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The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships: What's Going on Behind the Scene [Paperback]

Douglas Moseley (Author), Naomi Moseley (Author)
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 2000
The insights and tools in The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships assure that the reader no longer will pine for connection but instead be joyfully living it daily.

Couples can create rewarding relationships but that takes knowledge and work, say authors Douglas and Naomi Moseley. Writing in their third book, they dig into the unknown side of romance. They assert that the secret is for each person to discover and acknowledge their own hidden aspects.


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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

For the past six years, therapists Doug and Naomi Mosely have co-led more than a hundred weekend seminars in Vancouver and Seattle. In 1989, they built a retreat center in the mountains of British Columbia, where they lead 7-11 day intensive counseling workshops for individuals and couples during the summer months. Recently, they have opened another facility in Taos, New Mexico, where they lead workshops and conduct private sessions in the winter.

Naomi Moseley was born in Washington, D.C., and grew up in Michigan. She holds a B.S. in anthropology and an M.F.A. from Wayne State University. Married with two sons, Naomi began to develop the first of several interests and became recognized for her artistic abilities as a painter. Through this early interest in the expressive arts she honed the intuitive skills she would use later as a therapist.

In 1978, Naomi opened one of the first aerobic fitness studios in Michigan, and over the course of seven years built it into a thriving business. During that time, she was featured in a daily half-hour TV show on fitness. She began to see the value of dance as a medium for therapeutic change and, after she sold her fitness center, trained as a dance therapist and studied Gestalt therapy.

In 1979, acting on a long-standing fascination with psychology and the therapeutic process, he entered the Master's program in counseling psychology at the University of British Columbia, writing his thesis on the therapeutic relationship.

A Canadian, Doug was born in Edmonton, Alberta. He moved to Vancouver after completion of his undergraduate degree. As a young man, he worked at a wide variety of jobs and traveled extensively. He felt a strong attraction to the Canadian frontier, and, at one time, supervised the transportation of men and supplies for an offshore drilling operation in the Arctic. Shortly after earning his M.A., Doug re-evaluated his life, divorced his then-wife, and entered a time of extensive exploration of non-traditional approaches to healing. He was significantly influenced by his work with W. Brugh Joy, M.D., F.A.C.P., and later went on to investigate the use of unconscious patterns (shadow material) within relationships, incorporating it into his therapy practice.

Shortly after they married, Doug and Naomi estabished a private practice in Vancouver, B.C. In addition to private sessions with individuals and couples, a significant portion of their practice was devoted to group therapy. In the early years of their marriage, they worked with their own shadow material, and discovered that intimacy deepened to a point they never imagined possible. Together, Doug and Naomi began to explore this unconscious material with couples in their practice and found that, for a small group of dedicated seekers, it was far more effective than traditional counseling approaches.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 296 pages
  • Publisher: Moseley Method (June 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1880823225
  • ISBN-13: 978-1880823224
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #996,772 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

 

Customer Reviews

9 Reviews
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2 star:
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Average Customer Review
4.2 out of 5 stars (9 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This book will truly move you - I challenge you to read it!, August 15, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships: What's Going on Behind the Scene (Paperback)
Have you ever wondered why you cannot find the perfect partner or had a relationship that was really close but just not enough? Have you ever just felt "stuck"? Well, then this book is for you. I caution you though - it will be painful at first but hang in there and you will reap a much bigger reward than those "feel-good" books.

This is not a "relationship recipe" book. It will not tell you how to find the perfect partner. It will not validate your childlike views and beliefs about the "other" person in your relationship. This book will not point the finger at your partner's flaws - in fact, it is not about your partner at all - it is about you!

This book is a magnifying glass - you will discover things about yourself that will make you squirm and leave you speechless. This book is a mirror - you will laugh at the silly behaviors of the people in the examples and then feel the tears well up when you see your own reflection. This book is a bright light - you will see what has been in your dark places since childhood and finally understand what makes "you" who "you" are. This book is a helping hand - you will feel liberated from the burden of your humanness.

If you are mature enough and open minded enough and fully committed then this book will help you find the secret to "your" happiness. Once there, you will be ready for the next step - a fulfilling, passionate and juicy relationship. Your partner will need the benefits of this book as well and together you can build something truly beautiful. Luckily, this really requires more courage than effort.

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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential for anyone who wants to sustain a relationship, August 21, 2000
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This review is from: The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships: What's Going on Behind the Scene (Paperback)
This is an essential book for anyone who wants to sustain an intimate relationship over a long period of time. How many of us in a relationship feel we already know what the other person is thinking or feeling? Conversation becomes a series of set pieces. The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships explains in jargon-free prose why and how we all get trapped in a particular communication paradigm. Moreover it provides the tools for exploring ways to break free of those traps, both in the way we speak to our intimate partner and the way in which we interact with each other. Doug and Naomi Moseley focus on what each of us as an individual can do for ourselves to understand why we act and react the way we do. These tools can then be applied as instruments to change our individual behavior. For me this book was like a bolt of lightning, illuminating and energizing. It has my highest recommendation.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars Not your mother-son's marriage book -- 1/3 good, November 26, 2007
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This review is from: The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships: What's Going on Behind the Scene (Paperback)
My one sentence review is if you were going to read just one book on marriage this year, I would pick Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, and that just happens to not be The Shadow Side of Intimate Relationships: What's Going on Behind the Scene or TSSIR for short.

The fundamental premise of TSSIR is that we have "shadow" sides to our personalities (as in the Jungian sense of shadows). While we maintain a positive "mask" to the world at large, lurking in our hearts are many different archetypes from parents to children, from benevolent givers to angry takers. TSSIR goes on to say that in intimate relationships, these masks cannot be maintained indefinitely, and that positive intimacy comes from partners together creating an environment where their true feelings can be expressed.

I found the portions of the book that dealt with this underlying theory to be reasonable and of value to an intimate relationship. Men and women do tend to hide behind masks in relationships, and truthfulness seems like the generally best policy. (There is certainly a place for social tact.)

Unfortunately, two-thirds of the book centered on the notion that often marriages are stuck predominantly in a parent-child relationship, and I did not find these portions of the book to be useful. While I can imagine cases where there are father-daughter and mother-son type relationship instances, I have not seen that dynamic as the predominant issue in the relationships where I have counseled couples over the past 25+ years.

This focus on the parent-child aspect also undercut the earlier, engaging message that there are many archetypes at work in the "marriage dance."

The first several chapters are worth a read, but I would skim the last two-thirds of the book.
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