Customer Reviews

The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire

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The Sex-Starved Wife

Wow! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this title. I have been a sex-starved wife for more years than I can count. My marriage has been empty and loveless because my husband has no desire for me. My friends all complain that their husbands are always wanting sex and I feel so uncomfortable during those discussions because I feel like a freak of nature. It makes me feel as if something is dreadfully wrong with me. I don't even share what happens in my relationship because I'm mortified. I have felt so alone.

But now that I've read this great book, I KNOW I am not alone. As I read all the letters from women in my shoes, I cried because I know the pain they have been feeling. I understand how bad it feels to be so hurt and have your husband be unwilling to do anything about it. He doesn't even want to talk to me about it anymore. Weiner Davis explains why men loose desire, but the best part is that she gives concrete suggestions for getting your husband to be more receptive to doing something about the problem. I am so grateful that I read this book because I feel better about myself and I have even made some headway with my husband. He's agreed to read part of it and to speak to a doctor! I've been trying to get him to do something, anything for a long time and he's just gotten defensive. So, this book marks a major turnaround in my marriage. I can't say for sure what will happen next, but I can tell you that at least we're talking and he's showing some willingness to care about my feelings. That's huge. I strongly suggest that if you're a woman whose husband is disinterested sexually, you get this book. It can change your marriage.

I just finished reading this book. I had some problems with it. The problems that I had were with what I took as the author's emphasis on how the wife may be "at fault" (nagging, fighting, and being unimaginative, etc). I found that message to be demeaning, sexist, and very unsupportive to women. Insinuating that women "are" or "if you find yourself" nagging and fighting and angry (which of course is a terrible culturally demeaning characterization). I also object to the characterization that what women need to do is simply spice up the atmosphere in the bedroom - and be "understanding" of your husband's thoughts and needs, this of course is a huge oversimplification of this terrible and life wrecking issue.

I have a non-responsive husband and my experience is that no matter what you do, there is no response. The non-responsive spouse is in control of the sex (as is stated in the book). I am not a nag. I am imaginative. I do discuss. There doesn't appear to be any joint solution to this problem - because it isn't a joint problem --- it is MY problem. He is perfectly happy the way things are. I am the one who is unhappy.

There really wasn't anything in this book about my situation at all. I feel degraded by this book and it's seemingly "simple" solutions which lie entirely in the lap of the woman. Where is the man's responsibility in all of this? I think that the author does a terrible disservice to women who have this problem in their marriage or relationship. The only real help given is exercises for pre-mature ejaculators.

This is a huge problem for women in this country - there is a cultural myth that men are always and forever ready at the drop of a hat - and women and men believe it. There isn't a simple solution to a man who refuses to have sex - dressing up in saran wrap is not going to fix this problem. Giving "Glamour" and "Cosmo" solutions to this huge life wrecking situation is horrible. Shame on the author!

Finally, a book addressing a problem many wives encounter but many husbands would deny even exists! Enough of hearing on television and radio the popularly held myths that "Most men want sex all the time. Low sexual desire is only a woman's problem. Some men lack sexual desire, but the prevalence of low desire in men is extremely low. & Men who aren't interested in sex must have a sexual dysfunction of a serious medical condition. Otherwise they'd be ready to go."! Let's be fair and look at the WHOLE picture. To date it has been far to easy for researchers to study the subject of low desire in women. As the author points out, many studies have been conducted on this topic and so few about low desire in men one has to wonder whether all these researchers are men! Yet researchers finally did identify HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder or low desire), something MORE prevalent in men than in women. Low desire appears to be an equal opportunity employer when it comes to gender. Unfortunately to date also too many women have had a tendency to blame themselves for the existance of this problem. This is not true of most men who have low desire wives. This book offers a variety of explanations beside a physical erectile dysfunction for the lack of sexual desire in some men. As a social worker, I see this book as liberating to female clients who suffer from low self esteem not knowing what to think of the cause of their male partner's problem.

All these years, 33 of them, I thought it was me and it wasn't. All these years I suffered with no one to talk to who understood my pain. I could hardly read this book without crying with such pain....I didn't even know I had. My husband was moved and we are now going on a path
that is giving us answers. Thank you! At last! I am understood.

I think this is a great book well worth the money. Until I got this book I thought I was alone. Has a lot of great ideas and possible reasons why your husband doesn't want to have sex anymore.

If the title caught your eye, chances are you can benefit from this book. It was such a relief just to read comforting words from a sex therapist that low libido in men is pretty common and there are things that can be done about it. It's been a booster for my self confidence, and has given me hope that there are things my partner and I can do to try and make our mis-matched level of desire work in our relationship. Give it a try, for sure.

There is "The Sex-Starved Wife" and "The Sex-Starved Marriage", so... what, there's no market for this?