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Sh*t My Dad Says [Kindle Edition]

Justin Halpern
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2,221 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $15.99
Kindle Price: $10.99
You Save: $5.00 (31%)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers

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Book Description

“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.”
—Chelsea Handler

“Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.”
—Kristen Bell

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.”
—Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like

Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

Editorial Reviews Review

Photographs from Sh*t My Dad Says
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I have no idea why I'm sopping wet in this photo, but I'm going to guess it's because I rolled in something filthy or spilled something on myself. Hosing me down was my dad’s favorite method for cleaning me off. Here I am with my dad in his garden, which he adores and whose upkeep he takes very seriously. "It's my first love, besides your mother and horse racing. And you and your brothers, too, I suppose," he’s said. My dad used to carry me on his shoulders quite a bit when I was a child--until the time I accidentally urinated on him while I was up there. We were at a neighbor’s house and he quickly ran outside, threw me off, ripped off his shirt, then hosed me down like he was from the CDC and I'd come in contact with the Ebola Virus.

My dad is an avid reader, and all throughout my childhood he’d come home after working for 12 hours and we’d sit on the couch and read together. My family’s trip to the Grand Canyon in 1983 was one of only two family vacations we took. It coincided with the time when my dad started to lose his hair, and decided he'd wear hats to mask his increasing baldness. It wasn’t long before he changed his tune, tossed the caps, and decided he didn’t care what anyone else thought.


Sh*t My Dad Says is f______ great!...Very funny, very irreverent, very real. It’s refreshing at a time when we’re all choking to death on political correctness and can go for days without meeting a single person with common sense.”

Product Details

  • File Size: 279 KB
  • Print Length: 193 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0752227408
  • Publisher: HarperCollins e-books (May 3, 2010)
  • Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003H4I58K
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,490 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
808 of 843 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Reading Justin Halpern's book brought back memories of my own father's words of wisdom. Although my father (a southern gentleman by birth) was somewhat more prudent in his use of curse words and references to sex, he never hesitated in telling his children (or anyone else for that matter) exactly what was on his mind. I remember when I introduced him to my first really serious girlfriend, a young woman who was more than a foot shorter than myself. He took me aside and said, "What's the matter, didn't they have one in your size?" However, when we later announced our engagement he was the first to congratulate us and brought out the bottle of Cold Duck that he was saving for such an occasion.

When the author was 28 years old he was suddenly dumped by his girlfriend and needed a place to live when he made the decision to move back in with his mother and his then retired father. Working from his new "home" as a writer for Maxim Magazine gave him the time (an awful lot of time according to the author) to see his father through new, adult eyes. The terror that he had felt in his youth due to his father's "bluntness" began to be replaced by admiration for the only person that he had ever known who really spoke his mind without self-censorship. It was only then that he began to see the wisdom in his father's tersely worded observations and began posting them on his Twitter page with the same title as this book.

Because Mr. Halpern Sr. has the gift of being able to "swear with great expertise" I can't quote many of them on Amazon, but here are a few of my favorite PG rated quips:

He was a good dog. Your brother is pretty broken up about it, so go easy on him.
Read more ›
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219 of 228 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Political Correctness Quotient = Zero May 5, 2010
By Cynthia
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It's also sweet and touching. Justin's dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He's someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distraction. Justin's dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team.

Here are a few quotes which are NOT the funniest in the book but one's that are relatively lacking in four letter words:

On Getting an Internship at Quentin Tarantino's Production Company:

"That is one ugly son of a `gun'.....Oh, yeah, no congratulations. If you see him, try not to stare at his face if you've eaten anything."

After Justin moves out"

"You just barge in and take whatever you want, whenever you want it. It's like you're the ********* SS I'm living in ******* Nazi Germany...."

At the End of the Day, at Least You a Have a Family:

"So, there you go. Your mother thinks you're handsome. This should be an exciting day for you."

On a hypothesized life of crime:

"You always got us. We're family. We ain't going anywhere. Unless you go on a ******* killing spree or something."

"I would still love you Justy. I would just want to know why you did it," my mom said earnestly.

All these quotes can seem a bit over the top when you read them out of context but they never come across as glib or hate filled.....just honest. Justin was the youngest of three sons and the last chapter of the book is the story of one of Justin's love affairs gone awry and his dad comforting by telling the story of his first wife's life and death. The best thing about this book, besides the humor of course, is the emotional honestly.
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147 of 162 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A great worthwhile read May 13, 2010
By ng
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I opened this book last night, and didn't put it down until I read it through. A quick, easy read, this book is gut bustingly funny...and it's not just a bunch of hilarious quotes, it's also a good, heartfelt story with family values and moral components intertwined. The language is very raw, so if you are offended by any or all of the entire curse word dictionary, this book may not be for you.

I found it refreshing that there is someone out there who is all about being completely honest and transparent, and doesn't beat around the bush, especially in society's current state, where everything offends someone somewhere.

Must read.
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51 of 56 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars GET READY TO LAUGH July 6, 2010
By Edwards
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I sat in bed one night reading this book aloud to my husband, well tried to, I laughed so much at one point that I couldn't go on, just laid there laughing hysterically! It's not often you get to experience uncontrollable laughter, so when you do you often want to share the experience with others for days to follow. But, unfortunately, this is not the book you can do this with, not without possibly offending others with the colourful language...which in my view makes the story. So I will just say that I enjoyed reading this book from start to finish, enjoyed laughing out loud, and for a long time to come will remember Mr Halpern with the cheekiest of grins.
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81 of 94 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars 4 stars on content and 2 stars on value June 24, 2010
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I thought this book was just great. I got to know dad (Sam) very well and at the end of the book just loved him. I recieved this book as a gift and it was a good one. My only gripe is a very small hardcover book at 150 pages (1/2 of which are not filled) does not constitute a book. If the book price was the price of a paperback that would make sense. It took me slightly over an hour to finish and while I throughly enjoyed it, I dont believe 15.95 is a fair price to read a few short stories. I felt that the author was just giving us a hint of his family and there is more to come, which would be great as I wanted to get to know his family better.. But the value just isnt there. If I were you, I would borrow the book, wait until it comes out on paperback or get it from the library.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining and Funny!!!
Halpern’s father, although crass and vulgar at times, seemed like a really good dad. It’s easy to see why Halpern’s twitter account went viral and why his book is so successful. Read more
Published 18 hours ago by T.S. Charles
3.0 out of 5 stars Not bad
This was a fun read and interesting tale. Very sweet relationship built up between the father and son. Wish the tv show was on real cable!
Published 1 day ago by kzhky
5.0 out of 5 stars crazy good read
I LOVE this book its a laugh out loud good read you will find yourself laughing and the people around u will think biy that must be some book and it is
Published 2 days ago by Kammie Russ
4.0 out of 5 stars A love story
Halpern has written a memoir of his father that reveals a raw kind of love between a father and son. Read more
Published 3 days ago by Sharon L. Steiner
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Quick Read Full of Laughs
This is not the type of book I would normally read. I read it in a matter of a few hours and found myself chuckling all the way through it. Read more
Published 3 days ago by K. Svoboda
5.0 out of 5 stars good
Good book, worth the read. well written and interesting. worth the price. kept me coming back for more. check it out.
Published 4 days ago by sheldon
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious and equally adorable
Literally laughed out loud the entire time and cried at the end...brilliant! I wish my dad was this cool and prophetic ;-)
Published 4 days ago by peruchica
5.0 out of 5 stars LOL Funny
This was a light read, but the sentiments were heartfelt and quite entertaining. And several of the stories are worth repeating!
Published 4 days ago by Nancy B
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
OK, Dad cusses too much. But the love and the hilarity behind his comments are heartwarming. This man loves his kid. And has some pretty good, if very blunt, advice!
Published 4 days ago by Mizry D'Lot
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny
This is a great read. I like the realistic comedy. Makes me think of my husand and children. Highly recommend it.
Published 5 days ago by carmen
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More About the Author

In the summer of 2009, Justin Halpern created a Twitter account as a way to archive his father's no-holds-barred, expletive-ridden words of wisdom. Within a month, @shitmydadsays became an Internet sensation. More than 2.5 million people currently follow Sam Halpern's musings on Twitter and Facebook alone.

Justin's first book, Sh*t My Dad Says (HarperCollins / ItBooks), a collection of essays about growing up with his unapologetically honest father, is a #1 New York Times bestseller.

Justin is also the creator of $#*! My Dad Says (WarnerBros/CBS), a sitcom starring William Shatner, Nicole Sullivan, Will Sasso, and Jonathan Sadowski. He serves as the show's co-executive producer along with his writing partner Patrick Schumacker.

Justin currently splits his time between Los Angeles and his parents' home in San Diego.

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How in the hell
Was going to buy the Kindle version until it was priced higher than the hardcover. Thought about buying the hardcover but this is really stupid. Don't want to mess with paper. Decided not to buy at all. Nice job publisher.

And I can bet that once I click off this link, I'll never think about... Read more
Jun 5, 2010 by S. Eisenberg |  See all 16 posts
Why is this book...
"The real question is why is the Kindle version of this book $9.99 when the harcover is $8...makes no sense. "

Actually, it makes perfect sense. The paper version is being sold under the traditional model, where the seller (Amazon) pays a purchase price to the publisher. When the... Read more
Jun 17, 2010 by Jackie-the-Greyhound |  See all 4 posts
TV show
Feb 28, 2014 by sedona |  See all 2 posts
kindle price
I just bought 3 books from WAL MART because it's cheaper than Kindle, cheaper than Amazon paperback price...I'm starting to wonder if this Kindle thing was such a great idea...I am actually falling out of love with my Kindle & starting to compare prices...Why not??...The economy is a mess &... Read more
Jul 26, 2010 by K. R. Klager |  See all 16 posts
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