About the Author
Joey Green is the author of many books, including
Polish Your Furniture with Panty Hose and
Clean Your Clothes with Cheez Whiz. Together, he and
Alan Corcoran wrote
You Know You've Reached Middle Age If.... Green and Corcoran live in Southern California.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Introduction You need three pairs of glasses to get through the morning paper. Your old friends are dropping like flies. On a good day, nothing hurts until your medication wears off. You've hit the golden years, but it feels more like an episode of the Twilight Zone.
Well, fear not. You're not alone. Senior citizens are the fastest growing segment of the population. Thirty-nine million Americans are over the age of 65. In fact, someone turns 65 in the United States every fourteen seconds. Like you, they're not too happy about it either -- unless you're overjoyed that you're now entitled to a senior citizen discount on a cup of coffee at McDonald's.
Okay, so you can no longer remember your own phone number and you're constantly driving home to the wrong house. You haven't lost your marbles. You're simply having a few Senior Moments. Savor them, treasure them, and above all, get used to them. Experts are projecting that 100th birthday parties are becoming as common as liver spots. You're going to be in this state of confusion for some time to come, so you might as well sit back, relax, and smell the Geritol.
And so, as a public service, we've prepared this checklist of Senior Moments (in large print for your convenience) to reassure you that you haven't gone senile. You're simply experiencing a second childhood. Just be careful. It's a proven fact that too many birthdays can kill you.
Copyright © 2002 by Joey Green and Alan Corcoran
