15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Guy's Review., February 2, 2007
This review is from: Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned (Paperback)
My girlfriend and I decided to move in together a little while back and she asked me to read this book which she had recently purchased in anticipation of our decision. She said it would be a great conversation starter and a way for us to talk about things that we hadn't discussed before. I said "sure", and read it, and thought it was well worth my time.
It is written by women, and for a woman's point of view, but I thought it applied equally as well to guys.
From my point of view, the advice in the book was very good. I especially liked how real life examples were brought into play every time the author wanted to illustrate a specific point -sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse.
I like how the author talked about the financial commitments of a move-in (which can be as important as the emotional commitment). Couples often have a hard time talking about money, like it sort of debases the relationship, or is a taboo subject. But I believe that if you love someone, you should want to protect them, and you would want to make sure that if anything ever happened to you (or your relationship) that you'd both want to emerge whole to start again. No you can't plan for disaster, but you can plan for what the author calls "a bonk on the head which changes your personality forever which then leads to a parting of ways". It makes sense.
Does anyone ever intend to leave a relationship if they make the decision to cohabitate? I doubt it -but that's exactly the point. The book speaks about all the things you need to consider about timing, about commitment, and the views of your relatives. I would hope that no one ever broke up because they took a couple of months longer to rent a place together while they were sorting these issues out. Take a deep breath, read this book, and compare your experiences to those inside. If when you read it you feel closer to your partner, then great! But if you get a scrunchy feeling in your belly, then stop, take a step back, and wait a few more months while you talk through some of these issues.
And finally, I wanted to share some of the notes that I jotted down while reading the book...
"Be accountable for your feelings. A person isn't MAKING you feel sad, angry, or frustrated; you're ALLOWING yourself to feel these things. By taking responsibility for your actions and emotions, you'll give yourself the power to change the situation".
"When faced with a stalemate, evaluate whether the issue is more important to your beau, or to you. If it means more to him, give in. If you, don't back down."
"With problems, focus on solutions rather than the stuff that can't be changed."
Sound advice, and highly recommended!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Definitive Quiz, July 6, 2005
This review is from: Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned (Paperback)
This book changed my life. I had been living with my boyfriend for years and feeling very unsure when I read this thought provoking book. The Shacking Up Chemistry Quiz on page 47 cut through the confusion and illuminated my situation. I knew I needed to move on as soon as I took the quiz. I only wish I had read this book earlier. I highly recommend this read for anyone who feels unsure about their live-in or potential live-in. Thank God for Stacy and Wynne! Without their book I might still be stuck in uncertainty.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
15 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
a good book to look over when making the decision, June 11, 2004
This review is from: Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned (Paperback)
This is an easy to read (I got through it in about two hours) and engagingly written book that helps you to think through whether you are ready to move in with your boyfriend and if so, what kind of issues should be thought about and discussed in advance. Though the book suggests giving your boyfriend this book to read, it's clearly aimed at women in heterosexual relationships. My one quip with the book was that there seemed to be some assumptions made throughout, such as almost certain opposition from the family, the guy making the suggestion of moving in together, a single reason for wanting to live together (rather than a combination of factors) and the female being more interested in eventual marriage. A lot of the information came from the author's experience and several dozen of their friends. I would have liked to see the circle of interviewees widened to get a broader view. But overall it's a good resource to look through, especially for the sections on making the decision, keeping the connection, and legal advice.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No