Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life. [Hardcover]

Ian Kerner (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 29, 2008

From the New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First and Be Honest—You're Not That Into Him Either comes a revolutionary 30-day program to detoxify and rejuvenate your love life

The premise is simple: When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, sometimes we get in so deep the only way out is to start over again. For many of us—whether we're in a relationship, or actively dating in the hopes of finding that someone special—our love lives have become a source of toxicity. Sex Detox offers a revolutionary way to start fresh and take action.

Just as a physical fast will rapidly alter your metabolism and natural body chemistry, so too will a sex or dating detox impact your mind and body, enabling you to reset, rewire, and ultimately rejuvenate your love life. In this practical, life-changing guide, Ian Kerner lays out a friendly, achievable 30-day course of action that will help you turn off the noise, take a necessary pause, and rebuild your love life from the inside out.

If you're in a relationship, you'll learn to see your sexual history not just as a series of physical encounters, but rather as a unique and vital part of your identity, which needs to be nurtured and fed in healthy ways. You'll experience the "thrill of the chaste" and learn how to touch your partner with a renewed sense of passion and possibility. If you're single, the dating detox will give you a chance to step off the dating treadmill, catch your breath, and recover inner strength for the road ahead. You'll recalibrate your aspirations to connect to potential mates from a place of strength and self-knowledge.

Whether you're single or coupled, Sex Detox will enable you to achieve the relationship results you deserve.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Armed with a doctorate in clinical sexology, Kerner has devoted his life to the study and practice of good sex-there are few men that wouldn’t benefit from the female-centric philosophy and techniques that Kerner advocates.” (Salon.com )

“An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!” (Playgirl )

“Here comes a book that puts men in their places - smack dab in between women’s legs!” (Cake )

“This well-written, hands-on, fluff-free book puts the ‘big-penis-big-orgasm’ theory to rest once and for all, and offers men the tools they need to have their partners coming back for more. No man or woman should be without it.” (Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W., author of The Sex-Starved Marriage )

“Witty and informed . . . this must-read promises to help you break your bad dating habits and stay true to your own intentions.” (Us Weekly )

“Ian Kerner is that rare man who truly loves women and wants to help them. Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either is a smart and very funny guide to getting off your butt and getting back on the journey that will eventually lead you to someone who love (From the foreword by Amy Sohn, New York magazine columnist )

“A funny and truly helpful look at what modern women may have forgotten (or just won’t admit) about themselves. (Jane Buckingham, author of The Modern Girl's Guide to Life )

“Women will be putty in your hands if you read this book!” (Anka Radakovich, author of The Wild Girl's Club )

“Take note, guys. This book is your secret weapon.” (Jauretsi Saizarbitoria, Jane Magazine )

“This book has an incredible amount of detailed, useful information about pleasuring women. I kind of knew I was doing everything wrong, but now I know why. Thanks Ian!” (Joel Stein )

PRAISE FOR BE HONEST—YOU’RE NOT THAT INTO HIM EITHER“Unlike many nuptial-obsessed manuals, Be Honest is about figuring out how to best serve your own needs, both sexual and otherwise, and still respect yourself in the morning.” (Elle.com )

“In a town where everyone wants go down in history remembered for something, Ian Kerner wants to go down as the champion of going down.” (New York magazine )

“Love Sex and the City? Revisit the world of strategic dating with Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either.” (People )

“Men, while still lame, can no longer hide behind the old excuse of ignorance when it comes to pleasuring a woman--the facts are all here in this complete guide.” (Dr. Drew Pinsky, co-host of Loveline )

“Move over, Casanova. Step aside, Don Juan. Out of the way Mr. Big. Meet Ian Kerner, the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.” (New York Post )

“Required reading for all men who are dating and all women who are wondering why they’re not satisfied.” (Cindy Chupack, writer/executive producer of Sex and the City )

“It’s refreshing and reassuring to know that Ian Kerner is out there in the world showing people how to love.” (Helen Fisher, PhD, author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love )

“You’ve all heard about ‘lunch at the Y.’ Well, this book will make it a feeding frenzy.” (—Sue Johanson, host of Oxygen's Talk Sex )

PRAISE FOR BE HONEST—YOU’RE NOT THAT INTO HIM EITHER:“Love Sex and the City? Revisit the world of strategic dating with Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either.” (People )

PRAISE FOR SHE COMES FIRST:“The sex manual getting the most attention these days is She Comes First. . . . With a cool sense of humor and an obsessive desire to inform, [Kerner] encourages men through an act that many find mystifying.” (New York Times )

“[Kerner] addresses common sexual concerns with compassion and straightforward advice.” (New York Post )

“Who knew that a temporary bout of celibacy could be so sexy? This book will gently hold your hand throughout the process, challenging you with questions you never dared ask yourself and inspiring you with stories and manageable to-do lists.” (Em & Lo, authors of Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped and Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories )

“Kerner makes intimacy intimate again, as well as downright lustful. You’ll walk away trusting your instincts instead of subscribing to the fabricated ideas of what sexy ‘should’ be.” (Stephanie Klein, author of Straight Up and Dirty )

“Every man’s must-read. Tell your guy to put down the remote and pick up She Comes First.” (Cosmopolitan )

“Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either is a funny and truly helpful look at what modern women may have forgotten (or just won’t admit) about themselves. Ian Kerner’s insights show us what we really think, why it matters, and how we can get what we really want.” (Jane Buckingham, author of The Modern Girl's Guide to Life )

About the Author

Ian Kerner , Ph.D., is a sex therapist —Dr. Drew Pinsky and New York Times bestselling author of numerous books. He contributes regularly to Today and lives in New York City with his wife and two young sons.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (January 29, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061136077
• ISBN-13: 978-0061136078
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #591,529 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

23 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Do-It-Yourself Sex Therapy: Ian Kerner Takes the Mystery Out of the Psychoanalyst's Couch, February 5, 2008

By 

Ann M. (CT, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life. (Hardcover)

Ian Kerner is a gifted writer with deep insights into sex and relationships. He's the best sex writer I have ever encountered, quite possibly the best of his generation.

Kerner's work avoids the easy mistakes of most sex manuals: there are no catalogs of impossible sex positions (anatomically speaking, he says, there are only four); there's no disembodied, parental voice dispensing intimate advice (instead, Kerner bares his own humiliating experiences as a sex therapy patient), and most importantly, there is no large collection of sex facts, lacking synthesis or interpretation.

Kerner has a firm grip on anatomy and physiology, but he also understands that sex isn't all about the physical. It's more about what's in our minds-- our psychology, cultural background, genetics, and evolutionary history. I get the feeling that Ian Kerner knows what really makes us tick as sexual beings.

With his newest book, Sex Detox, Kerner offers what many of us could use but few would avail ourselves of-- several sessions of helpful and revealing sex therapy. Instead of visiting a live therapist, we are guided by Kerner in the form of a self-help manual. Sex Detox is designed to accommodate singles who are dating, partners who want therapy together, or coupled people whose partners are not interested in therapy.

Sex Detox is modeled partly on a 12-step program. There are daily exercises and writings, and the plan asks abstinence from dating (if you are single) or sex (if you are coupled) for 30 days, with an eye towards recharging your sex life. Following the full course involves an assessment of your physical health, childhood experiences, and dating experiences.

Most challenging is a section on finding your own "love map". This is the unique combination of physical and psychological factors that turn you on or off. Our "love maps", it seems, are important because they issue from deep within our psyche (the fountain of most artistic creativity), providing the raw material crucial to keeping sex fresh and original in a long-term relationship.

I decided to give Kerner's Sex Detox a try. The resulting analysis of my issues seems right-on: repression from a Catholic upbringing, coupled with an inborn tendency to analyze things rather than live in the moment. When was time to write about past erotic or "peak" experiences, with an eye towards drawing my love map, I was embarrassed. I could remember great sex, bad sex, fantasies, and crushes, but no single erotic experience stood out as unique, a seamless blending of my mental and physical eros.

Kerner is clearly attempting to introduce some Eastern-style mindfulness into our Western relationships. He deserves credit for taking on this gargantuan task. He perceives, and rightly so, that mindfulness would help couples appreciate each other on a daily basis and make them more likely to stick together in hard times. In addition, Kerner's gentle introduction to the relationship between our unconscious mind and our sexual self strikes just the right note. Although this material is clearly Freudian in origin, the manner in which it's presented is more intriguing than threatening. This is stuff we all need to know in order to have a creative, fulfilling relationship and sex life.

Ian Kerner is a man who has found his Tao, his way, and his mission in life. His work benefits us all, and I hope we will appreciate Sex Detox for the gift that it is.

10 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sex Detox a great way to rediscover intimacy, January 30, 2008

By 

Kathryn Esplin (USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life. (Hardcover)

Sex Detox is not what you expect. Or maybe it is. A few years ago, Sting was on Oprah. Oprah wanted to know if the rumors were true: Did Sting and his wife 'do it' in every room of the house? Yes, Sting said.

Sting was supposedly talking about the Kama Sutra, but what he was really talking about were the marathon love sessions, made up of kissing for hours on end on the couch, whereupon one of the kids usually walked by and said, Ewe, get a room, guys.



Sting was talking about communication, not positions. And that is exactly what Ian Kerner is talking about in his book, Sex Detox: Recharge Desire, Revitalize Intimacy, Rejuvenate your Love Life.




Kerner is a sex therapist who grew up in New York City, the son of an artist, a man who lived amongst writers, artists and bohemians. This man has hit the nail on the head. No, sex is not about positions. Yes, sex is about communication, intimacy and hunger.


Kerner offers couples and singles a 30-day program to help rejuvenate their love life, by 'doing without' sex. How is this possible? And why?

In his preface, Kerner states:

"American sex lives are broken, 'shattered,' as the old Rolling Stone song goes --and we cannot seem to make them whole...We have lost too many pieces along the way to gather ourselves up because deep down we believe we are doomed to stumble again...While our cultural exposure to sex has heightened in the last decade, our level of personal satisfaction has plummeted to a staggering low, with sexual dissatisfaction being cited more often than ever as a primary cause of divorce...



...It's time to take sex off the table so we can, once and for all, truly feast on love..."




And so begins Kerner's book. He recommends people go on a 'sex fast' for 30 days and 30 nights, whereby he supplies people with readings, exercises and assignments so people can begin to feel rejuvanted by the feelings of closeness and intimacy they once felt with their loved ones.

The 30-day program is divided in to sections and chapters within the book.

In Part 1: Getting Started: Kerner requests that people abstain from sexual activity so they can 'do without to eventually have it all'.

The most important sub-section I found in in Part I, was How to Read Your Love Map - a term first coined in the 1980s by Dr. John Money of Johns Hopkins University, which refers to the 'sexual template expressed in every individual's erotic fantasies and practices' as Kerner states in his book.

This is a normal desire and wish. I am not talking about weird fantasies but the human need for communication and comfort.

Kerner then continues to explain, as a therapist, is that there are a vast number of people who are out of touch with themselves, people 'who have never taken the time to explore their love maps'. The love map goes beyond blonde, blue-eyed, 36-24-36 or tall, dark, handsome. In fact, it has little to do with these physical attributes.


As an example Kerner uses in the couples Detox, he talks about a woman he calls "Kristine" - a young mother who begins to realize, that - like her own mother, she takes little time for heself - a woman who characterized herself as 'an unsexy mom' who had difficulty sorting the noise of daily life and errands from her mental and emotional life so she could focus on her own priorities - a woman who felt panic and anxiety during the breathing exercises - a woman who focused more on the other - of husband and children - than on her own self, so that she was effectively obliterating heself and her own needs from the picture.

Sex Detox includes a detox diary, questionnaires and breathing exercises. These can be very helpful for people to get in touch with loving themselves as they really are and knowing who they really are and what they really want in life.



I think this is a very helpful book for both singles and couples.

4 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Help yourself to real intimacy, January 30, 2008

By 

Gil Wilson "gilwilson.com" (Robinson, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Sex Detox (Kindle Edition)

What if someone told you you could experience love, sex and intimacy as you've never imagined it in just 30 days. Would you be interested? Dr. Ian Kerner is a sex therapist and has created a formula and system to "fix" the average American's sex life in just 30 days.

As the good Doctor puts it in his book, "While our cultural exposure to sex has heightened over the last decade, our level of personal satisfaction has plummeted to a staggering low." With this in mind it helps to know that you are not alone. This book will walk you through the 30 days to recharge desire, revitalize your intimacy and rejuvenate your love life. Whether you are married or single, gay or straight, male or female, young or old, you can get more out of your love life with Dr. Kerner's book "Sex Detox."

But wait there is a catch. You have to be active in the program. Dr. Kerner has day by day activities such as deep breathing exercises, keeping a Detox Diary and various discussions and quizzes throughout each day. Okay now here may be the hard part for some; you have to spend that same 30 days you are doing the activities not having sex. That's right no sex for 30 days. But at the end of that 30 days you will find your attitude toward sex, love, desire and intimacy ready to create a beautiful life for yourself.

The book is divided into sections for singles and those in relationships to make it easier. Once again you have to be active in your own growth and this is where the miracle of this book works out. You find out your own strengths and weaknesses and your growth is your own.

Dr. Kerner may not solve the world's oversexed information overload, but he can help you help yourself.