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Sh*t My Dad Says Hardcover – May 4, 2010
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"Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It"
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Photographs from Sh*t My Dad Says
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|I have no idea why I'm sopping wet in this photo, but I'm going to guess it's because I rolled in something filthy or spilled something on myself. Hosing me down was my dad’s favorite method for cleaning me off.||Here I am with my dad in his garden, which he adores and whose upkeep he takes very seriously. "It's my first love, besides your mother and horse racing. And you and your brothers, too, I suppose," he’s said.||My dad used to carry me on his shoulders quite a bit when I was a child--until the time I accidentally urinated on him while I was up there. We were at a neighbor’s house and he quickly ran outside, threw me off, ripped off his shirt, then hosed me down like he was from the CDC and I'd come in contact with the Ebola Virus.|
|My dad is an avid reader, and all throughout my childhood he’d come home after working for 12 hours and we’d sit on the couch and read together.||My family’s trip to the Grand Canyon in 1983 was one of only two family vacations we took. It coincided with the time when my dad started to lose his hair, and decided he'd wear hats to mask his increasing baldness. It wasn’t long before he changed his tune, tossed the caps, and decided he didn’t care what anyone else thought.|
“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” (Chelsea Handler)
“Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny.” (Maxim)
“A fun gift book that is bound to crack up anyone who flips through it.” (Los Angeles Times)
“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like)
“Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” (Kristen Bell)
“Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touchingand does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.” (Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club)
“Justin Halpern’s dad is up there with Aristotle and Winston F*cking Churchill. He’s brilliant, and his son’s book is absolutely hilarious.” (A.J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Know-It-All)
More About the Author
Justin's first book, Sh*t My Dad Says (HarperCollins / ItBooks), a collection of essays about growing up with his unapologetically honest father, is a #1 New York Times bestseller.
Justin is also the creator of $#*! My Dad Says (WarnerBros/CBS), a sitcom starring William Shatner, Nicole Sullivan, Will Sasso, and Jonathan Sadowski. He serves as the show's co-executive producer along with his writing partner Patrick Schumacker.
Justin currently splits his time between Los Angeles and his parents' home in San Diego.
Top Customer Reviews
When the author was 28 years old he was suddenly dumped by his girlfriend and needed a place to live when he made the decision to move back in with his mother and his then retired father. Working from his new "home" as a writer for Maxim Magazine gave him the time (an awful lot of time according to the author) to see his father through new, adult eyes. The terror that he had felt in his youth due to his father's "bluntness" began to be replaced by admiration for the only person that he had ever known who really spoke his mind without self-censorship. It was only then that he began to see the wisdom in his father's tersely worded observations and began posting them on his Twitter page with the same title as this book.
Because Mr. Halpern Sr. has the gift of being able to "swear with great expertise" I can't quote many of them on Amazon, but here are a few of my favorite PG rated quips:
ON THE DEATH OF OUR FIRST DOG
He was a good dog. Your brother is pretty broken up about it, so go easy on him.Read more ›
Here are a few quotes which are NOT the funniest in the book but one's that are relatively lacking in four letter words:
On Getting an Internship at Quentin Tarantino's Production Company:
"That is one ugly son of a `gun'.....Oh, yeah, no congratulations. If you see him, try not to stare at his face if you've eaten anything."
After Justin moves out"
"You just barge in and take whatever you want, whenever you want it. It's like you're the ********* SS I'm living in ******* Nazi Germany...."
At the End of the Day, at Least You a Have a Family:
"So, there you go. Your mother thinks you're handsome. This should be an exciting day for you."
On a hypothesized life of crime:
"You always got us. We're family. We ain't going anywhere. Unless you go on a ******* killing spree or something."
"I would still love you Justy. I would just want to know why you did it," my mom said earnestly.
All these quotes can seem a bit over the top when you read them out of context but they never come across as glib or hate filled.....just honest. Justin was the youngest of three sons and the last chapter of the book is the story of one of Justin's love affairs gone awry and his dad comforting by telling the story of his first wife's life and death. The best thing about this book, besides the humor of course, is the emotional honestly.
I found it refreshing that there is someone out there who is all about being completely honest and transparent, and doesn't beat around the bush, especially in society's current state, where everything offends someone somewhere.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Funny story of a father that is rather eccentric, but hilarious in how he talks to his sons! Unexpected humor throughout!Published 3 days ago by chief44
This guy is amazingly funny. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall in his house. I've been around people like that myself. Read morePublished 3 days ago by Becky
If you redacted/removed the "F word" and other curse words, the book would only be about 10 pages.
It is totally fun and funny book! Read more
It was a pretty funny book but died off quickly after the first few chapters.Published 10 days ago by Phillip K.
A hilarious account that will make other dads feel better about their frequent use of the f-word. Justin Halpern does a great job showing both sides of his father; a man whose love... Read morePublished 11 days ago by Linda J Prindiville