41 of 50 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
VERY Helpful From Beginning To End, February 19, 2009
This review is from: The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind Body Heart Spirit (Hardcover)
I read this in less than 3 days, and have been able to apply a lot of what I learned from it to my own life since then. I can truly say I feel significantly more confident to approach my marriage bed with joy, greater freedom, and a stronger love for my husband and deeper gratefulness for the fantastic gift from God of sexual intimacy within marriage.
A little background on me, the reviewer: Due to my life experiences, I've had a lot of spiritual, mental and emotional wounds that have needed healing, especially regarding sex and my self-worth. I have read a LOT of books to that end. (For those needing similar healing in this area, I can highly recommend: Joyce Meyer's "Beauty For Ashes" and "Battlefield of the Mind", Shaunti Feldhahn's "For Women Only", Francine Rivers' "Redeeming Love", and for men especially: Michael Reagan's "Twice Adopted", amoung others) This book is the latest in my effort to better understand myself, my relationship with my husband, and to overcome any lingering issues from my past, so that I can be as fully loving a wife as possible, as well as to allow myself to be loved by my husband as fully as possible.
I heard about this book and after reading a few reviews, decided to buy it. After ordering it online (and getting one extra for a girlfriend), I found some more reviews, and to my embarrassment, read that there are sketches in it. I hadn't known that when I ordered it. I worried, "I feel so embarrassed! What if they are really graphic?" But I decided that I wasn't going to judge it sight unseen.
It arrived while I was getting my kids' lunch ready. I brought it in the kitchen, opened the box, and began flipping through it while I waited for the microwave to finish cooking their food. I figured I better get it over with and find out how "bad" the sketches were (in other words - were they just diagrams of anatomy, or...you know).
*flip, flip, flip* "Oh, my WORD!"
Blushing furiously, I closed the book and tossed it back in the box like a hot potato. I stood there in shock as my mind registered that I'd bought a book with drawings of couples in different sexual positions in it - and that I'd bought it for a Christian girlfriend as well! ("What will she think of me!?") I picked up the box and put it away in our bedroom and decided to wait to look at it any further until all the kids were down for a nap. Besides, it would give me time to determine if I was going to read it at all. (I know some of you are laughing right now. And that's okay.)
After taking a breather, I said to myself "You know, those sketches are in chapter TEN. If I read the NINE chapters that come before them, then maybe I'll feel differently. I'll take this one chapter at a time." And that's what I did. And with each chapter, I grew more at ease with the topic. Not in an ungodly, "anything goes" way. But rather, what I read was helping me to get a right mindset about sex as God intended it. Practically speaking, what I read made sense, was challenging, convicting, comforting, exciting, and raised no red flags in my spirit of unsound advice.
As to specific content I found helpful: Part 1, Chapter 1's "Personal Report Card" (the book is divided into chapters, and then grouped in parts) was helpful in both identifying what areas and attitudes I need to work on, as well as giving my spirits a boost by reminding me of all that is going well with me (us). Part 2, "Confronting Ghosts From The Past", was good stuff, but mostly just reminders for me as I've already done a lot to seek complete healing for my past sexual and self-worth wounds. (Shannon doesn't pull punches, so for those who've been so blessed as to never have anything "happen" to them, this section may be a bit much. But I still recommend it.)
Chapter 7 deals with "Confronting the Body Image Bear" and I will probably be reading that chapter again and again. This is where the book really starting hitting home with me. Chapter 8 ("Experiencing the Big 'Oh!'") had helpful, down to earth explanations of what a woman's body is designed physically to do and capable of. Even with all I've read, I still learned some new, helpful info. Chapter 9, "Developing a Girl Scout Mentality", is about the importance of preparation for intimacy (sex) so as to allow for more spontaneity. (Ironic to be sure, but true) It also lists common "Confidence Busters" and gives corresponding "Confidence Boosters" to help foster greater freedom to just enjoy ourselves as women, and let go of all the hang-ups we women tend to bring to the marriage bed.
By the time I got to chapter 10, I personally felt a peace about continuing. There was so much sound teaching leading up to those sketches that I was able to confidently (there's that word again *smile*) view them in the right context. Frankly, I thought they were pretty tastefully drawn. The couples in the sketches (which are not "photo-real", btw) weren't the perfectly proportioned, airbrushed types you'd see in other books, but realistic looking women and men. That was actually comforting to me, and made them relatable to myself and my husband. So, ultimately, I feel this chapter educated me and empowered me as a wife - but again, I read it in context with a right spirit, after reading everything that came before it.
(NOTE: This is a book written for women, and specifically wives, but for those women out there who are currently struggling with a porn addiction, I absolutely think they may need to skip this chapter or read elsewhere for help. I highly recommend "Sheet Music" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It is instructional on techniques, but has no sketches in it.)
Chapter 11, "Maintaining Healthy Boundaries", and Chapter 12, "Redefining Normal" deal with FAR more intense (and controversial) subject matter than chapter 10, and I read a lot of this twice, so as to make sure I fully understood Ethridge's intent and meaning. She addresses just about EVERY sexual issue you could imagine happening within a marriage. I suggest reading slowly and carefully, so as not to misunderstand and think that she is "prescribing" (suggesting) something when she is really only "describing" (explaining) something, in hopes of being a help to any women dealing with issues that most "sexual health" books from a Christian perspective NEVER get into, thus leaving some women with no answers. (One also should NOT read ONLY these chapters as one other reviewer here chose to do, thinking she then understood and could judge the whole book by them.)
I think chapter 14, "Refueling That Loving Feeling", is full of really wise, sound advice. It so honestly and compassionately speaks to the couples that are having trouble with more than just the physical part of their relationship. If you are having trouble connecting with your husband mentally, emotionally or spiritually, and it's hindering you both in the bedroom, this is the chapter for you.
And if you are having trouble with all this talk about s-e-x, and wondering "What in the world does GOD think of all this, this SEX TALK?!" - Chapter 15, "Overcoming the 'Church Lady' Syndrome" is just what you might need to feel free to enjoy the "lovely bits" that God gave you and your husband to mutually enjoy together.
Chapter 16 is one of my favorite chapters, and is full of humorous examples and simple, usable advice for how we parents can pass down a healthy, godly attitude about sexual matters down to our kids. I will definitely be using what I learned in this chapter.
Lastly, Chapter 17, "Whipped Cream and a Cherry" was a great cap-off for the book. It's full of many real-life examples of ways other couples have brought extra-special passion into their intimate relationship, and ends with an inspiring exhortation to get past our "hurdles" and to "keep pressing on" until we become a sexually confident wife, helping bring sexual fulfillment to our marriage that creates the "mental, emotional, physical and spiritual connection we all long to experience in this lifetime." Well said, Shannon!
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