***This review is filled with spoilers of the very worst type, so if you've made it this far, this is your final warning. I even sort of spoil another popular book. I just can't talk about this book without talking about everything that happened.***
I went into this book with trepidation. I was Liam. I was bullied throughout my entire public school career, so badly that, one day, when I was 15, I took one of my father's pocket knives and attempted to carve a vein out of my left arm. It's a good thing I didn't know that a cross cut is far less effective than a cut straight up the arm, or I wouldn't be writing this. But that was 31 years ago, and now I have a scar that's actually my badge of bravery, because I got out of high school alive and actually made a life for myself. I am also SO thankful that I went to school prior to the invention of the net, because then it would probably have been even worse, and the fact that you can google "how to successfully commit suicide" would not have been lost to a kid that excelled in research.
Instead, this book made me angry. Very angry.
I was angry at Julie, for obvious reasons, for a good part of the book. Of course I knew exactly who she was from the moment I met her (If you've read Ten Tiny Breaths you'll know what I mean). I couldn't be sure if she was plotting revenge or something else. So even though I felt for her, I never actually felt comfortable with her. I was angry at Pops. I'm sorry, but the way he turned his back on Ken was just wrong. No matter how angry he was over Ken's "running", the kid needed someone to love him, not a wall of silence. I was angry at the parents, because they just couldn't accept the level of guilt Ken was experiencing. It was almost as if they wanted to say to him "snap out of it". And of course I was angry at Mr. Murphy, not for the fact that he wanted revenge - I'm a father and I could get what he was feeling - but the fact that he pushed everyone else out of his life in order to get it. And he destroyed himself.
I was expecting to hate Dan. The fact is, he was the character I actually liked the most. I actually empathized with him. I felt his pain (I hope that doesn't sound too Clintonian). I like that he "got" it, the he was mature enough and good enough of a person to feel the remorse he did. He was right to feel awful for what he did, but he wasn't a murderer. I felt from him even though we at one point would have been on opposite sides of the fence. That is an achievement that the author can be proud of.
See, what I wish had been brought up more in the book, besides the fact that it was Liam's choice not to talk to anyone about what was going on (the same choice I made), and the fact that it was Liam's choice to commit suicide (again, the same choice I made), Ken's posting of the picture was not actually the straw that broke the camel's back - no, it was every kid that clicked on that picture and left a hatful comment behind. They share the same amount of guilt that Ken has, maybe more, because a picture is one thing, but words are so much more harmful. And I can guarantee you that no one punished them.
In the end, while the prose and dialogue was excellent, I felt that most of the characters were "off" in a way. I just didn't "get" them. The only minor character that felt real to me was Jeff. He wasn't a one dimensional bully, and there was a very good reason for why he was so hostile to Brandon. Misplaced reason, but understandable. And I also felt that a false sense of hope was written into the story. Not only would Ken not be going to that particular college, but there would be a hell of a lot more than the legal profession that would be closed to him (see below). Finally, the fact that he says to himself "nothing matters" a few pages before the end didn't exactly end the book on the level of hope that I think the final email is supposed to inspire.
Kids can be rotten. A 13-year old doesn't have the same conscience that a 21-year old does - in fact, the brain has to grow and evolve until it's 21-22 years old. Kids can make terrible choices. They need to be taught. They need to be corrected. I felt that Ken's punishment was excessive. I forgave the people who tortured me. I had no choice. If you carry that kind of poison around and don't let it go, it is ultimately you who will be poisoned. A person needs to set themselves free the first chance they get. I hope Brandon and Jeff were able to work things out. I hope that Brandon was able to free himself. Hell, as the years went by, some of my tormenters became my friends. We grew up. They matured and found their consciences. I actually felt healed that some of these people were able to do a 180 and become my friends. It wasn't just forgiveness, it let me embrace the past and actually fix it in a way. So I totally believe that Julie could love Ken and maybe they would have a future together.
This is one thing from reality that bothers me: Not everyone on the sex offenders list is a rapist or a pedophile. There are quite a few young teenagers out there who get put on this list for playing with internet porn. This is also becoming a bigger and bigger problem. And I think the punishment far outweighs the crime here. Once a person goes on that list, their life is essentially over. They probably won't get accepted to college. Probably no one will hire them. Of course no one will marry them because of the fact that they're "perverts". And they should definitely not have children, because the state can snoop in at any time, for any reason it feels like (no suspicious act need to have occurred or be reported) and take the children permanently away. In our society's zeal to keep sex offenders away from us - which is a very good thing - we have gone overboard in some cases and are ending lives before they ever begin. It reminds me of the lists that McCarthy kept. I worked as a paralegal for many years, and you can believe me when I tell you Ken would never have been accepted to a school like USC (or SUNY for NYS residents) and certainly will never be hired in a job that pays much more than minimum wage. A kid who posts naked pictures on the net should in no way be treated like a rapist or a pedophile. They've done wrong, but their lives should not be destroyed because of it. So, in the end, I felt that this story caused me to sympathize more with the bully than with the one who was bullied. And, again, I say this as one who was tortured through his school years and came very close to being Liam: Liam's life ended quickly. Ken will not be so lucky. And I would never wish that kind of fate on any of the kids who tormented me. There is justice, there is punishment, and then there is just revenge. Revenge gets people nowhere, as Liam's father demonstrated.
