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Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex--and How to Get It Hardcover – February 7, 2012


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne (February 7, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062026062
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062026064
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #585,767 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Marty Klein is the Steve Jobs of sex advice. With beguiling ease, he takes complex issues and distills them down to their essence. Sexual Intelligence is a work of enormous wisdom and expansiveness, and will inspire readers, regardless of age, to realize their full sexual potential.” (Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First)

“Marty Klein’s is a calm voice of reason at the center of the storm raging around sex in America. His tolerant, informed approach to the unavoidable sexual difficulties we all face is a welcome antidote to the panic and ignorance clouding public discussion and private understanding.” (Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., co-author of Sex at Dawn)

“Sexual Intelligence will help you fire the sex cops who have set up roadblocks in your head, and replace them with some good ideas to ponder and put into action. Dr.Klein has truly given us a helpful guide to authentic sexual satisfaction.” (Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger and Marriage Rules)

“If you read only one book on sex and relationships during your entire lifetime, this should be it. Dr. Klein confronts the problems that have plagued couples since the beginning of time with refreshingly simple and brilliant insight.” (Paul Joannides, Psy.D., author of Guide to Getting It On)

“Instead of a manual of better tricks, this book is a practical plan to improve your relationship with your sexuality. Klein liberates and provokes--and illuminates the way to change your sexual experience for good.” (Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity)

“Read this if you want to let go of your inhibitions and improve your sex life. You might have to change your mind-set first, but Klein’s advice, quizzes, diagrams, and case studies will help you do just that.” (Psychology Today)

“Klein is comforting and permission-giving, while presenting boundaries that you can discuss with a partner if you have concerns. This is an easy to read, smart book with loads of information and advice. Sexual Intelligence is an important contribution to the field and to the reader.” (Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., sex/relationship expert, AARP; chief relationship expert, PerfectMatch.com)

From the Back Cover

Enjoyable sex: it’s not about technique or a perfect body or being hopelessly, passionately in love. It’s about Sexual Intelligence.

In his three decades of working with couples and individuals as a sex therapist and marriage counselor, Dr. Marty Klein has continually seen that although most people say what they want from sex is pleasure and closeness, that’s not what they focus on during sex. Instead, we’re preoccupied with how we look, what our partner is thinking, how we’re performing, and whether we’re “normal.” We do more thinking, worrying, and judging than experiencing. Sex like that can’t thrill us, can’t create intimacy, and can’t, well, feel sexy.

In Sexual Intelligence, Klein shows how to stop observing ourselves during sex, ending our obsession with sexual performance and sexual normality. “I don’t help people ‘function’ better during sex,” he says. “I teach people how to relax and enjoy sex with the body they have, the partner they have, in the situation they have.” Now that’s something we all want: fulfilling, exciting sex at every stage of our lives.

In Sexual Intelligence, Klein challenges our understanding of sex, love, intimacy, romance, and satisfaction. After all, sex isn’t just an activity. Change the way you think about sex, and you can change your sex life—forever.


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Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
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Really, he takes a lot of the pressure off sex by showing the ways we've added pressure to something that only has the meaning we decide to give it.
Kate Chopin
In summary, the book is enjoyable to read, filled with useful insights, and will help a wide range of people to understand and improve their sexual situations.
Dr. Edita Ruzgyte
Klein challenges the reader to think about sex without all of the heavy weight of performance anxiety, body image concerns, and fear of appearing "normal".
E. Negrete

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By Charlie Glickman on March 12, 2012
Format: Hardcover
Sexual Intelligence is a really easy book to read. Klein's information is very straightforward and quite accessible. But that doesn't mean you'll get through it all in one sitting, because you'll find yourself putting it down and thinking a lot about a story, or a suggestion, or an example. Odds are that you'll find yourself reflected back from the page somewhere along the way, but don't let that scare you. Klein's compassion is so clear that it becomes more of a revelation than a threat.

In addition to offering lots of great information about each of the components of Sexual Intelligence, Klein also discusses some of the common obstacles to developing it, how to respond to the sexual effects health issues & aging, and letting go of the idea of sexual success or failure. I really do wish I'd had this book when I was younger, if only because it would have helped me respond to some of the difficulties that I faced. But no matter where you are on your life's path, if you want to get the most out of sex and relationships, there's something here for you.

I don't think that this book will replace the amazing how-to books and movies that are available because even with Sexual Intelligence, people still need to learn how to explore and enjoy the many kinds of sexual pleasure that are available to them. And I think that it offers a solid starting point for figuring out how to get the most out of sex and our relationships. So I'm giving this book a big thumbs up!
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26 of 32 people found the following review helpful By paulus on March 4, 2012
Format: Hardcover
My partner and I greeted this book with great anticipation, reading it aloud to each other, as we're both focused on what makes for a solid, later-in-life relationship. We were disappointed. We get Dr. Klein's point that striving to be "normal" in sex assures that one performs sex (or doesn't) rather than enjoys love making. But he repeats this theme over and again to the exclusion of anything new. For us, the book was not complex enough for our liking. We kept asking ourselves, "Who is he writing for?" Sexual Intelligence did not take us inside the bedroom into the minds and hearts of those who love and seek to be happy. The author speaks of "sexual intelligence" but where is the emotional intelligence of the stuck places of of his case studies? How does it feel to want intimacy but be fearful of it? What is is like to struggle with sex and aging, or sex and pregnancy? For example, Klein offers up the case of a young pregnant woman who sexually withdraws from her husband. In place of the normal anxiety that occurs during this period (which we know from our own past lives), the young pregnant woman comes off, not as understandably anxious about sex, but as spoiled and immature. How are we to relate? Frankly, we had trouble attaching emotionally to the book. While we agree with the call for "sexual intelligence" (especially as one matures in life), we didn't feel drawn in to a deeper understanding (and appreciation) of what it means to be a sexual being.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Douglas Braun Harvey on March 12, 2012
Format: Hardcover
What I really wanted out of Dr. Marty Klein's new book was a synthesis of the many times I have listened to him present his sex therapy ideas and clinical work. I wanted his brash sense of humor, his ability to integrate sociological influences with sexual complaints. I wanted to hear his vision for liberating sexuality from the curse of "normal" or "mind blowing" to the everyday realities of our thoughts, emotions and body as the vehicle for our sexual pleasure and connection. I wanted Dr. Klein's unique talent for describing how collective sexual/cultural blind spots symbiotically suck the life out of so many women and men's sexual passion. I wanted his synthesis of sexual intelligence within couples or individual therapy. I wanted a sex therapist resource as well as a book I could suggest to clients. I wanted a fresh perspective on age old sexual problems. I wanted a resource that archives his mindful presence for holding a client's unhappiness while shifting their focus to "the other stuff" like emotional needs, reassurance, validation and the relief that comes with intelligently passionate sex. I feel torn in describing this book as a success. The very idea of "the perfect sex book that blends everything I have been waiting to hear from Dr. Klein" runs the risk of sounding like the very same tyranny Dr. Klein is asking the reader to intelligently let go of in our sexual lives. This book is guaranteed to disappoint, it must, it is about sex. Adult sex integrates shattered sexual myths in order to find an authentic space in which to enjoy our mind, heart and body. Sexual Intelligence teaches us how to use our disappointment to create an ever expanding space for sexual connecting. Enjoy this book as much as you can and then become interested in what disappoints. Each is illuminating.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Edita Ruzgyte on March 15, 2012
Format: Hardcover
Sexual Intelligence is a wonderful book--easy to read, relevant to a wide range of situations, and full of interesting ideas and practical suggestions. The case studies are filled with rich detail, and they don't all end "happily ever after"--the author even includes cases that didn't work out well; he lets the value of his approach speak for itself. The author's sense of humor helps move things along--and it's grownup humor, not the predictable sex-comedy stuff you often see in other books. In summary, the book is enjoyable to read, filled with useful insights, and will help a wide range of people to understand and improve their sexual situations.
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