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Semenology - The Semen Bartender's Handbook Paperback


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Semenology - The Semen Bartender's Handbook + Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes + Images You Should Not Masturbate To
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 56 pages
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1 edition (March 3, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1482605228
  • ISBN-13: 978-1482605228
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 3.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #289,225 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Mentions in media
"What's the latest craze that takes the cake as far as bizarre palate pleasers? Cocktails made with semen" - NewsOne
"He made semen-eating seem, if not reasonable, at least mostly harmless. And then there are the photos, which give a new dimension to the term 'food porn.' " - SF Weekly
"We're pretty sure every man could use some tips on semen presentation, but the best part of the book has got to be the drinks' names." - Phoenix New Times

From the Author

Featured recipe
Heavenly Cognac 
It is almost a shame to add anything to a good quality cognac, anything, that is, except for semen. However, my first attempts at perfecting the blending of these two heavenly fluids were disappointing. I found, as is often the case, that simplicity is best. Splashing the semen into the well-filled glass is an entertaining way to serve cognac.
2 oz of the finest cognac you can afford
1 tsp Semen
I found that it is best to first allow the semen to just begin to melt, at the initial stage of melting. This takes a few minutes. If the semen is unusually thick, quickly dilute with a few drops of water. Splash the semen into the cognac and enjoy.
Surprisingly, I have found that unlike cognac that grows better with age, Heavenly Cognac tastes best when made with the seminal fluids of a younger producer.

More About the Author

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Customer Reviews

Eventually I couldn't get off by eating or drinking it at all.
Fred Hillchestershiresmithwyck
My parents often host cocktail parties at their home, and enjoy whipping up lots of old-school and novelty libations for their friends.
BusterBudgie
During this smoke break I recounted for my new friends the many recipes contained in this book.
Adam

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

91 of 96 people found the following review helpful By E. B. on April 10, 2013
Format: Paperback
While this book is a fantastic idea, as somewhat of a connoisseur, I much prefer my semen served neat. Straight from the spout.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Fred Hillchestershiresmithwyck on February 1, 2014
Format: Paperback
It all started out innocent enough. A few teaspoons here and there. Nothing serious. All my friends were doing it. It seemed like so much fun and who could deny how great it felt and tasted?

But pretty soon it was in all my drinks. Then my food. Then it WAS my food. Stroking strangers in thruway rest stops, sometimes 10 or 11 in a day, just to keep myself supplied with the creamy demon. Eventually I couldn't get off by eating or drinking it at all.

You promise yourself the first time you smoke it that you'll never spike. Only addicts spike. You're just having fun, could stop anytime. That doesn't last long, those promises are forgotten in semen soaked flophouses, rubber tubing tied to your arm. Waking up dry and desperate... sucking the mattresses. It got bad. Real bad.

But I've turned my life around. 14 months clean today. You wouldn't believe the stories I hear at the meetings. Hell, you wouldn't believe half the stories I tell. So don't do it. Don't get started. Trust me, it can happen to you.
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37 of 44 people found the following review helpful By BusterBudgie on April 9, 2013
Format: Paperback
My parents often host cocktail parties at their home, and enjoy whipping up lots of old-school and novelty libations for their friends. In fact, my dad prides himself in knowing the recipes for over 100 cocktails. As the living and breathing product of his own personal sweet vermouth, I think this will make a perfect gift for me to give to him on Fathers Day this year. He'll be amazed at how many ways there are to mix in his cocktail sauce, and won't his friends be amazed when he tells them what they're drinking!
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13 of 17 people found the following review helpful By tonyt2000 on April 23, 2013
Format: Paperback
I like how the "Click To Look Inside" arrow is pointing directly at the semen streaming into the glass of cognac. I did a spit-take after reading the title, and the whole thing is hard to swallow, and makes me gag.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By JLK on January 28, 2014
Format: Paperback
Fotie really nailed it with this one. For years my siblings and I have been looking for the perfect gift for Dad and until now, nothing has truly matched his personality, hobbies, and interests quite like Semenology. I have to be honest, I was skeptical at first – what could this book tell us that Dad hadn’t already discovered? He’s been a semenoisseur since before I was born! He told us that even as a kid he was mixing semen drinks for his own parents. However, when Dad opened this gift on Christmas morning he was thrilled. The first 10 drinks, he never even imagined! Genius Fotie!!! Mom & Grandpa Tom suggested Dad write in though – the book was missing one of our family favorites – Daddy’s Little Girl (yes, named after me!).

It’s a take on the traditional Blue Eyed Blonde.

One part crème de cacao
one part blue curacao
and instead of the banana liqueur, just some semen (refrigerate for at least 3 hours prior)

Thanks again for making my Dad’s holiday and giving us plenty to drink for the holidays to come (hehe)!
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Adam on January 29, 2014
Format: Paperback
Let’s get this out of the way:
I did not know I was gay until I read this book.

I was introduced to a cocktail called Pequeno Cerebo (little brain) at Pharmacia de la Guardia, a hip little night club in Lugo, a friendly Galician hill town. I was 16 at the time- taking a summer to find myself, a seemingly impossible feat. The closest I came was the night I drank the Pequeno Cerebo. I marveled at the appearance of the drink; occulted cream folding in on itself, hovering in a crystal vodka bath. Noticing my unbroken gaze aimed at the glass down the bar, the bartender offered me one. I took him up on the offer. Six of these glorious concoctions later I stumbled my way to bed only to have the most peculiar dream. I was being breastfed, only it wasn’t by my mother. My father was breastfeeding me, but not with his breast.

It was not until twenty years later, while doing some online research for work (semiconductor engineering) and I mistakenly typed semenology instead of siemens technology that I became aware of this book. Upon seeing the cover I was transfixed, frozen within the memory of Pequeno Cerebo. Shaking this off, I began chuckling at the coincidence. "I work with siemens all day" I thought to myself.

I decided to order the book as a gag, thinking the guys at the office would find it hilarious. No one seemed to get the joke. Not wanting my children or wife to get the wrong impression, as my coworkers evidently had, I shoved the book in the back of my sock drawer and tried to forget about it. I continued to think about creamy clouds and my milky dream though.

My family and I spent last Thanksgiving with my Sister-in-law at her West Village flat.
Read more ›
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Lyssa on February 3, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
When I was a little girl, my mother always warned me that alcohol+semen= knocked up. Well guess what ladies, I have guzzled, chugged, and slurped at least 5 of these spunky sippers, and I'm STILL not pregnant. Praise Jesus! Now I'm off to see if tampons will actually take away my virginity...
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5 of 7 people found the following review helpful By C. Bene on July 31, 2013
Format: Paperback
human male ejaculate contains fructose sugar, water, ascorbic acid (a.k.a. Vitamin C), citric acid, enzymes, protein, zinc and more. It reads like the list of ingredients for a protein-infused sports drink.

ahhaha
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