Customer Reviews

In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists

5 star:		(29)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

This is without a doubt the most incredible book I have ever read on any aspect of psychotherapy, transference and the therapeutic relationship. Thanks to Deborah Lott's book, I will never be the same. I am both a client and a soon to be graduate student in psychology. This book was lifechanging. It showed me the way to achieve the deepest therapeutic relationship with my therapist possible and in doing so, the deepest healing is occuring. I always believed I had a open honest relationship with my therapist and this is true; however, this book allowed me to see that there were some things I was not saying and feelings I was not expressing, that I needed to. Some that both shocked and scared me. I did not realize this because I had driven these feeling and thoughts underground (particularly ones involving erotic transference, since both my therapist and I are female and heterosexual). These feeling became 'secrets' in my therapy, that prevented progression to even more deeper levels of the therapeutic process. Ms Lott's book opened my eyes to what was going on, helped me understand I was not alone, that these feeling were common and normal and inspired me (despite great anxiety and fear) to confess these feeling to my therapist; to say everything I had been holding back and by doing so experiencing tremendous relief. I have had a very close, deep therapeutic relationship with my therapist for almost 4 years, that just became closer and deeper than I ever imagine. I never knew the fear and anxiety that holding this 'secret' had created. This book and my therapist's reaction of total acceptance and understanding released me from an emotional prison. I was freed to experience trust, freedom and happiness I had not known before. All therapist, clients, prospective clients and student of the disciplin should put this one at the top of their reading list. Ms. Lott's contribution to the field, and to clients as well as to therapists is remarkable considering that she is not a therapist; something one would never know had she not said so in her book. I look forward with great anticipation to her next book.

For several months I had been searching the shelves in bookstores for a publication that would even mildly address (and attempt to explain) the romantic feelings that I have towards my shrink. I never expected to find any books on that exact subject because I figured only a fool could fall "madly in love" with someone who never discloses anything about himself. You would think that the therapist would fall for the patient since he gets to know your heart and eventually expose your soul. I felt guilty and dirty for feeling inexplicably attracted to him. Then I came across "In Session" and realised that in no way shape or form am I alone. I couldn't put this book down. Not only was it a fascinating read, it was extremely therapeutic.I recommend this book to any woman who is feeling unusually compelled - to the point of distraction- by the patient/therapist relationship. How I'd love a sequel from the therapists' point of view.

If I could give this book a 10-star rating, I would -- without any hesitation! The relationship developed between women and their therapists is so unique, powerful and virtually universal among women in therapy; ironically, it's rarely given public attention or focus, even in the therapeutic session itself. Lott (the author)is not a therapist, nor does she attempt to portray herself as one; rather, she is a journalist/author/woman who knows how to ask thought provoking questions that make for extremely interesting reading. This book is easy to read (I couldn't put it down!) and easy to identify with (there are real-life stories throughout). If you are a client and are uncertain how to talk about this important relationship with your therapist, this book can become a great vehicle for opening a deeper level of communication and understanding between the two of you. If you are a therapist, it's a great book to recommend to your clients, too. It's a continually thought-provoking book, almost guaranteed that any client and/or therapist who reads it will strongly identify with it.

I am a late-20-something female who had seen about 30+ therapists (mostly male) until I finally found one (a female) who I felt really "got" me. I went into therapy with her about 5 months ago and at first I thought we just really "connected." Well about 2 months into it, I ended up completely and utterly obsessed with her, which rendered me not only unable to focus on my primary reasons for entering therapy to begin with, but also on my daily life!! My obsession with her was preoccupying my mind, and on the verge of ruining my present relationship. I didn't know what was wrong with me--I felt like I was falling apart--I was literally at a worse state then than I was when I initially went into therapy with her.

WELL, I stumbled across this book and it is FABULOUS. It is a MUST-READ for ANYONE who has become obsessed with their therapist. It saved my life, my therapy, and my relationship.

It focuses on the *client* for once, makes more sense of transference than anything I've ever read, and is written so eloquently, from a woman who really knows what she's talking about--no dry clinical tone or anything like that. This book literally saved my life, and I cannot recommend it enough.

XXX
--V

I am just an average person struggling through my first real experience with therapy. I never knew what strong feelings I would have or what I was really getting into but sometimes it overwhelms me. This book was great. I have read approximately 10 books on therapy and specifically the relationship in therapy. This one was by the far the most helpful. Not only is it well-written but for me it really helped me to know what other people have gone through in therapy -- that I am not the only one. I think this is particularly good for those of us who sometimes feel madly in love with our therapist! Thank-you to the author!

I had been in therapy for approximately six months before I realized I was struggling to be honest and open with my therapist. I found, with my past issues, a love that just couldn't be explained. Never being in therapy before, yet being in the Medical Field, I was not only shocked at myself but ashamed I allowed this to occur. It was then I found Deborah Lott's book and I have read it, utlilized it over and over, and I feel it should be required reading for people entering therapy. Not that this intense, in-depth feeling of connection and love occurs with every client, it is so freeing to understand how and why this can happen. Deborah has written a masterpiece on the therapeutic process and allows one to know the potential for these immense feelings to happen, how to deal with them, and honesty is the best policy. When I spoke to my therapist of the emotions I was feeling, he was very supportive and we have left them "out on the table" to discuss as we continue the process of healing. If I only would have known what I do now after reading Deborah's book, I would have saved myself so much energy, grief, and had the ability to be aware and honest with myself as well as my therapist.
I find it is natural to develop these feelings and even though I struggle with them from time to time, I am able to be open and honest, and feel by discussing them, I am healing in other fashions as well. I highly recommend this book to anyone before they even begin therapy and I as well, hope more therapist will encourage and discuss the potential for these emotions to be apart of the entire process during the first visit.
My hat is off to Deborah and I refer to her book often. She has more insight than many of the therapists I know. I would love to see this recommended reading for all therapists as well.

Every woman involved in or contemplating therapy should read this book! I found it lucid, balanced, and thought-provoking. Lott intelligently answered every question I have had about transference, boundaries, and much more. Though she admits to having had a sexual relationship with her therapist, the book does not read as if she is out to grind an ax. She looks at every angle of each issue, interviews both therapists and clients, and gives well-rounded, fair coverage to every question. I spent four years in therapy in the early 80s and am now starting my second year with a new therapist. Reading this book made me feel more informed and confident about what I am doing. And it assured me that my therapist is a wonder of ethics and caring. The book is a treasure, and Lott is a fine, responsible writer.

I have read and reread this book four times. Each time, I learn something new about myself as a therapist and more recently as a client. Having been on both sides of the proverbial couch, I can relate to almost every word in this book. As a therapist, I have always been sensitive to the nuances of the therapeutic relationship. However, it was not until I became a client that I truly understood the intense, often confusing, emotional bond that exists between client and therapist. Such emotions are not easy to discuss, but once they are spoken about and accepted, the relationship deepens even further. Deborah Lott is truly gifted in describing that deep bond. The many accounts she shared, both positive and negative, from women in therapy were engrossing and heartfelt. This book should be read by anyone engaged in the process of therapy.

Thank you so much for writing this book. Reading this book has been so beneficial to me and my therapy. I too had transference. It didn't make sense and was uncomfortable to deal with. My therapist was very understanding and helpful but this book answered so many questions and provoked many questions about myself, my therapst and as well as my past that I had never considered. I recommend this book to all who consider therapy. This should be required reading for therapists as well.

Thanks again to this author! Suzy

Therapy, at times, is a very quasi-intimate exchange between those involved. This book certainly helps the reader to identify those times when the patient and therapist need to take time to dissect certain inappropriate feelings that may arise and turn them into appropriate feelings that can be dynamic tools to making progress in therapy. Many people come to therapy with "secrets" they are afraid or ashamed to discuss. The "loving" or "sexual" feelings that arise for the therapist should never become another secret. This book provides wonderful insight into how to deal with this sometimes delicate issue. "In Session" provides points of view from both therapist and patient -- good and bad, which makes this book very realistic and relevant to those in the "therapeutic dance". Highly, highly recommended.