Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy [Paperback]

Jay Earley (Author), Richard C. Schwartz (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 15, 2009

Understand your psyche in a clear and comprehensive way, and resolve deep-seated emotional issues. Self-Therapy makes the power of a cutting-edge psychotherapy approach accessible to everyone. Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) has been spreading rapidly across the country in the past decade. It is incredibly effective on a wide variety of life issues, such as self-esteem, procrastination, depression, and relationship issues. IFS is also user-friendly; it helps you to comprehend the complexity of your psyche. Dr. Earley shows how IFS is a complete method for psychological healing that you can use on your own.

Self-Therapy is also helpful for therapists because it presents the IFS model in such detail that it is a manual for the method.

Many times in the past I used to say to friends, "I am at least two people." I often found myself doing something I really did not want to do, thinking things that I did not want to think, and feeling emotions I did not want to feel and over which I felt I did not have control. It seemed like there was another person inside me. On reading Self Therapy, I was so excited to find out what was going on. Many things I could not previously figure out quickly fell into place. For me it was a very exciting experience--finding out so much about myself. Not only that but this book also taught me how to 'rehabilitate' the 'other me'--or many other 'me's!

Reading this book was one of the most enlightening experiences I have had. It is very well written and the author's attitude comes across very clearly and powerfully. There is no doubt but it written with a kind and altruistic heart and with the purpose of really helping individuals to understand and help  themselves and integrate all their part. Self Therapy takes its place among the most treasured books on my bookshelves.
-- Paddy Linehan, Thailand

Self-Therapy was a big help to me in the beginning when I didn't have much
knowledge of IFS or myself. The transcripts were intriguing because I looked at
other people's experience in the book and recognized my parts. This helped me
to realize that I'm not the only one with these difficult feelings. In my journal I
wrote out the answers to each of the questions for my parts, and this brought it all
together for me.
-- Mindy Lamberson, Des Moines, Iowa

Editorial Reviews

Review

The fact that Jay Earley wrote this book is high praise for the IFS model because he was an accomplished writer and thinker long before encountering IFS. Jay's passion has been to introduce IFS to a lay audience so that people can work with their parts on their own. Through well-described experiential exercises and examples of actual IFS sessions, you will be able to enter your inner world, heal your extreme parts, and transform them into valuable resources." --Richard Schwartz, PhD, creator of IFS, from the Foreword

Enormously hopeful and empowering, this book illuminates the process of Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a method of self-therapy that centers on the revolutionary principle that all of us have a Self. Presenting a view of the human psyche with this calm, compassionate, curious Self at the center, Jay Earley takes the reader step-by-step through a method of self-exploration which views overwhelming emotion and dysfunctional behavior as stemming from parts that are doing their best to help the person survive. Earley's writing is beautifully organized and clear,as compassionate and respectful as the process he is teaching, and the reader is supported and encouraged at every step. Anyone wishing to live a fuller, richer,more meaningful life, or help others do so, needs to read this book. --Ann Weiser Cornell, PhD, author of The Power of Focusing and The Radical Acceptance of Everything

The non-pathologizing and empowering aspects of the IFS Model find their ultimate expression in Dr. Earley's book, Self-Therapy. Exercises, illustrations, and session transcripts supplement this detailed approach for individuals to safely work alone or with a peer to transform their inner worlds dominated by outmoded beliefs to lives filled with love, compassion, and connection. Therapists, too, will appreciate this clear map of the inner territory of the psyche and will find this book a valuable and accessible resource for their clients. --Susan McConnell, senior IFS trainer

Jay has the gift of both insight and teaching--and he uses both in his new book. He allows us access to the many many layers of our selves and helps us to understand, work with and ultimately feel harmonious with behaviors that have baffled us. Self-therapy is a wonderful cogent guide written by a wonderful cogent teacher. --Geneen Roth, author of When Food is Love and Women Food and God

From the Author

Contents

1. Personal Healing and Growth the IFS Way
2. Your Internal System: Summary of the IFS Model
3. Taking an Inner Journey: Example of an IFS Session

Part I: Self and Protectors
4. Getting Acquainted Inside: Accessing Your Parts
5. Becoming Centered: Unblending from a Protector
6. Being Open and Curious: Unblending from a Concerned Part
7. Knowing Yourself: Discovering a Protector's Role
8. Befriending Yourself: Developing a Trusting Relationship with a Protector
9. Keeping Sessions on Track: Detecting Parts that Arise

Part II: Exiles and Unburdening
10. Being Allowed In: Getting Permission to Work with an Exile
11. Uncovering Your Pain: Getting to Know an Exile
12. Finding Where It Started: Accessing and Witnessing Childhood Memories
13. Caring for an Inner Child: Reparenting and Retrieving an Exile
14. Healing a Wounded Child: Unburdening an Exile
15. Transforming a Protective Role into a Healthy One: Unburdening a Protector
16. Supporting the Therapy Process: Tips on Working Alone, with a Partner, or with a Therapist
17. Conclusion

Appendix A: Help Sheet for the IFS Process
Appendix B: IFS Resources

From the Foreword

One way to judge a model of psychotherapy is by the kind of people it
attracts. The fact that Jay Earley wrote this book is high praise for the IFS
model because he was an accomplished writer and thinker, steeped in
systems thinking, long before encountering IFS. Jay's passion has been to
introduce IFS to a lay audience in such a way that people can work with
their parts on their own--without the need for a therapist. He has been
pursuing this goal with great success through his teleconference classes
for several years. Through those experiences, he developed the structure
of this book.

Another way to judge a model of psychotherapy is by whether
it fosters dependence on the therapist or empowers people to trust
themselves. This book can help you bring a new sense of compassion and
healing to yourself without having to be in therapy. Through Jay's userfriendly
description of IFS, you will begin to change how you do "self talk,"
or internal dialogue. As you relate to even your most shameful emotions
and impulses with curiosity rather than judgment and with caring rather
than disgust, you will find that these parts of you are not what they seem.
They are valuable inner resources that have been distorted by difficult
life experiences. Even more uplifting, you will learn that you have a core,
an essence, that is untouched by life's traumas. What IFS calls the Self is
in every one of us; it is a source of wonderful qualities from which we
can lead our inner and outer lives. In this way, the book releases our selfconcepts
from the pathological and pessimistic way we have been taught
to view ourselves. It proposes a new, optimistic, and edifying vision of the
mind and shows how easily it can change and heal.

This book does even more than that. Yet another way to judge a
psychotherapy is by whether it merely teaches people to cope with their extreme emotions and beliefs or actually transforms those emotions and
beliefs. Through well-described experiential exercises and examples of
actual IFS sessions, you will be able to enter your inner world in such a
way that your extreme parts begin to heal. Rather than just coping with
them, you welcome them and transform them into valuable resources.
You are also encouraged to form partnerships with friends in which you
accompany each other on these inner journeys, which can deepen your
friendships.

This may all sound too good to be true, and for some readers
it will be. There will be some who cannot achieve this kind of change
on their own and will need to find a therapist to help them. My twentyseven
years of experience using this model, however, tell me that many
people can do a great deal of work on themselves without a therapist.
They may not be able to unburden all their exiles, but they can reverse
the atmosphere of their inner worlds from one of self-loathing to self-love
and Self-leadership. Also, people who are in therapy will find the book a
useful guide for their between-session work on themselves.

Therapy is too expensive in both time and money for many
people. I'm grateful that this book allows IFS to extend its reach to those
who would not otherwise have access to it.

Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, creator of IFS, author of Internal Family Systems
Therapy, The Mosaic Mind, and You Are The One You've Been Waiting For.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 332 pages
• Publisher: Mill City Press, Inc. (September 15, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1936107082
• ISBN-13: 978-1936107087
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (42 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #141,643 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #24 in Books > Self-Help > Inner Child

More About the Author

Jay Earley, Ph.D., is a transformational psychologist, psychotherapist, group leader, author, teacher, and theorist.

He is a big-picture thinker and innovative psychological theorist. He studies psychotherapy in a comprehensive way to arrive at a depth understanding of the human psyche and the process of transformation. Jay is known the clarity of his teaching and writing, his creative methods of demonstrating complex ideas, and his detailed description of therapeutic technique. In his therapy work, people rely on Jay's compassionate heart and sensitivity to group process. He has a deep understanding of the nature of therapeutic change and knows how to effect profound inner healing.

Jay focuses on Internal Family Systems Therapy in all aspects of his work. See www.personal-growth-programs.com. He is active in the IFS community, helping to train therapists and presenting workshops every year at the IFS conference. He teaches IFS to the general public as a practice for self-help and peer counseling. He also teaches a variety of classes and workshops applying IFS to specific psychological issues such as procrastination, communication, relationships, and the inner critic. He is the author of Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Inner Wholeness Using IFS, Self-Therapy for Your Inner Critic, and Resolving Inner Conflict.

Two of Jay's books are now slated to be published in Korean.

Jay is publishing a series of professional booklets on IFS, starting with Working with Anger in IFS. Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss are publishing a series of audio products related to IFS. The first two are IFS Basic Class and IFS Demonstration Sessions.

Dr. Earley has created the Pattern System, a method for understanding parts, behavior, healthy capacities, internal dynamics, and underlying psychological issues. See www.patternsystem.com. It is useful for mapping the psyche, understanding how people act and relate to others, and guiding IFS work. He is publishing a series of books based on specific patterns, starting with Embracing Intimacy and Letting Go of Perfectionism.

Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss have engaged in a multi-year study of the Inner Critic and the best ways to work with this troublesome psychological issue, using IFS and other approaches. This has resulted in two books, Self-Therapy for Your Inner Critic and Activating Your Inner Champion Instead of Your Inner Critic.

Dr. Earley is nationally known for his innovation in the group psychotherapy field. His book, Interactive Group Therapy: Integrating Interpersonal, Action-Oriented, and Psychodynamic Approaches, Brunner/Mazel, describes his group therapy method in which people learn interpersonal relationship skills by working directly on their relationships with each other. During his ten years on the east coast, Jay was Director of the Group Therapy Center of Long Island, where he trained group therapists in this method. He has written a number of articles on interactive groups and made numerous presentations at regional and national psychotherapy conferences. He continues to lead interactive therapy groups in the Bay Area.

In Jay's work with people, he is known for his empathy and his ability to understand a person's feelings, issues, and world view without imposing his own personality or agenda. His insight into human motivation and psychological patterns enables him to help people understand both their strengths and how they block themselves from getting what they want.

His work grows out of his own life-long journey of personal growth, his interest in the nature of human consciousness, and his success in creating a passionate and satisfying life for himself. He has a loving, successful 25 year marriage and professional partnership with Bonnie Weiss. He has been a long-time student of the Diamond Approach of A. H. Almaas, a spiritual path that integrates psychotherapy insights and techniques with wisdom traditions in a unique Western approach to spiritual realization.

Jay has a Ph.D. in psychology from Saybrook University and is a licensed psychologist in California (PSY6973). He has been in private practice as a psychotherapist since 1973.

As a result of his research on human social evolution and its relationship to our current global predicament, Jay has published a number of articles plus the book, Transforming Human Culture: Social Evolution and the Planetary Crisis, SUNY Press.

During the 1980′s, Jay studied with both Jean Houston and Joanna Macy. He was active in the peace movement as a member of Interhelp and Psychotherapists for Social Responsibility, where he led workshops which integrated psychological, spiritual, and planetary concerns. Out of this work came his book, Inner Journeys: A Guide to Personal and Social Transformation based on the Work of Jean Houston, published by Samuel Weiser, Inc.

Jay also has a Ph.D. in computer science from Carnegie-Mellon University and was formerly on the U.C. Berkeley faculty, where he published 12 computer science papers, one of which was voted one of the best 25 papers of the quarter century by the Communications of the A.C.M.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

53 of 54 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars To learn IFS therapy, GET THIS BOOK. October 27, 2009

By Russ Pool

Format:Paperback

If you're wanting to learn IFS, GET THIS BOOK. I couldn't repeat that too much.

I took the official IFS Level I trainings, 6 long weekends and many thousand dollars. On the very last weekend I dove into "Self Therapy." It was only then that I got the practical how to of IFS. Jay Earley's writing made it click.

The author made what seemed so vague and impractical during the training come alive. His straight forward writing and descriptive images communicate the practical side. His introduction makes sense to my clients. His condensed version of an IFS session at the back of the book is worth the price several times over. Need I say more? If you want to learn IFS, GET THIS BOOK.

64 of 68 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars The coming thing, and it's very good March 13, 2011

By Prokopton

Format:Paperback

EDIT: One year on, this is still a good book but I now see the market is crowded with parts/ego states therapies and they are all good. I personally am coming to prefer some of the original stuff from the stream of the Watkinses, especially the work of Emmerson which I find technically superior to IFS and more comfortable for me -- in particular, I now don't agree with the parts typology of IFS which I think creates parts unnecessarily. (Yes I do think parts are created or anyway re-created by means of therapy; to observe something alters it.) There is also too much focus on the reality of imagined images in IFS and not enough on their malleability and ultimate unreality or virtuality.

I am docking a star but will let the original review stand below for reference -- I do try to do "longitudinal reviewing" for books of this type, updating after a period of time, because experience is the only real arbiter. (Many reviews here will be from people who haven't tried the techniques at length). One should also explore the parts therapy of Hunter if interested in hypnosis, which I am, and there is a new book by Noricks from last year that I haven't got to yet. Finally I think Schmidt's The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy is also excellent.

So I recommend shopping around when it comes to ego states therapies. TA and Psychosynthesis still also have much to recommend them. In any therapy based off ego states where trauma resolution is the aim, I believe the typologies need to create freedom and improvisational possibilities for the synthesis of new patterns and in the end IFS didn't allow me to be so creative as I'd like. Personally I develop Self on a different model now too and my transpersonal experience suggests one should be very careful how one defines systemic connections with others -- still, we are all different which is why options are good. I don't dismiss this book but would now be less glowing. Best wishes and good luck! (April 29 2012)

----------------------------------------------------

IFS seems to be expanding now, lots of practitioners and trainings and a certain "hey this works" buzz gathering around it. I can't remember how I heard about it, but I'm very glad I did. I've always been interested in therapies which employ the concept of "parts"/"subpersonalities"/"ego states", but have never felt I got beyond a certain point with the concept. IFS has, so far, proven to be the missing key I needed. It takes parts therapy past anything else I've tried for dynamic psychological self discovery and healing.

Jay Earley's book is for the beginner who wants to practice IFS, including completely alone, which is highly feasible. As such it goes slowly, explains carefully, and contains a lot of encouragement for the initially unsure. It is however far from lacking in experienced wisdom, and I will testify you can do wonderful stuff with it and nothing else.

So what is IFS? Essentially it's a method of healing the psyche that treats 'parts' of the personality as existing in an inner system, with each part playing a certain role. In particular, parts can be seen as broadly divided into two types (at least in Earley's rendition): Protectors, which are open to meet the outside world, but playing a defensive and not fully authentic role; and Exiles, whom the Protectors hide from the world, which are authentic but in pain and dissociated. The basic IFS method, as Earley lays it out, is to get to know Protectors, ask their permission to meet the Exiles they protect, and then heal those Exiles of the burden of trauma or difficult experience they carry.

Another way to talk about how IFS works... Earley says on p. 234: "IFS uses the term _exile_ to refer to what has often been called the _inner child_. However, people often talk about _the_ inner child as if there were only one. In IFS we recognize that there are many inner child parts or exiles, each carrying its own burden. Every exile must be healed in a way that is unique to it..." In practice, it suddenly seems incredible that this idea, which is absolutely correct, has never been seen before. If psychodynamicists had been speaking of 'many superego-style parts' and 'many id-style parts', who knows what rigidities of interpretation would have been avoided these many decades? One could certainly see many other psychotherapeutic models as single instances of the far more flexible internal family systems approach. (Terence Watts' interesting Warriors, Settlers & Nomads model corresponds well with the Managers, Exiles and Firefighters of IFS, as taught more orthodoxly by Richard Schwartz.) IFS gets pretty much by all rigid models, though, with its crafty looseness, developed from many hours' work with real suffering human beings, none of whom needed an imposed framework because we all come with our own that is constantly evolving.

"Self" is the other important concept -- it has a close relative in the "I" concept of Psychosynthesis (see for example Psychosynthesis: A Psychology of the Spirit, and means the core aspect of present-moment awareness in the person which is not a 'part'. Self is a central, grounded, open, spirit-connected aspect of any human being when unblended from *all* parts (and just as Psychosynthesis offers 'disidentification', so IFS gives 'unblending' sequences to remove the influence of all parts from Self). Self is the absolute key to the healing process, since the parts will have become separated from awareness of it for various reasons, and it needs to win back their trust, heal their burdens, and co-ordinate them in a process of gradually increasing self-leadership.

The system is incredibly user-friendly but it's also extremely deep. It gets you right inside the issues and, unlike so many of the more cognitively-based therapies that are popular now, it really does surprise. You know you are dealing with the real stuff of the psyche -- the sudden shifts, the realizations, the sheer off-the-cuff creativity, the insights given by each part painting a truly personal and dynamic picture, yet fully in control. I soon realized that I had been attempting to do similar things to this many times before, and that when I had succeeded in healing trauma in myself, the method had been similar to this, but lacking the overall concept. I'm sure other people will be similarly struck; check out pages 147-8 of Glenn Morris' classic meditation guide, Path Notes of an American Ninja Master, for instance, to see a perfect description of an IFS healing before IFS even existed, triggered by a session of Rubenfeld Synergy (touch therapy). Yes, I really would say IFS has managed to come up with the right systems-based, loose-but-accurate formula to induce such experiences deliberately, yet organically, without any hint of being mechanical or stiff. Something I particularly appreciate is the complete lack of any *combat*. You never *overcome* resistance -- you *honour* it. (None of this 'breaking down the ego' crap.)

I do have some caveats though, and they mostly relate to the fact that this book is for beginners. First, the presentation is a little cutesy-poo, cartoons and all -- you can get the style from the Amazon reader. This doesn't bother me, since I like cartoons, and as a matter of fact I found these, by Karen Donnelly, to be extremely well-done. They even moved me deeply in one particular instance (pp. 210-212). But check it out before you buy if you think this could put you off.

Secondly, and more importantly, Earley only has the space to present part of the system, and unfortunately, I've since realized that what he left out is not really an optional extra! There are important distinctions between different types of Protectors to which he doesn't really give full space, and he doesn't make it clear that Exiles are not always hidden, but break out at times. More crucially, he doesn't mention the topic of Polarization until his 'conclusion' in Chapter 17, where it occupies just a single page... Being experienced and the jump-in type, I started experimenting with IFS before finishing the book, and found myself instantly in a massively-leveraged polarization situation (that is, a situation where different parts pull or push against one another) and had no idea this was normal and to be expected... I persevered, found ways forward, then in the last chapter saw I was just reinventing the wheel, but had to wait until I looked over the original IFS book by Schwartz (review soon) before I got just how central polarization is to the system, and what to do about it. Surely there will be others who experience this.

Schwartz's original inspiration came partly from systems theory -- he opens his book with a quote from Gregory Bateson -- and he really does want to bring true systems theory to therapy, and has succeeded. Read more ›

34 of 34 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Self-Therapy... Jay Earley October 21, 2009

By Kathy F. Grace

Format:Paperback

This text is invaluable for clinicians as well as for individuals who want to do internal psychological healing work on their own. Dr. Earley explains each concept in several different ways to ensure clarity and the illustrations are a great visual look at how our 'Parts' interact with each other. He had supplied comprehensive, exciting and 'do-able homework' that walks us through each concept. This methodology brings compassion and deep respect for client's and their 'Parts', while offering an experiential way for us to get to know our Selves.

I am on my second read and still catching nuances that I missed the first time. This will be a book that I will re-read many times and will consult frequently.