Customer Reviews

Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

First off the author NEVER says this is a book for every woman. But it is a book for a select group of women who believe that sex is a right and that just because one ages, doesn't mean they aren't sexual.

One review notes that 'Young men don't want older women. That is a fallacy,' which itself is a fallacy. He may speak for himself but he doesnt speak for ALL men.But the author never says 'all' anything. And yes some younger men do like and love women who are older and the author is careful to give excellent examples.

And I especially appreciated her Chapter 15 Sex and the Seasoned Marriage. I was married for thirty eight years to a great man and loved reading page 175 where she lists her four pillars of what seem to hold up long and solid marriages. This is part of what I liked about the book. Same with her Chapter 23 titled Love Tested by Fire, since my husband was hit by a drunk driver and later died.

The author also seems to grasp the European mindset when it comes to love, sex, passion and that we are all different with different needs and wants, and that total honesty with oneself is where one needs to start if they have any chance at a successful union with someone else.

Sure there are some things I disagreed with in reading the book, but I cannot think of any author whom I have agreed with totally. But I do believe that for the educated, well traveled woman or the woman who wants to make some positive changes in her life after age fifty, that the book can be useful as well as fun.

I loved this book. It seems to me the book is really about it's subtitle ... Pursuing the Passionate Life. This is not a book about sex ... it's a book about possibilities. Through her own observations and the stories of others, Gail Sheehy encourages women of all ages to take a risk ... to pursue a dream ... to live life fully. I found it very inspiring and a thorougly enjoyable read. Gail Sheehy has been described as a cultural observer. As a woman in my sixties, I like to think she's identified a revolution among older women who recognize the incredible opportunities they have in what Sheehy describes as their second adulthood. Read this book and be inspired!

*****
Gail Sheehy's newest book "Sex and the Seasoned Woman" is truly a must-read for all women over 45. It covers sex and aging for those women who wish to live passionate lives. It is not for those women who are content to live their lives slogging on, simply surviving from day to day. It is for those of us who want more.

One of the great revelations of this book (for me) is that sex can continue well into the mature years. The author discusses approaches (including medical and scientific) women can now avail themselves of to keep themselves healthy and capable of sexual activity.

One thing I didn't realize is that "use it or lose it" applies to vaginal health. If you do not repeatedly ensure blood flow to the vagina, it will atrophy, and thus be less capable of functioning...the book goes into this in detail (which I won't do here). But I think that this is something every woman should study.

Certain women may have reservations about buying this book, thinking it to be a book about promiscuity. It is not. It covers faithful marital sex---all types of sex---so that it will apply to you no matter what your lifestyle. However, the one constant is that in order to enjoy it, you will need to want to be vital, sensual, alive, passionate, and active in order to find this book interesting.

The book covers the different passages women go through in their pre-50's, and each decade thereafter until they pass 100. It covers sex in the Bible Belt, including the phenomenon of Passion Parties in the small rural towns of the south---apparently there are women in all sociological groups who wish to have good sexual relationships with their mates.

It was empowering to me, because it describes how a woman can retain passion in her life---at the same time not male-bashing, but affirming men for their strengths and their abilities to appreciate a passionate woman.

This is NOT a book about sexual techniques. It is a book of empowering anecdotes about strong and active women in all walks of life and at all ages and levels of physical health who contribute to themselves and to their men in ways that are very life-affirming and life-enchancing!
*****

Sheehy provides an interesting summary of a number of women aged 50-or-so who have decided to either stop being stymied by loveless/abusive marriages, or to stop/avoid becoming spinsters. Pleasing themselves, pushed by a sense of mortality, becomes the focus. As a result, they meet other men, often discover oral sex, and experience a steady stream of orgasms that replace the barrenness of before.

Often these women connect with younger men, though usually only for a period of months - regardless, the women find the experience permanently enhances their self-esteem and is liberating.

Certainly beats growing old without the pleasures of the flesh!

Recommended the book to my Literature Club. All 15 of us are
Seasoned Woman! I read Passages 35 years ago, and the book
stopped at age 40. This book resonates so many truisms for me now in my 60's, and looking forward another 35 years!

Sheehy has validated what my life has been, is now, and I hope will always be. Bravo to her for her support of all the marvelous, creative, vibrant women who continue to embrace life no matter what their age. This book speaks to the awakening of one's inner spirit which enhances every aspect of our lives--- intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Sheehy also support's David Schnarch's (Passionate Marriage) statement: The best sex comes with cellulite. Once again, the men and women who led the movements for civil and women's rights, have paved the way for succeeding generations, this time giving them permission to break free of the prejudice of agism.

As a woman growing older and becoming newly acquainted with a post menopausal body and spirit, I found this book to be very informative and encouraging! I am beginning to get excited about sex and relationships with men again. For awhile there I was beginning to feel "invisible". Thank you Ms. Sheehy for all the work you put into this book to help all of us regain or re-emerge into our womanhood.

I loved this book! As baby boomers approach midlife we have many choices in how to live "our second adulthood stage". After reading this book I am excited about this stage and the possibilities that lie ahead. Don't read it if you are not open to such ideas and would rather live this stage of your life in a more matronly fashion. But for those of us who want more....read it!

How refreshing! Sheehy has done it again! To name the cycle that so many of us have been living through...hardly the model we 50s women grew up expecting! This book is most likely going to be a threat to those who fear change and growth...whether married or single!
The seasoned woman who finds her purpose, her passion, can ignite the spirits of those around her. Her sexuality encompasses her sensuality, her living life fully. Sheehy's stories give women permission to live life fully. No, it's not just about sex, and that is why it is such an important book. And indeed, this is not for everyone....only those who are open to exploring this second of half of life as a true adventure!

I remember reading Gail Sheehy's book, Passages, during my sojurn in Montana in the late 1970s. So, it was with interest that I picked up her new book, Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life. After I finished reading the book, the word that came to mind was, "permission."

Gail Sheehy is the author of 15 books, as well as being a contributing editor to Vanity Fair. She is also a tireless researcher and it shows in the work of the book. The book has both statistics and people's stories -- the right combination to make any work come alive.

Sheehy divides women who are in mid-life into five groups (with one percent undefined):

*Passionates (40% of Total): "healthy, independent, sexy women anywhere between their late forties and eighties, usually working and able to take care of themselves," half of which are divorced and over 50.

*Seekers (20% of Total): "healthy, single women to indicate they are 'hungry for sex' or will 'never give up'" who are still looking for love and not having much luck.

*WMDs (Women Married, Dammit!, 15% of Total): "frustrated by marriages that have been emotionally dead and sexually moribund for some time, or who feel victimized by a mate who is a chronic drinker, adulterer or poor provider, etc." They don't leave and they don't change.

*SQs (Status Quos, 12% of Total): "not necessarily unhappy, just resigned...they feel the status quo is preferable to the risk and discomfort of change."

*LLs (Lowered Libidos, 12% of Total): "women who have given up on sex or who 'grin and bear it'" and have "experienced lowered libido since menopause."

Where do you fit in these groups? The good news is that the groups are fluid. You may find yourself a WMD at the moment, and then a profound shift occurs and you leave behind the person who is dragging you down -- which may be you. Knowing where you are, the awareness of your choices, gives you the permission to change if you want to.

The second permission that shows up in the book, is that mid-life relationships aren't like the ones that women experienced in their 20s and 30s. They may choose to remarry, but they may also choose to have a relationship with someone that is defined more by the commitment to the relationship and less by sharing a home. Relationships can be, by definition, short-term. They can be with old lovers, young lovers and even other women. In short, this is a time that women can put themselves first and say what they want -- and get it.

Another permission that was given was the gift to know yourself sexually. You can experiment with being outrageous. Passion Parties, "the premier sensual products company in the United States and Canada," abound. Just as the book, Our Bodies, Ourselves, encouraged us to use a mirror to look at our labia in the 1960s, Passion Parties encourage us to figure out what turns us on now -- and use it!

Finally, Sheehy reminds us that we are responsible for our lives and loves. It is up to us to take care of our bodies and minds. We are definitely still able to have and enjoy a sensual and loving relationship with a man and we don't have to discard parts of ourselves to get it.

I encourage you to read Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life. It will give you permission to be the bodacious woman you already are!
Casey Dawes, Wise Woman Shining ([...])