The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "Please, please help me..." (more)
Key Phrases: Siren Solution

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In contrast to its tabloid title, The Sex-Starved Marriage offers candid and sensible counsel for couples with mismatched libidos. Seasoned sex therapist Michele Weiner-Davis skewers two stereotypes about sex in marriage. First, she jettisons the idea that husbands are hot and wives are not, giving examples of "low-desire" men in her practice. Next, she upends the longstanding model of sexual response and advises readers: "Just do it. Desire is a decision. Once the low-interest partner allows him/herself to be touched and aroused, this will trigger a strong desire to continue being sexual." The strength of her approach to the causes of sexual stalemate lies in her insights about the struggles of both partners. Her suggestions (how to break the ice, how to court your partner, nag busting, and the Hallmark solution) are not gimmicky and are presented as techniques for couples, not individuals. Weakened only by a final chapter--one that discloses too many details about the author’s marriage--this perceptive book will inspire couples to add heat and light to their marriage. --Barbara Mackoff

From Publishers Weekly

Author (The Divorce Remedy), therapist and Oprah regular Davis offers a frank and reassuring guide for couples struggling with the "desire doldrums." It's been estimated that one-third of couples face issues of low desire, the impact of which is felt beyond the bedroom: "Unsatisfying sexual relationships," Davis writes, "are the all-too-frequent causes of alienation, infidelity and divorce." Unfortunately, libidos are rarely equal; most marriages have a low-desire spouse and a high-desire spouse. Davis offers advice for both, bolstered by numerous examples of how that advice has worked for couples she's encountered during her two decades as a marriage counselor. Court your partner the way he or she wants to be courted, Davis tells high-desire spouses; for low-desire spouses, sometimes the best idea is (to borrow a line from Nike) to "just do it." Her "field-tested" tips are sensible rather than earth-shattering-talk openly, be kind, commit to making a change for the better and set concrete, attainable goals-but in the hard-to-talk-about realm of sex, very welcome indeed.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (January 7, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743227328
• ISBN-13: 978-0743227322
• Product Dimensions: 9.6 x 6.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.1 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #296,666 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

246 of 255 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars there is help!, June 5, 2003

By	Julie Carlson (Ludington, MI United States) - See all my reviews

I am a 38 year-old, attractive woman whose husband could care less about touching, caressing or making love to me. Until I read this book, I thought I had the only marriage in America that was a pretty much platonic. It's not that we have no sex, it's just that it is so infrequent (and always me that has to initiate) - that this makes me feel less than womanly. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this kind of a marriage.

Now, after reading this book, I've learned that I am not alone and I am forever grateful for that. Even though other men still seem to be attracted to me, I had convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me. Now I don't think so anymore. I also learned that I've probably been doing all the wrong things to change the situation. I plan on changing my approach immediately. I get very angry and critical and I can now see how that turns my husband away. I feel much better already knowing that I have a plan. I highly recommend that anyone dealing with this issue in their marriage read this book. It's well-written and it will make you feel that the author has been hanging around your bedroom. For me, this book is a Godsend.

134 of 139 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars gottagetit, January 23, 2003

By	Thad I (Biloxi, MS USA) - See all my reviews

Where was this book ten years ago? My wife and I have been fighting about sex for over ten years. When we first got married, sex was great with each passing year, she wanted less and less. Our fights have gotten uglier because I've been so frustrated. I've suggested that she go to her doctor but her only response is that "its my problem." That's how our fights always end.

When I saw this book- great title, by the way- I bought it and read it in two days. The author describes what I've been feeling to a tee. I couldn't believe it. I asked my wife if she would read it too and she shocked me and said yes. I'm not sure what happened to her, but I can tell by her actions that the book is making an impression. She's been more affectionate and she even agreed to talk to a counselor. We're not out of the woods yet, but for the first time in a very, very long time, I have hope that things can get better and that I don't have to spend the rest of my life celibate.

75 of 76 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent advice for strengthening your marriage, February 8, 2004

By	Dr. Ellen Kenner, Clinical Psychologist - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide (Paperback)

"Show me a couple who has a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and I'll show you a couple I can pick out of a crowd. There's an almost visible bond between them-the gentle touches, knowing glances, laughter and warmth when their eyes meet. You can feel the connection between them." (Davis, p. 32)
How many couples miss this with their partner? Sex becomes a chronic source of tension in too many relationships. One partner has a high drive; the other one has a "leave me alone" attitude. Michele Davis offers excellent advice for those wanting to rekindle their sexual relationship and strengthen their marriage. She makes astute observations, such as noting the assumption many woman have that their husbands want sex because "having sex is like scratching an itch; it's a purely physical need." She continues,"I am convinced that one of the grossest misunderstandings about sex is the belief many women have that men desire sex because they just want, or better yet, need a physical release. It's true that men (and some women) love an occasional quickie without much emotional hoopla. However I've been privileged to hear men describe the way they really feel when their wives aren't' interested. And if you've assumed that your husband wants sex just to "get off," what I've heard will undoubtedly surprise you." (David, p. 56-7)
This book is an easy read, with plenty of relatable examples and excellent tips, i.e., sexy solutions. Davis has an excellent understanding of both partner's dilemmas and she bridges the understanding and communication gap that so often leads couples to divorce or to suffer unhappy marriages. She helps you recapture that mutually satisfying sexual relationship, and more broadly, that soulmate relationship, you may have lost with your partner.