so hard that I cried . . .

We live in a Self-Help Age. In fact, I dare you to find someone who hasn't snuck a peek at one of these lifestyle-bibles, whether it's Dale Carnegie, Dr. Phil, 7 Habits, or another self-improvement book. The search is futile because we live in a culture which bombards us with a million different messages saying that we aren't good enough, productive enough, thin enough, having good enough (or enough good) sex . . . the list goes on and on, and there are hundreds of books out there which proclaim to have the answers. Who could resist?

The Self-Destruction Handbook is the first time that anyone has had the nerve to stop and challenge this phenomenon. Wasson and Stamen take self-help to the edge, and then they keep right on going. . .

It's not that the S-D HB ridicules those of us who had made honest attempts at improving our lives, but rather that it takes on the self-proclaimed Self-Help Guru's who have founded empires (and made millions) on the backs of such hapless souls. In fact, I would argue that in their own perverse way, the authors have offered their own improvement strategies to readers. Through their sometimes irreverent, sometimes more biting critiques of the Self-Help Empires, they remind us that oftentimes the most effective coping strategies are a healthy sense of humor and the insistance on not taking life so damn seriously.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A hilarious satire that's both funny and insightful, May 26, 2004

By 

James William Hemphill (Los Angeles, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You (Paperback)

This is a hilarious satire of self-help books that skewers everything from internet dating to self-mutilation and eating disorders with wit and style. The book works not only as a parody of the form but as a surprisingly insightful dissection of self-destructive behavior. Every page has material that will make the reader laugh out loud, and anyone who's ever behaved in a manner detrimental to themselves will find the writers' observations to be both painfully funny and painfully accurate. A great book.