The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls [Paperback]

Lynn Ponton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 31, 2001

With more and more teenagers having sex by the age of sixteen and others feeling pressured to do so before they're ready, parents and adolescents are having to find ways of communicating openly and honestly about a subject that has been ignored for too long. In The Sex Lives of Teenagers, Lynn Ponton offers guidance to parents in understanding and talking to their adolescent children about sex. By going behind the closed doors of a therapist's office to hear what teenagers have to say about their sex lives, readers are introduced to the often daunting scenarios of young people such as Naomi, a pregnant teenager who wants to keep her baby; Lara, who is infected by HIV; Tom, who is hooked on pornographic videos; and Angie, who was sexually assaulted after getting drunk at a party. Sprinkled throughout are the voices of parents who struggle to cope with their child's problems. The author skilfully opens a dialogue between the two that examines controversial topics such as pregnancy, abortion, masturbation, sexual orientation, Internet dating and gender roles. Sensitive subjects such as AIDS and drugs are also explored.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Author and adolescent psychiatrist, Lynn Ponton, M.D., unveils plenty of daunting scenarios in The Sex Lives of Teenagers. On these pages, we meet Naomi, a pregnant teen who wants to have her baby; Lara, who is infected with HIV; Tom, who is hooked on pornographic videos; and Angie, who was sexually assaulted after getting drunk at a party. Ponton also tells stories of teens struggling with sexual identity, curious about normal sexual function, and dealing with pressure to have sex before they feel ready. In addition, sprinkled throughout are the voices of parents who struggle to cope with their teens' problems and, for the most part, seek to offer guidance and support, though not always successfully.

At times, Ponton seems to dwell on the dark and disturbing side of teens and sex: the boy who is sexually assaulted by a priest; the mother who calls her HIV-infected daughter a slut; the teen who discovers that his father sexually harasses female employees. Some of these situations may discourage parents, who have educated themselves about more common situations and who simply can't believe these types of things could happen to their children.

The best course of action might be for parents to read this book together with their teens, and to use some of the stories as jumping-off points for discussion. As Ponton makes clear in the opening chapter, all teens have sex lives--whether or not they are sexually active. And despite the sexually charged culture teens are exposed to daily, sex remains a difficult topic for parents and teens to discuss openly. The Sex Lives of Teenagers may be just the tool to help parents open the door to that discussion.--Virginia Smyth --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Respected adolescent psychiatrist Ponton (The Romance of Risk) effectively addresses parents' and teens' questions about sexual development in this down-to-earth primer. She finds that teenagers face the same issues and experiences as adults, but often struggle through them with less information and expertise. Making the case that all teenagers have a sexual identity and sexual life, even though it may not be readily apparent, Ponton shows that, if they are not coerced, expressions of teenage sexuality can provide important explorations of the self and relationships with others. She offers valuable suggestions to alleviate a shared sense of discomfort when parents try to talk with their children about sexuality, emphasizing the importance of using simple language, admitting to embarrassment when it arises. Drawing on her work with youths from all backgrounds in the San Francisco area, Ponton tackles a variety of tough topicsAfrom those that are often perceived as embarrassing, like masturbation and fantasies, to stigmatized ones, like bi- and homosexuality. The final chapters focus on the potentially devastating consequences of risky or forced sex (including HIV infection and abortion), and show how parents and teens can work on realistic parameters for sexual consent. She also includes fascinating descriptions of the therapeutic process, in which Ponton admits moments when she, like a parent, feels herself losing her connection with certain patients. Ponton remains warm, unsensationalistic and empathetic, always focused on the task at handAhelping teenagers and their parents develop the necessary skills to achieve healthier emotional and sexual lives.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Plume (July 31, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0452282608
• ISBN-13: 978-0452282605
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #374,818 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #59 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Personal Health > Teen Health > Self-Esteem

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

56 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Same old sensationalism and denial, February 5, 2002

By 

Michael A. Males (Oklahoma City, OK United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls (Paperback)

Unfortunately, this kind of book--the therapist
generalizes his/her most disturbed teenage client cases into a
dire commentary on all youth--is becoming an epidemic. This
book is not a useful basis for understanding young people.
Rather, it is part of the professional sensationalism and denial
that helps make America one of the riskiest Western nations to
live in.
First of all, Dr. Ponton is both unfair and unscientific.
Suppose I culled some lurid cases of psychotherapists' sexually
exploiting patients and compiled them into a book, "The Sex
Lives of Psychiatrists." Such a book might depict modern
therapists as uniquely dangerous perverts the rest of us should
fear. Would that be accurate or fair? No. It would be an
example of what social scientists term as fallacious "selection
bias:" a grossly unfair smear on an entire group based on the
misdeeds of a few of its most disturbed number. Now, Dr.
Ponton, and readers and reviewers who seem to worship this
kind of book as "realism:" how is what she does to teenagers
any different?
Second, Dr. Ponton's comments on youth sexuality are
blatantly inaccurate. She claims that today's teenagers "are
taking greater risks" with sex than past generations. Not true.
The latest National Center for Health Statistics data shows that
teens today are less likely to get pregnant, less likely have
babies or abortions, and less likely to contract STDs today than
teens of 25 to 30 years ago. Further, teens who do get pregnant
tend to be older (more are 18 or 19, rather than 12-17) today
than back then.
Third, she blames the easy targets such as media images
of sex and innate teenage risk-taking for adolescent sexual
problems. What evasion. Surely, in her work in HIV treatment,
Dr. Ponton noticed that HIV-positive youths are not a
cross-section of the average teenage population, but
overwhelmingly are extremely poor, usually homeless
prostitutes forced into "survival sex" with adult clients to obtain
money, food, shelter, and protection. It's depressing that
in the few instances in which Dr. Ponton's book relates adult
sexual abuses, solicitations, and harassments toward youths,
those who seem eager to believe any debauchery among teenagers
dismiss and deny them.
The fact is that exhaustive clinical testing has found
HIV infection rates on college campuses are almost zero and,
among teens in general, are very low. However, HIV-positive
levels run as high as one in six destitute runaway and homeless
youths, which is why HIV is dozens of times more common
among African American teen girls than among the more
privileged, mostly white youths Dr. Ponton sees. Unhealthy
adult sexual behaviors and rampant youth poverty (not
race)--and not "teenage risk taking"--are the markers of high
rates of unwanted pregnancy, sexually-transmitted disease, and
AIDS among the most vulnerable fraction of young people.
When are professionals such as Dr. Ponton going to face their
responsibility to stop selling books with popular, salacious
kid-sex tales and unwarranted fears about "youth today," and
instead confront readers and policy makers with the unpopular,
real risks our adult society imposes on its young people?

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars review from CA teen, March 5, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls (Hardcover)

Reading "The Sex Lives of Teenagers", I recognized my own fears about sex. It is the first book that has talked about it like it really is, bringing up not only the fun parts, but the tough spots that I myself have been in. This book honestly discusses pregnancy, masturbation and questions about being gay. It has been really helpful to me and I recommend it to other teens.

18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Unusual case studies illustrate exceptions, November 30, 2000

By 

Cathy A Belben - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls (Hardcover)

Although there is much of value to be gained from this book, including the list of suggestions for parents and teens at the end, the majority of the case studies presented are unlikely to serve the needs of most readers, as they illustrate unusual situations rather than common problems teens and their parents might face in communicating about sex. One presents a boy who has been caught masturbating with a vacuum cleaner, another a girl who faints when she has sexual fantasies, and others offer equally odd examples of the issues faced by teens as they struggle with burgeoning sexuality.

In addition, the author's psychoanalytic approach to counseling is off-putting to readers unfamiliar with the methodology and philosophy, and her references to dream analysis and like-minded Freudian therapies might not appeal to all readers, especially those looking for workable solutions to their own problems. Most parents are not going to have the time and finances to acquire psychiatric advice for their teens, and many of the author's approaches to dealing with teen sexuality offer this limited example of how it can be handled.

Furthermore, the examples of her therapy sessions with teens and the recreation of their dialogues often seem a little self-serving, presenting her psychiatric talents in a semi-self-congratulatory way.

Finally, there are many questions left unresolved. The chapter on masturbation does not offer many ideas for teens and their parents to communicate or deal with the issue, and the author herself seems undecided about how to counsel her clients and readers about this sensitive issue.

My suggestion: read the lists of ideas she offers in the back and skip the rest.