Customer Reviews

Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

My girlfriend and I decided to move in together a little while back and she asked me to read this book which she had recently purchased in anticipation of our decision. She said it would be a great conversation starter and a way for us to talk about things that we hadn't discussed before. I said "sure", and read it, and thought it was well worth my time.

It is written by women, and for a woman's point of view, but I thought it applied equally as well to guys.

From my point of view, the advice in the book was very good. I especially liked how real life examples were brought into play every time the author wanted to illustrate a specific point -sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse.

I like how the author talked about the financial commitments of a move-in (which can be as important as the emotional commitment). Couples often have a hard time talking about money, like it sort of debases the relationship, or is a taboo subject. But I believe that if you love someone, you should want to protect them, and you would want to make sure that if anything ever happened to you (or your relationship) that you'd both want to emerge whole to start again. No you can't plan for disaster, but you can plan for what the author calls "a bonk on the head which changes your personality forever which then leads to a parting of ways". It makes sense.

Does anyone ever intend to leave a relationship if they make the decision to cohabitate? I doubt it -but that's exactly the point. The book speaks about all the things you need to consider about timing, about commitment, and the views of your relatives. I would hope that no one ever broke up because they took a couple of months longer to rent a place together while they were sorting these issues out. Take a deep breath, read this book, and compare your experiences to those inside. If when you read it you feel closer to your partner, then great! But if you get a scrunchy feeling in your belly, then stop, take a step back, and wait a few more months while you talk through some of these issues.

And finally, I wanted to share some of the notes that I jotted down while reading the book...

"Be accountable for your feelings. A person isn't MAKING you feel sad, angry, or frustrated; you're ALLOWING yourself to feel these things. By taking responsibility for your actions and emotions, you'll give yourself the power to change the situation".

"When faced with a stalemate, evaluate whether the issue is more important to your beau, or to you. If it means more to him, give in. If you, don't back down."

"With problems, focus on solutions rather than the stuff that can't be changed."

Sound advice, and highly recommended!

This book changed my life. I had been living with my boyfriend for years and feeling very unsure when I read this thought provoking book. The Shacking Up Chemistry Quiz on page 47 cut through the confusion and illuminated my situation. I knew I needed to move on as soon as I took the quiz. I only wish I had read this book earlier. I highly recommend this read for anyone who feels unsure about their live-in or potential live-in. Thank God for Stacy and Wynne! Without their book I might still be stuck in uncertainty.

This is an easy to read (I got through it in about two hours) and engagingly written book that helps you to think through whether you are ready to move in with your boyfriend and if so, what kind of issues should be thought about and discussed in advance. Though the book suggests giving your boyfriend this book to read, it's clearly aimed at women in heterosexual relationships. My one quip with the book was that there seemed to be some assumptions made throughout, such as almost certain opposition from the family, the guy making the suggestion of moving in together, a single reason for wanting to live together (rather than a combination of factors) and the female being more interested in eventual marriage. A lot of the information came from the author's experience and several dozen of their friends. I would have liked to see the circle of interviewees widened to get a broader view. But overall it's a good resource to look through, especially for the sections on making the decision, keeping the connection, and legal advice.

I bought this book after having the "talk" with my boyfriend of moving in together. I had always been the one wanting to move in and he was dragging his feet, but once we decided to start looking for a house I started to freak (not so sure anymore).

This book was so helpful to put things into perspective. Not only does this book give great advice and recommendations for couples thinking of moving in together....but it also gives such great relationship advice. From how to communicate, how to live together, how to work through problems...etc.

I think all young women should read this book before shaking up! It will give you great insight.

I read the book on a New York / Phoenix business round trip. I am 26, and about to take the plunge with my boyfriend of ten months, the book was totally helpful. My biggest obstacles regarding this HUGE!!! decision, like telling my parents, were all really well addressed. The issues I've faced, or completely stressed about, in thinking about my upcoming move, were pretty well covered in the book. If moving in with a boyfriend is as big of a deal to others, as it has totally been for me, then I would definately suggest the book. It covered all my issues, and gave me a good guideline to be successful in what's been an exciting, and challenging decision. The book really helped me identify with a lot of the emotions I've been having, and has quickly helped me feel more confident about my decisions.

This book really hit the nail on the head. I was a bit skeptical at first, seeing how it is mostly geared towards heterosexual relationships, but in reality, it doesn't matter who you choose to "shack up" with...regardless of your relationship the same steps should be taken to ensure that the "big move" is a successful one. We all know that no relationship is without its faults, but this book can definitely help keep the major upheavals to a minimum. At the very least it uncovers REAL LIFE issues that are bound to pop up in any relationship. I highly recommend this to anyone in a serious relationship...even those already living together!

A great read and a great buy! This book gives fun and hip, but practical, advice on the move-in. Easy-to-read style and fun quizzes keep the practical stuff from getting bogged down in legal mumbo-jumbo. A must-read before the move-in, but it could also help you learn why the living-together isn't working out for you. The relationship advice has already helped my boyfriend and me keep the little matters from becoming huge blow-ups. We are already living together, and now I know what to do to get what I want out of the relationship!

Everything reviewer Lisa A. Lassner said below and more. This book is written like a neverending, obnoxious Cosmo or Glamour article. It tries to be "girlfriend to girlfriend" and it just comes off as ridiculous. Everything positive that I got out of "Unmarried to Each Other" was shaken by this book because of its "no legal marriage = no commitment" attitude. Devoting ONE chapter at the end of the book to alternative couples is just insulting.

It's light on research, light on footnotes and light on reality.

Seriously, get "Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living with Each Other as an Unmarried Couple" instead. Pair it with "Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples" and you have a winning combination that blows this book out of the water.

Stacy and Wynne Whitman have put together a book that combines humerous anecdotes with very useful and much needed information. It is about time someone addressed this difficult yet common situation! The book used the real experiences of people to help unravel the obvious and not so obvious problems associated with living together. I highly recommend it for anyone thinking about living together, currently living together, or couples who have already lived through the process!

If you are in love with your man, skip the first hundred pages, which simply asks the reader: Are you sure you want to be with him? Assuming the answer is yes, you can move on to the actual shacking up part. This has some good info, but is drawn out for far too long. You can pick this book up in the store and skim the few useful chapters to get the main ideas. I gave up reading this book towards the end. I also read Unmarried to Each Other, which I enjoyed. Check out that book instead.