Customer Reviews

Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I saw Deborah Roffman speak before I read this book. When she told us that her students (she teaches at a local private school) call her "the sex lady," I wasn't surprised. When she explained some of today's kids' (we're talking kids, not even teens) attitudes about sex, sexuality, and sexual activity, I was very surprised.

I've always considered myself enlightened and pretty progressive, but when it comes to what our kids are thinking and doing, I felt like a Puritan. According to Ms. Roffman, the roles that we as a society thrust on our kids put them under an incredible amount of pressure about themselves, their sexuality, and their values.

This book is written just the way Ms. Roffman speaks -- frankly, straightforwardly, and plainly, with no holds barred. If you're the parent of a pre-teen or teen, or know a pre-teen or teen, you should put this book near the top of your must-read list.

My sister and my mom have been having "sex talks" for a while, so I decided to get my mom this for Valentine's Day. Witty, honest, and, of course, sensible, Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex was a great book.

Sex and Sensibility was insightful and direct. It started by defining exactly what 'sex' is, and led on to other discussions--from 'gender' to 'sexual orientation'. Famous poet e e cummings once said that the most natural thing in the world is "a cat with a ball of wool." Let me tell you: a cat with a ball of wool is a graceless lump compared to Deborah. She's not afraid to confront the issues that America's public school sex ed teachers aren't allowed to talk about.

I have to admit I was a little disappointed with this book. The idea is revolutionary and necessary in modern society: a generation of parents who genuinely talk to their children about sex and maintain an open and reasonable dialogue throughout their child's life.

Roffman does a good job of arguing for why we need this. What she does not do well, in my opinion, is get to the point: just how are we to instill these dialogues into our relationships with our children? After pages of being told how important it is, I was frustrated not to find how she recommends going about it. So I skipped around. However, due to the poor organization of her book, I had no idea where to skip to. I left it back at the library I got it from with only a vague idea of how she recommended I speak to my child.

Don't get me wrong: her stories are good and there a few I feel glad knowing. But she simply does not get to the point soon enough. The path of her narrative is wandering and her direction at times unclear. I simply could not sit through it long enough to give her a chance to get. to. the. point.

After some disappointment and some searching, I found a book that *does* get to the point:

-Everything you NEVER wanted your kids to know about SEX (but were afraid they'd ask)-
by Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster

While Roffman has the advantage of many first-hand discussions with parents children, Richardson and Schuster have the advantage of not only that but also enlightening statistical, psychological, and sociological research. Not to mention a much more straight-forward writing style.

I applaud Roffman's efforts on a difficult topic. But this simply is not the book to read. I wish she would organize her personal stories so I could find the ones on topics I'm interested in and assimilate them. But unfortunately, I do not have time to dig through all of them to find the ones I feel are relevant.

Teachers as well as parents will welcome this excellent book that explains children's sexuality education needs at each stage of development. Deborah Roffman is a powerful advocate for children, understanding that in a society that gives confusing and exploitative messages about sexuality, children are desperate for communication from the caring adults in their lives. The book is full of specific examples, often humorous, of difficult situations and questions from Roffman's life as a parent and teacher. Her responses are models of simplicity and good sense. Every adult commited to helping young people develop into sexually healthy adults will want a copy of this book. It provides remarkably clear guidelines for how to do it!

Teachers as well as parents will welcome this excellent book that explains children's sexuality education needs at each stage of development. Deborah Roffman is a powerful advocate for children, understanding that in a society that gives confusing and exploitative messages about sexuality, children are desperate for communication from the caring adults in their lives. The book is full of specific examples, often humorous, of difficult situations and questions from Roffman's life as a parent and teacher. Her responses are models of simplicity and good sense. Every adult commited to helping young people develop into sexually healthy adults will want a copy of this book. It provides remarkably clear guidelines for how to do it!

I also saw Deborah Roffman speak before I read this book. She dismantles the idea that talking about sex is a conversation that parents should have prior to adolescence and argues for an on-going dialog with your child from birth. This book has given me the confidence that one day I may be the "go-to person" for my children when they have honest questions about sex and sexuality from mechanics to sensuality. Ms. Roffman also made me realize that even the most progressive parenting is backwoods on this topic and that the media is the most informing resource that children have in order to learn about sex and sexuality. She outlines the concept of limits and boundaries v. well early on. She asks us to imagine a child who was raised with little or no boundaries navigating their newly found sexuality informed primarily by media. For the reviewer that called her rambling and disorganized, I would argue that the author lays clear ground work for child rearing topics such as limits and boundaries prior to getting to chapter 10, which I think is the heart of the book that states what to do as a parent and how to do it when. After reading this book, I no longer imagine that I'm exclusively raising a future adolescent on how to deal with sex and sensuality in their teens, but I imagine that I'm raising children who will be in their 20s and beyond and realistically helping them navigate this amazingly complex topic with caring maturity. This book is an overdue revolution.

This is an excellent resource for parents with young children or anyone considering having children. This book will help you communicate more effectively with them concerning sex, sexuality and gender issues.
It is informative, funny and easy to understand. She gives a lot of examples of what she is writing about so that you have something to go on in discussing the topic with your own child or children.

I don't know what are the rates for teen pregnancy in the US, but I KNOW that unwanted pregnancy is a reality for young adults. Every year one or two of my college students becomes pregnant. I can only recall three times in over ten years when the student was either married or in a committed relationship. If your offspring is planning to go off and live on his/her own, read this book so you can talk about sexuality before they leave your house. The book is somewhat verbose and some sections could be shortened, but I gave it 5 stars because what Roffman has to say, and how she says it, it's very important.

Just what parents need to know - the big picture, not just biology and warnings. Very thoughtful.

This book was, in a word, brilliant. Roffman shines in her first published book. Witty and insightful, it should be on every parent's bookshelf.