11 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The pinnacle of contemporary Self Help., April 30, 2005
This review is from: The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman (Paperback)
Okay. This book! Phew! Wow! What should I say? I'll start from the beginning...
...I met Brock LaBorde in 1999 while waiting for the Gap on highland road in Baton Rouge to open. The summer clothes were put on the clearance rack overnight and news spread through town like SARS in Toronto. By 9:30 the crowd outside had attracted reporters from Tiger Weekly, The Daily Reveille, and the Campus Dirt. Even the cook from "Louie's 24 Hour Cafe" was there (he brought everyone hash browns). Suddenly Brock mentioned that he was writing a book. I was shocked, "A writer? What do you have to write about? You're not oppressed. You're not gay!"
Brock insisted, "I'm a gentleman, and there aren't enough of us out there." He continued to ramble, "I want to class up society! You know; teach men that there are more important things than Golf and Wayne Newton: Bentleys, yachts, and exotic women."
Later, as we tried on cargo pants and argyle sweaters Brock lectured me. I learned more about life and life's pleasures: class, TRUE CLASS, from Gentleman Brock than I had learned throughout my six weeks of study at the Hugh McClintock Men's School for Social and Mental Etiquette.
As we were purchasing our Gap fragrances, I noticed Brock paid with a Platinum ATT student MasterCard. Classy all the way. That's Brock, Gentleman Brock LaBorde, one of a kind.
So, it was no surprise to me, of course, when Brock contacted me in February and offered me a chance to read his book, "Just send me a check or something," he commanded.
Three weeks of mowing lawns and one failed bank heist later, I got my copy of "The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman" in the mail. "YES!" I declared, as I noticed the new issues of Soldier of Fortune and Cat Fancy had arrived the same day. A trifecta. The holy trinity of literature lay on my doorstep. This was one of the greatest days of my life. I believed this to be a cosmic sign that I was invincible that day!
I read all three pieces of literature as I relaxed in a hospital bed following the incidents which occurred on the day I refer to as "the day I thought I was invincible".
I consider myself a well read individual. I've read all the classics, from "The Grapes of Wrath" to "Goosebumps: The Horror at Camp Jellyjam". It is with a well-read authority that I give my full support to "The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman", and confirm its literary genius.
The first part of LaBorde's literary masterpiece contains lessons meant to ready us for the adventure that is life. There are over two thousand topics discussed, including:
- How to put on your pants two legs at a time. While wearing shoes.
- What three words are never appropriate when one attends a dog fight at a NASCAR race?
- Cheap Wine vs. Malt Liquor: Which is appropriate when?
- How to hunt down terrorists.
- How to extort money from terrorists.
- How to escape terrorist sponsoring nations, money in hand, and not let the Internal Revenue Service] know.
The second half of the book includes harrowing stories of international intrigue and epic tales of love, hate, dislike and marginal acceptance. I'm particularly fond of the legend of "Sergi", the one eyed Russian who ran Baton Rouge's largest dumpster diving ring for over 30 years.
LaBorde uses a language as most use a metric wrench set. He's graceful, but scornful; poetic but not vigorous; stern yet ultimately altruistic.
Lee Harvey Oswald once said, "Man, this movie is great! Oh man, the fuzz!" I think that's the best way to describe LaBorde's book. Sort of "Hey, great!" But also sort of, "Hey, not so great?"
What about LaBorde's book is "not so great"? It's simple. LaBorde points out the faults which encompass our miserable lives. We are horrors. We are the worst of the worst, and LaBorde confronts us. He shoves a pile of "us" in our face and shouts, "Fill your nasal passages with your wretched essence!"
OH, THE STENCH!
This brings me back to the Gap on Highland Road in Baton Rouge on that brisk morning back in 1999. When the cook from "Louie's 24 Hour Cafe" brought those hash browns for those waiting in line, what did Brock do? He confronted the cook:
"You fool! Do you not realize this is the Gap? Do you think we want your cholesterol packed carbohydrate nuggets here? What are you trying to do? Kill us? We're the elite! We shop at the Gap! I think you're looking for Old Navy! Now walk your second hand Reebok pumps back to Louies and make us all salads. Bring some diet frescas too."
I think you may begin to understand now; LaBorde can be summed up simply. He is Life's Essential Avant-Garde Philosopher, a Philanthropist, Academician, Writer, Poet, Brahmin, Purveyor of arts, Jude Law stand in, and an American Hero.
In some far off time, perhaps a few millennia, when all the world is cosmic and collapsed, and unimaginably changed, but maybe, conceivably exactly the same; an alien or a human, or some sort of alien-human hybrid master race shall discover LaBorde's book in a clay jar on the barren shores of Lake Borgne and through whatever manner the master race reads, be it through osmosis or visually, or however, it shall discover the genius that is "The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman" and shall hold it in high esteem, possibly as gospel, and shall worship LaBorde as a god.
I suggest, if you want to act as the future alien-human master race that shall shortly conquer our quickly shrinking home planet will act, you get on the LaBorde bandwagon quick. Because Gentleman Brock is a cold-hearted, callous jerk, and if you don't worship his work soon, he won't have mercy on you when the invaders come.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Funny and Witty book, March 20, 2010
Sir Gentleman Brock LaBorde, Esquire wrote his book `The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman' to help guide poor unfortunate and lost men everywhere. Men, who need help getting away from their mothers, finding dates and knowing what to do at fancy restaraunts. Yes, Sir LaBorde's book does everything it can to help these young men; just remember that whatever witticism you are told to do; just do the opposite!
`The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman' starts off as Ironic and funny as can be when you notice that the author dedicates the book to himself. The books charm lies in its self-deprecating humor and sarcasm. This is the male version of an Emily Post etiquette book gone awry, wrong and upside-down.
The witty entendres delight the reader and make you laugh hoping that no man would really believe that this was the way to become a gentleman.The men that thought that would be the sort of gentleman that every ladies mother told them to stay away from, far far away.
However, there are certain parts of the book that do make you pause in wonderment, maybe it is a bit ridiculous, everything that a man has to do in order to be a gentleman. But those moments quickly fade when you read witticisms like this one taken from Brock LaBorde's book: "A gentleman never enters any restroom marked with a sign that reads "MEN." If he feels the urge to cleanse his digestive tract, but can find no bathroom marked "GENTLEMEN," he opts to make use of the nearest "LADIES" restroom, since ladies are essentially female versions of gentlemen."
`The Semi-Complete Guide to Sort of Being a Gentleman' is a funny and sassy book that pokes fun at the antiquities of etiquette and chivalry, while entertaining its reader. The illustrations that are included throughout the book are also well done and complement the stories they combined with.
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