Customer Reviews

Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

5 star:		(25)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

... when coupling wasn't enough.

Although I'd purchased this book a year ago, I didn't get around to reading it until a friend loaned me Dodson's "Selfloving" video about her group workshops with women. Dodson was such an effective speaker that I dug out the book just to get more of the inside story.

Those who call this a partial autobiography and a "why to" more than "how to" book are quite right -- for "how to," I'd suggest her video. However, like with other forms of sex, there can be a difference between getting off from masturbating and actually feeling like a worthwhile person during and afterwards. To my mind, that's what this book is about.

Some of Dodson's ideas are indeed still controversial: she suggests non-monogomy, to the point of extra-marital affairs, as potential help for sexual problems; she suggests that people talk to each other, even to their parents, about masturbation; the medically researched link between masturbation and meditation/creativity was news to me.

I don't think the era we live in will determine whether this book is still necessary -- I think it'll be whether anyone still reacts to it with wonder and relief.

Sex for one is a bit deceiving from its title. It's not exactly a "how to masturbate", but more like a "why to" which in my opinion is the bigger of the two problems for women. It opens your mind to its possibilities. Now it does give some advice on the physical level, however it focuses more on feeling better about yourself and getting to know who you are through masturbation. I really recommend this book to anyone who has doubt about masturbation or who needs to know that they're normal! If you're debating on whether or not to buy - BUY IT! You won't regret it!

Sex for One is the latest version of a book that Betty originally self-published as "Liberating Masturbation," in the early 1970s. I own all three revisions of this book, and treasure them all. This is a very important book to read if you seek to understand your sexuality.

I discovered it in the early 1980s, and was deeply moved by Betty's honesty and open attitude about sex. As a young man coming of age in the turbulent 60s, I was listening to feminists to try and understand what women wanted and where I fit in with that. Betty is a sex-positive feminist, and her rational, non-judgemental approach to sexuality really helped me come to terms with my own sexual energy. It was so refreshing to hear a woman talk so openly about her wants, needs and desires, and to see that women were indeed sexual creatures, too. Nowadays, we have Susie Bright, Carol Queen, Annie Sprinkle and many others who are sex-positive women speaking out, but Betty was an early and vital groundbreaker for this kind of material. She struck such a strong resonance with me that I wrote to her and we have been penpals ever since. I am therefore a bit biased, being a friend and fan of hers.

The book tells of her experiences with her own sexuality and the workshops she led for women to discover orgasm for themselves and open exchanges with other women. It has some of her own beautiful artwork of couples and single people, including drawings of female genitalia (some of which demonstrate the origins of the Valentine Heart), to illustrate the material she discusses in the text. It is very tastefully done, and educational for those who are not familiar with the bodies and behaviors of others. It is not an extensive encyclopedia of human sexuality, but rather a guidebook for learning about your own sexuality and becoming okay with how you express that. It is geared primarily for women, but men can benefit from it as well.

Masturbation is a very touchy subject (pun intended), and one that causes a great deal of anguish. (Just ask Jocelyn Elders. The woman should have gotten a medal, not been fired.) My view is this: sex can be seen to be much like food - it is a primary survival drive, and if we do not express that energy openly, it will leak out in other, negative behaviors, such as violence. Whether we eat alone or with others, we need to eat, and sex is the same. Masturbation is like eating alone. Not every meal is supposed to be a banquet with others. We need to eat to survive, and to practice our table manners for when we do dine with others. Masturbation is also a sexual act we can share with partners to help open up our understanding of each other, the wide range of sexual expression, and the true power and beauty of our sexual energy. It also has a place in the practice of other religious and spiritual systems not represented by the mainstream. The tendency to focus on heterosexual genital intercourse as the only "proper" sex people are supposed to practice greatly distorts the true nature of our sexual energy, and deprives us of our spiritual birthright.

Sexual energy is a vital part of our spiritual and physical makeup, and too often we are unfortunately burdened by religious oppression which seeks to distort and control our personal sexual energy. The reasons why religions seek to suppress sexual expression have much to do with property and the historical campaign of the Aryan-derived, violent, monotheistic, patriarchal religions to destroy all the tribal, matriarchal and matrilineal nature-based religions. Incredible violence and bloodshed has happened over the last 3000 years because of this. Liberating one's sexual energy is a primary key to any real spiritual liberation, and heavily structured organizations like religions hate people who are spiritually liberated - they are difficult, if not impossible, to manipulate. There is a great book by Merlin Stone, "When God Was a Woman," that deals very well with the whole subject of how our present religions came to be what they are. The truth will shock and anger you. The real story is quite different than we have been led to believe.

Learning to understand and control one's own sexual energy is a vital part of being a free person, which is the whole purpose of our country and its ideals. This book can be one step on the road to a greater understanding of one's sexual nature, and a respect for that of others. I recommend it for all those who seek such understanding. There are also many good books and websites on Sacred Sex, Tantra, Taoist sex practices, and Western Sex Magick that will take one further along the road to understanding the connection between sex and spirit.

There is far more to sex than you have been told.

I know this sounds very corny, but Betty's book was truly a life-changing experience for me. A woman at the age of 48, I had never experienced orgasm and was on a downward track sexually in my marriage. I devoured Betty's book, appreciating her complete candor and honesty about sex. I finally realized that sexual satisfaction and ecstacy are everyone's birthright, including me. A year after reading Self-Loving, I have lost 20 pounds, am feeling like a teenager with my husband, and can finally say "I love myself!" Thank you, Betty.

I used to be ashamed of masturbating. I thought of it as a sin...and something that that I would be punished for.After reading this book, I know now that I had nothing to be afraid of. I am in a loving relationship, but selfloving has given me a whole new out look in life. I love my boyfriend deeply and I think our relationship is much strong because I am more confident about my techniques andI feel less conscious about my body. Even if a woman doesn't masturbate, she should read this book. Maybe it will give women more self confidence about themselves

I am very happy that this book exists, because masturbation should not be pushed aside in sex books as easily as it is. It did not teach me anything new, however. If you love your body, are sexually confident, and have never had any physical or emotional issues with masturbating, then this book is probably redundant. The author writes the book by describing different periods in her life, and how her own sexuality evolved. She also describes how she taught a type of "sex therapy group" and what she learned from her students. It is an interesting book to own, and if you are in any way uncomfortable with your sexuality it would be a good book to read. (If you are over-comfortable with your sexuality, it's always fun to have books like these on your shelf!)

Although some of the language used in this book was the sort of language which would normally have upset me, the author made it clear why she wrote as she did. The information was so valuable to me that I wrote to both Dr. Dodson and my own physician concerning several aspects which would have improved my physical and psychological well- being. This is a book that should be passed from mothers (and fathers) to both sons and daughters as a mean of taking away the fear and insecurity attached to the subject of masturbation. In addition to discussing masturbation the author also discussed self-loathing of one's body resulting from a lack of information about what constituted normality in form. I wish someone would have had a similar book available when I was growing up so that I could have read it before I was in my seventies.

From Joan Mazza, author of Dreaming Your Real Self and Dream Back Your Life: Betty Dodson's positive attitude and comfort with her body permeates every aspect of this book. With encouragement and clarity, she offers women the permission and direction so long overdue. It's about time an act so human and life-affirming has gotten the validation it deserves. I recommend it regularly to my psychotherapy clients, male and female. Thank you, Betty.

Betty Dodson's positive attitude and comfort with her body permeates every aspect of this book. With encouragement and clarity, she offers women the permission and direction so long overdue. It's about time an act so human and life-affirming has gotten the validation it deserves. I recommend it regularly to my psychotherapy clients, male and female. Thank you, Betty.

Betty Dodson has long been known for her unique and refreshing views on female masterbation. This book teaches individuals to learn about the unique and inspiring reactions of their own bodies and focuses on self love.
Every teenage girl should have this book before considering having sex and every older woman who feels out of touch with her sexuality should keep it by her bedside.
This book embodies sexual empowerment in a loving and realistic manner using clear to understand language and sensitive drawings.