Customer Reviews

Sex for Christians: The Limits and Liberties of Sexual Living

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I'm an adult Christian who has abstained from premarital sex for religious reasons, but wanted to do some reading on the subject as a sort of clarification of my religious reasoning. I bought several books with a related theme, and this one was far and away the best (the others were Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren Winner, Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud & John Townsend, and When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy). The others (to varying degrees) seemed less plausible in the real world, or geared toward people in the 17-21 range. Sex for Christians, however, seems to be firmly aware of what's going on in the modern world, despite the fact that it was first published in 1976.

The bible is involved with Smedes' text, but it is not the sole reason for Smedes' explanations. In addition, he provides several questions to help discern what is spiritually desirable, and what is not. Smedes offers a balanced view of sex within a Christian framework, and it's the best text on the subject that I've found.

Smede looks at issues of sexuality intelligently and often (thankfully) rejects the knee-jerk conventional wisdom of the Christian community on issues such as petting and transexualism. Non-Christians may not understand where he's coming from and many Christians may struggle because Smede's demands thoughtful analysis of one's beliefs on the issues. A bit professorial in tone (he is an academic) but very liberating.

I found this book really made me take a second look at my views of what the Bible actually says and does not say about our sexuality. I have been very afraid of looking at this issue, as I suppose most are, because of a lot of tradition that has arisen around christian dating and exceptable christian physical ethics which are not stated in the Bible. It has been truely educational to see that someone has used godly wisdom to discern where the Bible does not speak. It asks the questions everyone has asked and brings to light what many born again christian's struggle to find answers for. He supports the Bible fully where it speaks against immorality but encourages thought where the Bible does not and christian tradition has stepped in. Although there are some parts that do not need alot of thought about whether it is wrong or not, such as the morality of transexualism (clearly wrong) which he covers and stands biblically. I think that I, along with many other christian's, have found sexuality to be a burden, though it is God given, instead of looking at it through the Creator's eyes. I encourage anyone to read this book atleast to reasses what they believe and why. Smedes does not encourage us, like most to cut out a part of our redeemed being which many hope to use once they are married. Christian's need to think and think hard.

I was rather disappointed when I read this book. What I basically got from this book was that it is okay to do sexual activities such as sexual petting, heavy petting, and all of the above...including sexual intercourse depending on your circumstance. I was disappointed. If this is the case then where does chastity and purity end and immorality and impurity begin? He contradicts himself by saying that (heavy) petting is ok but then says one mustn't confuse himself by thinking that he/she is chaste if he does decide to pet. Well then what is the point? There were many contradictions in this book.

The next problem I had dealt with the pornography section of his book. He states that it is ok for the husband to look at porn as long as he isn't comparing that porn to his wife and other things. I don't know a woman in the world that enjoys being married to a man who wants to view porn. (I'm talking about Christian women.)

I remember reading the book and putting it down close to the end out of disgust! I'm not saying his book is totally horrible. There are some things addressed in there that are actually good...however, these things are very few.

If you believe that sexual petting and all the other stuff that comes after that is ok, then you may like this book. If you don't, then I'm sure that you will be, like me, disappointed. Don't agree? Again...this is just my opinion.

I found this book to be totally intriguing. I don't agree with all of his points, his opinion of homosexuality is counter to scripture, but he is entitled, and he brings up some good points. The key issue is homosexuality learned (nurture) or innate (nature). If it is nature, why would a merciful God create a creature that is inherently going to be tempted to sin in that way. In the book he covers a whole host of topics, and he is looking for the ethics in the situation, and brings in arguments that are not bible based. If the ethics are to apply to everyone, it has to work within a biblical context and without. In each area, he will look at different approaches to the key questions. Very though provoking.

If you are schooled in Christian legalism and tradition, this book will be unsettling. It will challenge much of what you know. Much of what is taught is not strictly biblical. In many cases, it is legalism or tradition so as to avoid any hint of temptation to sin. The question then arises is it reasonable to expect people to live like that, and is it really God's intention. If we are truly allowed to reason, and have freedom and free will, there is a spectrum of behavior that is still biblical but not in accordance with tradition, and with the freedom comes responsibility. Are we truly adult enough to handle what God has given us. As with many things, teaching and tradition intervene since many can not handle their freedom.

As for sex, he is very biblical in that sex is intended for marriage. He then goes into why. There are physical, emotional, and spiritual questions and implications that surround sex. Marriage was designed not to contain sex, but to provide the ideal safe environment to allow it to blossom into all the Lord intended. It is play, pleasure, intimacy, physical, emotional, spiritual all wrapped up into one act, but not necessarily every iteration of the act. From the Song of Songs we learn that it is also a pale imitation of the intimacy that is shared in Heaven, or in other words a foreshadowing of was it to be in Heaven, or a little piece of heaven on Earth.

His questions are thought provoking, his answers are more so. Some are just explorations into other lines of thinking, and he usually ends within a biblical context. His position is not always within the mainstream church position. Sometimes, I think the church is not wrong but really not right, and sometimes the author is, but you should read it with an open mind, and decide for yourself.

I thought his position on how men and women should interact (doesn't buy into some of the latest evangelical teaching that married men in particular and men should avoid women and avert their eyes to avoid lusting), and the interaction of the different modes of love (agape, eros, philos, and storch), in particular Eros and Agape in the context of marriage.

Too bad for A. Stone, she obviously has learned the legalism and has many issues, but is not in tune with God. Even worse for her husband. (see commentary dated Aug 9)

Thirty-four years after Smedes published this book, it continues to be relevant and timely. Few authors have thought as deeply about human sexuality in its many manifestations. Smedes celebrates the joys of sex while setting out thoughtful guidelines for lasting sexual pleasure. This book's continued relevance is a testament to the author's cutting edge insights in 1974. There is an epilogue written twenty years later, which should be read first, although Smedes says he would change very little.

This book is very straightforward about sex and its relationship to people. In college, this was one of our textbooks for an Ethics class, and I remember being impressed with its view of sex as a joyful, beautiful and SACRED part of a marriage. It seems that with media we get a "do it all you want/can" morality that leaves out the sacred/spiritual part of a person, so this book is a good balance to that view.
I plan to give this book to my eldest niece for her 13th birthday so that she has another perspective from which to view sex and to make her own decisions about her body and her sexuality.
I wasn't too keen about the view of homosexuality in this book, but I tend to be more liberal about the gay lifestlye than most of the fundamental Christianity camp.

Excellent book... A very different and realistic view on sex for singles... A christian prospective, that is not steeped in religiousness (I know I just made up a word, but it fits)... It's a prospective that christians and non-christians will respect and could adhere to... It's a must read...

Lauren Winner reccomeded reading this book for Christians. Core message in this book is biblical, which doesn't change with culture generation to generation.

If the utterly clique, tired, and EMPTY "Christian" modern teachings on sex that you usually hear has left you wanting, this book is for you. If you're looking to justify what you've already decided to believe...well then...this book, along with every book in existence, is not for you. This book cuts through all the moralism and legalism that sexually insecure Christians spew and gets straight to the heart of matters.