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Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing CLEAR, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries [Kindle Edition]

Robert J. Mackenzie
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (298 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $11.99
Sold by: Random House LLC

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Book Description

In this fully revised and expanded second edition, Setting Limits author Robert MacKenzie is back with even more time-proven methods for dealing with misbehavior and creating positive, respectful, and rewarding relationships with children prone to acting out and disobedience.

Disruptive misbehavior, constant power struggles, manipulative or aggressive behavior--the challenges facing parents and teachers of strong-willed children can seem overwhelming at times. That's why thousands of parents and educators have turned to the solutions in Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child. This revised and expanded second edition offers the most up-to-date alternatives to punishment and permissiveness--moving beyond traditional methods that wear you down and get you nowhere, and zeroing in on what really works so parents can use their energy in more efficient and productive ways. With fully updated guidelines on parenting tools like "logical consequences," and examples drawn directly from the modern world that children deal with each day, this is an invaluable resource for anyone wondering how to effectively motivate strong-willed children and instill proper conduct.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews


Now You Can Effectively Parent Your Strong-Willed Child

From the Trade Paperback edition.

From the Inside Flap

Now You Can Effectively Parent Your Strong-Willed Child
Does your child constantly misbehave and ignore or refuse your requests for proper behavior? Is your relationship with your child based on conflict instead of mutual respect and cooperation? With the help of this groundbreaking book, you can create a positive, respectful, and rewarding relationship with your child.
Inside are proven techniques and procedures that provide a refreshing alternative to the ineffective extremes of punishment and permissiveness. Parents and teachers alike will discover how to effectively motivate the strong-willed child and achieve proper conduct. You will learn how to:
·Understand and empathize without giving in
·Hold your ground without threatening
·Remove daily power struggles between you and your child
·Give clear, firm messages that your child understands and respects
·And much more!
"Eminently useful and readable! This book should be a part of every parent's and school's reference library." ?Judy E. Hunt-Brown, principal, Elk Grove Unified School District
"A grand book that teaches everybody in the family new skills and encourages more peaceful, socially acceptable lives at home, school, in the office, or in any social group." ?Barbara O'Donnell, principal, St. Francis Elementary School
"A highly recommended eye-opener; beautifully documented." ?Stewart E. Teal, M.D., clinical professor of child psychiatry, University of California, Davis

Product Details

  • File Size: 2236 KB
  • Print Length: 273 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony; 1 edition (August 3, 2011)
  • Sold by: Random House LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B000S1LHIK
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #150,583 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
767 of 779 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars THE discipline book for March 2, 2002
By Derrick
As a step parent of a very "Spirited" and "Strong-Willed" child, I can acknowledge first hand that the methods and philosophy of this book WILL promote harmony and cooperation. Maybe not initially but certainly in the long term. "Setting Limits" deals with discipline issues associated with the nine temperamental traits: 1.Persistance, 2.Intensity, 3.Regularity, 4. Distractability, 5.Energy and Activity Level, 6.Sensitivity, 7.Adaptability, 8.Reactivity, and 9.Mood.
The author is also the parent of two children, one compliant, easy going, and the other one strong-willed/demanding so he can relate with the parents who scream, "nothing works with this kid!".
This book is NOT about harsh punishement but rather teaches respectful limit setting, which is an essential teaching tool. It teaches parents to give children clear, respectful messages to convey the necessary information for the child to make acceptable choices. To focus on the behaviour in a way that does not belittle, criticize or shame the child. Although parents may genuinely feel that they are giving a clear "Stop" message to their child, they are sometimes unwittingly giving a yellow or even green light to unwanted behaviours. The strong-willed child interprets these vague massages as "Optional requests" or learns only that the behaviour upsets or angers the parent. This may lead to increased limit testing to see where the boundaries really are, especially if they enjoy making us jump and yell. It sometimes seems that Strong-willed children need to learn everything the hard way by agressivly testing all limits or restrictions (much more than compliant children) to see where the bottom line really is. They are aggressive researchers who leave parents little room for ineffective discipline.
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547 of 559 people found the following review helpful
As a kindergarten teacher as well as a parent of strong-willed 5-year-old twin boys, I too often found myself yelling louder, reminding more often and searching for stricter punishments to get the children to cooperate...Nothing was working! I needed a new approach...and Dr. MacKenzie has given me the understanding and the tools to set limits effectively without losing my sanity. I learned how I was part of "the dance" of non-compliance and I realized that I would have to change my behavior first before I got a positive change in the behavior from the children. I learned the difference between "soft limits" and "firm limits" and the importance of my actions supporting my words; then, the kids began respecting the rules because they knew I would follow through with consequences. It was an eye-opener to realize that by me constantly reminding...I was actually teaching the children to ignore (at least the first few times because they knew more reminding was coming) giving unclear open-ended directions...I was actually setting the situation up for clarification, testing and conflict...and by bargaining and making deals out of desperation...I was actually giving the kids the opportunity to control the situation as they decided to up the ante the next time! The best part of this book is the real life examples of exactly what to say and not say to the kids. It is as if the author has been looking in my windows as my twins defy me in so many of the exact same situations. I was immediately comforted by the fact that I am not alone in trying to get compliance instead of defiance from my boys. Read more ›
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186 of 192 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended September 19, 2004
It is amazing how well this very great, very practical book documents typical family interactions. All of the examples are very realistic, and reading them makes you say, "Yes, exactly, that's exactly what happens with me and my child." By simply drawing these interactions out on a timeline, MacKenzie shows how much effort can go into verbal sparring with your child, and how this sparring is an insidious, counter-productive, and self-perpetuating process. I learned some simple lessons from this book that fundamentally changed for the better the way I interact with my 9 year old daughter.

First, some kids, for a variety of reasons, are strong-willed, and in most cases it's nobody's fault they are that way. So get over worrying about why your kid is strong willed. Parents who were compliant children themselves can be especially puzzled by their strong-willed children, and want to look for an answer to "what went wrong?" But in most cases nothing went wrong.

Second, when strong-willed kids challenge your rules with defiant/testing behavior, it is very easy to see the whole thing as a power struggle that they are constantly drawing you into as part of a sinister plot to make your life as unpleasant as possible. In contrast, MacKenzie very helpfully suggests that, when you child tests and challenges, you simply remind yourself that your child is strong-willed, and the way strong-willed childred learn about the world is to test limits. The purpose of testing these limits is not to make your life hell. It is their way of genuinely *asking* the question, is this thing I'm doing okay? That's their job, to ask questions about behavior in this way -- it's how they learn how the world works.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Good for Almost Any Age - Including Adults
A life saver for anyone with a child who has a mind of his/her own. Examples and guidance are the central part of the book.
Published 4 days ago by Wendy
5.0 out of 5 stars You have to get this book if you want to be a good parent!!
After reading this book I literally could not wait for my kids to misbehave!!! Unfortunately, after a few lessons they all knew Mommy was not joking around and, without any... Read more
Published 6 days ago by Rina Castillo-Rico
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
This book was very helpful for communicating with my child effectively.
Published 10 days ago by Micah Zinna
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 1 month ago by Barbara B. Finley
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Good and easy read with general information and ideas to use
Published 2 months ago by Jewels03
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book. Set limits now to avoid struggles later
Great book. Set limits now to avoid struggles later.
Published 2 months ago by Iggi
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 3 months ago by BeWellStore
5.0 out of 5 stars ... charts and excepts throughout the book that make it useful to even...
The book has charts and excepts throughout the book that make it useful to even flip through which can be great even if the other parent isn't too interested in the book!
Published 3 months ago by Cr1mson
3.0 out of 5 stars Okay but didn't address many of my concerns.
This book did have me rethink some of my ways of disciplining. Unfortunately, it didn't get into what is helpful when your child hits you or kicks walls and doors when they are... Read more
Published 3 months ago by nz
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Good reference book.
Published 3 months ago by silo691
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More About the Author

Robert J. MacKenzie, Ed.D., is an educational psychologist, and marriage, family, and child therapist with more than 15 years experience working with family and classroom behavioral problems. He is the author of Setting Limits (Prima), a guide to establishing reasonable boundaries at home.


Topic From this Discussion
What are the positive aspects of Strong Willed Temperament
I've watched my niece, who was one of the most strong-willed children I've ever met, grow up to be one of the most conscientious, responsible teenagers I've ever met. She is a leader in all respects, an independent thinker, and has chosen to use her strengths for good. I have always believed the... Read More
Dec 27, 2007 by W. Overton |  See all 6 posts
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