Customer Reviews

The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved

5 star:		(41)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I don't believe that the most reclusive of us wants to go through life alone. We are social beings and we want to have friends, we want to share our lives with someone. Perhaps it's just someone to talk to at first, but sooner or later we want it to switch to mutual love.

Mr. Kelly has written an interesting book. The first six chapter are about what intimacy is not. Intimacy is not sex, it's not common interests, it's not 118 pages of things.

Only with this base established does he go on to describing what true intimacy is, how it developes over time. He starts with cliches. This is the way we communicate when we really don't know each other. At that time neither party is ready to exchange the deepest emotions. And if you start to tell someone about yours they'll wonder what's wrong with you. By the seventh level however, which he calls Legitimate Needs, we need to have the ability to tell our partners that we're beat tonight and just want to have a drink and veggie out in front of the TV.

He continues with ten reasons that people don't have a great relationship. Unfortunately they all make sense. As you read them, you can see where relationships fell apart. Finally he concludes with designing a relationship and putting that plan into effect.

Mr. Kelly has clearly thought out the issues of relationships and has written a book that explains a lot.

Matthew Kelly is such a great inspiration! This book is not about the physical part of intimacy. Rather, it talks about how you grow in relationships with friends and family. Matthew encourages readers to be with people that bring out the "best-version" of themselves. He wants all of us to share our dreams; even keep track of our dreams. After we decide what we want to do, we make a plan, and surround ourselves with people who will help us be that best we can be.
I would also suggest that people buy his book "The Rhythm of Life" which is a definate 5 star book. I think these two books give you a lot to think about and work on in relationships. I can honestly say that some of my relationships have improved since I have changed some things within myself.

Great read - captivating - thought provoking - inspiring - excellent exercises to put into play what you read/learn. A catalyst for change - sure wets one's appetite for intimacy in the truest sense of the word. Gives courage to ask for more in the relationships that matter most.

We are all involved in relationships. But most do not achieve real meaningful ones. Our relationships don't turn sour, we just become indifferent.

We have been bombarded by messages that promise fun, excitment, pleasure and possessions are the answer to our emotional needs. But those are all feelings. And feelings change. They are not permanent. So no matter how much fun and excitement we pursue, it will not satisfy the basic need for intimacy. Our wants - material possessions - cannot fulfill our need for intimacy.

Matthew does and excellent job of exploring what intimacy is and what it is not. Most people have a misconception of what intimacy is.

The book is filled with very valuable information about the various types of intimacy - physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Matthew also provides the basis for a strong relationship. If you read and accept his premise, you will change the way you look at your relationships. You will understand that most relationships are self-centered and therefore almost always doomed to fail.

The book is divided into three parts. The first part defines intimacy, the second part discusses the seven levels of intimacy and the last part discusses the 10 reasons why people do not have a great relationship and how to design a great relationship.

Your primary relationship will have a huge impact on your quality of life. This is very valuable information and should be read by everyone who has not commited to living as a hermit.

The book was referred by a friend. I was surprised how helpful it was in determing what you want or should expect out of a relationship. I encourage all those seeking or involved in relationship to read it. It is even more powerful reading it together as a couple.

I turned 50 this year and finding myself single and dating for the first time in 25 years I did not know what to expect. After reading Mathews Rhythm of Life book I wanted to read more of his work. Mathew has a way of writing that reaches you on a real level like a life long friend. He presents the material in a way that I can relate to my life very simply. Beginning a new relationship I did not want to make the same mistakes. I wanted to find out how to keep the energy of a new relationship alive and lasting. In reading the "Seven Levels of Intimacy" he explains how and why Intimacy grows as we open up and share more of ourselves. He also explains the risks we take when we do so yet the great depth of relationship you gain by taking that risk. As Mathew explains each person we meet there is a level of Intimacy that is appropriate for that relationship. Only a few would you open up to level 7. As my new relationship develops I am more aware of how the relationship is growing and developing relative to levels of intimacy. The greatest value I have gained is it has made me more aware of my behavior and how my partner is responding in a positive way. This has allowed me to be consciously aware of why we are doing well and thus I make mental notes to keep practicing those behaviors that help us grow in intimacy. Reading his book has opened my eyes to a deeper understanding of the cause and affect of how we treat each other. So many couples feel their partner has taken them for granite and have quit showing appreciation. Mathew helps you understand the importance of the levels of intimacy and how much you have to gain by safely and respectfully sharing it with your partner and by doing so we appreciate each others uniqueness. I highly recommend this book to anyone in a new relationship or wanting to grow their current relationship to a deeper and richer level. Another book I read that I feel is a great companion to this one is "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard F Harley Jr.

Jam packed with good, solid truth and helpful information about how to be happy and have meaningful lives and relationships. No fluff. It's nice to have a clear voice come through the haze of daily life and "wake you up" to the joy of life.

This is a great, thought provoking, inspirational book. It's interesting how we all want and need intimacy, but most of us are terrified of it and run from it, thus creating an emptiness when left with only the superficial stuff. It defines the 7 levels and it's a good exercise to see how many levels you have achieved in your various relationships. The purpose of it all is to become the "best version of yourself", and those closest to you should be helping you to achieve this, and you the same for them. I've learned a lot and have applied some of the principles, and the end result is very positive. I highly recommend it to anyone who's lacking intimacy in their lives, which is probably the majority--definitely one of the best books I've read!

I found this to be one of the better books on relationships that I've read. Easy to read, reasonable to understand (even for an Engineer), gives examples to help clarify. He gives a structure and framework to understand different levels of a relationship and how you are at different levels with different people, and the priority of people in your life. The highest levels, which take the most work are reserved for the closest/most important relationships.
He starts by looking at issues today the trip people up and misunderstandings about relationships. He defines the goal of relationship to be helping some one to be a better version of themselves. With that in mind, the issue isn't about getting what you want but giving what they need, and vice versa. Then he gets into the seven levels:

Cliches: Relationships that deal in cliches like asking someone how they are in the morning and they respond "Fine, how are you?", not expecting a real answer
Facts: Once past facts, people deal with each other on the facts level, weather sports, news, etc.
Opinions: The next step is offering your thoughts on things
Hopes & Dreams: Yours and dealing with theirs
Feelings: Yours and dealing with theirs
Faults & Fears: Yours and dealing with theirs
Needs:Yours and dealing with theirs

Each level opens you more and more to vulnerability and risk, with the end to be truly loved, known, and understood.

I thought it to be eye opening (Hey Engineer), and insightful to things I've observed but hadn't framework to piece things together. I deal better with numbers and concrete things than emotional things. The hardest thing for me was that certain things are left undefined, but that is you have to define it for yourself as an individual, like what is the best version of yourself, you have to define it, but he offers little to help someone on that path. Perhaps that is grist for another book.

This is a must read for anyone, man or woman, who is in a relationship or who
is hoping to be in a relationship in the future. So much wisdom and insight packed
into this book! I am 55 and have never read about the ideas put in this book.
The book also makes a wonderful gift to couples who need a boost or help.
The subject is one that everyone is interested in.