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Sex for Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truths, Lies, and Must-Tries for Great Sex After 50 Paperback – March 1, 2010

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Dorree Lynn is a practicing psychologist and life coach with more than 40 years of experience helping thousands of people with her common sense and healing wisdom about relationships and sex. The founder of the website,, a forum for age-mates in the second half of their lives, Dr. Dorree's 'On the Couch' segment can be seen on AARP TV's 'My Generation' program as a sexpert on relationships, and she has appeared on ABC's 'Good Morning America,' MSNBC, CNN, Fox News, PBS, and VH1.

Cindy Spitzer is an award-winning writer, editor, and coauthor who has collaborated on more than twenty books since 1993, including America's Bubble Economy, Aftershock, Wilson's Way, and many more.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Introduction:  Yes, We Still Do It!

Welcome to the wonderful, sometimes confusing, and always exciting world of sex for those of us who (gratefully) are long past being kids. When it comes to the often discussed but rarely personally understood topic of sex after 50, mature adults tend to fall into two camps. Either you inwardly smile, knowing that grownup sex, like fine wine, just gets better and better with age, or you shrug your shoulders and say, 'Sex after fifty? Does it really exist?' The truth is sex after 50 really can exist, and though it may be different from what you remember when you were younger, it can actually be even better than before.

If you find that hard to believe, you are not alone. As a practicing psychologist, Dr. Dorree speaks with women and men every day who find sex has become a bore, a chore, or a source of performance anxiety. Often in secret, people over 50 quietly worry about a myriad of sexual issues that are more common than most of us think.

For example, if you're a woman, do you find your mind ­wandering away from the bedroom? Does the thought of graying hair, a widening waistline, or sagging boobs make you want to undress in the closet? Do you fret about your turkey neck or secretly look in the mirror and pull your skin tight, pondering what creams or a surgeon's knife might fix?

If you're a man, do you worry about getting it up and keeping it up in bed? Or maybe you're self-conscious because your penis seems smaller and less cooperative than before. Do you wonder if any other guys think the way you do?

While it's easy to think there is something wrong with us now that we don't look like Barbie and Ken or perform like athletes in bed, in truth we are as normal as can be. It is perfectly natural for our bodies to change as we age. And of course, sex changes too―which, with some new information and a willingness to experiment, can turn out to be an unexpected gift. Just when we think we are losing something special from our youth, we have the opportunity to experience something that can be even more marvelous, now and in the future. In fact, we can remain sexually fulfilled beings as long as we are alive. Sex makes the world go round. It is our essential life force, within us through every age and every life stage. In fact, lifelong sex is what sets us apart from all other species.

However, in today's sex-flooded, youth-focused world, it's easy to find superficial sex information served up on 'reality' TV (which is not at all real) or in popular magazines, but where can you go for real wisdom and practical solutions that go beyond Viagra and cosmetic surgery? As Americans, we like to think of ourselves as so sophisticated and so in-the-know about sex, but many of us really don't know where to turn for truly useful insights about what's happening to our bodies and how we can still have deeply satisfying sex at every age and stage, no matter how we change.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, too old for sex, too ill for sex, too unattractive for sex, or too alone for sex. Despite Madison Avenue, the media, and the medical world telling us that only young is sexy, the truth is that each of us can be sexy for all of our lives―far more sexy than most people imagine. While it's true that sex does change as our sex-drive hormones begin to fade after 50, our core sexuality lasts a lifetime. Sex never dies!

Sex is just too primal, pleasurable, and good for us to give up without a battle. At any age, sex can keep you healthier and may help you forget about your worldly woes for a while. After 50 (and even after 90), we don't need to toss out our condoms and hang up our vibrators as we grow older and wiser. Sex and sensuality are integral and permanent to life, and there is no reason, if we are physically able, not to enjoy both for the rest of our days.

However, it takes some new knowledge and effort, and maybe even some new ways of thinking about yourself and your partner, and that is where this book comes in. Sex for Grownups goes boldly where other books only peek―into the intimate lives of real adults having sex (or wanting to) in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond. Whether you are a 50-year-old woman just beginning menopause or an 85-year-old man who hasn't been intimate with another person in more than ten years; whether you can't last as long as you used to or you have an illness; or you are just plain bored in the bedroom, this book is your gateway to a sexy new future. Within its pages you will find many things you may never have heard of or read before that could very well change your life. The idea is to transform your thinking and shift your attitudes. While the book is full of practical tips, information, and new things to try in and out of bed, it is by no means a technical how-to book on the pure mechanics of sex. It's a book about morphing your mind. What you decide to do with your body is up to you.

We hope the book helps you talk to your loved ones, partner, friends, and those who want a chance to open up more about what we all know is so true. Sex after 50 can be great, but getting there requires a bit of an attitude shift and the journey is not without some bumps. We're sure you'll find that most of what we are about to share with you about sex in the second half of life is really quite reasonable, sometimes comforting, and even funny at times.

Feel free to just dive into the chapters and sections that interest you most. Women will probably gravitate to Chapter 2 ('Sex Is More Than Procreation') and Chapter 4 ('Keeping Your Juices Flowing'). Men may want to take a look at Chapter 3 ('Performance Power Customized') and Chapter 9 ('The Great Joyride'). If your relationship is on the rocks or could just use a tune-up, Chapter 6 tells it like it really is in a long-term relationship and how to fill in those lost intimacy, fall-in-love-again gaps. Looking for a partner? Check out the many tips in Chapter 7 ('Plenty of Fish in the Sea'). Those with illnesses and physical challenges (eventually we all have something or our partners do) can turn to Chapter 8 ('Illnesses, Schmillnesses!') for new ideas about how to make love if you are no longer an acrobat. And we hope that everyone reads Chapter 1 ('You're Still Rockin'') and Chapter 5 ('Between the Sheets'), which finally set the record straight about real sex as we age and offer countless suggestions for turning so-so sex into really good sex, and making really good sex even better.

Throughout the book, the personal stories and questions are all true. Even better, the answers are, too! Psychologist Dr. Dorree Lynn has helped thousands of people over the last four decades with her healing wisdom about relationships and sex. So if you are feeling down about your lack of spark (and we all sometimes do), don't deny your sexual desires until they flicker and fade. Sex is your birthright and you deserve to be happy at every age! This book will show you how.

©2010. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D., Cindy Spitzer. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Sex for Grownups. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: HCI (April 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0757314643
  • ISBN-13: 978-0757314643
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.7 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #161,883 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Psychologist and media expert Dr. Dorree is the author of Sex for Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truth, Lies and Must-Tries for Great Sex After 50 (HCI, April, 2010), When the Man You Love Is Ill: Doing Your Best for Your Partner without Losing Yourself (Marlowe & Co. /Avalon Publishing 2007) and Getting Sane Without Going Crazy (Xlibris 2000), a consumer's guide to psychotherapy.

Dr. Dorree is the co-founderof the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and the founder and editor-in-chief of As a psychologist, she is the respected ear to power-brokers in government, media, corporate America and the arts.

Former host of her own radio program on Radio America and a regular media expert for the American Psychological Association, Dr. Dorree can also be seen on: AARP TV's "My Generation" program as a sexpert on relationships and intimacy, ABC's Good Morning America, Court TV, MSNBC, VH1, Fox News Channel's Special Report, PBS, and CBS-DC Eyewitness News.

She has been featured in national publications such as: CBS Market Watch, Glamour, Los Angeles Times, New York Times, Newsday, Money Magazine, Newsweek, Parenting Magazine, The Washington Post, USA Today, Time Magazine, Ladies' Home Journal, and Marie Claire.

A well-known speaker on the lecture circuit, Dr. Dorree is noted for provocative, informative presentations salted with wisdom and peppered with humor. She has spoken to various groups including the National Education Association, the Public Relations Council, John Hopkins University, American University, and the American Association of Political Consultants. She has traveled extensively as a consultant to hospitals, universities and corporations and serves on the executive board of Arts for the Aging (AFTA). She also served on the board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and is a member of the editorial board of their publication, Voices.

Dr. Dorree understands life. She has been single, married, divorced, remarried, a working mother, stepmother, proud grandmother, and the matriarch of a large multicultural, multigenerational family. Today, she lives and works in Washington, DC and Ponte Vedra Beach, FL with her husband Isaac. Her life, like yours, continually changes.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Jacqueline Wales on June 18, 2010
Format: Paperback
I've been married for 30 years and over the span of our relationship, sex is something that came and went. Well, no longer. In this sexy, sizzling book Dr. Dorree Lynn lets it all hang out. The lies, the damned lies and the truth about having sex at any age. It will put the steam back into any relationship if you follow her advice, and I certainly will. I LOVED this book's straight-forward approach. This is what sex advice is supposed to be about. Forget all the candles and smoke, take Dorree into the bedroom with you and you won't need them. If you're thinking I'm over the hill, and nothing will change. I'm here to tell you you're just getting started. Read this and enjoy.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein on May 12, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As a psychologist and a woman over 50, I can't say enough good things about this book. It is informative. It is easy to read. It makes the reader feel 'normal' and comfortable about him or herself. It is hopeful and engaging. You won't feel 'old' when you read this book. Rather you will feel good about yourself. Dr. Lynn does a great job in giving us permission and the necessary tools to be our best in relating intimately to others and ourselves as we age. Just as a child needs help to flower, so do we need help, advice and guidance to be at our full potential as we age. Dr. Lynn focuses on our bodies and our inherent right as a human being to feel comfortable with our bodies and to receive and give pleasure. I like that this is not just a sexual manual for the older person. Every topic covered also takes into account other aspects of the person's being, whether emotional, social or spiritual.

So if you are over 50, read this book from cover to cover. Be prepared for action! Even if you incorporate just a few of her suggestions your love life and your personal life will improve immeasurably.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By anonymous on April 2, 2010
Format: Paperback
Like nothing else out there, this book tells it like it is, and even better, it tells it like it could be for us after 50, if we are willing to change our thinking a little bit and make some effort. Fun, passion, itimacy, and joy are not just for teenagers and young adults; we can enjoy ourselves, too. This isn't a superficial rah-rah book about how to pretend you're 25. This is a book about real life and how to make the most of it. I'm not even done reading the whole book yet and I'm already looking at my relationship differently and having more fun. Get this book and enjoy your life.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Patricia B. Webster on May 5, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Sex for Grownups is delightful, delicious and affirming! In this 62-year-old body, I certainly didn't expect, at this stage of my life, to feel as sexy as I do, nor to know that lots of my compatriots do as well! Neither did I know how to struggle with balancing these sexy feelings with the physical aches and pains and other body changes that accompany this stage of life. Dr. Dorree's book normalizes all this for us grownups! With great acceptance, she covers conditions that we deal with in re-claiming or keeping alive that vital part of ourselves in our later years. She does it with humor, wit, sophisticated information and spelling out our options in a way that conveys acceptance of our choices. A must-read!

Pat Webster, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist, Author of Winning at Love: The Alpha Male's Guide to Relationship Success[[ASIN:1935456040
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Polka Dottie on September 8, 2011
Format: Paperback
I just turned 51 and am now single. For anyone turning my age or older, this is a wonderful, hope-giving book!

The same person who pointed me to this awesome book told me about The New Love and Sex After 60, as well as Seasoned Romance, Book One: Ten surprising interviews with age 60-plus men and women who reveal candid, often-intimate details about their secrets for loving, long-term relationships (Volume 1).

Before reading these books, I'm afraid I was on the brink of buying into the idea that seniors often reach the point that sex isn't worth the bother.

That has changed for me. I look forward to having a satisfying sex life in later years. And I appreciate the authors that I've mentioned in helping me to be hopeful!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By KittyClover1 on July 28, 2011
Format: Kindle Edition
In SEX FOR GROWNUPS, Dr. Dorree Lynn and Cindy Spitzer hits at the core of sex after 50. It is an excellent foundation for moving past the half-century mark.

More clinical and philosophical (yet less warm and romantic) than books like GRANDPA DOES GRANDMA and SEASONED ROMANCE, SEX FOR GROWNUPS nonetheless offers a major contribution to those who refuse to settle for all the myths and misunderstandings about sex after 50.

And seniors owe a major thanks to Lynn and Spitzer for helping younger people understand what life is like (including lovemaking) for those of us over 50. The book is worth its price for that point alone.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Mary Liepold on April 8, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Why should kids have all the fun? Should we TELL them it's still getting better, or let them grow up and find out for themselves?

Guess I'm inclined to be kind, so I leave Sex for Grownups lying around when my adult kids come to visit. Now that Dr. Dorree has put all her clinical experience and experience between the sheets between these covers, no one needs to miss out on what the second half of life has to offer. Happy, satisfying senior sex--one of the world's best kept secrets until now--is out in the open, and the world is a better place because of it.
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