The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage [Paperback]

Tim Downs (Author), Joy Downs (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 2003

Marriages are under increasing strain these days, with over half of them ending in divorce. Conflict is seen as grounds to end a marriage, rather than an opportunity to grow closer to each other and to God. The Seven Conflicts is an excellent resource for equipping couples to learn to understand the true nature of their conflicts and deal with them in a way that will actually help their marital fulfillment. Couples will learn to identify their mutual dreams, put differences into perspective, understand each other's underlying motives, and work together as partners who are more in love than ever.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

NOTHING KEEPS AN ARUGUMENT GOING LIKE TWO PEOPLE WHO AREN’T SURE WHAT THEY’RE ARGUING ABOUT.

 

Are there conflicts in your marriage that you seem to revisit over and over again?  Are there topics that always seem to cause a disagreement?  Are there areas of you marriage that you avoid like a marital minefield? 

 

The Seven Conflicts reveals seven hidden issues that are the underlying cause of most of the conflict in married life:

• Security
• Loyalty
• Responsibility
• Caring
• Order
• Openness
• Connection

 

When a couple approached these seven issues from different perspectives, it leads to conflicts that just don’t seem to go away.  In The Seven Conflicts, you will learn why:

 

• Disagreements over money are often not about money at all, but Security.
• In-law arguments are really questions of Loyalty: Who side are you on, anyway?
• Major conflicts begin over the question of Responsibility: What should we do?
• The secret to Caring is found in the words Awareness and Initiative.
• Your biggest conflicts are about the way you disagree.
• Some conflicts will never go away – but you can learn to love each other in spite of them and have a great marriage!

 

The Seven Conflicts will help you identify where you and your mate stand in relation to each of the seven issues – and to each other.  This accessible, practical guide will enable you to understand you mate’s true motives, put your differences in perspective, anticipate areas of disagreement, and learn to live and love as committed partners. 

 

Tim and Joy Downs have been speaking at FamilyLife marriage and parenting conferences since 1985.  Tim’s first book, Finding Common Ground, was awarded the Evangelical Christian Publishing Association’s prestigious Gold Medallion Award.  Tim and Joy are on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ and live in Cary, North Carolina, with their three children. 

About the Author

Tim and Joy Downs have been on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ since 1979, where they founded and directed the Communication Center, a communication training facility, for seventeen years. Since 1985 they have spoken at more than 150 Family Life Marriage and Parenting conferences across the country. Tim's first book, Finding Common Ground, was awarded the Gold Medallion Award in 2000. Tim and Joy live in Cary, North Carolina, with their three children.

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Moody Publishers (February 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0802414230
• ISBN-13: 978-0802414236
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #288,596 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Tim Downs is a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Indiana University. After graduation in 1976 he created a daily comic strip, Downstown, which was syndicated by Universal Press Syndicate (Doonesbury, Calvin & Hobbes, The Far Side) from 1980 to 1986. His cartooning has appeared in newspapers and magazines worldwide. Tim has written eight novels in the mystery/suspense genre, beginning with Shoofly Pie (2003) and Chop Shop (2004). His third novel, PlagueMaker, was awarded the Christy award as the best CBA mystery/suspense novel of 2006. His fourth novel, Head Game, was released in January of 2007, followed by First the Dead (2008), Less than Dead (2008), Ends of the Earth (2009), and Wonders Never Cease (May 2010). His hobbies include woodworking, design, and writing about himself in the third person. Tim lives in Cary, North Carolina, with his beautiful wife Joy. They have three grown children.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars wise, insightful book, February 13, 2003

By 

Cheryl Dunlop (TN, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage (Paperback)

This is not only a very wise book about marriage, but a book that will help everyone, married or not, to become better at understanding other people. It explores interpersonal dynamics in an insightful and often humorous manner. I'm single, but again and again I had "aha" moments as I thought of various arguments I had had or various arguments my various married friends had had.

The key is that often we don't fight about what we seem to be fighting about. Instead of an argument being about money, for example, it might really be about security: We can't afford that vacation, because we're trying to save for a house or for retirement. It has charts to analyze each spouse's response to the various conflicts, and a wonderful chapter on how to understand and communicate more effectively with the spouse who responds differently to a particular conflict.

A unique feature to this book: Many of the chapters have short summaries (called "quick takes") so that the reader's spouse can get an idea of what has been said without having to read the whole book.

Easily one of the most insightful of the 100 or so books I've read in the last year.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Athiest that LOVED this book, January 12, 2008

By 

GinFan (Minneapolis, MN USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage (Paperback)

My wife and I have easily gone through a dozen or so relationship books over the years, some good some bad, but this one is priceless and the best we've ever read! Christians put a lot of effort into married couple small groups and come up with incredibly insiteful stuff. If you are avoiding this book because you are not a Christian, don't, it is well worth skimming over the Bible verses and reading the concepts.

I do not know a single married couple who's relationship would not benefit GREATLY from going through this book together. Tim and Joy Downs, I feel indebted to you.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Marraige Counseling/Therapy, November 12, 2007

By 

Nestor R. Mantilla - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage (Paperback)

Terrific book in terms identifying seven common Marriage conflicts which dating an engaged couples should read . In addition, Premarriage Counseling and or Workshops should recommended that participants read this in order to be aware of these potential conflicts in order to prevent and resolve them in a health and productive manner .