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The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved [Hardcover]

Matthew Kelly (Author)
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)


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Book Description

November 1, 2005
We All Crave An Authentic Experience Of Intimacy.

Though our hearts crave intimacy, though our minds understand our deep need for it, the self-revelation it requires is often too daunting a task. Complete and unrestrained sharing of self exposes the deepest human fear of being rejected for being ourselves. In "The Seven Levels of Intimacy, " Matthew Kelly both acknowledges and calms our fears, while teaching us how to move beyond them to experience the power of true intimacy.

Matthew reveals that each relationship is built upon a pattern of interaction. In the beginning stages, we rely on casual interactions, gaining familiarity by focusing on superficialities and facts. We grow closer and begin to share our opinions, learning to accept each other and embrace the growing relationship despite the difference in our experiences and viewpoints. Once our differences and opinions are shared and accepted, we feel safe enough to reveal our hopes, dreams, and feelings, developing trust. With this trust, we open ourselves and are able to share our legitimate needs, becoming liberated from carrying the burden of our real needs alone. At last, we are deeply intimate and both willing and able to reveal our deepest fears. We are beyond judgment and feel trust and acceptance. By moving through and building upon each level of intimacy, we find comfort and gain trust in our partners and ourselves until, by developing and deepening our intimacy within each level, we are able to fully open ourselves, finally opening to the possibility of truly being loved. It is through mastering the seven levels of intimacy that we will break through to fully experiencing love, commitment, trust, and happiness.

"The Seven Levels of Intimacy" is a brilliant and practical guide to creating and sustaining intimacy, whether you are looking for a deeper sense of connection with your spouse, looking for more fulfillment in your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, trying to improve your relationships with your children, or simply wondering what you should be looking for in a partner.

With profound insight and the use of powerful, everyday examples, Matthew Kelly explains how we can nurture the intimacy in our relationships. "The Seven Levels of Intimacy" redefines how we view our interactions with others. This new understanding leads us to successfully create the strong connections, deep joy, and lasting bonds that we all long for.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A throwaway buzzword in pop psychology, intimacy remains a litmus test for the health of relationships and is something everyone should strive for, says Kelly, the bestselling author of The Rhythm of Life. "Intimacy is the one thing a person cannot live happily without," he writes. Since many people cling to the "pubescent notion" that intimacy and sex are synonymous, Kelly begins by talking about what intimacy is not-sex, common interests-and proffering up inspirational tidbits and oft heard motivational questions ("Who energizes you?" "Why do they energize you?" "How do you want to be remembered?") before hammering home the thesis of this book: intimacy is a "legitimate need." His seven levels of intimacy-clichés; facts; opinions; hopes and dreams; feelings; faults, fears and failures; and legitimate needs-each get a chapter-length discussion. Kelly advocates openness-in communication, enduring pain, delaying gratification-and sprinkles in bits of spirituality in cajoling readers to foster intimacy, and, in turn, love and the meaning of life. "Life is about love. It's about whom you love and whom you hurt. Life's about how you love and hurt the people close to you." His view may seem simplistic, but Kelly's simple, direct prose and patient explanations will appeal to spiritual readers.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"A highly readable, well-written book that contains deep wisdom and practical guidance about relationships that will be useful to everyone seeking genuine and durable intimacy, especially couples. I especially appreciate his thesis that love is a commitment to helping the other become the best person he can be. I highly recommend it."

-- Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., author of "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples"


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone (November 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743265114
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743265119
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #418,277 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Matthew Kelly, the New York Times bestselling author of The Rhythm of Life and The Dream Manager has been captivating audiences around the world since his late teens. Over the past decade, more than four million people have attended his seminars in over fifty countries. Kelly is the president of Floyd Consulting.

 

Customer Reviews

50 Reviews
5 star:
 (41)
4 star:
 (5)
3 star:
 (3)
2 star:    (0)
1 star:
 (1)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.7 out of 5 stars (50 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

103 of 107 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars We All Have Relationships, Mostly Unthinkingly, November 18, 2005
This review is from: The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved (Hardcover)
I don't believe that the most reclusive of us wants to go through life alone. We are social beings and we want to have friends, we want to share our lives with someone. Perhaps it's just someone to talk to at first, but sooner or later we want it to switch to mutual love.

Mr. Kelly has written an interesting book. The first six chapter are about what intimacy is not. Intimacy is not sex, it's not common interests, it's not 118 pages of things.

Only with this base established does he go on to describing what true intimacy is, how it developes over time. He starts with cliches. This is the way we communicate when we really don't know each other. At that time neither party is ready to exchange the deepest emotions. And if you start to tell someone about yours they'll wonder what's wrong with you. By the seventh level however, which he calls Legitimate Needs, we need to have the ability to tell our partners that we're beat tonight and just want to have a drink and veggie out in front of the TV.

He continues with ten reasons that people don't have a great relationship. Unfortunately they all make sense. As you read them, you can see where relationships fell apart. Finally he concludes with designing a relationship and putting that plan into effect.

Mr. Kelly has clearly thought out the issues of relationships and has written a book that explains a lot.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars This is not about physical intimacy as you may think, November 10, 2006
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This review is from: The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved (Hardcover)
Matthew Kelly is such a great inspiration! This book is not about the physical part of intimacy. Rather, it talks about how you grow in relationships with friends and family. Matthew encourages readers to be with people that bring out the "best-version" of themselves. He wants all of us to share our dreams; even keep track of our dreams. After we decide what we want to do, we make a plan, and surround ourselves with people who will help us be that best we can be.

I would also suggest that people buy his book "The Rhythm of Life" which is a definate 5 star book. I think these two books give you a lot to think about and work on in relationships. I can honestly say that some of my relationships have improved since I have changed some things within myself.
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28 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Seven Levels of Intimacy, February 22, 2006
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This review is from: The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved (Hardcover)
Great read - captivating - thought provoking - inspiring - excellent exercises to put into play what you read/learn. A catalyst for change - sure wets one's appetite for intimacy in the truest sense of the word. Gives courage to ask for more in the relationships that matter most.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
Sex is not intimacy. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
carefree timelessness, illegitimate wants, sential purpose, impersonal facts, unresolvable problems, quest for intimacy, seventh level, intellectual intimacy, sixth level, secondary relationships, great relationship
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Michael Jordan, United States
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Concordance | Text Stats
Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Front Flap | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Flap | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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