Where Can You Turn…? …when the bills are due, the kids are acting out, loneliness and doubt are creeping into your quiet hours—and you’re handling it all alone. If your partner is in the military, or has any job that entails long stretches of time away from home, these challenges may be the greatest that your relationship will ever face. Now is the time you need answers, resources, and understanding. This is the book that will give them to you. Military wife and U.S. Army veteran Shellie Vandevoorde has penned a practical, compassionate guide to help military couples cope with the separation of active deployment. Separated by Duty,United in Love is infused with her years of experience, offering sound and comforting advice from someone who’s been there. Vandevoorde explores real-life issues and shares invaluable insights on the best ways to: * Keep the lines of communication open while your partner is away * Address your children’s fears as you cope with your own * Juggle finances and other household duties * Make dual decisions by yourself * Cope with post-traumatic stress when a spouse returns from war * Utilize military resources and support groups to help yourself through the toughest times You are not alone: Separated by Duty, United in Love gives you the tools and the encouragement you need to help your military relationship survive—and thrive.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
26 of 30 people found the following review helpful
By Natasha S.
Format:Paperback
This book looked great online. But when I went to a local store to take a look before buying it, I was very disappointed. The quality of the printing - particularly the paper - was absolutely terrible. On top of that, the book doesn't offer any special insights - it doesn't cover any new ground, have any sort of scientific basis, or otherwise distinguish itself. There are plenty of websites out there for military spouses where you can get the exact same information for FREE. The military has better resources for you and won't charge you for them, and they actually have some credible sources behind it. Don't waste your money on this book.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
By Ginny Moreno
Format:Paperback
Thousands of military families are separated by military deployment at any given time, and this book should be given to each and every family. It is easy to read, and it is chocked full of heartfelt, excellent advice to deal with many of the larger and smaller issues that are frequently a part of being separated by duty.
This book has thoughtful insight into the daily challenges that face military couples during a deployment. There are so many topics covered in this book that I am sure are almost never addressed with military couples. Most of the couples I have known just struggle the best they can through deployments, hoping just to get through it, to be emotionally and financially intact at the end of it all, with the loved one safely back at home.
This book offers a better way to guide your relationship and family through a military deployment. It offers much needed encouragement and advice from military wives and husbands who have experienced being apart in the military. I would have never even thought of many of the excellent topics it covers, a few of which are emotional issues, financial problems, childrearing issues and most importantly, understanding and nurturing yourself and each other while you are apart and when you reunited. "Separated by Duty, United in Love" is a real life commentary on very real situations that present themselves daily on the homefront in the military deployment experience. Reading this book may be the most important thing you do to nurture your relationship and family during this challenging time.
This book has thoughtful insight into the daily challenges that face military couples during a deployment. There are so many topics covered in this book that I am sure are almost never addressed with military couples. Most of the couples I have known just struggle the best they can through deployments, hoping just to get through it, to be emotionally and financially intact at the end of it all, with the loved one safely back at home.
This book offers a better way to guide your relationship and family through a military deployment. It offers much needed encouragement and advice from military wives and husbands who have experienced being apart in the military. I would have never even thought of many of the excellent topics it covers, a few of which are emotional issues, financial problems, childrearing issues and most importantly, understanding and nurturing yourself and each other while you are apart and when you reunited. "Separated by Duty, United in Love" is a real life commentary on very real situations that present themselves daily on the homefront in the military deployment experience. Reading this book may be the most important thing you do to nurture your relationship and family during this challenging time.
47 of 59 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I bought this book because a friend of mine had it and mentioned how she loved it. Although the first chapter was decent, the rest of the book fell short of my hopeful expectations. She has no sources behind her advice so what you're getting is just a bunch of advice from random women with no other qualifications but military spouse. I never finished the book because I found more and more that her views about marriage were very different from mine. At one point she suggests that wives could send her hubby off to deployment with an adult magazine "to help their marriage." I don't agree with that and could not continue reading a book that supports what I do not. It seems like lousy marriage advice to me.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
The assumption that a service member's spouse is a wife was rampent throughout this book, and it got rather tiresome (especially for an Air Force husband of more than a decade).
Most of the advice was sound and well written, but very basic. She gives good advice, but most of the advice would benefit from a more detailed 'further reading' section, especially the parts about dealing with money and suspected infidelity. Despite this shortcoming, this is an excellent book for a new military spouse.
Regardless of disclaimers, the book was clearly written for military wives, not military spouses. What irks my wife, an active duty Air Force officer is the assumption that husbands don't need help, and are OK when the wife is away. What irks me is the implication that women shouldn't be in the military. To assume that the spouse is a wife is to assume that only men are in uniform. And by not making it clear that military husbands have most of the same challenges as the wives plus a few distinct ones, the statement is that men shouldn't be the ones on the home front. During my own military career, the female officers that I served with were, on the average, more competent than the males (although there were two or three that really tried to pull the rest down). It is not appropriate to send a message that these women serving our country in uniform shouldn't be there or shouldn't have husbands.
This one was good for new wives, but really struck a nerve for me.
E. M. Van Court
Most of the advice was sound and well written, but very basic. She gives good advice, but most of the advice would benefit from a more detailed 'further reading' section, especially the parts about dealing with money and suspected infidelity. Despite this shortcoming, this is an excellent book for a new military spouse.
Regardless of disclaimers, the book was clearly written for military wives, not military spouses. What irks my wife, an active duty Air Force officer is the assumption that husbands don't need help, and are OK when the wife is away. What irks me is the implication that women shouldn't be in the military. To assume that the spouse is a wife is to assume that only men are in uniform. And by not making it clear that military husbands have most of the same challenges as the wives plus a few distinct ones, the statement is that men shouldn't be the ones on the home front. During my own military career, the female officers that I served with were, on the average, more competent than the males (although there were two or three that really tried to pull the rest down). It is not appropriate to send a message that these women serving our country in uniform shouldn't be there or shouldn't have husbands.
This one was good for new wives, but really struck a nerve for me.
E. M. Van Court
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
By Katie
Format:Paperback
I absolutely loved the book! It is a book that you can't put down. It helps you know what to expect in the future and how to avoid the worst in every situation. It puts things into perspective from your partners stand point. VERY well written and VERY Entertaining! I would recommend it to anyone! I am new to the Marine life and its been SO helpful! Thanks again!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
By C. Wocoski
Format:Paperback
I'm an army girlfriend. My boyfriend is deployed to Iraq for 15 months. I bought this book in hopes of finding a little comfort and advice for situations military couples come across. Instead, I found a book I couldn't put down. The author did a wonderful job of taking life experiences from many different men and women, servicemembers and civilians and compiled them into a "crisis bible". The issues addressed are real-life issues. There are no "beating around the bush" answers and she really tells you how it is but in a very motherly, experienced fashion. I found this book has given me so much more strength and a positive outlook on a situation many significant others could not put themselves in. I suggest it to anyone. Whether your special someone is in the military, you're a parent, or even a friend. The advice is so real and helpful. My relationship has improved on both ends because of this book and the wonderful words of advice.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars
Nice
The book seems awesome, but I couldn't fully relate to the author. Best wishes to all the deployed families though! I feel you!!
Published 3 months ago by brittany Shaffer
5.0 out of 5 stars
Deployment must...
This is a must have if your spouse is deploying. It has great stories in it to help you through the roughest days! It helped me cope!
Published 3 months ago by Suthrn Angel
5.0 out of 5 stars
Good book
My daughter found this book interesting as she is in a relation ship with a Marine. Had some valuable information.
Published 4 months ago by mtmom
5.0 out of 5 stars
Thank you
This book has helped me understand what is to come. My husband leaves shortly and the crippling fear of what ifs had begun to take over my mind. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Kristen
4.0 out of 5 stars
Good book.
Two of my girls have husbands that are in the service. I personally did not read the book but they were delighted to have it. Therefore I would highly recommend the product.
Published 5 months ago by Tina L. Chaney
5.0 out of 5 stars
Must have for military marriages
As a military brat, veteran, and wife... This book helps me with things I already knew about military life by giving great advice. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Sandra Hopkins
2.0 out of 5 stars
Be prepared if your currently in deployment
I was looking for a book to help get me through my first deployment. The first couple chapters were great and i was able to relate which comforted me. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Armyfiance
5.0 out of 5 stars
Recommend for all military spouses!
Every military spouse should read this book. I read it at the begining of my first deployment and it was a huge help. Read more
Published 20 months ago by LoveToShop
5.0 out of 5 stars
Only deployment book I read.
I ordered 7 books and this is the book I read. It is real and the rest are great if you have no life, no kids, no worries, no job. This book is good.
Published 20 months ago by TK
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Book for Newlyweds and Old Veterans Alike
Shellie Vandevoorde's book, Separated by Duty, United in Love, is a wonderful and comprehensive guide to long-distance relationships for military couples. Read more
Published 21 months ago by Ed Cox
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