Customer Reviews

Sex, Sin, and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I have never read a book by Brad Warner before, but I had heard good things about this one and picked it up. I wish the person who recommended it to me had thought to describe the contents and style of this book a little more in-depth, because this disappointed me quite a bit.

There are a lot of interesting things to be said about Buddhism's relationship with sex and sexuality (and the way different cultures handle these things, as well). I think the author was doing a great job at first, but he lost me with his bit on polyamory, fairly early on into the book. He admits that he doesn't have much experience with polyamorous folks and it shows. I personally do not care at all for evolutionary psychology, so I was put off by the many remarks about how people evolved and how society evolved, coupled with the implication that people only try to make a polyamorous relationship work because they want to be "cool". I feel like some research into this subject would have made that chapter much less condescending.

As another reviewer says, there are also many footnotes that are, well, like listening to preteen boys giggle over an issue of Playboy. I understand that the author may have done this to "break the ice" or make the reader loosen up a bit, since sex is such a difficult subject for so many people, but for me this approach was a flop. His double entendres and constant use of slang words for genitals were kind of grating, too. Would it really hurt to, just once, refer to a penis as a penis and a vagina as a vagina? I don't think so. I understand what he was trying to accomplish with the humor but I really wish he would have backed off on it after a chapter or two.

There are plenty of good thoughts and ideas you can take away from this book, but I really had to go searching for them. I wish more Buddhist authors would tackle the subject of sex, and I hope that the next time someone does take up this task, they manage to do it a little more maturely.

Sex, Sin and Zen answers the question that everyone has been asking Brad for a long time, how can sex and Buddhism come to some sort of reconciliation? As a guest writer for Suicide Girls many questioned his choice to join their writing team. And I think we should have, because if anyone had the answer, it was Brad.

We know of all the vows we take, and accept in our lives, but as Brad explains, never do any of them say do not have sex. Brad breaks this misconception down, simplifies in the easiest of ways. It's not the act of sex, but how we act about sex. Like any other attachment, it is our grasping at sex that can cause us, and others, damage.

What I really loved about this book is Brad's brazen explanation of mindfulness:

"I'm not sure what most people in the West these days mean when they say "mindfulness." Near as I can tell, the general population uses the word to mean something like "thinking really hard about stuff." Or at best it's sometimes a synonym for paying attention to what you're doing. But if that what you mean, why not just say "pay attention"?

Another high point is his points about sex being one of the most immersive acts we partake in. And what he says makes perfect sense, minus a few people out there, when one is engaged in sexual activity, are we thinking about anything else really? No, we are just being there, having sex. Of course there are emotions within that, but for the most part, sex is just sex. Sex is not what we were doing at work, the plans we have later, or anything else, it's sex.

He makes the case, from my understanding, that if we could harness that ability to pay attention to one thing, the goals we are hoping to achieve may be that much easier. Who doesn't want to be able to pay attention all the time, to be mindful of every moment, as it is? I know that's part of it for me. Because yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, right now is it!

His interview with the original "porno Buddhist" Nina Hartley is funny and engaging. They match wits, and humor, enlightening us to not take this whole thing so seriously all the time. I'm not sure I'm 100% in agreement with everything he's got to say, but it's great to have someone break things down in a way that is readable, and at times, laughable.

That only things that bugs me sometimes, is the over the top swearing and almost mocking tone. Other than that minor detail, this book was necessary, completely necessary. Sex and Buddhism does not have to be taboo, it just needs to be understood in a context that is healthy and helpful.

A big fan of Brad Warner's other three books, I was a bit skeptical about this one. I worried that it might have too much sex and too little of Brad's take on Zen Buddhism. I was wrong. There is a great mix of sexual specific content and Zen, as well as how one trying to live a better life through zazen practice might approach sex. For me, the book's main focus was how to deal with doing and thinking 'bad' things. Since this is a book about Zen Buddhism, the answers (well, maybe suggestions) all touch on how to use zazen practice and Zen precepts to manage the normal crazy experiences and choices that life brings.

For those how haven't read a Brad Warner book, article, or blog, his writing style is crisp. For someone writing about philosophy, this should be commended. The book is peppered with anecdotes from his life as well as from the cast of characters he has encountered in his times as a Zen student and Zen teacher. He is almost always self-deprecating about himself, even though he has accomplished a great deal and has an international position as a Soto Zen Buddhist monk.

He also makes a point to cover Zen basics in his usual accesible way. Thus, if you've never read a book about Zen Buddhism there is lots of great information here. That said, if, like me, you've read books on the subject before, Brad Warner's explanations of Zen concepts are fresh, funny, and insightful and I finished the book with a better understanding of Zen Buddhism than I started.

Finally, to reference the title of my review, the book has been helpful in that I have already applied some of the things I read in the book and avoided a situation that looking back would have been trouble!

I generally like Brad Warner`s writing. I've read all of his books, and this one just doesn't cut it. While the topic is of interest, the puerile and juvenile tone is off-putting. Brad uses "asterisk footnotes" to point to double entendres that remind me of listening to 12-year-olds sniggering over daddy's Playboy Magazine stash.
I'd love to see someone tackle the topic of this book, and not try to be cute. Read something else Brad's written, and hope the next one is more on target.

Don't be fooled by the title and cover art of this book! Altough it may come off to many as a silly book written by someone who doesn't really know anything about Buddhism or Zen, and that this guy is probably just cashing in on the appealing topic of Buddhism and sex; it is in reality a very intelligent and light-hearted analysis on the the biggest misconceptions people have about Buddhism and basic Buddhist theories such as "emptiness", "no-self", "attachment", and "desire", amongst many others. Warner sets these myriad misled notions about Buddhism and sets them straight in his often very funny and idiosyncratic tone. This book will leave your heart feeling softer in regards to sexuality and your mind more open to the heart of Buddhist teachings.
- Christian Jarquin, a student and practioner of Zen for over 4 years, and Major of Religious Studies.

You either like his irreverence or not. He has been described in other reviews as iconoclastic, snarky, in your face, critical, and even egotistical (but that would be the ultimate form of irreverence in Zen). As he himself admits, he takes a certain pleasure in being oppositional. You'll either find it humorous and refreshing, or off-putting.

But who says he's got to be soft and mushy? Faux mushiness is just one more thing he's got a gripe with, anyway. The point is the book; In it, Warner explores the place of sex within the context of Zen and whether normally suspect transactions like prostitution are reconcilable within genuine Buddhist practice as a whole.

The real intent of the Buddhist vows are often missed. With funny personal anecdotes as a vehicle and mature responsibility as an anchor, he navigates easily through issues like pornography and stripping and braves the waters of abortion, revealing the truer sense and subtler flavors of those precepts (does Zen approve of such things?).

The peripheral question has to do with why he even needs to be addressing these questions in the first place. And the answer lies partly in our own inbred assumptions about the notion of sin and what constitutes evil. In the end, I appreciated his casual, no-nonsense treatment of these kinds of grandiose issues, which are so often needlessly convoluted.

The absence of an all-encompassing, universal ideal that applies in all times and all places, for all persons and in all situations, doesn't mean anything goes. As Warner himself - clearly liberal and comfortable in the domain of such discussions - admits, (the sex industry) is "a cesspool of nastiness that needs reform." But as he cleverly and humorously reveals, condemnation is trickier.

He doesn't necessarily encourage our participation in such activities as pornography (because who would he be to tell us, anyway?); he accepts it as part of the world, like the rest of the 10,000 things, some gross and some beautiful, that exist around us - the umpteen things we can either take or leave behind. But whatever it is, if we choose to take it, we best consider the effects of our actions, because it's always more about "how we do what we do," than it is about what we do.

I really appreciate Brad taking on the topic of Buddhism and sexuality, and thought he did a great job in this book. As other reviewers have said, his style is by turn in-your-face, irreverent, juvenile, and snarky. In past books, this turned me off more than it did in this one. Maybe I am just getting used to him! But seriously, he makes some very intelligent points, and provides a thorough analysis of Buddhism's views of sex and sexuality. And really, he does much more than this - he compares modern Western and Eastern attitudes about sex in general, different religion's attitudes about it, and modern spiritual 'new age' trends regarding it. He doesn't claim this is an academic/sociological type study, and points readers to two other excellent books if that's what they want (Lust for Enlightenment: Buddhism and Sex and The Red Thread: Buddhist Approaches to Sexuality.

In my review of Brad's last book, Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate, I complained about his snarky tone towards other Buddhist and spiritual teachers, most of which he had no first-hand experience with. He seems to have toned that down a bit, although he does note the major sexual scandals that have occurred in Western Buddhist communities, and gives his own take on them. And he gives a rather hilarious account of his visit to see Amma, the hugging guru. I have also seen Amma, and love her, but could appreciate his take on the 'show' surrounding her.

Brad is a keen observer and holds no punches. That's really what makes him the perfect person to take on the subject of sexuality and Buddhism - he doesn't shy away from any aspect of human sexuality, or leave any theme unexplored. So, if you are interested in this topic, and can handle Brad's unique style and tone, this is a great read. And if you find yourself fed up as you read, take it as an opportunity to practice some Zen-style inquiry into what your resistance is:-)

This was my first Brad Warner book and I approached it with a great deal of skepticism, if not outright cynicism. What I found was an honest and accessibly written exploration of what the precept not to misuse sex really means in a modern, personal way. The worst criticism is that Brad Warner can come across as silly at times; even so, his writing is approachable and warm. Warner takes a serious, journalistic approach to his exploration of just what Buddhism has to say about sex, and what our western ideas about sex can help us understand about Zen Buddhism. The writing style is frank, perhaps a bit in your face at times, but also largely scholarly. As promised by the cover, the book really does take on a breadth of topics including homosexuality, BDSM, monogamy, polyamory and a lot of our sexual proclivities and hangups. Brad Warner has earned my respect as a scholar and writer.

Really? Dear lord, I can not believe some of the inane comments written by reviewers here. One of the primary reasons that I dig Brad Warner's texts is BECAUSE of his silly asides and accessible language. Clearly, the other people who have deigned to come down off of their ivory pillars of intellectualism and decided to haphazardly slap the keyboard in a futile attempt to sound like they were somehow above Mr. Warner's writing, haven't read to many other books on the topic of Zen. Other authors treat the living, breathing and vitally relevant discipline of Zen as archaic and something that we laypeople could barely comprehend if we tried. However, in "Sex, Sin and Zen" and his other works, Warner takes a modern day approach to the topic in an encompassing manner that is much more likely to reach many readers who could desperately benefit from the teachings of Dogen and the Buddha.

If you prefer to read mind-numbing, dense works full of spiritual jargon that rarely applies to anything you might experience today, this is not the book for you. However, if you are interested in delving deeper into Buddhism in a modern and relevant way, and have some laughs on the side, Brad Warner's books do a great job.

Lastly, good professors of Amazon.com who cannot be bothered with works about Zen that are more accessible than "Crime and Punishment", the Buddha once stated, "In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west. People create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true." I feel so sorry for you that the distinction that you created for yourself was that you had something worthwhile to say.

It's always interesting and entertaining to watch how people's expectations of what a zen teacher should be match up with who Brad Warner is. I can't imagine anyone coming de novo to him, or this book, expecting to find what they end up finding. I have been sitting daily in the Soto zen style for six years, and I was doing something else I called "meditation" before that, since high school in the mid 1970's. I've never met Brad, though I expect we will run into each other some day since we darken a lot of the same doorways, but he writes books like I would write them, and he says the things I would say.

The interviews with Nina Hartley are worth the cover price of the book alone, and there's a lot more to it than that. What Brad does here is bring the insight he has realized from sitting zazen and studying zen writings for decades to the questions of sexuality today for people like him, i.e., middle-class Americans born in the middle of the 20th century. Those who expect religious edicts and hard/fast rules will be disappointed. Those who expect to have their own ideas about the third precept confirmed will find it lacking any particular certainty about what sexual misconduct really means.

What you will find is an honest reflection upon these issues by a daily practitioner committed to genuine zen practice. It is rare to find something so ordinary in modern Buddhist books, they usually have the stink of zen about them--that pious, pretentious, self righteousness that sets the author apart from the reader. Brad has none (well, very little) of that. His farts stink and he doesn't pretend otherwise. He is as hot for cute Japanese women as I am. He finds titty bars as sad as I do, even though he likes naked boobies very much.

While I hope a lot of people read this book, I think it is best suited for people like me--regular Joe's who sit zazen and think about boinking the new girl in the Sangha, who check-out asses during kinhin, and similarly just live the life that we are coming to know as American lay zen practice. There's nothing special here, which is exactly what makes the book so valuable. If you want to know what sitting facing a wall every day can do for you, Brad's a good example.

We are very fortunate to have a teacher like Brad so available to us, I bow in deep gassho.