Customer Reviews

The Shame Exchange: Trading Shame for God's Mercy and Freedom

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Just finished your book. Outstanding work. Valuable for anyone who wants a closer walk with Jesus and anyone who serves people. Thank you for lending your stories and talents to this book. May it have a broad and lasting ministry for years to come. Dr. Stacy Rinehart Founder, MentorLink

The Shame Exchange is a book designed to aid the reader in dealing with condemning emotions. The authors methodically move through this easy-to-read resource as they define 7 aspects of shame and then reveal in two chapters the common methods of covering shame. They complete this work by informing the reader of how to deal with shame in a biblical manner.

There are a couple of reasons why I am not quick to recommend this book wholeheartedly. The first would be that a clear definition of shame seems to elude the reader through out the book. The authors state that "...by definition, shame makes you feel really bad. It's far more than embarrassment..." I came away not fully understanding what shame is and no real idea on how to identify it. It seems to be a feeling, a "sense", a "desire" or a "soul wretchedness".

The second reason would be that I perceived a slight "Gestalt" flavor of psychology in the book when I was reading it. There was the perception that the reader must "peel the layers" of their life back to find the origin of their shame. Let me be clear, it was not a strong suggestion, but the feeling remained with me as I read.

I liked the fact that the authors were using Scripture as the source of dealing with shame. They provided numerous biblical examples of individuals dealing with shame and adaquately gave the "healing ingredients" for the reader to deal with their own shame: (1) "readings in spiritual formation [must be a] mainstay", (2) "God's Word [is] foundational to...healing, and (3) [community] "the prayers of those who embodied the truths of God's love and acceptance were critical".

Based on these limited observations, I would recommend the book to the discerning reader, and see the use of a book good for stimulating conversation in a counseling type situation. I do appreciate the work and effort and vulnerability the authors poured into this work.

The Shame Exchange, written by two couples, both of whom have spent many years in ministry, is a book that is at once profoundly personal and leaves you gasping for words as you journey with them through the stories of people who have dealt with, and/or are dealing with, two kinds of shame.

There is `heaped-on shame' that is `heaped on' you which, as they say later in the book, "needs to be named for what it is and rejected." (Page 176) Then there is what they call "identity-level shame." This is shame they say that is "rightfully ours because of our choices and our heritage as children of Adam..." (Page 63)

The reader will perhaps want to argue theologically with the authors (I did) on the nature and scope of sin and Christ's atonement. But, they recognize that `we need a more profound healing that simply learning to think correctly... We need to be touched beyond the scope of our intellect."

A strength of this book is that deals with the issue of shame from a cross-cultural perspective as they include stories from across ethnic lines and how ethnicity that has fueled a level of shame that does not go easily away. It also affirms the work of Christ on the cross and the value of the church as the community of faith and healing.

Their conclusion, is one that, frankly, we may not want to admit to, "...in the end the way to deepest happiness is through honest shame." (Page 155)

"The Shame Exchange" is as much a personal experience as an excellent exploration and treatment of the topic of shame. I had expected the latter but got a lot more than I anticipated on the personal level. The stories that were revealed through a series of interviews not only served as teaching examples for the types and forms of shame, but also were very relatable so that my own story relative to shame began to be written right in front of me. I think we all have some general sense of shame but mostly have not ventured into its roots to find its hidden treasures; the secrets of our past that can unlock our future. The authors of this book have invited us into a journey that will take all we have to complete it and they have not offered it naively in terms of the pain that will be encountered and the resistance we will have to begin it. I appreciate that they do not present understanding shame as the ultimate solution to growth or emotional healing, but present it as a very foundational and important piece of all of our emotional puzzles.

This is a valuable work for further understanding shame, what it is, and what it is that we have been given in Christ's work on the cross that addresses it. This is such a key to the freedom and joy that our Father wants us to have. I think "The Shame Exchange" has broken new ground in its treatment of shame and thus is an important work that needs to be in the hands of as many as possible. This book gives a biblical look at shame that will take the gospel deeper into into the heart and bring a healing light to dark hidden corners. It gives us access to the Father's love in our most vulnerable areas and therefore a greater intimacy with Christ. Read it for your own growth and read it to understand and grow closer to those you love. Read it to to empower your ministry to those who hurt and to give your presentation of the gospel a powerful point of contact.

I think "The Shame Exchance" is a commendable work and a great gift to the Church.

Written by a team of two couples with many years of experience, this is a timely book for those who find themselves struggling with shame and guilt whether it their own or others.

An extensive list of real life examples and illustrations are noted throughout the book. What follows is a general discussion of the definition of shame and guilt and the suggestion that not all shame or guilt is bad.

An engaging concept and while reading the book you find that it is true. Some shame, some guilt is healthy and promotes repentance and reconciliation.

While the book is written to all, the focus seems to be mainly on those who have made a commitment to Christ.

All ideas in the book are biblically sound and therefore trustworthy. The application process of the `healing ingredients' provides a firm foundation for dealing with shame and guilt prompting the reader to solid approach to healing.

If I would note one criticism, it would be the shift in speakers. All four authors are interesting and offer great advice; however, the reader may struggle with the change in author.

I would recommend this book to any believer battling the issue of shame and guilt. The advice comes from four experienced authors and provides sound biblical advice.

Disclaimer:

The review copy of this book was provided free of charge by NavPress and has been donated to the library of Westwood Baptist Church.

Reviewed by Keiki Hendrix

Reviewed for NavPress

First and foremost, these comments are more applicable to the authors, Steve and Sally Breedlove, than to their book itself. The most important thing I'll say about the book is in agreement with the reviewer, James Kane, where he mentions that according to the Breedloves, there is `heaped-on shame' that is `heaped on' you which, as they say later in the book, "needs to be named for what it is and rejected." (Page 176)

I have had the profound and devastating misfortune of knowing Steve and Sally Breedlove well. In an ironic twist of reality, I know no other people who are as capable and eager to inflict upon a hurting and broken follower of Christ the type of "heaped-on shame" they warn against which must be named for what it is and rejected. The Breedloves run a cult-like organization where there is no message or action of grace, but only of shame and its intentionally destructive affliction. Attendees of the group over which they preside that masquerades as a "church" must measure up to the Breedloves' standards and are shamed and ostracized should they fall short in the Breedloves' eyes. Sadly, nothing of the Breedloves' standards in any way coincide with Christ's standards. Christ calls His followers to come face to face with our shortcomings, our misdeeds, our appropriate shame, and our sinfulness in what we have done and left undone, repent, and be restored to fellowship with Him and His church universal. The Breedloves only desire to seek and search for any perceived misdeed in others they can find in order to heap shame upon shame and communicate to the broken and wounded sinner that they have not and will never measure up and that no entry to their so-called congregation will ever again be offered to them. The words of Keith Green ring in my ears as I write this and I hear him sing, "He brings people to your door and you turn them away as you smile and say, 'God bless you, be at peace,' and all heaven just weeps 'cause Jesus came to your door, you've left him out on the streets." (Asleep in the Light).

In reflecting upon the actions, rather than the words, of the Breedloves, I am reminded of Matthew 7:15-23 (NIV) where Jesus warns: "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. "Not everyone who says to me, `Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, `Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, `I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

I am well aware that the earlier verses in Matthew 7 warn, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." My intent is not to judge the eternal state of the Breedloves's souls, but simply to caution the prospective reader to proceed with care and discernment and read this book with eyes wide open as to who these authors are in real life. Best of all, skip this book altogether and choose a tome where neither the character of the authors nor the content within its pages so clearly requires you determine whether you are reading the words of a sheep or a ferocious wolf.