Customer Reviews

Self Matters

5 star:		(106)
4 star:		(27)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(22)
1 star:		(26)

 

 

As I psychologist, I am consistently confronted with clients who do not know "who they truly are." They come in, plop down in a cozy chair and after summarizing (sometimes over months) their difficulties and past traumas...they oftentimes feel more exhausted than "better." They don't feel "fixed." It's frustrating for them at this point and usually this leads to the inclination of giving up; feeling that that nothing can make it "all better" and they buy into the lie that "I am worthless!" If you have ever been in therapy, you may identify with this. If you haven't, then you may still understand the frustration that can derive from doing everything you can to "feel better" and not experiencing the "pay off" for all your effort.

That's why this book is so valuable. It breaks down the cycle of expectation - effort - undesired result - failure and explains, in no uncertain terms, the "formula" for knowing who you are; not who other people SAY you are, not who you THINK you should be, but who you are at the CORE. I consider this book a hands on tool to evaluate and understand YOU. It's especially helpful for those who feel any or all of the following:

1. I have spent so much of my life trying to please others and live up to their expectations, that I have forgotten and neglected who I truly am.

2. When I do muster up the courage to do something for myself, (take on a new hobby, career, etc.) I feel guilty that doing so would be taking time away from my family and/or responsibilities to others.

3. I have bought into the labels others have placed on me instead of defining myself on my own terms. I have become what others said I would become.

4. I know there is so much more I could be doing with my life, but I don't have ______ (the finances, the support of others, the time, the energy, etc.) so I guess I have to just accept my lot in life and deal with it.

These are just of the few indications that this book is appropriate for you. It's helpful for anyone who is not living life to the fullest and cannot break the ties that bind from the past which confine them and hold them back from experiencing life in all its wonder.

Finally, and very importantly, this book is written in candid form. It is interactive with self-tests that will bring to light things about yourself you may have never considered before. Dr. McGraw gives you a clear cut, no nonsense schematic of how to go from point A to point B without all the psycho-babble and cuts straight to the chase, which is just the way I like it.

I would not recommend the abridged version. Make sure when ordering that the title does not indicate "abridged." Also, if you purchase any other titles by this author, consider ordering the accompanied "workbook" when available.

I'm one of the few who has not seen Dr. Phil on TV except for brief bits and I have not read his other books. I bought this book because of its title, good reviews, and because I was undergoing severe problems with relatives that forced me to do research. Buying Self Matters was the BEST DECISION on a self-help book that I EVER made.

Dr. Phil's main point is simple: a person may be unhappy and tormented by internal pain but we create our lives "from the inside out." We have one shot on this earth and face a simple choice: are we going to live our lives as we would truly like to live them or are we going spend our time here being defined, "typecast," hammered down, discouraged, de-energized -basically, CONTROLLED -- by outside forces(relatives, friends, expectations and past events)? Do you live according to what he calls the "authentic self" or do you live a life and identity others have given you, much like a casting director fills a part? And how to do you find out what you REALLY want and who you REALLY are (not how friends and relatives typecast you)?

Here are several big reasons why you MUST buy Self Matters:

1. DR. PHIL WALKS THE WALK: He changed his life. Originally he'd start each day unexcited, not proud of who he was since "everything I was doing was chosen to please other people by meeting their expectations while totally ignoring my own...I knew I wasn't living the life I was meant to live." He realized he had "betrayed who I was and instead accepted a fictional substitute that was defined from the outside in. I betrayed myself, and mine was a life and an experience that was a fraud and a fiction."

2.HE GIVES YOU SPECIFICS THAT IMMEDIATELY GET ANSWERS: He writes
in "tough love" style, including exercises and tests that help you take stock of who you REALLY are. He helps you painstakingly trace the key influences in your life, defining moments (good and bad), influential people, pivotal choices you made that led to who you are now -- and then shows you how to make NEW choices and create NEW behaviors to create new, more productive results...and live the life you were truly MEANT to live.

3. USE IT AS POTENT MENTAL SELF DEFENSE for when people try to force you into roles or define you as THEY wish to define you -- whether in the job they expect you to do, the personality traits and flaws they insist you to have, the negative predictions they make about you or your success. "You can't be you if you don't know you," he writes.

4. IT WILL CALM YOU: Living for your fictional self, he writes, "is a dangerous state of being that diverts, absorbs, and robs your life energy." People "sell out" and get used to "living an assigned role, rather than living " to who they really are.

5. IT HELPS YOU DISRUPT MENTAL TERRORISTS IN YOUR LIFE: He teaches you to be acutely aware of the negative mental "tapes(values, beliefs and experiences) constantly playing over and over in your head, limiting you. And, most IMPORTANTLY: how to detect "life scripts" that others may be forcing on you --a set of instructions telling you how to run your life, based on THEIR fixed beliefs...including how things will turn out for you (more often then not you are given the message that you will fail or risk or change is doomed and these will be stated to you as FACT and reality).

6. MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY ON HIS IDEAS: Twelve years before reading this book I quit nearly 20 years in journalism to become an entertainer (ventriloquist). I now realize in reading Self Matters that I unknowingly had applied his techniques. They WORK. And I have no regrets. But the biggest problem I have since faced are "tapes" still playing in my head, put on "play" by others, who constantly also bombard me with the life's scripts drawn up many years ago, defining me THEIR way.

I bought Self Matters while being battered by relatives' life's scripts. These activated my internal mental "tapes," bigtime. Reading this book saved me from immobilizing depression this summer. After reading Self Matters, to my genuine surprise, I could quickly pinpoint when the internal "tapes" played, and when I was being pressured to be the character cast in one of their "scripts" (typecast in countless ways). I realized it did not reflect reality. Today they still try to define me with life scripts drawn up decades ago. But it's harder for them to succeed : I know who I am INSIDE -- and it's not who they think I am. I think they'll just have to cast another actor...

I don't have anything AGAINST Dr. Phil, I just hoped it wouldn't
have a lot of really good food for thought, practical applications and wisdom in the straight, no nonsense approach that makes up Oprah's buddy, Dr. Phil.

Well, I couldn't help myself: this book is chock full of good stuff.

Not only that, Dr. Phil's voice rings through his writing so clearly that I can literally hear him talking to me as I read!

The approach in the book is very much a step-by-step approach working with a foundation of gathering evidence from defining moments in your life and then creating a plan of action through taking action upon positive, empowering choices instead of being "stuck" in the quagmire of your negative life history.

Dr. Phil reminds us to "Know your history so you can walk out of it."

He tells on himself more than once, describing his own episodes of "creative stupidity" which had me howling with laughter.

Another lightbulb moment for me and a pure "Dr. Philism" was the
reality that we are, in every moment, contributing or contaminating our relationships. Wow. That alone is worth the purchase of the book: especially in reading the supportive paragraphs.

Like I said earlier, I didn't WANT to like this book. The main problem there is too much tangible substance that I can use to apply to my life in a positive way that I can't help myself in giving it a high rating.

Dr. Phil delivers the goods again!
What I like most about his books is that even though I am reading, it's as if he is right there in my living room speaking directly to me! His matter of fact approach is inspiring to me. And the test and graphs presented in the book provide a good starting point to see where you are in your life.

I appreciated Dr. Phil's explanation of how my internal conversations and the different labels I had put upon myself are not realty but preconceived notions I had believed to be true. It is very freeing and satisfying to live a life without the restrictions of not being my true self. One sentence from the book had a profound influence on me and that was "one of the greatest gifts you can offer the other people in your life is your authentic self, rather than you fictional self. "

There's another book called "WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESNąT WORK" by Ariel & Shya Kane that I highly recommend reading. This book has a non-work, non-judgmental approach to finding your authentic self that has lasting and fulfilling effects.

Dr. Phil McGraw's book, 'Self Matters,' has changed my life, and I truly believe that if given the time, attention and commitment, it can change anyone's life--the right way--from the inside out! I'm not one who believes in quick fixes or magical words to change my life--I've always known that if I wanted to do it, it had to be me stepping up to the plate. In 'Self Matters,' Dr. McGraw stands as a wonderful and steadfast guide in this journey of self-discovery--I never let myself down because I felt (even through the words on a page) that he wasn't going to let me down either. By guiding me step by step through the process of outlining why my life seemed jumbled and incoherent, I was able to discover how my decisions, moments and people (as well as my own internal dialogue) throughout my life have influenced and colored my present negatively and will continue to do so in my future if I don't change the way I perceive them. My 10 Defining Moments, 7 Critical Choices and 5 Pivotal People revealed SO much about why I've continued to make decisions that pulled me away from my authentic self and my true wants and desires in my life. Dr. McGraw helped me to admit to myself that since I could not go back in time and change things that happened to me, I had to reconnect with myself in a way that would allow me to move forward from the inside, putting myself in a place where I could function from my heart and soul. This book is not a quick fix nor is it something that will change your life overnight. It takes a concerted effort everyday until the tools and lessons become automatic and empowering. It took a long time for your life to get to the confusing place it is, it will take time and proper effort and commitment in order to free it from those chains. In 'Self Matters,' Dr. McGraw shows you how to use the vital and necessary tools to change your life into a more meaningful, happy and satisfying existence. I can honestly say that I have never done anything as important in my life than to bring myself back to me and those I love. I'm now one who 'gets it,' and that's such a powerful feeling! You can 'get it,' too if you really, really want it. I believe 'Self Matters' and Dr. Phil McGraw can show you how!

I have read Dr. Phil's other books and I think this is his best book to date. He made himself vulnerable by sharing his own experiences and telling us where he has come from and what mistakes he has made along the way. He provides some wonderful techniques for people to do some self exploration into what runs their lives. I found the exercises very insightful and doable. Through the exercises I discovered a lot of things about myself. That knowledge gives me the tools to make different choices to create changes in my life. We are each responsible for our life choices and this book helps us clear up the past so we can create and authentic future.

As a counsellor and one who has studied behavioural psychology extensively, this will definitely be a book that will be highly recommended reading material. McGraw challenges the reader to take a look beyond one's mirror image and discover who the individual truly is inside. It is extremely thought provoking and readers will find themselves doing some deep soul searching to come up with honest answers. Sometimes finding one's true self is a painful experience, for many people are quite willing to identify their strengths but are less enthusiastic when it comes to identifying (and admitting) their weaknesses and imperfections.

The people who come through our lives and leave their mark, the choices we make and the critical events that happen in our lives, all determine to a certain degree, who we are and what we will become. Genetics also plays a part as well as our early childhood experiences. However, this book is really a book in understanding one's inner self. Of course, our life is created from the inside out! Those who fail to see the value of the book, are missing out on in important lesson in life: the basic psychology of "what makes us tick." McGraw has written a dramatically poignant, frank and intellectual book that enables the reader to "pull down the masks and walls," maximize their full potential, and live the life of the person they were intended to be. If one does not comprehend the purpose and significance of the book, they are sadly missing out on an insightful journey into self-discovery. "Self Matters" is a fantastic book; there are not enough stars for this one!

As a professional therapist I must say that Dr. Phil McGraw's Self Matters is a powerful and life changing book that has answered a number of questions that have plagued me, and I'll bet millions of others. Dr. McGraw's handling of a complex subject is eloquently brilliant! So many others TRY to make the concept of "self" understandable but fall short, however well intended.

Choosing to avoid all of the New Age, "inner-self" type rhetoric Dr. McGraw treats the subject of who you have become and importantly how with a directness that is his trade mark. Leading you through the history of your life with a focus and a purpose he gives you the tools and focus to take even the most difficult past and turn it into personal power. Dr. McGraw chooses stories from his own life that are decidedly relateaable. Rather than using dramatic, headline news type sensationalism he shows us how each of us have events that are important to each of us, even if not to everyone else.

By leading us to examine both external and internal factors about ourselves, he leads us to deal with reality of life yet claim the power of self definition.

Concepts such as PERSONAL TRUTH, AUTHENTIC SELF, DEFINING MOMENTS, CRITICAL CHOICES, PIVOTAL PEOPLE AND INTERNAL DIALOGUE were life altering for me and will become part of therapuetic regimine as I treat my patient population.

I did not think it was possible but SELF MATTERS is even better than LIFE STRATEGIES AND RELATIONSHIP RESCUE. Well done and thank you.

As a physician who has treated anxiety, depression and taught life skills the past 15 years ,I love Dr. Phil's antics on "Oprah" [ I "Tivo" him every Tuesday].However, his dynamic rhetoric and catchy phrases donot transfer very well to the written page. Also, I've tried, and even though the information is complete and accurate , it's tough to take some of his methods the way he presents them and apply it throughout your day. There are exceptions however, i.e. his Triple "A" [authentic accurate alternative] response to internal negative dialogue. There are better, more practical, presentations of this material, which is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Try the following three authors which I have my patients read, preferably all three.#1 Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by E. Bourne Phd. A great comprehensive approach to realization and coping in all aspects of life. #2 Anxiety, Phobias And Panic by R. Peurifoy M.A. Another comprehensive author of cognitve behavioral therapy. And, as with Bourne, you can read this and use it right away throughout your day. Chapter 5 on Distorted Thinking is a gem. #3 To be read last and after the above info. is internalized and applied-- Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn Phd. I tell my patients to get out the yellow highliter and go at these three like textbooks in school. By the way, don't let the titles fool you.....these are "lifeskill" teaching books. Learn the info., memorize it, and apply to your life DAILY. Just "reading" is only the beginning, it then must be internalized and assimilated into your life to work. This can take between 6 to 12 months, so be patient, but persistent. The great thing is after you learn these new lifeskills, you get to practice them everyday and they eventually become permanent. I'm still a fan of Dr. Phil's and will continue to buy and read his material. He certainly has made our country realize how unprepared we are at handling our daily stressors and we need to be very active in learning new methods of coping.

Negative reviews of this book almost made me not get it. I didn't want a book to "be mean to me" at a time in my life when I was feeling very delicate. I wasn't depressed, per se, but an overall malaise had overwhelmed me and that fact was pretty depressing. I just felt like my life was meaningless and not worth living; a drudgery.

So, despite all these negative reviews, I ordered this book and gave it a shot. As soon as I began reading it, I felt more relaxed, I found myself smiling- Dr. Phil shares his own stories with you as if to say: "It happens to everyone. You are not alone. Now that you know what it is, you can DO something about it."

Perhaps some people want a self-help book to solve their problems for them, and maybe this book requires too much effort on their parts. But - and perhaps this comes from being a proud southerner like Dr. Phil - when something is wrong, even with me, I WANT TO FIX IT MYSELF. This book doesn't "diagnose and treat" your problems, it helps you figure out what they are, when they happened, and inspires you to turn things around.

Again, perhaps I was too eager to find my "Authentic Self" when I picked up this book, but I didn't find it abrasive or insensitive at all. On the contrary, I felt like Dr. Phil was speaking only to me, and because my problems had once been his problems, he handled them with utmost understanding and care.

If you feel lost- like you aren't living a life you want, like you've gone too far down a path you no longer enjoy, like you aren't "you" anymore - I encourage you to read this book. It will help you find the "real you", and with that, peace of mind.