Customer Reviews

The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Unfortunately, this kind of book--the therapist
generalizes his/her most disturbed teenage client cases into a
dire commentary on all youth--is becoming an epidemic. This
book is not a useful basis for understanding young people.
Rather, it is part of the professional sensationalism and denial
that helps make America one of the riskiest Western nations to
live in.
First of all, Dr. Ponton is both unfair and unscientific.
Suppose I culled some lurid cases of psychotherapists' sexually
exploiting patients and compiled them into a book, "The Sex
Lives of Psychiatrists." Such a book might depict modern
therapists as uniquely dangerous perverts the rest of us should
fear. Would that be accurate or fair? No. It would be an
example of what social scientists term as fallacious "selection
bias:" a grossly unfair smear on an entire group based on the
misdeeds of a few of its most disturbed number. Now, Dr.
Ponton, and readers and reviewers who seem to worship this
kind of book as "realism:" how is what she does to teenagers
any different?
Second, Dr. Ponton's comments on youth sexuality are
blatantly inaccurate. She claims that today's teenagers "are
taking greater risks" with sex than past generations. Not true.
The latest National Center for Health Statistics data shows that
teens today are less likely to get pregnant, less likely have
babies or abortions, and less likely to contract STDs today than
teens of 25 to 30 years ago. Further, teens who do get pregnant
tend to be older (more are 18 or 19, rather than 12-17) today
than back then.
Third, she blames the easy targets such as media images
of sex and innate teenage risk-taking for adolescent sexual
problems. What evasion. Surely, in her work in HIV treatment,
Dr. Ponton noticed that HIV-positive youths are not a
cross-section of the average teenage population, but
overwhelmingly are extremely poor, usually homeless
prostitutes forced into "survival sex" with adult clients to obtain
money, food, shelter, and protection. It's depressing that
in the few instances in which Dr. Ponton's book relates adult
sexual abuses, solicitations, and harassments toward youths,
those who seem eager to believe any debauchery among teenagers
dismiss and deny them.
The fact is that exhaustive clinical testing has found
HIV infection rates on college campuses are almost zero and,
among teens in general, are very low. However, HIV-positive
levels run as high as one in six destitute runaway and homeless
youths, which is why HIV is dozens of times more common
among African American teen girls than among the more
privileged, mostly white youths Dr. Ponton sees. Unhealthy
adult sexual behaviors and rampant youth poverty (not
race)--and not "teenage risk taking"--are the markers of high
rates of unwanted pregnancy, sexually-transmitted disease, and
AIDS among the most vulnerable fraction of young people.
When are professionals such as Dr. Ponton going to face their
responsibility to stop selling books with popular, salacious
kid-sex tales and unwarranted fears about "youth today," and
instead confront readers and policy makers with the unpopular,
real risks our adult society imposes on its young people?

Reading "The Sex Lives of Teenagers", I recognized my own fears about sex. It is the first book that has talked about it like it really is, bringing up not only the fun parts, but the tough spots that I myself have been in. This book honestly discusses pregnancy, masturbation and questions about being gay. It has been really helpful to me and I recommend it to other teens.

Although there is much of value to be gained from this book, including the list of suggestions for parents and teens at the end, the majority of the case studies presented are unlikely to serve the needs of most readers, as they illustrate unusual situations rather than common problems teens and their parents might face in communicating about sex. One presents a boy who has been caught masturbating with a vacuum cleaner, another a girl who faints when she has sexual fantasies, and others offer equally odd examples of the issues faced by teens as they struggle with burgeoning sexuality.

In addition, the author's psychoanalytic approach to counseling is off-putting to readers unfamiliar with the methodology and philosophy, and her references to dream analysis and like-minded Freudian therapies might not appeal to all readers, especially those looking for workable solutions to their own problems. Most parents are not going to have the time and finances to acquire psychiatric advice for their teens, and many of the author's approaches to dealing with teen sexuality offer this limited example of how it can be handled.

Furthermore, the examples of her therapy sessions with teens and the recreation of their dialogues often seem a little self-serving, presenting her psychiatric talents in a semi-self-congratulatory way.

Finally, there are many questions left unresolved. The chapter on masturbation does not offer many ideas for teens and their parents to communicate or deal with the issue, and the author herself seems undecided about how to counsel her clients and readers about this sensitive issue.

My suggestion: read the lists of ideas she offers in the back and skip the rest.

I loved this book for its great stories about adolescents and their parents. The dialogue can be hilarious at times as these kids struggle to understand what's happening for them in the sexual arena, and Lynn Ponton seems to understand them at every turn where their parents can't. The subjects can range from "everyday" performance anxieties to questions about sexual identity, to wrestling with negative outcomes of sexual activity (pregnancy, disease), to finding oneself actually enjoying the pleasures of healthy sexual activity in the context of a healthy intimate relationship.

Lynn Ponton is nonjudgemental about many loaded topics. I know my own kids will benefit from my having read this book.

Is it just me or is Dr. Ponton trying to give teenage sexuality a bad name? (Like we aren't looked down upon enough as it is!) Every chapter of this book is filled with sexual extremes, which many teens are smart enough to avoid. Dr. Ponton is not "revealing the secret world of adolestcent boys and girls," rather she is describing and analyzing the problems of unaverage teenagers that would need to see a doctor like her. The experiences in this book are uncommon to the average teen and therefore are hard to relate to. Parents gain no insight into teenage sexuality from this book either.

I gave this book two stars purely for the entertainment value of the anecdotes Dr. Ponton's patients presents. I hope she's paying them royalties, because their stories are the only thing selling her book.

After reading the New York Times January 15th article on Dr. Ponton, I decided to read The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls. I found it to be sensitive, even-handed, and clear. The stories themselves are frank, which may make some readers uncomfortable. However, I felt that this was an honest portrayal of adolescent sexuality, ranging the spectrum of `typical' to extreme. At times touching, at times chilling, and always elucidating, I am very thankful, as a parent, to have discovered Dr. Ponton's work.

I have often felt lost and uncertain about which role to assume as a parent of teenage children. Dr. Ponton modeled, in a very direct way, a more effective, respectful way of communicating with adolescents. The Sex Lives of Teenagers is a major step on the road to understanding what so many people simply dismiss as incapable of being understood - the teenage mind. I consider this book required reading for all parents of adolescents.

When I read Dr. Ponton's book, the stories of her patients were so close to my actual experiences as a teen that I was thrilled someone had finaly "gotten it".

I plan to give this book to my parents and my 16 year-old sister, and strongly recommend it to teens and parents to be used as a tool for more open communtication about some often difficult isses.

The writing was simple, frank, and not too clincal. To anyone who is a teen or cares about a teen it will be an easy and engaging read.

I had Ms. Ponton as my therapist when I was 16 (I'm 22 now). She told my mother confidential information about my emotions that led to a lot of fighting and problems in my family. I also found her to be self absorbed and not connected to what people my age were feeling.

I have also read her books, and in one she wrote an entire chapter about a boy who loved the Smashing Pumpkins. Two things- 1- She spelled the singer's name wrong for the entire chapter. And 2- She stated that teenagers went to concerts for some sort of musical/sexual orgy...?! I can only speak for myself (and not HUGE groups of people, unlike others) but music concerts were always a religious/social/MUSICAL occasion. I felt more in tune with the divine there than anything else.

She tends to believe the worst, or most extreme if you'd like, about teenagers, and her work (both writing and practice) suffer from it.

Thanks for reading.

When I read Dr. Ponton's book, the stories of her patients were so close to my actual experiences as a teen that I was thrilled someone had finaly "gotten it".

I plan to give this book to my parents and my 16 year-old sister, and strongly recommend it to teens and parents to be used as a tool for more open communtication about some often difficult isses.

The writing was simple, frank, and not too clincal. To anyone who is a teen or cares about a teen it will be an easy and engaging read.

The Sex Lives of Teenagers is a book about how teenagers often lose their place in the world by trying to define themselves sexually. Lynn Ponton has always been very concerned about teenagers and their lives. She has dedicated her life to trying to understand them and their risk taking as a method of fitting into the world. Her very candid and poigant stories tap into the indecison in the world for teens and tries to make sense of it all, without being judgmental. This is something we all need to learn, at all ages and this book initiates a method for it. This book shows how sexuality is only a component of life and we shouldn't define ourselves by it, but rather define it and help our children to do the same. I recommend this book without reservation.