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Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire [Paperback]

Lisa M. Diamond
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 15, 2009 0674032268 978-0674032262

Is love “blind” when it comes to gender? For women, it just might be. This unsettling and original book offers a radical new understanding of the context-dependent nature of female sexuality. Lisa M. Diamond argues that for some women, love and desire are not rigidly heterosexual or homosexual but fluid, changing as women move through the stages of life, various social groups, and, most important, different love relationships.

This perspective clashes with traditional views of sexual orientation as a stable and fixed trait. But that view is based on research conducted almost entirely on men. Diamond is the first to study a large group of women over time. She has tracked one hundred women for more than ten years as they have emerged from adolescence into adulthood. She summarizes their experiences and reviews research ranging from the psychology of love to the biology of sex differences. Sexual Fluidity offers moving first-person accounts of women falling in and out of love with men or women at different times in their lives. For some, gender becomes irrelevant: “I fall in love with the person, not the gender,” say some respondents.

Sexual Fluidity offers a new understanding of women’s sexuality—and of the central importance of love.


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Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire + Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women + Late Bloomers: Awakening to Lesbianism After Forty
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Many women experience a fluid sexual desire that is responsive to a person rather then a specific gender, argues Diamond n this fascinating and certain to be controversial study. Diamond, associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah, is best when detailing, with vivid examples, how scientific studies of sexual desire and behavior have focused on the experience of men, for whom the heterosexual/homosexual divide seems mostly fixed. Diamond says traditional labels for sexual desire are inadequate; for some women even bisexual does not truly express the protean nature of their sexuality. Diamond details in accessible and nuanced language her own study of 100 young women (by her own admission not fully representative) over a period of 10 years. She says that she is calling for an expanded understanding of same-sex sexuality that could radically affect both LGBT activists who hold that sexual identity is fixed and antigay groups who believe sexuality is chosen. Sexual fluidity involves a mix of internal and external factors, but is not, Diamond emphasizes, a matter of conscious choice, and she speculates that a younger generation that views sexuality as personal rather than political might embrace this less rigid view. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

Sexual Fluidity is the most important book on sexuality in many years. The scholarship is impeccable and the writing lucid. Exploring issues that have political, scientific, and personal ramifications, Diamond answers the tough questions: Do women have a sexual orientation? Do women choose their sexuality? Can a heterosexual woman fall in love with a woman? Can a lesbian fall in love with a man? Are women really sexually changeable? Are men? Diamond challenges both traditionalists and radicals—if you want to understand female sexuality, listen to what women say.
--Ritch C. Savin-Williams, author of The New Gay Teenager

The book raises fundamental questions about women's sexuality. Lisa Diamond's comprehensive analysis of the scientific evidence illuminates the interconnections of love, sex and sexual identity in women's lives. Her analysis of sexual fluidity is both original and compelling.
--Anne Peplau, University of California, Los Angeles

Fascinating and certain to be controversial… Diamond says traditional labels for sexual desire are inadequate; for some women even 'bisexual' does not truly express the protean nature of their sexuality. Diamond details in accessible and nuanced language her own study of 100 young women (by her own admission not 'fully representative') over a period of 10 years. She says that she is 'calling for an expanded understanding of same-sex sexuality' that could radically affect both LGBT activists who hold that sexual identity is fixed and antigay groups who believe sexuality is chosen. (Publishers Weekly 20071029)

Freud once asked: 'What do women want?' He did not really know. In this beautiful and scholarly book, Diamond has attempted to answer his question. In her study of 100 young women growing up in the postmodern era, she has found that what women want is far more complex than was previously thought and cannot easily be answered with a simple theory. This book will be read by students and scholars across the social and biological sciences. It is a gift to be cherished.
--Ken Zucker, University of Toronto

Captivating, nuanced, and rigorous… Diamond's work is vital precisely because sexual fluidity is not a new concept—Freud called his version 'polymorphous perversity'—but merely one that is typically dismissed. Nor is it news to women, particularly not to a generation for whom a nonspecific 'queer' affiliation, or no affiliation at all, is increasingly common. What is so important is not that this fluidity exists, but that someone has finally paid it systematic attention and found that it is in fact not the exception, but may well be the rule.
--Hanne Blank (Ms. 20080101)

Traditionally, female sexuality has been presumed to work in the same way and by the same rules as male sexual identity, but Diamond argues that for women, sexual identity isn't fixed in the same categories.
--Temma Ehrenfeld (Psychologies 20080301)

Setting out to prove the theory that, for some women, love is truly blind where gender is concerned, Diamond presents her evidence in a fascinating, anecdotal fashion—by tracking over the span of a decade the relationships of nearly 100 women who at one point or another had experienced 'same-sex attractions.' The women move from men to women and back again (or vice-versa), their sexual identity as changeable as their desires. Additionally, she delves into the brain science behind lust, love and infatuation, revealing that what draws women toward a particular partner is as much a function of biology as it is anything else. To her credit, Diamond avoids scripting her arguments in obtuse academese. With her compassionate, understated approach, she has stepped up the business of gender research.
--Lily Burana (Washington Post Book World 20080413)

A fascinating read. (Times Higher Education 20080417)

The book has many riveting accounts by women of their own experiences of sexual attraction and distraction… Diamond has written a fascinating book.
--Adam Phillips (London Review of Books 20080619)

[Diamond] did something unique, following 100 female subjects with same-sex attractions for 10 years… Her book is worth reading.
--Sheela Lambert (Examiner.com 20090805)

Diamond's study has the potential to lead to more acceptance of variety within sexual orientation. With young women leading the way, everyone will become less fearful of diverse sexual experiences. Sexual Fluidity can take us beyond the divisive language of 'phases' and 'denial' as we speak the truth of our lives to each other.
--Ellyn Ruthstrom (Women’s Review of Books 20090301)

Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Harvard University Press (April 15, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0674032268
  • ISBN-13: 978-0674032262
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #135,187 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

3.7 out of 5 stars
(19)
3.7 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
26 of 26 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars LUGs are Women Too! May 18, 2010
Format:Paperback
Starting in the mid-1990s, Diamond, a professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, conducted a longitudinal study that tracked sexual attitudes among a cohort of non-heterosexual identified women from their late teens into their early thirties. From this work Diamond concluded that while a model of sexual orientation in which a person is unswervingly straight or gay may be appropriate for men, it is too rigid for women. Over the course of a few years, a typical woman in Diamond's study might move from being attracted to other women to being attracted to men, or vice versa, with the nature of the attraction dependent on an individual's circumstances and partner in ways that often rendered simple straight/lesiban/bisexual categorizations too coarse to be informative. This fluidity is not a matter of dilettantish sexual experimentation or repressed lesbianism in the face of homophobia. (Nor, contrary to the wishes of religious traditionalists, does it mean that sexuality is a conscious lifestyle choice that can be reset by bullying therapy.) Instead, Diamond contends, it is a natural course of many women's development which has been overlooked by both the general public and researchers into human sexuality.

"Sexual Fluidity" mixes a discussion of Diamond's statistical results and anecdotes about the women she studied, along with theoretical taxonomies of female attraction styles and speculation on why women would be more fluid than men. It is academically rigorous but still pitched at a lay audience. It's a credit to her work that you come away wishing that Diamond could broaden her research to older women, straight-identified women, and men. The only shortcoming is that the book only presents quantitative data in prose, which can be difficult to follow. Presumably people who really care about the statistics can look up Diamond's journal articles, but a few bar charts would have still gone a long way.

All in all, Diamond's findings are not surprising to anyone young enough to have been dating women since the 1990s. (I'm one of those people--I discovered this book because an old girlfriend was one of Diamond's subjects--and the descriptions of sexual fluidity so neatly fit almost every woman I've been involved with I found myself getting surprisingly sentimental over what is basically a dry research precis.) Still, it's nice to see one's informal impressions in print with research to back it up. "Sexual Fluidity" is both a compelling study of women's sexual nature and an interesting snapshot of society's evolving attitude towards the same.
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35 of 39 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very intereting discussion of female sexuality August 5, 2008
By tdp
Format:Hardcover
This book is a very interesting read for any woman, queer or straight.

The discussion of the to-date research on female sexuality and major premises in sexuality research are a great overview resource for anyone interested in this topic.

Female sexuality and the discussions stemming from Diamond's research are described in an approachable way. Topics stemming out of this book will force queer and straight women to rethink their perception of sexuality and their experiences.

I'd bet this book will stand the test of time and will provide a good resource for female sexuality discussions.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Is this subject really that complex? July 21, 2010
By Paul
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Dr. Lisa Diamond has a fairly simple thesis: male homosexuality is different from female homosexuality. In short, homosexual males are born not made and the opposite is true for lesbians. There is evidence to support this. The study Diamond refers to is the Blanchard et. al. "fraternal birth order effect" studies which reported that the likelihood of male homosexuality increases when a woman gives birth to successive males. No similar correlation can be found for lesbians.

If lesbians are not formed at birth then it seems likely that they become so later in life. But, as Diamond points out, what often gets a lot of press are the lesbians who become straight later in life: Anne Heche, Holly Near. Diamond has other anecdotal evidence that comes from one rather non-random sample: the students in a women's studies class. Diamond conducted interviews with many women from this class who answered her request to talk with women who are gay or bisexual or any other alternative status.

Diamond does not consider the evolutionary basis of homosexuality until page 223. Even the few scant paragraphs spent on evolution sound off base. Terry Coyne's book "Why Evolution is True" says that evolution is only interested in characteristics that improve the ability to survive and to spread one's genes. So the evolutionary case for homosexuality must improve a group's ability to survive. That case can be made in a better fashion. Obviously, if there are too many males the often tragic competition for females can be reduced if some of the males are matching up themselves. Considering that males are preferentially conceived (Y sperm can swim faster than X sperm) the possibility of too many males is a real possibility. But early death rates for males are higher than for females and a few disastrous hunts or battles might reduce a group's male count drastically and quickly. In such a case, the group's survivability might improve if some of the females start matching up even though they were heterosexual earlier. Diamond doesn't follow this path or I'm not understanding the few pages that discuss evolution.

In order to find more women whose sexuality can be considered "fluid", Diamond goes to great extremes. One person is married and completely faithful to one man but she considers herself a lesbian. We are supposed to think this is ironic or an example of sexual fluidity but it seems to me to just be an abuse of the English language.

I did not know about the acronym LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation) until this book. Diamond also considers transvestite, transsexuals, and straight women with gay fantasies. The only persons not considered are the guys who write "Help, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" on bathroom walls.

Diamond starts off making it clear what she does NOT believe. Not all women are bisexual, sexual orientation cannot necessarily be changed, and she does not intend to prove that it is a "nuture versus nature" problem. But she thinks that perhaps all people are fluid and women more so than men. What does she believe? She says that she is one of "the social scientists who view sexual feelings and experiences as simultaneously embedded in both physical-biological and sociocultural contexts that require integrated biosocial research strategies." Oh, is that all!

If a woman that I knew and cared for was concerned about her sexual orientation, I would recommend this book just because it explores that so many distinct manifestations of female sexuality. However, this book won't provide specific guidance. I give this book 4/5 stars because I think it uses almost 260 pages to expound on the points that I think were sufficiently studied in the first 2 chapters (50 pages).

The following is probably irrelevant but the reader may think otherwise: Diamond is currently in a same-sex relationship; this reviewer is a married, heterosexual male.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars good book
The book is good for both men (who don't "get" women and their bodies) and women who don't know their own bodies.
Published 17 days ago by H. Shelton
4.0 out of 5 stars Sexual Fluidity
Useful in terms of understanding how complicated sexuality is. Have not completed reading, but am looking fwd to learning more.
Published 29 days ago by davidson
5.0 out of 5 stars One of my favorites on the subject
I originally read this book in college and related to it as a bisexual woman. I now am a licensed counselor and recommend it to clients with questions about their own sexuality.
Published 4 months ago by Lady VonKountzavitch
1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointed.
This book was very painful to read and contained a large amount of conjecture and really taught me very little other than sexual fluidity is undefinable.
Published 9 months ago by AdorableVixen
3.0 out of 5 stars Snooze....
This book was not what I expected. It is too over the top for a simple reader such as myself. It is filled with a lot of facts & I'm sure a lot of research was done. Read more
Published 13 months ago by berries
3.0 out of 5 stars espiritulatino
The book was ok, I thought it will have more studies with lesbians than bisexual people but some of the data and findings are interesting and help me to understand some real cases... Read more
Published 20 months ago by espiritulatino
2.0 out of 5 stars Predictably inconclusive
If you're naive enough-like me-to pick up this book thinking you'll find answers, then look elsewhere. Read more
Published on November 24, 2010 by Elisa M. J. Garza
4.0 out of 5 stars A good book for understanding the studies available on this topic
I didn't finish the book, as I lost interest about halfway through. It's been awhile since I read the first half, but as I recall, it summarizes studies done on the topic. Read more
Published on October 17, 2010 by mmcd
4.0 out of 5 stars Good resource for those embracing their bisexuality
I recently came out to my husband that I have been a closeted bisexual for over 30 years. Society prevented me from being myself. Read more
Published on September 18, 2010 by L. McClellan
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book!
Amazing book. Extremely informative. Talks upon the spectum of sexuality and how we all fall somewhere on it. Highly recommended.
Published on February 17, 2010 by IslandGrl27
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